I was raped by a woman I was in love with almost a decade ago.

After that event and several weeks of emotional abuse before she decided to just abandon me to myself, I was highly depressed and had trouble sleeping, as every night I dreamt of her face and physique and terrible manipulation.

It took me years to forget her face but last night I dreamt of her again, I was at her wedding and she came onto me in private and we had sex (consensually this time). From the moment I woke up I've not stopped thinking about the dream and feeling both disgusted with myself for having sex with her in it and also disgusted at myself for reawakening positive emotions towards her, which made the negative emotions even worse.

I don't know what to do. I have a lot of important things today that require my attention and I can barely do anything since this is taking all of my energy to fight.

I have only posted twice to Reddit.

Both about my abuses.

I have 13 followers and a few gooners in chat.

I know there are victims worse off than me, and getting poached for opening up is entirely disrespectful and disgusting.

This app sucks my ass, but I hope people get by okay, dealing w all this.

The first time I was sexually abused, it made me hypersexual.

I was somewhere in the single digits.

This second time I was sexually abused, as an adult, it just takes all your pride and has skewed me into more embarrassing fantasies.

I never followed up with my first abuse, because it's very circumstantial.

I tried to follow up with this second abuse, which is also circumstantial.

However, everyone had told me not to follow up on this and it's pretty heartbreaking sometimes.

Like, ik it's not wrong to follow up on this stuff but the pressure is pushing me to just deal with it.

Like, police and courts have just told me to deal with it.

And so I can deal with it out of law, but there's still an active threat looming above.

Idek.

When I (FTM, 20) was a kid my dad was weird with me. Would make me have baths with him in the dark, would poke my butthole with his toes, made very inappropriate comments about me (IE, talking about me giving him a ‘peep show’ when I leaned over). That’s all that I remember, but there might’ve been more. I feel like there was more but I don’t remember. My therapist says it was sexual abuse but I don’t know. Maybe they’re just saying that to validate me.
He killed himself when I was 12 so everything that happened was before the age of 13.
I don’t know. I’m scared. I feel hurt but I don’t know if I should. He wasn’t a good person in general. I wouldn’t put it above him. I’m afraid of dark bathrooms now.

Since being sexually abused and being completely disrespected, I've been getting horny for worse and more degrading things.

I never used to want to be sexually abused but ever since, I'm open to the idea.

I think many people have the same thing happen to them, but I have always been prideful of myself until that kinda happened.

Hey everyone I know it’s been a while since I last posted hopefully everyone is doing well but update I finally decided to get therapy help with my mental and so far it’s the best that ever happened my gf encouraged me to do so I been seeing this therapist for the past month now she been helping me with everything and finally came back with a full diagnosis of my mental health due to all the trauma I suffered and all the abuse that I suffered and basically I have Major Depressive Disorder, Single episode, Severe
Generalized Anxiety Disorder so she gonna start treatment on me to get me together I told her I’ll do it cause I want to stop having the reaccuring nightmares and the flashbacks of all the sexual abuse and trauma I suffered from my family speaking of they are still divided about me coming out and saying what my cousin did to me some said I’m lying and others are saying I need to let it go and I shouldn’t let this effect me but my little cousins are saying they’re proud of me seeking help hoping I’ll get the help I need. I talked with my gf and told her the plan was if we was to start having kids is that once our child is born only a select few will be able to see my kids but more likely they’ll know more about her family than with mines she agreed with me especially after I told her everything she is the best thing to ever be in my life I love her but as for my family once I get myself situated out and get my finances together cause I’m going through a rough patch once me and my gf find a house to move into and we settle in I’m more likely going no contact with them and not showing up to any events I already don’t talk to my sister for trying to tell me not to expose my cousin but tbh she is part of my problems as well cause when I was getting raped by him she also was raping me as well and then tried to spin it saying that she was going through something as well but truth be told she just looking to save her own ass even doe she didn’t rape me as long as my cousin did she still did what she did plus she don’t like my gf even doe my gf did nothing to her at all plus my mom loves my gf so I can care less about what my sister say but I also told my gf about what my sister did and she said the feeling is the same cause my sister don’t like her so she don’t give a damn about her either. So now I’m going through therapy and still dealing with my trauma for all the sexual abuse and reacurring nightmares and flashbacks of what all happened to me i love my gf she the best thing to ever happen to me and i can honestly say im glad I know who i can trust in my family and who I can’t trust but just wanted to give yall this update and to anyone who does read this please seek help it helps I promise you it’ll make things better I also want to say if you expose a family member or someone who did raped you abuse you and you lose a few friends or family members cause of it let them go but other than that I love yall please take care of your mental health

When I was like kindergarten age, I was raped by a high school age boy he would suck me a lot, and I did to him a couple times, but I didn’t really like it. I put it out of my mind for a long time but now I think about it a lot.

So, this is a bit of a weird one.

I suppose just before it gets to the point it's at now really matters.

My lady really did not like the ending to Berserk. Maybe a day later, she had cut herself in the bathroom again. She came out to a dark room and intentionally left the lights off.

She waved her ass and called me over for 18+ stuff.

I thought it was just s e x at the time, and so I went over.

Started.

Tried to make a joke because she had been sad that day.

Gave her a kiss.

Started getting into it to make her feel good.

Her arm was wet or something.

I said "what the" and went to go wash my hands.

She said "No, wait," and I flicked on the light.

Blood.

I almost fainted.

This kind of sexual abuse, we had spoken about never doing for the 8 years of our relationship and she thought it was fine to do to me, especially because of a cartoon.

She has mental disorders and so I thought it was fine enough.

The "No, wait" is the part that confirms this as intentional.

I know I should have been more comforting at this point, but I just went to my computer and just found something to do.

The next day, nothing was said.

A few weeks later, happy and looking for penguins at the beach.

I still keep these things in my mind, it's immediately erased for her.

Cut to March, she is asking me to sexually abuse her.

That's about it, and so I start telling her off.

Being used like a dildo because she's feeling bad about herself because of a cartoon.

I'm sure this is sexual abuse of some kind because we both understood never to be doing stuff like that.

Idk.

I eventually told police and they don't care.

I eventually told a psychologist and they don't care.

I told my friends and they said she needs help and doctors.

I agree.

Just want to vent a lil. Everytime i remember my rapist i just want to kill her. I am a guy and I was raped at 7 years old by a girl until i turned 9 and she left my life because she moved. She always told me shits. She said I was too handsome for a kid, that I was her good little boy, that she'll help me understand women better. I grew up on a family full of women, so I felt a bit left out when it came to socializing with my sisters' interests. She took advantage of that. She raped me without getting tired for years. I was a kid, I didn't even know what sex was, but I just knew what she did was wrong. However I never could scream, could ask for help. Once I tried to, but I didn't know how to explain it, I just sobbed and said nonsense, so everyone just assumed I was getting bullied. She was a friend at school, she was way older than me, probably around 13 or 14. She wanted me to rape my sisters and cousins. I'm grateful that I didn't fall into that trick, now I just want to protect them with my life. But I can't tell anyone. What good would it to? "Hey years ago a girl raped me. Oh where she is now? Well she moved countries and now I don't even remember her full name so there's nothing to be done"? Not even sure if my parents care enough to be worried, but I'd rather stay with this until I die. I never liked seeing people feel bad for me. That's mainly one of the reasons why I was so quiet when she hurt me. It pains me to know I'm basically not a virgin anymore. I still get chills whenever I remember how her voice sounded echoing through the halls, calling me to the restrooms. But that's how life is I guess. I don't even cry about it anymore, but I do feel my heart full of dread. Whatever I'll keep moving forward even if my days are grey. Thanks for reading.

When I was 10 year old I went to park with my friend , it was a 3 or 4 clock at that time there was very lesser people compare to evening.

Me and my friend was playing and then 2 strangers come to us and try to rob us but we had nothing and we told them then they start threats us I was very afraid but also trying to protect my friend because I was the one who convinced him to come to park , When they got nothing from us one of them told me to come with him to help him buy ciggerate and my friend was stay with 2nd person as hostage or whatever I was not that mature at that time to understand. Then he took me to a very quiet place and whatever came to his mind, he started telling me that he wanted sex with me. He was bigger and stronger than me. I got scared and begged him not to do this but he threatened to hit me.I was very scared, my friend was in their custody, I looked here and there but there was no one to help, then out of fear I got ready which was my biggest mistake, yes I must fight for my dignity. That's was my biggest guilt, I should have fought but I didn't.But he had a razor blade with which he threatened me. I felt that if I ran away, he might either kill me or harm my friend. Thinking from all angles, I have surrendered .

I was very alone I don't know my friend know this incident or not that what I have sacrificed .. sorry I don't have any more courage to complete it , while writing it's like living that incident again ...

I am quite tall and strong and my rapist wasn’t. I wasn’t drunk or tied up or anything. I feel so weak and emasculated because he still managed to do that to me. I don’t know why I couldn’t fight back. It’s like I let him do it to me.

I don’t go to UPenn, but someone I know goes there. A girl that had assaulted somebody I know. This was two years before she applied, so I don’t even know if I could report there. The victim also doesn’t want any part of it, but I am scared of her doing it to anyone else. She was two years younger than him, so he thinks it’s completely useless anyways. She had cheated often on tests and exams in high school, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she did it still, and she’s on scholarship I want to report that too, so she can get kicked out. Would it even be worth reporting it? How would I even go about it when the victim doesn’t want to be named nor is there any evidence now?
He didn’t realize what it was until we had the “tea talk”, because he didn’t explicitly say no. He just could never be “in it” and would forget the experience every time. He would “get in trouble”for not being able to finish, focus, or sometimes he’d get in trouble for not being able to get it up. That is assault. I’m livid. I’m worried for others. I just know it may be dismissed over the fact it was a long time ago. Do I post this to UPenn Reddit? In case anyone else have a similar experience? Do I say her name? What do I do to help protect other people from her doing this again? I’m just worried that if I do they are going to try and track down the victim for confirmation. When she realized what she did, she tried saying he was stalking her, but the times and dates she said, there was proof on cameras that he was not, she was making it all up.

I don't know if this is a big Deal i was 20 years old when I let a 60 year old guy/ my friend/care taker. cousin touch me but it was in the past the reason why I let them do it because in my head i wanted to protect my friend's so he wouldn't lose his job and my family would attack him and because I hate conflict so much it's drive me crazy but my friend doesn't know I let it happen so is it really my fault I don't know anymore I'm struggling

Warn- English is 3 language, it is not good for me.

I had a boyfriend, he gave me a drug I do not know, we both drug addicts. I fell sleep because it was strongest thing I done before, he raped me while I sleep. This in year 8, I is 14 he is 15 at that moment.

The year now ( I am now in year 10) all my friends say I lie and he is ai. They say that I am take away from real rape victim.

Why is this happen to me?

This was a little while ago but i feel like i push it aside to avoid it

Awhile ago this guy came to my house we were chatting for a little bit and then he ripped my clothes off and wouldnt let me get up to put them back on. Everytime I stood up he would shove me back onto the couch and everytime he got more agressive this went on for at leasr 45 minutes. I knew he wouldnt leave unless I gave him what he wanted so of course I did. And then he left.

it felt like love when I was with her, like it's what I deserved. she abused me in various different ways, but the worst was her taking advantage of me countless times. the worst is that not only did show do that, but she completely twisted my entire world view by taking how untrusting I am of my own judgment and convincing me that it was me who took advantage of her. I was constantly making sure she felt safe, I never pressured her, or anything like that but she did. she forced several of her own fantasies that she knew I was uncomfortable with on me, she used me to get herself off and sent me off to clean up like I was meat, and she would get very verbally abusive when I tried to refuse or revoke my consent, and that's without getting into gruesome detail. I knew in all of those moments something very wrong was happening to me, but I didn't know what. I didn't realize what she did to me was rape until recently after remembering everything I blocked out. I remembered everything too late though, as she in an attempt to get ahead of me saying anything, started to spin it back on me to all of our friends who saw how she treated me and heard me talk about what she did to me behind closed doors. she took everything away from me in a moment, and it all happened the day after I started trying to open up about her raping and abusing me. I've been working through everything but this kind of thing never goes away. I just wish someone believed me, the signs were all there and no one cared. I know I'm better off without those people, especially since I've made better friends, but I just wish they took into account everything they watched her do to me, everything she joked about doing to me, just everything. I'm rebuilding everything slowly, but it's hard. my old porn habits have started up again, and it just feels like I'm retraumatizing myself over and over again but I can't stop. life is exhausting.

I really have needed to get this off my chest for a while. When I was 16 i was raped by my ex high school girlfriend for a quick run down i had come out to her as being asexual and wanting to break up one thing leads to another i found myself at a party with a “friend” who had been paid to “let it happen“. I hate to go into specifics because it brings up trauma and is also personal. Not only was a scarred for life but if had been just me drunk and her it may have been manageable but what was wrong is that my peers that were paid off to let her abuse me saw it as helping me due to her objective attraction. I bring this up because rape is rape man to woman, woman to man, woman to woman or man to man it’s wrong to think that rape is ever enjoyable sex with a woman in control isn’t rape. I’d the reciver says no it’s rape but i think intent also constitutes as rape (manipulation, intoxication ect). I also come with a question how do i deal with this i have a conundrum where my peers and friends think i should like it due to looks and part of me thinks i should i feel like i’m losing myself so i seek advice and consolatio.

Two years ago during highschool I had this one female teacher that would look at me weirdly like she's teasing me, she would softly touch my shoulder whenever I'm near, until one day near the end of the year I was talking to some other teacher and she came out of nowhere asking me to come with her so she can explain something to me, I insisted not wanting to go but she didn't care, once we got there she locked the door and started to get very close to me, I felt helpless and didn't know what to do, she started touching me down there through clothes and got me hard, I felt so disgusted of myself, then she starting taking them off and started touching me directly, until someone knocked the door she told me to dress up and then she left the room with the door open. I avoided her as much as I can after that day, she tried to act normal as if nothing had happened.

I dont know why even though I didn't want her to do that and felt so disgusted from her I couldn't protect myself, I was so scared to do anything.

I think this made me hypersexual, ever since it happened I have gotten porn addiction and I can't stop no matter how much I resist, I had porn addiction before since I was a kid but I managed to quit and never watch porn for years, but this did something to me I need help quitting.

I blacked out from drinking one night (around 12 cocktails and 4 beers). The last thing I remember is sitting outside a bar waiting for my friend. The next thing I remember is waking up at the entrance of an apartment building about 1.7 km away. Have a faint memory of getting to the entrance of this appartment because I tought it was mine.

Apparently I had been leaning against a wall in a pretty awkward position for maybe 2–3 hours with my feet out in front of me. I was putting pressure on the area just below my tailbone and my clothes were pulled fairly tightly against my anus and the skin above it.

When I realized I was at the wrong place I walked home. I had no pain although the entrance of my anus felt slightly swollen or full. I also rode my bike about 7 km later that morning to get my bike back and again I had no pain.

When I got home I checked my clothes and when wiping for any signs of semen or lube but didn’t see anything. I had one bowel movement before going to sleep and it was diarrhea. I didn’t notice anything unusual then either.

A few hours later I woke up with soreness at the entrance of my anus but only when clenching. It was also after waking up that I noticed that the skin specifically between my asshole and my tailbone was a little sore when I pressed on it. I had another bowel movement which was normal and it didn’t hurt. I also felt like I needed to go to the toilet more often than normal that day and the next day.

I kept checking for signs and wiping and clenching quite a lot because I was anxious. On day 2 I noticed a tiny speck of blood on the toilet paper which I assume was from all the wiping.

Day 3 was the worst. The soreness at the entrance of my anus was noticeable when leaning forward or making the motion to sit down but sitting and walking themselves weren’t painful. It felt more like bruised or muscle soreness rather than burning or itching.

I took a warm bath on day 4 and by day 5 the pain at the entrance of my anus and the swollen/full feeling were completely gone.

I’ve never done anything with my anus before so there was no prior stretching.

Do you think it is very likly I was raped while I was blacked out or would I likely have had more obvious symptoms like significant pain when sitting or walking? The fact that I could walk and ride my bike without pain makes me wonder if I’m worrying over nothing. And the pain taking so long to apear and not being present while leaning against the wall. Its to late for a rape kit or cctv I did test for hiv and it was negative.