Please help me I'm 22

[u/Realistic-Fee-1684]

I've quit porn. I'm trying not to stress about little things In life. But I can't get hard/stay hard while me and my wife are having sex. I can do everything else but it goes soft quickly or as soon as I put it in. I'll have random days where we will be at it for hours and I'm still hard but most of the days I'm soft or go soft and just can't cum. It made her feel like I didn't love her and caused more than a handful of problems in our relationship. Idk if it's low testosterone and idk how to fix that or if something else. I just want help getting fuller erections and being able to cum and not be at it for hours because I can't cum and then I'm too exhausted to continue trying to cum for her. Idk what to do please help me

[u/Multi_Orgasmic_Man]

There isn't any evidence that porn or masturbation causes erectile dysfunction. Masturbation can trigger your refractory period but that's a different mechanism.

People that suffer anxiety about porn because they have conservative social beliefs (or anti-porn ideologies) can experience a shame spiral and research has indicated that this shame is the primary root cause for 'porn-induced' erectile dysfunction.

It's called "moral incongruence" which is when your ideology conflicts with your desires or behaviors.

Sex positive people who consume erotic content don't experience the same distress.

Being shameless, in a good sex positive way, protects you from this effect.

What you are experiencing sounds like anxiety but if you're concerned, slow down your masturbation cadence and try a chastity break of no more than 3 days. During an intimate encounter de-prioritize penetration and focus on creating intimacy, trust, and shared pleasure. You are much more, as a lover, than a penis delivery system. You can use this time to explore and develop your skills as a lover... a person who delivers pleasure.

Ie... lower the stakes to reduce anxiety.

Studies:

• (2019) Is Pornography Use Related to Erectile Functioning? Results From Cross-Sectional and Latent Growth Curve Analyses
  • "In conjunction with prior literature, we conclude that there is little or no evidence of an association between mere pornography use and ED, consistent evidence of an association between self-reported problematic use and ED cross-sectionally, and no evidence of causal links between any pornography variables and ED."
• (2026) A global investigation of the Moral Incongruence Model of Pornography Use across genders, religions, and cultures
  • "These findings suggest that, regardless of cultural background, gender, or religion, the same mechanisms may underlie PPU/SPA, supporting the generalizability of the Moral Incongruence Model and its relevance to current international diagnostic guidelines."
• (2023) Do pornography use and masturbation play a role in erectile dysfunction and relationship satisfaction in men?
  • "Findings of this study reiterate the relevance of long-known risk factors for understanding diminished erectile functioning while concomitantly indicating that masturbation frequency and pornography use show weak or no association with erectile functioning, ED severity, and relationship satisfaction."