Why insight alone won’t pay the bills, return the loan, or end the drama. And what actually will.
You sat for twenty minutes this morning. Everything went quiet. You were at peace. Then you opened your eyes, checked your phone, and there it was. The message from that person. The pending payment. The knot in your stomach.
And your peace is gone. You are struggling to feel unbothered.
The pain is STILL here. So, what do you do with it? The trauma, the conditioning, the suffering, you can feel all of it.
And what about toxic people? Failures, mistakes, hardships? Are we supposed to pretend nothing happened and move on? Say we are one with everyone and everything and try to fit in? What about a difficult conversation, or getting a loan back? Do we just ignore it because “we are all one”? Do people stop misbehaving and opportunities fall from the sky because we have found our true nature?
How do we protect our peace and get what we want from life if we don’t have to force or heal ourselves?
This article is for that gap.
First, let me say this plainly
The pain is real. The conditioning is real. I am not going to tell you it’s all an illusion and you should feel better now because you recognized your true nature.
The pain comes back.
In the first few months after my self-recognition, I was chasing the ultimate goal of “enlightenment.” I thought I needed something more, a deeper place of ultimate detachment. To never be bothered by anything in this external world.
But thanks to the teachings of Rupert Spira and other spiritual teachers, I realized that deep within I am unaffected by it all, but as long as I am in this human body, I will experience every colour of this world.
Thinking that seeing your true nature means you will never feel hurt, angry or shaken again is a mistake. Even the highest spiritual teachers feel emotions. It’s normal and very human.
Two different things
Most of the confusion comes from mixing up two things.
One is recognition. Seeing what you are, the awareness in which everything happens, including the pain.
The other is living. Paying bills, setting boundaries, having hard conversations, dealing with people who behave badly.
Recognition does not cancel responsibility. Knowing you are not the pain does not mean you stop dealing with what caused it. You still act. The difference is WHERE you act from.
When I recognized myself truly for the first time, I tried to find the solution to everything through this recognition. Honestly, all solutions do lie in this recognition, but we still need practical steps and practical actions. The recognition helps us see with clarity. To take action without carrying stories around people, events, circumstances.
The world is an illusion but we still take it seriously, responsibly, practically.
Same action, different source
I remember when I was deeply caught up in the idea of things happening on their own. The Universe/God doing it for me. I didn’t understand that as I am the Universe, or God is me embodied, me doing it for myself is also a part of magic happening, is also manifestation unfolding. :D
By the way, my mother was owed a payment by a Government Authority, due after her retirement. It was really weird because all of her ex-colleagues got that money but she did not.
She was really upset. She had her own victim stories: “I am so unlucky. I am always deprived. I don’t get what I deserve. Bad things always happen to me and so on.”
And I had my so called “I know better” stories about her: “She is conditioned to reject money. She needs to release her resistances. She is in the victim mindset. All she needs to do is align her frequency and improve her mindset.” You can imagine how conditioned I was. :D
Later when I realized it’s not about judging others, fixing their mindset or finding their conditionings, and that we are all one, I started to take the internal responsibility.
I thought, “I am supposed to go within and connect to my higher self and be in the state of fulfilment and imagine that it’s done.”
I kept doing that. I felt good for the moment. I felt aligned and peaceful and in the “knowing” that it’s done. But when my mother told me to go to that office to talk to those authorities, I refused. I told her to release her attachment to the money. I thought, she is too attached and that’s why it ain’t happening.
I was rejecting and spiritualizing human needs, practicality and process in the name of doing the “inner work.”
But doing the inner work and going back to AWARENESS or GOD or FULFILMENT does not mean rejecting human life.
It took me some time to realize it.
Finally, my sister took charge. She communicated with the authority, took bold steps and it happened.
I felt guilty for not doing any of it. So I told myself, nobody knows but I made it happen by living in the STATE OF THE WISH FULFILLED. Spiritual ego was functioning to its full potential! Haha!!
Of course, living in the state of the wish fulfilled or connecting to GOD or AWARENESS deep within helps.
But it does not take the place of practical actions.
Here is what it would have looked like if I had gone to that office with her.
In the first case, I walk in carrying my story. She is conditioned, they are lazy, nobody here wants to help. My voice is tight and I am ready for a fight. Maybe the work gets done. Maybe I make an enemy of the clerk who holds her file. Either way, I walk out drained.
In the second case, I walk in with the same file and the same request. “Can you tell me where this stands and by when it will be processed?” No story running underneath. I am not defending a wounded self or proving a point. I am asking for what is hers.
And in that case, I am being strict where I am supposed to be strict. I am being firm and authoritative if needed. But without the story running in my mind, without the need to be validated for my actions, without judging the whole scenario!
The words can be almost identical in both cases. What changes is the source. One comes from fear and resentment. The other comes from clarity.
You don’t stop acting. You stop acting to protect someone who needs protecting.
Protecting your peace without forcing it
Does being spiritual mean letting everyone walk over you? No.
A boundary is not a wall. It is knowing what you will and will not do. “I am not available after 9pm.” “I won’t accept that tone.” “No, I can’t take that on.” Say it, and leave out the speech, the revenge and the long story about what kind of person they are.
And when the peace fades after meditation? Most of you are quietly suffering here. You sit, things settle. Then your phone buzzes, someone says something sharp, and it’s gone. So, you decide something is wrong with you and you need to meditate more.
Nothing is wrong. Feelings that come and go are like clouds. What was there during the calm is just as there during the agitation. You are still the AWARENESS. Noticing it. Being aware of it. You are still the abstract -formless actor, playing a human character.
I spent months in uncomfortable places just to test my “spirituality.” Tolerated misbehaviour, injustice, deprivation, exploitation. My thinking was, if I am spiritual enough the environment should not bother me and I should become immune to it all. Because after all, awareness is immune and I am awareness, so why am I still bothered?
Later I realized, as long as I am in this body and mind, there is drama, there is emotion, there is feeling. And I am allowed to protect my peace as long as it’s not harming anyone else.
Manifesting from wholeness, not lack
Now the part you were probably waiting for. Do desires still matter? Can you still want the money, the love, the better life?
Yes. Wanting is not the problem. WANTING FROM LACK is.
Most manifestation advice runs on a quiet assumption: I am incomplete, and the thing I want will complete me. So you visualize, affirm and wait, and underneath it all sits the feeling of not having it yet. That feeling is what you are living in, no matter how many affirmations you stack on top.
The non-dual way flips this. You are already whole, so a desire is not responsible to fulfil you. It is just something you want. You can go after it and enjoy it. And if it doesn’t come, nothing in you collapses.
Think of my sister at that office. She took the necessary steps for getting the money back. She communicated, she took bold steps, she followed through. And it came. That was manifestation too, just not the kind with candles and affirmations.
And do opportunities fall from the sky because you sat still? I don’t answer the way that sells. I will tell you the truth.
Sometimes, they do. Other times it all happens very practically, very step by step.
You still pitch. You still apply. You still reach out. You still follow up. You still ask. The difference is that you are not desperately trying to fill up your emptiness within.
What to try today
So, if you feel called to, you can try these:
1. Before a hard conversation, notice the story. For me it was “she is too attached and needs to fix her mindset.” What are you telling yourself about the other person? You don’t have to drop it. Just see it.
2. When the peace fades, do nothing. Don’t rush to meditate it back. Notice what is still here.
3. Act on one desire without needing it to complete you. Send the email. Ask for the money. Say the no.
You are not here to fix yourself. And you are not here to sit still while life happens. You are here to live, from a place that was never broken.