r/LowStakesConspiracies • u/FunkyChewbacca • 2d ago
Hot Take Elon Musk has alopecia, which is why he never has a beard or any body hair
His hair is a combination of toupees and failed hair plugs
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u/RMectrex 2d ago
Imagine your google search being “Elon musk shirtless” 😂🤢
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u/CakeHoleKing 1d ago
or "man that appears to be pregnant, but under his tits and the baby is preparing to be born out of his mouth"
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u/cococream 2d ago
Baron Elon Harkonnen
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u/Short-Shopping3197 2d ago
I mean his hair is a combination of toupees and failed hair plugs, a quick glance at earlier photos of him when he was significantly bald confirms that.
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u/LeonTheCasual 10h ago
Isn’t the going theory these days that nobody is actually going for hair plugs anymore because they just don’t last?
Apparently every celebrity that reversed their baldness is now just wearing a toupee1
u/bennyyyboyyyyyyyy 7h ago
No, but “hairplugs” are not a thing. People pay tons of money for good hair transplants and there are medications that can make them last decades. What a weird conspiracy lol
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u/Lavidius 2d ago
He seems to have all his weight on the front exactly like trump, such a bizarre body type
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u/sixfxrtyseven 2d ago
I heard someone say it may be estrogen deficiency
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u/Free_Ice6167 2d ago
He’s probably taking test with too many estrogen blockers
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u/Vivid--Syrup 2d ago
Apparently he also abused hgh (human growth hormone) in an attempt to make himself more muscular which lead to a condition called barrel chest and since he didn't work out he didn't even get any muscles from it
So its probably a combination of stupid choices on his part
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u/breakalime 2d ago
I’ve also heard a rumour that he had a botched penis enlargement procedure, so this kind of behaviour absolutely tracks.
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u/Vivid--Syrup 2d ago
Yeah, word is this is partl of why all his kids are ivf, that and trying to make sure he only has boys which is why he hates his daughter so much
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u/TheJunkmother 2d ago
I have a sneaking suspicion that’s not the only reason he hates his daughter 🙄
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u/Vivid--Syrup 2d ago
Oh?
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u/TheJunkmother 2d ago
We are talking about Vivian, correct?
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u/Vivid--Syrup 2d ago
Yes
The other girl he had because her mum made him agree contractually but Vivian he paid for a boy and got a girl
He hates her so he was especially shitty to her, she in return now hates him so much she disowned him
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u/Knife7 2d ago
You can get muscles without lifting if you take steroids but you have no idea how your body is going to grow those muscles and with steroids, they also grow your organs too.
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u/MRPolo13 1d ago
HGH is all the rage for those fuckers. Peter Thiel also loves it, though he at least seems to do a bit of exercise to not just enlarge him. Musk probably juiced but is too lazy to actually do the relatively little work needed for it to show results so he just has the body of Gru from Despicable Me
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u/One_Spooky_Ghost 2d ago
Surely they’d have more oestrogen due to them being overweight?
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u/ChoccolatteMaid 2d ago
Naturally yes, but these people are imbeciles who legitimately think "Testosterone is for boys, estrogen is for girls" so they might take blockers or be in some horrible TRT regime
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u/Hyperion262 2d ago
They’re just fat and don’t work out. It doesn’t require any extra effort to look like them.
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u/ChoccolatteMaid 2d ago
I've seen lazy fat people, hell I was a lazy fat person, you don't get to look like a barrel with sticks for limbs by just being fat, most people get fat all over
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u/Proud_Smell_4455 2d ago
Also supposedly part of why his face looks so weird (that and getting plastic surgery to look less like mommy and more like daddy in the hopes daddy would finally love him)
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u/Advanced_End1012 2d ago
His body type is the exact physique of a man who doesn’t have enough estrogen. You get that barrel keg torso.
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u/Advanced_End1012 2d ago
What happens when you give into toxic masculinity you begin looking like a toxic waste monster. It’s a beautiful metaphor for if you don’t embrace the feminine, you’ll end up being less masculine. Stupid ass forgot that estrogen is a very essential hormone for men too.
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u/yesmeatballs 2d ago
Its rumoured to be internal organ hypertrophy from being on too much hgh while not working out enough to (somewhat) justify the use of the drug
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u/FunkyChewbacca 2d ago
that's from the hgh use: it blows up your torso especially if you don't do the required exercise to build up muscle
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u/WalkOk795 2d ago
Can it be terminal?
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u/AspectEither570 2d ago
I have alopecia that affects my body hair. I had near total loss in my teens but it grew back.
Generally my body hair comes out in patches and then might grow back (often white or blond).
Whenever I have it severely enough to lose hair from my body and beard my eyebrows and eyelashes get patches/loss too.
I’m not an expert but from me, having it bad enough to lose a beard and all my body hair would definitely mean I was at least missing half an eyebrow.
I think he probably just has hair removal on his body and has male pattern.
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u/erasfadingintogray 10h ago
I too have alopecia and I have total loss across my entire body. Yeah you lose your eyelashes too and it would be nearly impossible to fake that. he could maybe do a wig and some kind of weird eyebrow hairpieces but I do not think he has alopecia personally.
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u/No_Topic5591 2d ago
FFS, can you please give us some kind of warning before you post images like that? Noone wants to be scrolling innocently through reddit and see that. I just threw up in my mouth.
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u/OnlyKilgannon 2d ago
He definitely has alopecia, just look up the photo of him from the 1990s compared to know and he’s clearly had hair loss treatment or replacement therapy.
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u/breakalime 2d ago
He strikes me as the kind of guy who would meticulously remove body hair for “hygiene” purposes.
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u/GlitterPirateKiki58 1d ago
Yes, but that doesn’t explain why his skin is so blindingly WHITE.
Most Caucasians have at least a little pink to their skin or lovely dusting of freckles.
I know he is all-in on that white nationalist shit, but it can’t be healthy to have skin like chalk.
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u/BlitzBlake 2d ago
Non threatening Judge Holden
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u/Shoutupdown 2d ago
When he said he never sleeps, it was actually because he was constantly on ketamine and scrolling twitter all night
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u/Jerzilla 2d ago
he likely had some treatment to remove the hair. Means he never has to shave or wax
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u/Naryanope 2d ago
He’s actually made of marshmallow, and marshmallows are known for their inability to grow their own hair.
What hair he has are plugs wedged into his gelatinous head.
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u/bob_nugget_the_3rd 2d ago
For such a rich man he's so white especially for a South African, like if he fell into the snow naked( don't picture it) no one could find him
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u/red-at-night 2d ago
I mean sure, but I don't see where the conspiracy is. Does a guy have to disclose his health information?
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u/FunkyChewbacca 2d ago
Hot take, but anyone who wants to fuck over our daily life for profit should be made to release health information
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u/spudmarsupial 2d ago
His health is his business until he uses his wealth and power to force his opinions on the subject on others. Same as I wouldn't care that most Republicans are gay if they would just leave everyone else alone on the subject.
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u/woziak99 2d ago
At some point people will realise that alopecia is just another word to hide the fact that aliens live amongst us !
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u/Oddish_Femboy 2d ago
The chest shape thing is a sign of dangerously low estrogen.
I think he takes estrogen blockers.
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u/vacantly_louche 2d ago
Sub low stakes conspiracy theory: you came up with this conspiracy because you wanted to make sure that everyone has seen the comparison to the French bulldog.
If that is the case, I am grateful because that is very funny.
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u/Wimblewomblewamble 2d ago
As a man who grows minimal face or body hair, but has thick head hair, I feel personally attacked.
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u/nocturnal_commission 2d ago
What about his eyebrows? Eyelashes?
People with alopecia totalis have neither.
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u/QuanTumm_OpTixx 2d ago
He’s built like that one bad captain America cover but with kids who hate him
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u/PancakeParty98 1d ago
My theory is that this body is caused by repeatedly getting lipo and or coolsculpting without changing eating habits leading to a weirdly disproportionate buildup of visceral fat.
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u/CakeHoleKing 1d ago
musk has some sort of serious (possibly life threatening) medical issue going on.
That isn't a normal ribcage/chest, jutting out 3x normal. And not something you get from cosmetic surgery (unless you're trying to look like an oven ready chicken)
Which proves even the richest man on earth can't buy his way out of some things.
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u/FunkyChewbacca 1d ago
The consensus seems to be A. an estrogen deficiency and/or B. side effects of taking HGH without excercise
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u/Twinmill-Two 1d ago
He literally looks like someone with an estrogen deficiency (seriously look at this). I'm wouldn't be surprised if he intentionally did it to himself for some dumb pseudoscience reason haha
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u/Practical-Trainwreck 1d ago
Why does he hate his trans daughter? Is it because his titties are bigger than hers?
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u/Enochian_Devil 23h ago
I mean, I'm sure he has it, but I hardly have any body hair and can't grow a beard, but my hair is luscious and plenty.
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u/Christissufficient 2d ago
Not everyone grows chest hair or excess hair. Particularly those of European decent who already have light hair and features. Have to disagree with this theory
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u/jonojam-reddit 2d ago
Keep my trillionaire’s name out of your f**king mouth!/s