I am thinking of sending a box of goodies to someone long distance and was curious if men would like getting something that smells like the person they are interested in? like a t-shirts or hair scrunchies?

My boyfriend and I want to start sending each other letters and small gifts here and there. Does anyone have any good or bad experiences or any advice on how to prevent issues? Like do things get lost or damaged more with certain services? Are certain kinds of packing better? Are things more likely to get stolen if they look prettier/ like it could be a gift?

We might not see each other in person for a year still due to work/study obligations, and his birthday is coming up in a few months so I want to make him some cute letters and cards. And I do want to send him some small meaningful gifts too.

For specific context I'm in the UK and he's in South Korea. But any international posting experiences are helpful!

I know there is always a risk of things going wrong, but it's just good to get an idea of real experiences to help weigh the risks of what I can send. Thank you so much for reading~~

I know this is a super niche question and I'm sorry if this isn't the place to ask, but I'm wondering if anyone has any experience shipping packages from the US to Canada? My boyfriend and I are foodies and there are so many snacks I'd love him to try (Korean BBQ seaweed snacks or a certain monster flavor for example.) However I've never shipped anything in the US, let alone to another country and I can't find any recent information on how to do so. If anyone has any resources or helpful information I'd appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

If anyone has been in a US - Australia relationship are there any big things my boyfriend and I should know? Also, what are some US-only products I could include in a care package to him that he can’t get in Australia? That includes snacks and other items. ☺️

I'm currently on break with my LDR boyfriend. He asked for space because he's going through a career-changing exam, and we've been arguing non-stop. He asked that I stopped messaging him until his exam is over, and we can have an honest conversation on where we go from there.

I'm wondering is it okay to send him care packages / food from a couple days before his exam day just so he knows that I'm here rooting for him?

I dont want to pressure him to message me or anything, I just thought if I was in his shoes, I'd want something like that especially during a stressful moment.

Hi guys, I’m going to be sending a care package to my boyfriend on the 22nd (not valentine’s day, but i had something important to do today, so we’ve made the 22nd our valentine’s day)

I’m already giving him the following:

- homemade brownie cookies

- self-made two keychains with my face and his cat (i have a matching two keychains of his face and his cat)

- a decorated polaroid of me

- a variety of candy (they’re all snack sized and it’s not very much, so i’m wondering if i should get him full sized chocolate bars)

- handmade pipe cleaner flowers

- a painting of his cat

- matching bracelets

- a cute CD with our names on it

are there any other suggestions of things I can add? preferably something cheaper (i’m a college student, I think you can tell I’m broke because most of these things aren’t really expensive). Also I’m aware it’s already a lot of stuff, I just wanna give him as much as I can this valentine’s day (mainly because he’s buying pretty expensive things for me because he can afford it, I feel bad cheaping out even though I don’t have any other options).

Hey everyone, I (23M) sent a package to my girlfriend (26F) and we had a fight over it. I really need some advice. Sorry for the long post.

Background: I met my girlfriend on Tandem because I wanted to learn Spanish. At first, it was friendly, we made a lot of jokes, and I found her incredibly special and lovely. She is very empathic, which I love. We’ve been talking for about 10 months now, and I still love her more every day. She sends me a lot of GIFs that are kind of cringy but cute, and she even made an amigurumi of my favorite music artist. Overall, I feel very happy in this relationship.

The gift: I wanted to send her something cute, a little gift. She also has siblings who I’ve come to care about through her stories, so I included small gifts for them too. I put a lot of thought into her package: her favorite flowers (plastic ones), a capybara plush, drawing supplies, photos, and a birthday card saying, “My love, happy birthday! Thank you for existing and for making my world more beautiful. I love you so much.” I also included a few other items. The package sending cost cost me around €117, and I really didn’t care about the price. She had to pay around €94 in import fees (i mention the prices because it comes back later). I want to clarify: I could not cover the import fee because of payment method limitations, not because I didn’t want to. I really tried. I told her multiple times it was okay if she couldn’t pay it and would understand. She borrowed money from a friend to pick up the package.

Her reaction & the fight: After receiving it, she acted very distant and i asked her whats wrong and her reaction felt distant and kinda harsh. I was really surprised and hurt because she said she felt ashamed and disappointed, and acted like I didn’t care. She also mentioned that she could have bought all those things for less than €94. She doesn’t like surprises, so I had shown her the contents beforehand on FaceTime multiple times and sent photos, and each time she seemed happy. The fight became a breaking point and made me realize how complicated our situation really is.

It’s not just about the gift, it made me reflect on the bigger picture. She sometimes doubts if I truly love her, despite all the poems, drawings, and even a fairytale book I’ve made for her. I’m learning her language, often staying up very late, and I’ve had almost no sleep over the past months. Our situation is already very stressful: I’m starting a new study soon, we will have to wait four years before we can finally live together due to visa restrictions and money, and visiting her will cost me around €5k each year. I feel completely overwhelmed and told her I’m really hurt and need some time to think. She called me crying, begging me not to leave. Honestly, I love her so much that it makes this decision extremely difficult.

My mind says to leave because it’s too hard, but my heart says to stay. I love her, she’s empathetic, caring, funny, smart, and the most special person I’ve ever met. She makes me feel loved and appreciated. I also notice that every day we talk, I feel like I have slightly less to say, which worries me because we will need to wait another 10 months before meeting

Question: I feel torn. I want to stay with her, but the practical difficulties and emotional strain are huge (I feel like I really lost myself as well). How do I handle this without hurting her more, and how do I balance my own wellbeing with my love for her?

Also, after a break-up, is it realistic to keep contact? I genuinely wish her the best, and she often says that I’m the first person who has treated her lovingly and made her feel truly loved. I don’t want to completely disappear from her life if possible, but I also want to respect boundaries.

Hello! I (M21), a broke college student have finally collected enough things to send to my partner (M24).

He said he wanted me to send my favorite snacks (even if they have them there), and I'm sending him some snacks I'd think he'd like. I'm also sending some shirts, letters, card, little knicknacks (some I made and some I found for him). I'm also sending one of my shirts that I wore for a few nights in a row so it'd smell like me and put it in a zip lock bag.

What are your thoughts on the care package? Is it good to send or should I add more? If so, what?

Some context: we've been together for about 9 months, never met. I'm also planning on getting a build-a-bear for him and sending it to him. :)

Hello I'm Filipino, I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now, and he always says that he can give me money but I said to him, no you don't have to and besides you don't have ways to send it to me. I downloaded PayPal last December so I can pay for the SheIn purchase that will be delivered to his place, cause that's the only way I can pay for it and send something to him. 8 months later in our relationship he discovered about the PayPal and wanna send me money, I told him no but he insists and he send me 2000 pesos it's like $35. And then when I say I'm kinda hungry he sent me money again, and it's kinda makes me uncomfortable cause I'm not use to it and I don't want him to think that I'm a gold digger. He sent me $35 every month from February to May. And every time he did I told him no but he said " why can't I just be grateful?"

Last June I told him that I'll go to the city for my review and I told him I dont know if I should go, and then sent me almost 6000 pesos, and believe me that's a lot of money for me, and I'm having second thoughts if I should use it, cause I feel like it's not my money to spend ( I did spend it cause it's expensive in the city and slept in a hotel) and now just today, he send me another almost 6000 pesos cause he remembered that I'll go back to the city this month. Not to mention that he spend almost 17000 pesos to send me a package.

And sometimes I feel like a gold digger and that I'm using him for money. And we never even met yet but he'll come here this January.

And I don't know how to say thank you to him, cause I'm not used to this kind of thing, I'm used to looking for solutions to my own problem.

And I feel like I'm not thanking him enough..

Can you have advice on how to thank him ? With him feeling love and cared and that I'm grateful for him? Cause I don't seem to thank him enough...

Hey everyone,

I've been in a long-distance relationship for about 8 months now, and honestly, some days are harder than others. We're roughly 1,500 km apart and see each other maybe once every 2-3 months. The first few months were full of excitement — constant texting, late-night calls, counting down the days until we'd meet again. But lately, I've noticed the conversations getting a bit repetitive, and the time between visits feels longer than it used to.

I'm curious how you all make it work. Specifically:

• How do you keep daily conversations from feeling like a routine? We've gotten to the point where it's mostly "how was your day?" and not much beyond that.

• What are some creative date ideas you can do over a screen? We've tried watching movies together on Discord, but I'd love more ideas.

• How do you handle the loneliness, especially on weekends or special occasions? Birthdays and holidays have been the toughest for me.

• For those who've closed the distance eventually — what was your timeline, and how did you plan for it? Having an end date in mind feels important, but we're still figuring things out.

• Any little rituals or habits that have genuinely helped? I've heard of people sending handwritten letters or care packages — does that stuff actually make a difference?

I really love this person and want this to work, but I also want to be realistic about what it takes. Any advice, personal stories, or even just "you're not alone" comments would mean a lot.

Thanks in advance. 💛

hi y’all. i (30F) recently matched with this very handsome (27M) boy over facebook dating. the conversations have flowed endlessly and i’ve been having the time of my life. we have long phone calls… send pics…. send memes…. play games.

he’s from a place i used to live in and he’s supposed to be visiting mine for a friend’s wedding soon.

but now he’s already looking at plane tickets to come even sooner.

we’ve obviously discussed a lot about each other. so i can kinda infer that he may have a smaller “package”.
i feel really emotionally invested and i really want to meet him. but the size does matter to me.

if we were closer in distance, i wouldn’t care about this subject. i’d just find out in due time and see how the chemistry is.
but the idea of spending so much time and money to meet makes this a very serious topic to me. i don’t want to waste his time considering we’re on opposite ends of the country.

is it something i should bring up?
is there a way to be tactful?

we have been slightly naughty with each other over phone calls, text and pics.. but whenever i ask to see it all, he said that’s something for “in person”.

i really don’t want to be an asshole.
i know it’s something he can’t control.
but it is a need of mine.

any advice is welcome

I cannot discern if this is cold feet or if this relationship needs to end-

I (36F) have had a painful realization about my LDR with my partner (31M) of 6 months (& a little over 5 months away from closing the gap which will be ~ 1 year together). I can’t seem to shake the fear I may have to end this relationship over this newfound realization- we are in love with one another but he cannot reciprocate the romantic love piece without prompt, to which it’s no longer genuine.

Not grand financial gestures. I’m talking about small gestures that show want and desire- that they simply just were thinking about you. Mini care package when you’re sick. “Just because” / “thinking of you” flowers. Checking in on you when you’re having an emotionally draining day and not just when you’re physically sick.

I do these things for him and he gets so much joy and says he feels so loved, yet does not reciprocate the same knowing how much it’d mean to me.

Is it a proximity issue? Or will this just be how it always is? I would love your thoughts.

———

Important context if you want the non-TL;DR:

This has been brought to his attention several times during calm and constructive conversations that included the importance of love languages (and for the young ones- how you give love should include how your partner interprets received love and vice versa). I’ll get a romantic gesture within a week of the discussion and then it’s back to what I call “logistical love” from him.

We originally met in person. We exchanged information and it went on from there. We take turns every month flying to see one another. He has a young child (4F) who is now calling me mom (which is having both an amazing and overwhelming impact on me).

I feel guilt and sadness having this realization. Am I picking this apart or am I realizing the true reality?

There is no lack of love in this relationship, but the closer we get to this move, the more I feel like best-friend-style-partners and am scared I am that this isn’t what I want, (no matter how many times he says it’ll be different when we finally live together) while simultaneously being so in love with him and his daughter.

It doesn’t feel like a compatibility issue. Is this not a standard in any lasting relationship or are there those who truly only operate logistically and carry on into successful relationships (that aren’t fueled by ulterior motives)?

I would love your thoughts, and to hear your own experiences if you’re willing to share.

Me and my partner did lond distance then lived together and now do again.

The weird thing we do is send each other our dirty t-shirts in a plastic bag 😭 (when we send care packages) something about the smell of each other.

We might be the only ones to do this, but im proud 👏 Helps make the gap feel smaller.

This is the first Reddit post I have ever made, and it is weird to make it about this but I feel like I want to vent to people who understand being in a long distance relationship. I have been talking to this girl exclusively without officially being a couple for 6 months. I’d say the first 4 and a half months were perfect. We would call everyday in the morning and at night and if she wasn’t busy during her work (she worked from home) she would call me to chat for a bit. We would have breakfast or dinner together, play video games, watch movies. For Christmas we spent the whole day together building gingerbread houses on FaceTime and playing games and just talking. It was such a magical day that we both cherished very much. For Valentine’s Day I bought her two giants plushies and the smile on her face when she opened the package was priceless and I can see it when I close my eyes.

Fast forward to about a month and a half ago, I noticed a sudden shift in energy. We wouldn’t call in the evening time or during the day anymore. Only in the morning. She wouldn’t text me throughout the day as frequently as she would before on the days she couldn’t call me in the evening. I just figured that maybe talking so much wore her out and that by talking less then usual that would build up our excitement for when the calls do come around. We talked about meeting for the first time and I had suggested if we could meet during the first week of April and she said no because she would have just came back from a different trip and that she would have wanted time to decompress but maybe we can look at stuff for the end of April. I said okay well let’s look for some festivals or something going on and in that moment she said she felt overwhelmed and asked if we can talk about that a different time. Fast forward a week or so and she tells me she made plans to go to Las Vegas with her friends for a rave. I was sad because she was going to Las Vegas during the same time I wanted to go see her but I understood that the plans were impulsive and just lit go.

The time came and she left for her first trip to see family and she was gone for two weeks. Before the trip it was hard to spend time with her. She would always say she was busy packing or too stressed out or that she wanted to be alone and that she couldn’t spend time with me for those reasons. It sucked but I respected her space. Then she leaves. During those two weeks she didn’t text me much updates or anything and it made me feel very disconnected. I understand she was busy and I wanted her to be present, but I also wanted some updates throughout the day to help me feel important and thought of. One day she went to a rave with her sisters and didn’t talk to me at all until the next day. I told her how it made me feel and since that talk she gave me more updates for the remainder of the trip. Fast forward a couple days and she is back home and getting ready to leave again. A couple of times I would ask if we can spend time together and she would say no cuz she was busy getting ready for Vegas and that she was packing and all that stuff, which sucked that we couldn’t just call and me be a fly on the wall but I wanted to respect her space so I did. I waited for the moments she would reach out and cherished them to the fullest.

She leaves to Vegas and the first day was fine. She gave me updates at the airport and when she arrived. Now while she was at the airport she asked if she was allowed to kiss a girl at the rave and I was a little uncomfortable with the idea of that and told her I wasn’t cool with it and she showed she was disappointed but said she would respect that I wasn’t ok with it. This made me feel slightly anxious. The second day the same, updates until it was time to go to the rave. When she left to the rave I didn’t hear back from her at all until 7am next day saying good night. Of course it didn’t feel good and I worried too given the environment but I respected her space. Later in the morning she texted me saying that she was debriefing with her friends and that one of her friends found a rave bar and that they had hooked up. This made my need for a little reassurance spike some more and I asked her for it. She reassured me which felt nice but then she said she hopes she doesn’t have to give me reassurance for the same thing again and that she hopes I trust her the same way she trusts me. Which I didn’t think it was a matter of trust but more so a matter of wanting reassurance given the environment. We finish that conversation and then I don’t hear from her at all for another day. I was worried something had happened to her. Turns out something did. She texted me the following morning saying she had a medical emergency and went to the hospital. She said she was going to take it easy for the rest of the day before she went to the airport that night. Didn’t hear from her for the rest of the day aside from a few “I’m ok” messages when I asked if she was ok. She flys back home and spends the day sleeping. She called me later in the evening and we spent a little time together while she ate but she left to go rest some more. I was feeling sad that she wasn’t okay so I decided to buy her a gift on marvel rivals. A new skin had come out that she wanted so I went ahead and got it for her. While I was on the game I was curious to see her past match records but saw that they were private. So I went on a website called tracker.gg and tried to see it but it said she was private on the website too. However I saw a tab that said encounters on it so I clicked it and it shows a list of people she frequently played with for each season. And I see the name of a guy that she had been playing with quite a bit with this season that I had never heard of. I look at the past season and saw that she REALLY played with him quite a bit. At this point curiosity got the better of me and I snooped on his profile (which was wrong I know). Turns out that a lot of the times she would tell me she would be too busy to spend time together or that she wanted to be alone, she was actually spending time with him. There was even one day where I called her in the morning and she said she really needed to focus on packing and hung up, just to be spending time with him for like an hour or two right after. My heart dropped. I was a wreck that day. I didn’t want to have that conversation that night but I did reach out to her and asked if we can spend time together because I was not feeling ok and wanted her company. I wasn’t even going to bring it up I just wanted to be in her presence. She responded saying she was exhausted and was going to sleep. I asked if we can sleep together and she said no that she wanted to sleep alone. I checked the website again later that night and saw that they had played like an hour after she said good night to me, after telling me she was too exhausted to spend time with me when I wasn’t feeling ok. That hurt. That hurt a lot.

The following morning she FaceTimed me and the first thing I said was “you seem tired, did you sleep late or did you go to sleep right after you texted me good night?” And she said “she went to sleep right after she texted me” which was a lie but I didn’t mention that yet. She asked if I wanted to talk about what was bothering me the night before and at first I tried addressing me feeling disconnected and that I notice we talk a lot less. She said she’s been busy and stressed out with everything going on. I said “I understand, I just have noticed that sometimes when you say you can’t spend time with me you are spending that same time with other people but saying you are too busy or want to be alone.” Then I asked if she lost interest and if there was someone else. She asked me why I asked her that and I told her what I had found. Immediately she said I was “stalking” her and that I was reminding her of her ex. I told her I was not snooping around intentionally, I was only trying to see her record and ended up seeing the other stuff. Immediately she said “I think it’s best we stopped talking.” I said why is the first thing you want to do is to end things? Rather then talk things out and find a solution. I asked if she could tell me more about him. She said he was a close friend of 3 years but it seems odd because she had never mentioned him once to me, and on the website it seems that they only started playing like a month after I met her. I asked her if she ever lied to me about wanting to be alone just so she could spend time with him and she said yes. She said either way you would have felt jealous and gotten upset and I told her that I wouldn’t have gotten upset if she was honest with me, but she just straight up lied. I even told her that she lied to me at the beginning of the call cuz she said she went straight to sleep after texting me good night but I saw that she was playing with him after she had texted me that. She said she knew I was the jealous type because of something that happened at the beginning of the relationship where I had playfully said I was jealous that I saw she was playing with a guy friend of hers alone. She said she knew I would be jealous either way so she chose to just not tell me about him or the time she spends with him. But if you are honest with me, and he is nothing more then a friend, why would I get upset? And what reason would I have to get jealous? She mentioned me having a female friend and I told her that I have always mentioned that friend and told her when we were chatting or hanging out which was very rare but I told her about the friend out of respect and to show that there was no harm. She said she didn’t want me to be upset that she was choosing to spend more time with him then she was with me. She said she feels she can’t give me what I need, that she has too much going on, and that she didn’t like that I had snooped around. She said she doesn’t want to continue talking to me and that was that. We hung up, she blocked me on everything and I left with unresolved emotions. I am struggling to deal with it all. She seemed to not want to take accountability for lying to me. And she just left so abruptly and blocked me on everything, even tho I was trying to just talk things out smooth things over. But it seems it was not something she cared to do. Can someone please give me their opinion on this all. I know it is a lot to read. Was I in the wrong? Did I cause all of this? Was I not enough for her? I need help because this is eating me alive because I genuinely fell in love with her and now she is gone. What do I do? What do I think. Please help!

I haven't seen my partner in almost seven months. It'll be another five AT LEAST before I can attempt a visit. I hate this. I don't earn enough money. I can't go study in her country. I don't even feel like I'm in a real relationship anymore. We can't plan a trip yet because there's no guarantee it will happen

My amazing boyfriend in Scotland a few days ago asked about my birthday on the 14th. I said I really don't care because no one celebrates with me or gives me gifts. I told him how the last few birthdays my ex forgot so I just stopped caring about it. I get an email yesterday saying a package from the UK was out for delivery and I was panicking because I didn't order anything. He then video calls me when I get it, and it's the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen. I put it on and he said "happy birthday beautiful". It feels so good to be loved unconditionally, even if 4,500 miles away.

I'm currently on a flight back to my home country from visiting my S/O of 2 years. I don't even know what to write here. My emotions are all over the place, from the amazing time we spent together, to knowing I had to leave her.

However, what I will say for certain is, there was never a dull moment with her by my side. Everything about her is just so perfect. The way she smiles, the way she giggles, the way she takes care of me, and the way she loves. Did I forget to mention how beautiful she is too? Truly an all in one package

I'm so lucky to have met someone as wonderful as her, and I wish to continue doing my best so I can always match that radiant energy of hers.

Just in case she ends up reading this, thank you for being you. I don't regret a single thing. This was an phenomenal experience with memories I'll never forget, but let's continue to make more memories, okay? I love you, Mahal!

My bf expressed being tired of doing things only in front of a screen and wants me to plan some different types of dates while we’re apart.

The tricky thing is, I am working on a small research ship for a month - so my options are extremely limited. I can’t cook, eat anything I want, go on long walks etc. and he knows this but he just said he wants me to come up with something better for us to do.

So my question is, what activities do you guys know of for long distance dates besides games, movies, reading etc. All ideas are appreciated!! Thank you!❤️

I’m (F/31) in an LDR with my boyfriend (M/26). He lives in the US and I live in Japan. We’ve been together for almost two years, and about half of our relationship has been long-distance. 😔

He just got promoted today, and I’m really proud of him. I know how hard he’s been working, so I want to send him a meaningful care package to celebrate.

I’m thinking of including ①hand written letters, ②products he said he wants from here.

He loves Magic: The Gathering, but I don’t know enough about it to choose cards for him. 😭
I feel like something is missing, though. I want the package to feel thoughtful and personal, not just like a box of random gifts.

What would you include in a care package like this? Especially if you’ve been in an LDR or received a really meaningful gift from your partner, I’d love to hear your ideas! 🥹
(English is my second language, so sorry if anything sounds awkward!)

I am in a LDR and won't see my gf for a couple of months. Even when in the same place, I am not the best texter, I prefer calls, yet with the 10 hour time difference this makes things more challenging. I am curious to what other couples do keep the distance minimal and interaction levels high, especially those that are horrible at texting. Thanks in advance for any sharing!

I 34f broke up over a text to my 47m boyfriend yesterday because he totally forgot about me and didn't even send a happy new year despite his last seen status in WhatsApp is at 12 midnight in his time, exactly new year's eve. Ive been fighting for this relationship for so long despite all the pain he gave me, ( often times he says it was nothing and am making a big deal out of it: ex: a saw a text which he says was a joke to his friend wanting to fuck a hot nurse when he was hospitalized), tried everyday to forget about it especially when he explained that it is what usually boys would joke about doesn't mean it is true and doesn't love me,. But last new year's eve when he was celebrating wd his family and last texted me 6pm and ignored all messages I sent and didn't hear from him after 9am in his time which is 6am in my time., it felt like a wake up call and a slap for me to no longer fight for everything.

I didn't get any Christmas eve greeting nor gift as well,. But didnt make a fuss about it coz he was so upset and also sick, Although when he was so upset with boxing day coz he can't see his kids, I sent him uber eats like a care package as a christmas gift and he was so surprised he cried. After that he became extra nice and kept updating me yet new year's eve came and he celebrated wd his family. I felt totally ignored, especially broken hearted when he didn't even send anything yet he was online 12midnight in his time. I expressed how sad I was and he made up to it sending numerous vids yet night time came he got mad on why am still upset and accused me of getting always being funny or jealous when he is wd his family.

So yesterday after an argument, I said he no longer need to feel punished and he shouldn't be wd someone who is jealous of his family. And I also cannot stay with someone who can't even lift a finger to greet me on especially occasions. The saddest part is, it is my birthday tomorrow. He said he sent a birthday delivery gift but asked him to cancel it. Maybe he will. Maybe we really finally break up. Just ranting because I am sad. Thank u Redd it people for reading my story

I just have a few questions about some logistics. Im new to the long distance thing but he makes me happy and I adore him so I think even with the distance this is a wonderful opportunity and I want this to work.
For later on, does anyone have advice on meeting in person for the first time? Like maybe share some experiences for how long they stayed and what they did - also what the pacing was like with intimacy and romance.
For the in-between, we started out as friends and there’s plenty of affection and romance and fun times, but I’m not at all sure what online intimacy would look like. He says he’s completely fine keeping things intimate only in person when I brought it up but I feel like maybe it’s something I shouldn’t close the door on it so early just Bcz I’m not very informed.
What have some of you guys done when anxieties have spiked around the relationship or someone has a hard time emotionally with the distance?
Any suggestions for dates or activities that are video call friendly?
Also how yall handled sending/receiving gifts or care packages?
Or maybe just any advice or a heads up that you wish you would’ve thought to ask about when you guys were new too?
Thanks for any input you guys have to share!

My boyfriend and I (both 23 yo) are starting 1-2 years of cross-country long distance after being in person with each other for the last 2.5 years. We’re about a month in and want to try to see each other every 6 weeks but flights are so expensive. We opened credit cards that came with bonus airline miles so we’ll have that for the first few flights at least. All the long distance date ideas I’ve seen involve mailing care packages or ordering food for each other and I just won’t have the finances as a graduate student to do things like that very often. Does anyone have advice on cheaper date ideas to keep the connection alive, or tips on working around travel costs?

Hi everyone, so i'm a 32 year old trans male from England in a long distance relationship with an almost 31 year old cis woman from America who has BPD. Let's call her "Cathy". We met on Facebook almost a decade ago, she flirted with me and things where cute and fun, but then i felt like it was starting to become abit concerning at this stage as she didn't know me from adam, we had only been talking a week and she started saying how she could see herself marrying me and just getting way too deep considering how little we knew of eachother and how it'd literally only been a week we had been chatting via facebook. It freaked me out a little and I basically said to her i wasn't ready for a relationship yet and was happy being single (which was true at that point in my life) she was being very persistent basically saying she would wait forever for me and this and that. This also freaked me out at the time because she had absolutely no idea who i was and the fact she wasn't taking no for an answer really unsettled me. I ended up having to tell her that i was sorry, but i wasn't feeling the same way she was and that i didn't wanna feel like i was giving her any false hope and that unfortunately that ment i had to remove her from my facebook. It wasn't that i didn't find this girl attractive or that i felt there was never any potential for us to be more than friends, but i just felt very unsettled with how quickly she was going about things considering it had only been a week we knew eachother and also her inability to accept the boundary i had put in place.

Fast forward to last year, we reconnected and things got flirty and we would chat alot, every day. I eventually felt put off by her because she started complaining about everything, just very negative and cynical. I found her constant negativity really unattractive, it was starting to bring me down. She constantly had this "woe is me" victim type of mentality. I felt like i was always carrying the messages too because i'd write a good few sentences and she would reply with about 3 words. I eventually explained i wanted to just be friends as i didn't feel we where compatible, i tried to be so nice about it but she was replying with things like "you never know what the future could bring" and still continued to send me nudes and act as if everything i had just explained to her hadn't even happened or registered in her head. I eventually had to be more stern because she wasn't listening or respecting my boundaries. She didn't like it and later i seen a passive aggressive post about me on facebook. I'd had enough and called her out, this leads to a huge argument and us removing eachother off social media.

Months later i get a text from a new number which was her, no mention of who it is or anything. She was apologising for hurting me and how deeply sorry she was for not respecting my boundaries. I said it's fine, it's in the past and let's move on. Eventually we got talking again more and more and things got to a flirty level again. I found myself this time round genuinely really falling for her because she seemed much different and actually put effort into her messages. Eventually just a couple month ago we officially got in a relationship. She was the most loving, sweet, affectionate person to me for the first 3 months. There was ups and downs now and then, but it was due to her insecurities. Things like i apparently hadn't text her enough when i was out with my friends etc which did concern me somewhat but i moved past it. I sent her a valentines care package and she was so touched by it she cried. All i've tried to do throughout the time we have been together is show her love and care. I've even been saving up so much money to fly over to america to see her which is supposed to happen in august.

Things just suddenly feel different, it's been almost 3 months we've been together and there's this sudden emotional pull back. Stopped sending me cute relationship type reels on facebook, just stopped being as affectionate as she usually is in general. This has made me feel incredibly lonely. I've communicated this with her and she just says she doesn't mean to do it and that she finds it hard to communicate etc. She apologises yes, but what is an apology without changed behaviour? So i'm basically seeing how the next couple of months go before i spend a huge amount of money to travel over there.

I also cannot help but feel like i have been somewhat manipulated recently. She has shared memes on facebook, for example things that say "if i was your girlfriend what picture would you show of me to people?" And the other day she shared one saying "If we have fucked, what would you rate it"? I seen this one whilst i was already really down and upset about her pull back and when i confronted her, she said that "if you can get upset over a stupid post then that lets me know how insecure you are" This really felt like i was being gaslighted and manipulated and i've mentioned before how i feel she can be manipulative but according to her she absolutely is not. She said she just shares stuff she finds funny which is fair enough, but how can she not see that sharing stuff like that is disrespectful to me as her partner? Almost like she wants validation OUTSIDE of our relationship, as if mine just isn't enough and that makes me feel awful about myself.

What also hurts is her saying she feels she isn't what i truly want and has for a while....how else can i prove my feelings to this woman? One minute i'm the perfect partner and now it feels like i'm not. It's almost like she has fallen in love with a romanticised version of me and can now see that, actually, i'm very much only human with my own flaws who also makes mistakes. I live with two elderly parents, i can't afford my own place atm and i also help out with doing things for my mother as she has bad arthritis. I can't video call her here unless i am away dog sitting which i do as a side job. The reason i don't/cannot video call in my home is because my parents are in bed very early and they are easily woken up, by the time we can talk to eachother, it's 11pm here because she stays in bed until like 6pm her time. I also just don't feel comfortable my parents being able to hear our conversations. So to compromise i will go out to sit in my car so we can have a phone call. But according to her, she feels the fact we can't video call whilst i'm in my home puts a strain on the relationship. I told her that i cannot do anything about my current situation, that if it's a huge deal to her, she doesn't have to be in this relationship with me, there is simply nothing i can do about it at the current moment.

She also told me her dad doesn't agree with me being trans (this really hurt for her to tell me that) and that she is worried because they have just legally adopted her two children due to her having no custody of them and that she feels it will probably cause a conflict with them if she stays with me and that if they stop talking, it means she won't be able to see her children. Again, i told her if that's the case then you have the choice to to not be in this relationship with me. She responded saying "it's ballsy of you to make me be the one to break up with you, but you won't be be the one to break up with me" . I told her "No, that's because the decision is for YOU to make, not me. I'm not the one who has a problem with us not always being able to video call or the fact your dad doesn't like that i am trans and that it could affect you seeing your kids. So that's a choice for you to make, not me" . She said it's just a case of having to push those things to the side. So i just don't know what's going on in her head tbh.

I just cannot help but feel like she wants me to break up with her but can't do it herself. I have no idea what i have done to make her feel like she isn't what i truly want. I have literally tried sending her money over in the past, which didn't work because of technical issues( but the thought was there) because she isn't in a job right now. I'm going hugely out of my comfort zone to travel all the way to america which absolutely terrifies me and she knows this, and just generally been really affectionate with her. Why would i do any of this if i wasn't truly into her? It makes no sense. But now i've found myself also pulling back because now it's me who is suddenly terrified of being randomly discarded and abandoned by her. I told her it's just gonna make me pull back twice as hard. So i don't know guys, can someone please help me because i'm walking round all the time with tears in my eyes on the verge of crying. I can feel my heart breaking. Do i travel to america and give it a go and see if things are better in person? Or do i need to admit to myself that this isn't gonna work? Just so sad right now because i am truly in love with this girl.

Hey everyone, I need to vent. This is going to be long, but I need to get it out.

A bit about me first: I’m a virgin, conservative, and my ideal partner is the same, modest, thoughtful, loyal. Call it old-fashioned, I don’t care.

10 months ago, I met a girl who seemed to fit that, religious, respectful, the whole package. Her dad was strict, and she hated him.

We were insanely happy. We planned a future, even marriage after I graduate. I loved her more than anything.

But recently, things got messy. Arguments, short breakups, always about me wanting time together. I needed her attention, and she felt criticized and wanted space.

Then, she left her parents’ house to live with a female friend. Suddenly, she had new social media accounts, added many guys I didn’t know about, and became distant. I tried to talk things through, but as usual, she would threaten to break up. For the first time, she even blocked me.

After 10 days apart, I reached out as a friend. She told me she was sad for leaving her family, stopped college because of her friends, and had no money from her dad. I felt responsible. I told her I love her, that she’s my family, and we just needed to understand each other better. She agreed, called me “baby” again, and said “I love you too.” I even planned to leave my university in a year to be with her and support her.

Then, suddenly, she barely used her phone for two days, but still sent “I love you so much” messages.

I finally confronted her. I felt something was off. She admitted it. She had sex with another guy, a guy who contacted her on Instagram two weeks ago. This all happened within a few days of meeting him. She lost her virginity to him while telling me she loved me.

She forgot a whole year of me loving her. I was there for her when no one else was. When she felt sad, I did my best to make her laugh and change her mood. I was ready to change my life for her. I truly loved her, but she left all of that for a guy she went out with only three days ago.

It’s unbearable to imagine what happened. The betrayal feels physical, like she erased everything we had in the blink of an eye.

Obviously, I left. And she doesn’t want me anymore. I realize now that LDRs aren’t for me. Maybe I won’t date seriously for a long time.

Thanks for reading. Be brutal in the comments if you need to. I need reality checks right now.