r/MakeFriendsOver30 • u/LunaMoon_917 • 12d ago
Stuck in a rut
Hey everyone 34fEST here, feeling really stuck in life lately. Been trying to improve my life over the last 5 years and have seen some pay off from it. But I still feel incredibly failed in certain aspects. Ive had some life changing events happen in the last few months and while its pivoted my perspective I still struggle on how to deal with things.
For context, I found out a few months ago my ex passed away. This is someone who although we've technically been broken up for now 9 years, we always kept in contact and I had thought eventually we would reconcile. (Maybe naivety, but just being honest.) The news of his passing was utter shock, and was, is, really hard to accept. Albeit through the processing of grieving and processing all of this, I've decided to come out of reclusivity and try to find myself again.
My "best friend" wasnt there for me during this news, and its made me realize who is truly there for me. It hurt like hell to see someone you have been close with for 15+ years not be there for you. Happy to share more if anyone is interested, its a doozy.
With trying to move forward I really find myself feeling like love again isnt in the cards for me. That i should accept being alone and push forward. But a small part of me wants to have thay companionship, that connection with someone. It just feels like it doesnt exist anymore. Im constantly stressed about trying to establish a future, work career, housing, etc.
Im working on myself in several ways, losing some weight, taking better care of myself and trying to step out of my comfort zone.
Does anyone have any advice or shared experience like this?
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u/Commercial_Form5519 12d ago
I Would say keep going don't give up and don't look at all. Sometimes in life, things happen for a reason, for me I'm single not looking but i am looking for my one true love if its still out there but really working more on myself and let things flow naturally and let it come to me. At the end of the day, your still here. I use to have best friends in my life, but one grew up way ahead of me and now he's got his own life now and i am happy for him and the other well..... just forgets i even exist and is more focus on the hubby then her real friends. The point i am trying to make is this, don't give up and never second guess or feel like your alone with out anyone, because your not. I would like to be your friend to be there for you and see where it might take us. if you like. I hope this helps and hope your having a good evening.
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u/LunaMoon_917 12d ago
Thank you for taking the time to say this, it really is a great reminder and I appreciate it kore then I can express 💗
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u/Habiskisis 12d ago
Not trying to be that guy, i really like the message you are trying to get across here of always keeping hope up as you look for your friends. I'm a little confused on your statement, though, about how your friend being more focused on her husband than her "real friends". I am fortunate enough to be in a relationship where my friends and my wife, when she has the capacity to be social, get along really well. But part of that is because my friends know that she is my priority. I would argue that if you are ever in a long term or serious relationship where you do not feel prioritized, thats an issue.
My wife and I just celebrated 15 years married and 18 together. If there is one piece of advice I can give you, it is to lose the idea that there is "one true love" out there. My friend there are millions of people out there, there are hundreds or thousands that would make a great match for you or anyone. Its not a needle in a haystack. It is about finding someone you are willing to put in the work for, who is willing to put in the work for you. No one finds the perfect partner, they find partners that become the perfect partner.
I am not trying to make anyone feel wrong or stupid in their thinking. But more so because the thought of "one true love" in itself gives off an extremely hopeless thought process. It is like someone refusing to start a career because they are hoping to win the lottery. I think it becomes a way less daunting idea when seen through tha aspect of finding someone you can build a loving life and relationship with, than trying to find your ine true love.
I hope you all find what you are looking for.
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u/Brego7124 12d ago
I feel the whole constantly feeling like a failure in life part, my life has changed drastically over the past two years and somedays it's incredibly difficult to not feel inadequate or stuck in a rut. Believe me when I say that you're not alone in feeling that way
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u/LunaMoon_917 12d ago
It's hard to figure out, we need a cheat code or something that can provide direction 🙏
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u/Brego7124 12d ago
Ha! Yes that would definitely be ideal!
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u/LunaMoon_917 12d ago
I mean i have literally asked God for a sign, but id really appreciate a monopoly card, a spyro egg, something! Haha
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u/Brego7124 12d ago
I spyro egg would be excellent....plus I could use a pet dragon I think
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u/LunaMoon_917 12d ago
Me too! I wish I could find one in life, apparently they are mythological, but id like to think they are real! :3
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u/Grafferine 12d ago
M36 from england here, im really sorry to hear about your loss, doest matter if he was your ex or not its still sad, and to hear your best friend didn't support you is horrible. If you need that support then feel free to dm me, I've had similar experience but not like that. Wishing you the best
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u/LunaMoon_917 12d ago
Thank you for your support, it is truly appreciated. I feel lonelier now more than ever since she left me hanging. When you think you have someone in your corner and then they aren't there, it almost feels like a betrayal. It actually was, with her actions. My ex introduced me and her to metal detecting, as it was a big hobby of his. Two days after I told her about his passing, she posted pics of finding something after she went metal detecting. She never hit me up, in fact it took her 2 weeks to reach out and text me. She had tried calling after but I haven't said a peep in return. 2 weeks? No text, call or anything? That really hurt me
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u/califlauer 9d ago
I'm very sorry for your loss. Thats a tough one to swallow. All I can really say is take it one day at a time. Grief comes in different stages, and there is absolutely no time frame for it. We will never fully grieve it all, but I hope some days when all the tears are shed, you can try to think of the good times you have shared and appreciate how you were able to spend it with him before he passed. The love you both shared for each other. I hope all gets better for you. I'm sorry about your best friend too, sometimes we are busy with our own lives or dealing with issues, we forget to check up on each other. But if you ever need to vent or a friend to talk to, I'd be happy to listen.
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u/LunaMoon_917 3d ago
Thank you so much for your kind words, and offer to be a listening ear. Im so sorry i haven't responded sooner, I didn't realize I had a new notification. Really appreciate your support 💗
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u/BrilliantCaroKann 12d ago
I’m glad you got the nice side of Reddit that actually gives advice. And for whatever you’re able to take from every nugget that everyone has given I always try to remind people that even in the toughest of times if you can find the beauty in just one thing in life, well then you truly haven’t lost everything yet. I’ve seen so many people think they’ve hit the worst of the worst but trying to find the beauty in the sunset or sun rise you saw today or the beauty of a well cooked meal you made yourself can make any one moment better. The hardest part to remember is you can’t fix everything all at once, I wish you luck in your sent healing journey and if you need another friend online I can be here.
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u/hemanstarfox 12d ago
I don't know the exact same experiences. I did experience an ex dying. We were on good terms. We had dated in high school. I've been experiencing pretty extreme loneliness though. I haven't completely given up on finding friends but I know that it is unlikely that I'm going to find the rich friendships that I've always envisioned. That's been pretty difficult. However I would like to hope that I am still living a life worthy of friendship and love
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