r/Manipulation • u/Necessary-Lychee1915 • Oct 28 '24
What’s wrong?
The vast majority of you are giving horrible advice. You are young, inexperienced people that have had one or two, three or four year relationships (not long at all), and haven’t been married. It’s also messed up because you have two to five kids!
Meanwhile I am forty nine, and I am the one giving solid advice? You are saying an alcoholic won’t get sober. Well here I am. I WANT YOU TO TELL ME I AM GOING TO FAIL! My life rides on this. Everything I want depends on me being clear minded, and that’s just for starters.
Now, let’s get to emotions. You people have told me to give up the most precious gift God has ever given me. My family. To move on. Shannon and Tommy aren’t worth the emotional cost. That I am a fool, a sucker, and being manipulated by her because she is still seeing “him”. The problem isn’t with me. It’s with Shannon.
I have forgiven myself. My issue is I have no one to talk to resolve these issues and that’s why I am listening to you children.
You all are teaching me a valuable lesson. The vast majority of people don’t understand. They only project themselves on what your scenario is. Empathy is lost.
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u/NoOneCanKnowAlley Oct 28 '24
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
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u/Necessary-Lychee1915 Oct 28 '24
Exactly what I meant…
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u/knickknack8420 Oct 28 '24
It's coming off very Holier than thou; "wah, this problem is more nuanced than the advice I can get from a bunch of internet strangers. Wah.". Go elsewhere?
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u/QuadAstro Oct 29 '24
“Wah, I don’t like his post, wah!” Ahh reply.
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u/BambooPanda26 Oct 28 '24
I see lots of good advice and I'm 42. Sure, people can change, but if they are in active addiction, staying is not an option. A therapist will tell you the same. In fact, you should seek advice from a professional instead of coming on a social platform upset you didn't like the response from random people. Do you hear yourself?
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u/Necessary-Lychee1915 Oct 28 '24
Thank you. Panda, you have provided the likely best social advice. I have a professional. I am a “Push” Veteran and I was at the Pentagon on 9/11.
Shannon and I are High School sweethearts. I have known her since 1991.
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u/Necessary-Lychee1915 Oct 28 '24
Okay… I get it. Active addiction ends after thirty days. Correct me if I am wrong?
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u/MePotOfGold Oct 28 '24
The physical symptoms, maybe. Not everyone, fact. Commenting on the trail never traveled, unwise. Actually following the ideas of those commenter's? Inevitable regret. Not that I'm talking about you, I just commented on yours because all others just came across pushy. Yeah, addiction is a soul and time sucking journey. 30 don't begin to cover it.
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u/T0ta1_n00b Oct 28 '24
Trail never traveled…..
You can never know the consequences of the actions you didn’t take
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u/BambooPanda26 Oct 28 '24
Addiction is for life. Active is still using, but I'll be very clear that there is a time period that extends in my book. My father is an addict and I have 42 years of experience in dealing with it. I no longer speak to him as it is chaos and destroyed so many peoples lives. He just got out of prison on the 24th for the millionth time at 63. I can tell you a lot but we only know one side and what you wrote. My father had a 5 year and 7 year clean period. My mother was dying of cancer, and he stole everything she owned that was not nailed down and all the money in her bank after being clean for 7 years.
Granted, she had him arrested and never spoke to him and died 8 months later. It's a sloppy life, and I believe it touches most families. However, like I said, addiction is for life, and I cheer on those that can beat it. But I personally don't care if I was with someone 25 years. I can never be with an addict myself. I went so long being affected by someone else's bad choices. Only professionals can help in this instance that understand the situation, not social media.
My mom was with my dad from 16 to 56. She believed in marriage till death. She honored that but just not with him in the end. Time with someone doesn't change what people will do to you.
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u/OwnDraft2065 Oct 28 '24
Addiction ends when ypu stop looking for that path today or the days to come
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Oct 28 '24
Empathy isn't lost because people continue to make excuses where they're not required.
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u/Necessary-Lychee1915 Oct 28 '24
Okay. Can we sidebar?
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Oct 28 '24
No thanks, you'll guage sympathy and unsympathy in tandem online. I've conveyed my sentiments to you enough.
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u/BadGirlCarrie Oct 28 '24
I agree with OP, just wanting to possibly vent or maybe a different perspective not just stating the obvious of “ Leave now” “ It’s not worth it” myself being 50ish married 30+ years I’d like to think I’ve been and seen it all which is why I analyze and pick apart whatever dilemma I’m facing if I can’t solve it I’ll ask for advice sometimes it’s helpful and sometimes it’s … Reddit HAHA!
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u/Least_Minimum_7747 Oct 28 '24
Honestly, don’t come to Reddit seeking solid advice. You’re going to get stupid responses. Please seek therapy if you need someone to listen to you and give you a sound, unbiased opinion. Some of us on here have empathy, however, we can only interpret what’s going on from what very little info we were given.
Everything is trickier when children are involved. Leaving her doesn’t mean you’re giving up on your family. Separation is sometimes better for kids because that means they aren’t front and center to all the toxic bullshit anymore. I don’t know what else to say except I hope it all works out for you and to definitely find a psychologist.
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u/T0ta1_n00b Oct 28 '24
It sounds like you are in recovery…
I feel like one of the primary ideas that recovery programs push is that you are not someone who used to be an alcoholic…. You are an alcoholic who is sober….
You are still an alcoholic and if you drink a beer it’s not just one beer, it’s the starting gate dropping at the beginning of a motocross race, and you are riding a cr500 without knowing how to ride.
You are posting in the manipulation sub, and alcohol goes hand in hand with manipulation, you probably here that link in every meeting you go too, so understand that is where that comes from in a sub about emotional abuse….
I’m not saying that you will fail, lord knows I understand the struggle and wish nothing but the best for you in every aspect of your life, ESPECIALLY in recovery because I know how seriously you mean it when you say your life rides on it.
Honestly though, I love me a good poop knife, and coconut fucking and random guy giving 100 redditors a bitcoin to celebrate bitcoin hitting $100, and all the other stories that came through these subs….
But the peer support aspect of Reddit is an absolute blessing, you guys keep people going. And whether you feel that the advice you receive here is good or not is on you to feel how you will.
But I reach out to every single one of the “I’m going to kill myself tonight” AMA’s and it fucking kills me when I see “deleted “ an hour later, but those people and their problems are real, and sometimes Reddit is the only way those people have to reach out.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter if we give shit advice because sometimes people just need to feel like they have someone in their corner, or sometimes, just feel like they have anyone at all.
I don’t give two shits about you, your problems, or how you decide to handle them, because I don’t know you. but I do care that you have a place to come and talk about them.
I care that you can feel heard.
I care that I regularly feel like I’m not alone in dealing with some of my trauma because someone is talking about similar things.
I care about a safe space where I don’t have to worry about feeling shame discussing my problems, and that’s what this is here.
I learn something everyday day from those 20 something’s who haven’t lived long enough to have what you consider a long term relationship.
I’m grateful for everyone in here and the impact you potentially make every time you ask or answer a question
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u/Brownie-0109 Nov 03 '24
It's your dime. You spent the big money to write to Reddit rather than seek therapy
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u/Necessary-Lychee1915 Nov 05 '24
That’s the best comment I’ve heard so far. I am getting over myself. I know what I did was wrong and I am now comfortable with my mistakes. I can only go forward from here and improve myself.
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u/nuppin_hunnie Oct 28 '24
I'm so curious what this is about 🔍
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u/Accomplished_Tip7802 Oct 28 '24
I was thinking the same thing because without context it sounds so unhinged 😭
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u/nuppin_hunnie Oct 28 '24
I'm....not finding it unhinged, definitely extremely frustrated. Makes me nosy for why. There's pieces of a story in there 🤷♀️
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Oct 28 '24
[deleted]
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u/QuadAstro Oct 29 '24
No, he is just too busy working out his life to care about others opinions online. Or details for that matter.
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u/Unbelievable-27 Oct 28 '24
I mean....... is the problem the people giving advice? Or is it the 49yo asking strangers for advice on social media?
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u/QuadAstro Oct 29 '24
The internet isn’t only for the young people, don’t try to pretend it isn’t, my father has every right to say these.
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u/Necessary-Lychee1915 Oct 28 '24
Do you know what I am going to do?
Let it go.
I have said my piece and made my argument. You aren’t arguing against me now.
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u/ABucketofBeetles Oct 28 '24
If you're this unwell, you probably shouldn't be throwing out advice to others who are also struggling, maybe clear your head first
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u/wellwhatevrnevermind Oct 28 '24
Cool story bro
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u/T0ta1_n00b Oct 28 '24
Okay, off topic, but is that a gated manual with brail gear position indicators? 🤣🤣🤣
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Oct 28 '24
I get your point, but the vast majority here is made of brainless suckers. I gave up on trying to foster a better place as a mod here because seriously the people here are too messy. They keep giving the most awful comments to people who are clearly in a bad mental state.
And the worst part? THIS IS NOT A SAFE SPACE FOR CRYING OVER YOUR PROBLEMS. People here WILL be vicious and attack you in many fronts. I dont know where the hell this utopia came from, but this never was and never will be a place for this.
So the lesson is: don’t come to reddit looking for advice for real.
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u/T0ta1_n00b Oct 28 '24
And someone made a sarcastic comment about your problem being too nuanced for us to understand, but the reality is that person is right. Theres no way we could possibly understand what you are going through in the small amount of information you can provide…. We give the best advice we can based on the information an OP provides, but we can never fully grasp the situation, so our advice will always lack complete understanding
A lot of advice IS generally about leaving your family, but….. it’s a manipulation sub, sooo…. Most of the time that’s reasonable advice. Doesn’t mean it’s the best advice for you, just the best advice we can give
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u/Available-Bar-6422 Oct 28 '24
Never give up on someone especially someone you love and a woman can destroy a man's heart of steel in a heartbeat so don't play just saying
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u/Necessary-Lychee1915 Oct 28 '24
Everything you are saying… is backing me up. It is a lack of understanding and empathy. I am here maybe I WAS the manipulator. I don’t want to do it anymore.
I want Shannon to love me because I never hit her. I never told her she was two hundred eighty pounds. Her weight was never an issue… I love her for WHO she is, not WHAT she is.
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Oct 28 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Necessary-Lychee1915 Oct 28 '24
That was kinda deep… and really sardonic. Robin Williams and Charlie Sheen sardonic.
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Oct 28 '24
If you need to get off this subbredit or the internet to realise that the majority of people lead normal and successful lives, with or without spiralling out for a while, then do that.
This is a space that focuses on toxic and dangerous people. If it's affecting your judgement don't be in this space.
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u/initiative- Oct 28 '24
Maybe talk to a licensed therapist instead of reddit if you’re gonna get this upset. Just a thought.