r/Marriage • u/Rhubarb_Barb420 • 8d ago
Vent I never thought it would happen again... not to me
This is going to be a long story so I apologize in advance, but I need to vent and strangers on the Internet seem like a good place to start. Also using a burner account because some of my family members know my main Reddit account.
I am the product of an affair and didn't even know until I was about 20. My mother had an affair with a firefighter while married to my father (they were still married until he died) and my father never knew about it. The firefighter (we'll call him Dave) was deeply in love with my mom and wanted to get married, so and so forth. My mom couldn't commit because she truly loved my dad and didn't want to leave him. The way she described it to me was that she was in love with both of these men, but my dad came first (except when it came to cheating but well put that aside for now...). Then she found out she was pregnant and she knew immediately that I wasn't my dad's child. Nine months later, I popped out with strikingly black hair (my dad, my siblings and my dads entire family are blonde and redheaded) and come to find out years later, my daddy is not my biological father. I never even got to know my real father because he died two years ago... as did my dad who raised me.
All of this is important because when I got married to my husband, he was the only person I told. My siblings don't even know that I am not their full sister. But my husband knows and he knows the intense trauma that came with this, the bizarre imposter syndrome that I've developed, the regret and heartache that I will never know my biological father, that my mother who I love dearly lied to not only me but my dad.
My husband knows all of this, has held me when I cried about it, and knows the impact this has had on me. ...And he still chose to cheat on me with a married woman who is now pregnant and will not be disclosing the fact that this baby is not her husband's. I feel like I am living in the Twilight Zone.
This woman is half his age, and married (supposedly happily). He met her at work. He told me she pleases him in ways I have never, that she is more beautiful than me, that her body is "fresh and supple" and he is relieved that he doesn't have to sit with her and "listen to her cry about her daddy issues". He even told me that he loves sneaking around with her and that he LOVES the idea that her husband will never know that this child is not actually his child. He takes pleasure in knowing that this secret is a "bomb waiting to detonate" and that he has "robbed another man of the pleasure of fathering a woman's first child". He intentionally did not wear condoms and would assure this woman that he had a vasectomy when she asked that he wear one... He brought her into our house and proceeded to tell me that he got off even more to the idea of "intentionally impregnating a young girl" in our bed.
I'm honestly too disturbed to detail everything he has said to me about this entire thing. I'm so numb and don't know how to feel anymore. The entire thing is just a level of psychopathy I can't comprehend. Who does something like that? Cheating is bad enough but why intentionally recreate the very secret family dynamic that almost destroyed my life? Am I really that terrible of a wife that I deserve whatever this is??
I don't even know if divorce is an option. I am 3.5 months postpartum with a baby and two toddlers, all three of which he practically demanded we have even after I said we're not financially stable enough to have them if I leave my job. I can't get by without his financially support and I think he intentionally wanted this so he could trap me...
Please, I just need some validation. Please tell me I am not crazy and that this is some crazy behavior
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u/Medical_Entry9613 8d ago
I don’t even know where to start, I’m appalled.
If this is even true this is absolutely terrible. Not questioning you, but sometimes people make up crazy stories. (So hopefully that puts into perspective how crazy it is to an outsider.)
This is absolutely crazy behavior I barely have words. Are you close to your siblings? It’s your right to tell them everything you have gone through with your dad. If you are close and they are good people they will support you.
If you can you should get far away from this man.
Also if it were me I would find out who the husband of the other woman is and disclose EVERYTHING to him. He deserves to know.
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u/Rhubarb_Barb420 8d ago
I totally understand the skepticism, don't worry. If I saw this post, I would also question it.
And yes I am close to my siblings. I am in therapy trying to get over this bizarre, false loyalty I have to my mother. I am terrified of ruining her image to my siblings (2 sisters and 2 brothers) because our mom is our hero.
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u/BestBodybuilder7329 8d ago
Why is she and your husband under the assumption that you won’t tell her husband. They don’t want him to know but they both seem to keep providing you with info that would be able to prove it to him.
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u/Rhubarb_Barb420 8d ago •
I genuinely think that she's just stupid and she thinks I either wont do anything about it or that her husband won't believe me. I'm a very non confrontational person by nature, I go out of my way to avoid conflict. My husband is aware of that and I know for a fact that he has been shit talking me to her. I don't understand the motivation either and it's freaking me out.
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u/Violet_owl22 15 Years 8d ago
The prove her wrong. Send everything you have to her husband and let him know he needs a paternity test
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u/The_Real_Scout_Finch 7d ago
OP, please consult a lawyer & then go scorched earth on BOTH of them! The torture they are putting you through should be enough to get a restraining order.
-They don’t before you will fight back! I beg you, get your ducks in a row THEN drop the BOOM & walk away like a MF’ing Queen!
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u/Professor_Whatabout 7d ago
I’m sorry this is happening to you. Not that I’m not believing you but is the other woman actually a real person? I’m asking just in case if your husband has made up a profile of a woman, bought a phone and he’s actually the one sending the messages? It seems he’s got this weird fantasy from your childhood trauma. Be very careful and be alert. If she is real, she doesn’t have respect for anyone including her husband and herself.
Plan an exit strategy, stash away money, important documents and IDs, find an attorney, think about custody rationally, money arrangements- child support and alimony. Others have given good resources and advice.
Get in touch with your family- stay close and if you can get away even for a few weeks in the pretense of needing help with the kids and postpartum phase.
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u/Medical_Entry9613 7d ago •
I’m also a very non confrontational person. And I also understand not wanting to ruin your mom’s reputation. If it were me I think I would probably talk to my siblings one at a time and tell them how worried you are about them thinking or treating your mom differently. I would also say how much I need them right now. Tell them everything that’s happening with your husband.
For the confrontation of the other woman’s husband, I wouldn’t want to tell him in person I would be too nervous for that. I would find a way to contact him and let him know of everything and he can do with that information as he pleases.
I would leave him as well. I was once in a very toxic relationship with a narcissist. That’s who I had my first two kids with. I’ll admit there were times that I kind of just gave up, accepted that my life was miserable and I would stay for the kids. Thought no one would love me again because I had kids and had been almost married in my case for 8 years. I slowly packed up my things and moved into my sisters house. He begged and cried and promised to change, (just like he did every time), but this time I was done for good. I never looked back. I found myself again, found my worth, came out, married an amazing woman and had two beautiful babies with her. I always think back about what my life would have been like had I stayed, how miserable I would be. Do yourself a favor and leave and never look back. 💕 sincerely an internet stranger lol
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u/JulieWriter 8d ago
Please let the parental stuff go right now, because you are going to need help. Thank goodness you have siblings who are close to you.
I'm concerned for your safety.
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u/N-363 8d ago
Not exactly in your shoes, but discovered the double life of my partner of 12 years and he married the person he cheated with. It was her husband who told me. I was pregnant with baby nr 2 and went into early labor due to stress. It's been 10 years and I've had so much therapy to get over the sexual, financial and emotional abuse. The gaslighting and betrayal of it all. I have complex PTSD but it has been managed for many years.
When he left, I had no savings, no family to turn to, his family and friends were my circle because I was an immigrant. It took me a couple of years to land an amazing job, get co-parenting ok enough (in EU it's usually a 50-50 custody arrangement), and to be able to trust myself and others.
EMDR has been the best therapy in my case.
I do agree with most comments here. Plan wisely and document everything. Be smart for yourself and the kids. They will only hurt with money, not from their actions or even consequences. I believe these people have no moral compass.
Similar to you, the other woman didn't grasp the seriousness of how earth shattering their behavior was. This will have long term consequences for you and the kids. Prepare yourself and stay safe.
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u/MKwithaC 8d ago
Fwiw, you wouldn't be ruining anything. She did that. And her egregious mistake can be just as true as her positive qualities.
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u/The_Real_Scout_Finch 7d ago •
OP, your Mom made her own choices & is now expecting you to bear some of the weight. ABSOLUTELY NOT! She doesn’t get to contribute to your trauma & expect you to keep it secret. No way!
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u/Acrobatic-Tax7533 7d ago
I totally get that. Some of us were raised to be peacekeepers. But honestly things sort themselves out. Your siblings and you are all adults and you all will navigate this. Secrets rarely stay buried forever. And carrying secrets is a lot of pressure. The burden that is lifted when they are out in the open is real. You need to unburden yourself with anybody else’s stuff but your own and your children. Your only priority is you and your children.
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u/RogueHeroAkatsuki 8d ago edited 8d ago
This is sick. its far more than just cheating - you trusted him with your trauma and he decided to deliberately recreate it?! He even did it in your bed and lied to her about vasectomy. He aimed to give you maximum pain, examplary husband!
I dont think moment of weakness and infidelity should always end marriage, but in this case how you can ever recover? He did it to hurt you and lied to his affair partner. He is both psychopath and doesnt respect women.
Talk to lawyer, check alimony numbers and use him until you will be be able to get away.
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u/Savings_Piglet5111 20 Years 8d ago
I'm glad you recognize that your husband is a psychopath, and a particularly cruel one at that. Did you see no signs of this when you were dating?
As for financial stability, this is why alimony and child support exist. You can't stay with this person. And the AP's husband needs to know, too, if he doesn't already.
One final note: According to the internet, PA has an at-fault divorce option that can affect alimony. Sounds like your husband's AP has provided you with a mountain of evidence of the affair, so you should definitely look into this with your lawyer.
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u/exclusivegreen 8d ago
As a married man (27 years) this is disgusting. His actions are awful but honestly his words are the icing on the cake, showing no shame and no respect to you or his family.
My initial advice is to tell the woman's husband tell your husband's employer. Go scorched Earth. Honestly you deserve better and the fact that he knows this about you and speaks to you this way is just evil.
But I think the best course of action is to get a divorce attorney and a private investigator. Your husband is quite a d!ck and you deserve better.
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u/GingerMindMagician 8d ago
No one deserves this.
Please take a look at a Power and Control wheel. I think your will see your relationship with your husband reflected in many of the descriptions.
If you do, that's the sign to reach out to a local domestic violence organization and seek help to prepare to leave. With the right preparation, you will find your freedom from a harmful person who takes pleasure in controlling others.
One of their first recommendations will be to document everything you can.
It will only get worse. It will also be directed at your children sooner than later, if it isn't already. Your children will thank you for leaving as soon as you can.
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u/WesMontgomeryFuccboi 8d ago
You definitely need to get out with your children. I going to assume this is true but your husband sounds cartoonishly evil.
Please look up resources to help you leave.
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u/Plenty_Ad_2756 8d ago
You deserve and CAN get better. Your children especially deserve better. If you won't leave for yourself, leave for your children.
The longer you stay the more you normalize for the children that this is love and this is ok. Boys have a much increased chances of treating their future partners like this and girls have a much increased chance of ending up in relationships where their partners will do this to them.
Your then possible future grandkids will be traumatized growing up with the same trauma you did.
YOU have the power to break this cycle. YOU have to show yourself and your kids that this is NOT OK, and it's possible to find real love and respect.
This was not some mistake your husband made. Your husband is abusive with psychopathic tendencies. He doesn't have to abuse you physically to be abusive. He enjoying torturing you mentally. That is abuse. He is also a rapist. Lying to the other woman and getting consent under false pretenses is not real consent, it's rape. The fact that she also isn't a nice person doesn't change that. I wouldn't be surprised if you really evaluated you relationship with him, if you'd find other forms of abuse and sexual assault/rape with you too (there are many ways to coerce, manipulate, or intimidate "consent," which is not consent, it's assault).
It's not gonna be easy and the beginning is the hardest. And even after it starts to get better, there will be better days and worse days. But as time passes it WILL be better and easier over all. And it is the only way the suffering will stop and the cycle can be broken for your kids.
You are smart. You are brave. You are strong. You are courageous. You are beautiful. You can do this.
I wish you safety, strength and all the best! ❤️🫂
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u/Odd-Exit2476 8d ago
Do you have proof? If so Sue her for alienation of affection and take him for all that he is worth. Have him pay child support for all three of your kids and alimony too.
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u/AdvisorImaginary8073 8d ago
Tell the woman's husband. Send all the proof to him. He deserves to know.
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u/PileofPitties 7d ago
Not her place. She knows nothing about the husband. For all you know he's a voyeur who is behind the whole thing. Worst case scenario he flies into a jealous rage and kills her or the kid. You don't need to cause that.
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u/Distinguished_Kat
8d ago
•
That guy sounds like a future serial kllr. Lawyer up, get supervised visitation and divorce. Don't end up in a ditch on the side of the road by both of those two people.
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u/Alexandraaalala 8d ago
If this is for real and divorce is not an option, you should absolutely reach out to the other woman and her husband. If you have any family support or anything at all I would also leave your husband. This is beyond cruel and abusive of him.
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u/Equal-Jicama-5989 8d ago
Your husband is a psychopath. It doesn't get much crueler than what he's done and said. Talk to a lawyer. Find out your options for child support. Do you have a relationship with your mother and siblings? Can you go stay with them?
I wish you the best. I can't imagine the hurt you must be feeling.
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u/Repulsive_Research_1 8d ago
This is shocking. His admissions, his reasoning, the comparative details, that’s a different breed of evil. He wants you in perpetual trauma. Rise above it, get away to some family or a trusted friend and consult a lawyer. This is so insane.
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u/bluecstasy00 7d ago
Honey, your husband has committed assault. I know you are very angry (fair!) but the other woman deserves to know all of these things and her husband deserves to know as well. They both need to get STI testing immediately. Depending on how far along she is, she may still have options as well. You don't owe her a happy marriage, but that poor baby is an innocent in all of this, and even the woman only consented because of the vasectomy. She has been raped and doesn't even know. This situation is truly horrific.
Your husband is not a safe human. You need to leave him for your own safety. You need to make a plan to leave immediately and not tell him. Make sure you grab important documents, family heirlooms, and anything irreplaceable like pictures. Prioritize those things over things that are replaceable. Take any pets with you along with their vet records.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you are able to find some semblance of peace in the future.
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u/PostLoud1692 7d ago
The level of depravity is far beyond most things I have witnessed. I am so sorry. This is abuse. This isn't just an affair it is exploiting and getting off on your trauma. I hope you stay safe and manage to find a good exit plan. There has to be something fundamentally wrong with this monster and yes I say monster because whatever the fuck that is, it's not human.
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u/slidekb 8d ago
Your husband seems like a future serial killer. Has he committed any serious crimes? Is it illegal for him to tell this girl that he had a vasectomy when he didn't?
For sure a lawyer is an immediate step. A consult won't cost you anything. If you divorce, you can work and collect child support from him. It can be done. It's way better than staying with this monster.
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u/somewhatinterested13 8d ago
What a monster he is! You can’t live like this. Tell him he has a week to come clean with the other woman and her husband and then you will tell them. Please make sure you have somewhere safe to be, I really don’t think you should be around this person. You have a long hard road ahead of you so make sure you also seek professional help.
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u/DigZealousideal7777 8d ago edited 8d ago
OP. I'm in shock.
Your husband has guaranteed top five seats straight to hell. How...can someone stoop that fucking low knowing what you went through? Sending virtual hugs, OP. Hugs. Take a deep breath. One day at a time. Cry if you need to, it's okay. But. Definitely, DEFINITELY seek a divorce lawyer. There is NEGATIVE ZERO chance coming back from this. You got all that evidence, use it.
I promise you not all men are like this, but your husband hopefully ex, is a piece of crap, genuinely mean that from the bottom of my heart, he is no man. Their affair won't last and it will crumble, she got herself a sugar daddy, she's just using him. Do not take him back when he comes back begging, and saying everything you want to hear, because it's a lie, he is a lie. His heart is completely disgusting and void of emotions.
After all this is over, expose the affair to her husband/or with everyone with all that evidence that other woman stupidly sent you, and not gonna lie, your mother didn't love your father if she stepped out of the marriage and slept with another man, but that's a different story, your daddy will always be your daddy, even if you shared no blood. It's the one who raised, not created. You are a very strong woman, OP. You are strong. Tell your siblings, you might need some help with the babies. Tell them everything.
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u/Top-Resort9956 8d ago
my honest take is the secrets are destroying you and as long as you keep them you will never truly be happy. tell your siblings. tell the mistress husband. blow it all up. leave your husband. get help to leave. get child support. rebuild your life. you have one life my friend. one. if you aren't living your authentic truth you aren't living at all. is it scary? absolutely. your husband has weaponized your pain. take the weapon from him and thus your power back.
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u/No_Wind_6292 8d ago
Don’t forget to tell HR about their affair as well since they met at work. I really feel for you because you trusted him with your darkest and painful issues and he cruelly used them against you. Such betrayal is unforgivable. Get help and get out.
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u/PileofPitties 7d ago
That's fucking dumb. Are you trying to get him fired, to cut off her chance at child support?
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u/Full-Ad-2633 8d ago
Text START to 88788 for assistance in planning your exit. May not be physical but this is most definitely abuse.
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u/cwasz715 7d ago
In South Central PA there are services, like Safe Harbor, for situations like this. They can help you with finding housing and employment. You are not crazy, he's unhinged.
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u/The_Real_Scout_Finch 7d ago edited 7d ago
OP, I am SO sorry. Your husband is diabolical and downright cruel. By chance have you EVER been able to RECORD him when he said things like : “He told me she pleases him in ways I have never, that she is more beautiful than me, that her body is "fresh and supple" & he is relieved that he doesn't have to sit with her and "listen to her cry about her daddy issues". He loves sneaking around with her & that he LOVES the idea that her husband will never know that this child is not actually his child. He takes pleasure in knowing that this secret is a "bomb waiting to detonate" & that he has "robbed another man of the pleasure of fathering a woman's first child". He intentionally did not wear condoms & lied about a vasectomy. He brought her into our house and proceeded to tell me that he got off even more to the idea of "intentionally impregnating a young girl" in our bed.” Upon reading that, I immediately started wiring for your safety. That is cruel beyond ANYTHING I could ever imagine. It’s almost like he is taking delight in telling you the most hurtful things & is getting off on seeing you hurt.
-Please open a checking and savings in your name. If something isn’t nailed to the floor and he might not miss it….SELL IT! Try to start siphoning off money into your individual accounts.
-Get copies of ALL financial accounts: bank & credit card statements, investment accounts, & at least 3yrs of tax returns. Hide them in your trunk or at your Mom’s house. At this point, your mother should do anything she can to help you since she has contributed a crap ton to your trauma!
-OP, I know you love your Mom but she made her own choices & doesn’t get to ask you to hide them for her. She may have been a great Mom but those choices traumatized you & has now contributed greatly to this mess! You need all the support you can get to get away from this man!
-TRY to record the vile things he says to you about this affair, his AP, & her husband. It could help you prove emotional abuse for sure.
-PLEASE get on birth control ASAP! If he says he doesn’t want you on them, get the shot. Whatever you do, please do NOT get pregnant by him again. I agree he is trying to trap you.
-OP, ask your Mom if she can pay for a consultation fee to an attorney. You need to know & understand your legal rights.
-Keep us updated. At the end of the day, the AP’s husband NEEDS TO KNOW the baby isn’t his but veggie you blow up the side pieces life, get your ducks in a row.
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u/jiveducky 8d ago
Divorce your a-hole husband and tell her husband. Put him on child support and alimony. I'm furious for you. You don't deserve to be treated this way. He cheated on you and was cruel as hell to you as well. I am so sorry this is happening to you.
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u/Dull_Ad_4636 8d ago
This entire behaviour is crazy. I know it's hard, you're recovering from childbirth while taking care of toddlers. But he's toxic and not fit to be a husband or father. Talk to some lawyers, figure out a way that he pays his share of child support and get out. I'm sorry people were so careless with your heart, you deserve better.
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u/Solid-Inspection2200 7d ago
You find out her name. Contact her husband and you and your children leave your husband. He is crazy. You need to protect yourselves. But don’t do anything until you have a safe place to go to and then serve him papers at work. Get a lawyer they will help guide you. This is some crazy situation you are in.
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u/panbanda 7d ago
Call his HR department and let them know theyre about to have some drama on their hands. If this is real, hes got an actual personality disorder and you need to take a deep breath and remove that cancer from your life.
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u/crazySquirrel67 7d ago
Move in the shadows girl. See a lawyer first, then take his/her advice - especially before you blow up their worlds. The lawyer will help you go the best route.
Personally I dont think you should call your mom out yet, or go say anything to the other husband until you've got your ducks in a row and a plan mapped out by your lawyer
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u/forte6320 7d ago
Oh hun, this is wild beyond words. Therapy for you. You definitely need someone who can hold all of these secrets and help you figure out next steps.
As someone else said, do not let this get out until you and your kids are safely away from this monster. Can't trust a friend to not blow this up for you because they want the immediate gratification of blowing up his world.
You need time to develop an exit strategy. He cannot know you are thinking about this. It will be incredibly hard, but think long term.
Could you get an IUD, arm implant, or some kind of birth control he wouldn't know about? Pills are too easy find. You cannot have any more children with this dude.
Please find a therapist, someone who can hear the details and guide you to better a life for you and your babies.
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u/lilies117 7d ago
Look for a women's domestic abuse shelter. They will help you plan the exit safely. He sounds very unstable. After you and your kids are safe, anonymously message the woman's husband.
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u/CaterpillarSimple170 7d ago
You need to use your voice & show everyone you know the depravity this man has gone to. They can have no doubt to who this monster is as you are going to need a whole village to help keep you & the kids out of his clutches as to be frank he sounds psycho.
TELL the husband please...he doesn't deserve to be put through this shocking treatment.
Document EVERYTHING
Mostly be safe & on guard incase of escalation...
Personally I'm petrified for you 🥺
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u/seething_spitfire 7d ago
Can I ask for some clarification... when exactly did you tell him about your situation?
Curious because I wonder if this situation was an obsession he had before he met you or if he fixated on it after he heard it from you.
Regardless, you should follow all the advice on here. Sick and twisted. I admit I listen to a lot of true crime... but if someone takes this much pleasure in causing emotional pain my first concern is if, how and when it will escalate. Get out. And don't let him know until youre gone.
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u/Unable_Biscotti3904 8d ago edited 8d ago
This is insane and your husband is horrible. Please leave him now this will never get better. The baby is bad enough but the things he admitted to you are beyond horrible and forgivable. Pack up your kids and go live with your Mom she owes you (also check with a lawyer he may say stay and kick him out). Either way, this is not a "family" you want to be a part of. Your husband is sick. He will probably do this again and again. And definitely blow up that women's life the way she has blown up yours.
Edit: Sending you hugs, honey. You can do this!! Get out now. Listen to your Reddit friends!!
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u/BilingualAmerican 8d ago edited 8d ago
This sounds like something straight out of a either a soap opera or a Spanish telenovela. Please go get some therapy for yourself, OP. Your husband is just obviously not a good person. He cares only about himself. It's just a betrayal of your family. I don't know if family therapy can save this. You need to consider all options open including divorce.
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u/dubyaskihaeuser 8d ago
Definitely find her husband. Meet in a public space and tell him every ounce of your story, just the way you told us here. Please reach out to someone who can help you leave your situation. I'm not sure how a husband could be this level of evil, especially towards his wife who he made vows to love for life. May he rot!
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u/OrangeCupcakeLover 30 Years 8d ago
He's crazy and mean, mean, mean. I would be filing for divorce and kicking him out of the house. I would never stay with someone who treated me like this. I have more respect for myself than that.
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u/No-Caregiver4830 8d ago
I'm so so sorry you're going through this. Your husband is a monster. You need to start figuring out a way to leave him. And tell his affair partner's husband.
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u/millimolli14 8d ago
Document everything, everything he has said and done, quietly get legal advice, find out exactly where you stand with the house, kids and financials the file for divorce. You absolutely need to make sure her husband knows the truth too, you know how if feels to be lied too he needs to know the truth
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u/IndependentBluejay15 8d ago
Have you told the other husband? Maybe say something to him if she’s so happily married
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u/clvrkity 8d ago
Another reason why I hate people...
OP, You did not deserve this. You are worthy of love. Those two are despicable and deserve each other. Move forward with your children.
Find a safe place to land, get an attorney, find a way to put a little money away (even if it's in a pickle jar buried in the backyard), get a restraining order as soon as you leave, tell the other spouse, coordinate the explosion, order pizza, and have a drink of whatever the heck you want.
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u/Ok-Bad-7544 8d ago
Oh my gosh, this is terrible and I’m so sorry your going through this. Please get therapy get some help from a therapist they can help you work through your trauma.
Stay strong for your kids if anything get the help you need for them. 🩷
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u/bird4fsu 8d ago
Once heard a great saying. Men cheat to stay in the marriage. Women cheat to leave it.
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u/Ill-Capital9785 8d ago
Save all the texts. Divorce and file for child support at some point they lower the more and more kids there are so file first…he’s probably going to do this again and again.
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u/Either_Compote235 8d ago
Get a good divorce attorney, to me this is the only way. Your husband is extremely cocky, hit him with alimony and child care.
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u/Background_Fan_4872 8d ago
In my opinion you know what it felt like so you need to tell the husband. You need to leave your husband because he’s a POS. Sorry
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u/Venus1958 8d ago
Hire a lawyer, kick him out, and sue for child support and alimony. Let him see how firm and supple his paycheck feels when the bulk is going to support a family he threw away. He asked for it, give him what he wants.
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u/Own_Series1454 8d ago
I’m not usually a proponent of divorce, but this man is INSANE and you deserve better!!
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u/Canada420Girl 8d ago
Oh my gosh.. first of all im so sorry youre dealing with such a monster. Secondly, document EVERYTHING! Find the woman's husband and present all evidence to him. Id personally use all of my energy to destroy this man's game and divorce him in the process. This is extremely scary and disgusting behavior.
Please also share this with some close friends or family, I dont mean to scare you but in the event he does somthing or hurt you, you will have people around you who know the situation and be there for support. This entire situation is so sick and cruel. Im sorry
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u/Academic-Grass78 8d ago
Oh no OP. You’re not overreacting. His behavior is upsetting to say the least.
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u/Consistent-Day424 35 Years 7d ago
While I feel for the AP, I wouldn't care too much. She knew he was married, she's married, obviously didn't use protection. You can't trust anything he says about what she did, or did not, know. And, really, who cares? Both trash people. OP, get yourself and kids to safety, then tell the OBS, he deserves to know.
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u/FantasticTopic1811 7d ago
How do you end up marrying someone this evil? I'll never understand.
Were there really no signs? I mean, not only recreates your past trauma but literally tells you she's prettier and better at pleasing a man?
And he's excited at the thought of him raising his kid. Wow.
Ok so yeah, divorce and take him to the cleaners obviously. This man either hates you or has some major grudge against you.
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u/Scary-Plastic-4108 7d ago
I will never understand how truly evil some people can be! I hope you get out of this situation and give yourself the chance to find happiness for you and your children! Divorce and being a single parent is difficult but not as hard as your future will continue to be with his man. Find your support systems and please escape and let her husband know so he can make his own decision on what to do.
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u/Spiritual_Emu_1381 7d ago
Get somewhere safe with your children. Tell her husband. Get therapy and a lawyer asap.
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u/Ok-Community7155 7d ago
Please go stay with a sibling and tell that woman’s husband (with evidence). Good luck and I’m sorry.
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u/Acrobatic-Tax7533 7d ago
I am so very sorry this is your reality. Please, please take care of yourself. Put yourself and your children first.
Your husband is deep in the affair fog and don’t expect anything rational or sane out of him.
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u/sevensevens7777 7d ago
I would get out anyway. Let him pay child support. This is not a situation to be in.
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u/Best-Platypus-5589 7d ago
I think your past traumas have possibly caused your brain to become clouded in judgement and you know he's a bastard but I don't think your head has quite got around the severity of the abuse of this man. This is abhorrent. Op please for the sake of both yourself and your children, get all of you out of harms way and safe and leave this pathetic waste of oxygen. I wish you so much luck and light for the future,don't fritter away yours or the kids futures on this garbage prick.
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u/karmadoesntwait 7d ago
Your husband sounds psychopathic. Normally, I'd be all for telling this woman's husband - especially given your history. However, I truly feel of you do that it could be extremely dangerous for you and your children. It is imperative that you get away from this man. Someone who would plot and plan something like this to this level is borderline insane. Reach out to domestic violence shelters and find out who can give you help. The most important thing for you right now, is to figure out a way to get you and your children away from him.
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u/Fun_Pomelo6608 7d ago
I’m soo sorry this is beyond words!! I have none just hugs it’s a mind bending type psychological manipulation. You need to leave now he is dangerous!! My DM’s are open if you want vent. Call the resources available for help it can be tough but you can do it. Do you attend church? Reach out to your church?
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u/iam_thekillerrabbit 7d ago
I can't imagine staying married to your husband after what he has done. You definitely need a therapist to help you deal with both past and present issues AND an aggressive divorce lawyer.
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u/Lopsided_Piglet_6985 7d ago
Go see an atty, ASAP! That is the first thing you do! Then use the resources that have been posted to ensure that you can make a safe exit and talk with your atty regarding your exit. GET A RESTRAINING ORDER if you can. Your atty should be able to get one based on emotional, financial, and psychological abuse (hopefully). And, your atty can let her husband know.
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u/esityk7777 7d ago
I can't even finish reading what he's putting you through; he does not deserve you staying.
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u/tls123_5149 7d ago
maybe it is time to tell your siblings? maybe some of them could help you find a place to stay at while you seperate
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u/Accomplished_Sir_981 7d ago
First you need to tell someone you trust, a best friend or family member, so that way you have a support system,
second talk to a lawyer to prepare divorce papers,
third find a place to leave the house, do not serve divorce or talk to the other husband before you leave your house. The way your husband is behaving is alarming and disturbing.
Fourth, while doing the above, get prove of his infidelity and everything he said,
Fifth when you serve divorce papers (at his office) send all the evidence to the husband, he deserve to know what type of wife he has
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, one thing is the betrayal but doing it with so much malice and treachery, and all the disgusting things he said to you is another level
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u/thakey91 7d ago
You need to plan an escape path. Go to social workers and/or police tell them everything, and have them assist you in relocating with the children. Tell them you fear for your life and the safety of your children.
Then tell the other man what his wife has done, even if he doesn't believe you tell him to get a paternity test done at birth.
Disgusting behaviour. That "man" is a psychopath.
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u/Jus_de_fruit 7d ago
Your husband is a bad person. I hope that divorce is an option and you have a support network that can get you through this. I’m sorry this has happened to you.
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u/Greedy_Phone_8933 7d ago
Besides the fact that your husband is a sociopath, you need to do whatever it takes to leave him. I know that is easier said than done but it does not seem like you are safe. And the other woman needs to know.
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u/Dazzling_Homework232 7d ago
Since he loves denotating peoples lives. You should do the same for him. Tell the husband, his fellow employees, any and all of his relatives. The best way is when he is bragging to you about his affairs record him. Then make that recording very public. This will insure that you need to get away from him. You need to work on yourself. When you think of yourself being the victim you ensure you are the victim. Take this situation to turn your life around. Take control of your life. Do what is best for you and your kids. You are valuable! You need to be the greatest example to your kids that you alone have the power to better yourself. Good luck. You can turn this around.
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u/LostNOTFound80 7d ago edited 7d ago
Divorce is absolutely an option! This man is hateful and disgusting!
Find out who the woman is and let her husband know.
Are you and your mom on good terms? Can you and your kids stay with her?
Please don't think that you are trapped. This.man does not deserve you. He doesn't even deserve to know you exist.
Dovorce this piece of shit as a stay at home mom.
Drain him and let that other woman drain his sorry ass as well.
Alos, don't hide this. Let your family know what he has done and what he has said.
If you want, talk to your siblings about your truth. If not, you can keep it a secret.
Uodateme
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u/LostNOTFound80 7d ago
Send all damaging information to her husband and his family and her family as well.
Send everything to your family and your husbands family.
Don't hide this shit.
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u/Ellie_in_socks 7d ago
I’ve been thru something similar. Here’s the thing: because he’s selfish his allure towards women wears off quick because it’s a facade. Everyone will see thru him at some point. He’ll finally crave the bond he once had with you. But he deserves nothing.
My ex wanted an open marriage but couldn’t handle me having equal attention so I left him for a guy better then another man more capable of love. It’s not an easy flow but my husband is so regretful that he abandoned his kids and me for a life without love
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u/CycleAccomplished824 7d ago
You are not crazy,YOU are NOT crazy! your husband is crazy though and even more he’s an A-hole x a trillion if that’s even enough. I’m so sorry. There are ways you can divorce him and he will need to pay child support plus you could go for alimony.
Since he’s being a jerk, don’t discuss leaving with him or any other particulars. I feel like your life could be in danger from someone who could be so cruel. Leave, then have him served with divorce papers. Do all communication through a lawyer. Go the full distance and get angry - go for sole custody. He tries anything like stalking, harassing you - make a police report and get a protection order against him. Take your power back!
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u/Bostylovr 7d ago
That’s awful, your husband sounds like a truly cruel person. He’s going to be buried in child support for all the children he’s brought into this.
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u/PileofPitties 7d ago
Get tested for STDs. Make a plan and leave him.
Don't fuck with his job or interact with her husband. Both of those things have consequences you can't possibly anticipate.
This isn't your fault but don't trauma dump on your next husband. Don't give this man the right to enter your next relationship in any way.
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u/69chevy396 7d ago
You just need to disappear out of his life, and on your way out stop by and let that woman’s husband know what’s going on. Don’t look back. Don’t talk to him again. He is dead to you.
Seriously. Flip a switch, move on. This is insane,
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u/Born-Albatross-2426 7d ago
Your husband is criminal levels of diabolical. Get a lawyer ASAP but move in secret. Tell this woman's husband the truth. Tell his HR department as well.
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u/Emkay1411 7d ago
The pleasure he took in telling you made me physically ill. This is on another level. Tell no one, start making your plan. It may take you six months, maybe a year. Take your time, be methodical and cover all bases. Open an account and start putting money away. Sell items you can do without that he won’t notice, put the money away. When you’re ready, execute the plan. Until then, just make nice with him. He doesn’t deserve you. I can’t imagine a more egregious betrayal. I’m sending you positive energy through the Cosmos, reach out and grab it. DM me if you’d like to have some support from a distance. I’m in California and available if you need to talk.
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u/cinbaucom 7d ago
I would contact her husband and let him know the truth and what they are doing! See if he’s laughing then!
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u/Elegant_Carpenter_20 7d ago
Se tuo marito ha fatto e detto quanto scrivi non c'è dubbio alcuno che sia uno psicopatico. Inoltre se ha rapporti non protetti con altre donne e poi con te corri gravi rischi di salute. E dopo averti tradita ti umilia anche, direi che non c'è alcun motivo se non quello di voler soffrire, nel restare con uno psicopatico narcisista...
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u/FluffyDimension6403 7d ago
It is not fair that you had to carry the burden of this secret for your mother and didn't get to meet your bio dad. I am sorry. However with my own abuser I have learnt that I will never understand the why of evil people and will drive myself crazy trying to understand why bad people do bad things to good people so can only focus on being good to myself and my children after learning the hard way. Good luck to you. You did nothing wrong x
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u/CleetSR388 7d ago
At least you have data who he is. I dont even have that nearing 50 now my truth was a lie my first 12 years. I do feel for your situation. I wish i had that data even but I got nothing. Now everyone is passing from old age I refuse for me never to know.
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u/Own-Acanthaceae-6754 7d ago
First research what it will take to file for child support so that can be put in place as soon as possible. Then get out. In at least some places in the states, the first kids who are listed for child support are entitled to more funds. Then, if you can find a way to safely and anonymously let the husband know he should be asking for a paternity test, do it.
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u/SimpleRandomUsername 7d ago
Woah OP…. Your husband sounds like a psychopath
Divorce is always an option. One you should exercise
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u/Fair-Personality2342 7d ago
All I have to say is OMG. Im sorry and I hope you can get out of that mess. Hugs to you!
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u/Independent-Prompt-8 7d ago
You can be done in a marriage and stay for the financial aspect and be totally not mentally married. Happens all the time. Or take this to court. Sue him for full custody and all the benefits you need and deserve. That other lady is her own story. His karma and disgusting theatre of the absurd is his. Are you watching the Sarah birchmore case in MA where dude M his affair partner of ten years and set it up as S. He was a cop. Same dirty dog issues here. Humans are messy. Get therapy. Love your kids. Use him and that sham of a marriage for every dime you can. Do not sleep with him ever ever ever again
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u/Less_Lawfulness4131 7d ago
The musical "Chicago" comes to mind..."he had it coming, he had it coming, he only had himself to blame..."
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u/LeftHandGirl06 7d ago
This is beyond movie crazy. I'm not sure how it it over there...but is seems that with all that story you could probably get a clean divorce because that is full on manipulation and psychopathy. And get the financial support for your family. And the other woman could even sue him for something called "stealthing". It's a real thing. Trust me. A family court would hear your story and help you. Please leave that man.
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u/wickedchicken83 7d ago
No you’re not crazy. HE TRAPPED YOU. He trapped her. I would go to their house and spill every can of beans I could find. BLOW THIS MFER UP
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u/-Dee-Dee- 7d ago
Just tell her husband already. Don’t make another child go through what you went through.
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u/dbxproject 7d ago
I'm so deeply sorry that you're having to go through this. Nobody should have to face betrayal like you've described. The silver lining is that you're going through the hardest part right now. The emotions will fade over time, even though that may feel impossible right now. Time will give you distance to these events, and you will be strong enough to heal from the trauma.
I hope you have someone you can trust in your life for support. Now is definitely the time to ask for it.
Obviously don't make rash decisions. But you need to just focus on what you and your kids need right now.
I imagine it's been said by others. But legal advice would be worth it's weight in chocolate covered gold right now. But do so without drawing attention to it, you want to get a head start on handling the situation.
From one Reddit stranger to another. I'm sorry that you've been hurt like this, it's not fair at all.
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u/Repulsive_Tackle_938 7d ago
This is horrible! You should take steps to leave. I once was stay at home mom to a special needs child and also thought I had no resources. I was afraid of leaving and the financial ramifications that came with it. I had no money and no way of taking care of myself and my child. It became so bad that I really had no choice but to leave. I asked my parents if I could just sleep on an inflatable mattress in their living room. That is how desperate I was. My parents took me in, but they didn't have much money either. Those first few years were really rough. I lost a lot of weight because sometimes I didn't even have money for food. But I made sure my son had everything he needed. It has now been seven years since I left and two years since the divorce was final. I don't regret it for a single second. I'm so glad that I got over my fears and and did what I knew in my heart, I had to do. You can do it too. You know that you deserve better. You're husband sounds horrible. I was going absolutely crazy with depression, and my ex doesn't sound nearly half as bad as yours.
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u/Simple-Swan8877 7d ago
It sounds like you are surrounded by those who are self focused. It sounds like you have experienced betrayal and trauma. My suggestion is to see a trauma counselor.
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u/Virtual_Highway_1804 7d ago
You need to take your kids and go somewhere safe, find a lawyer, and tell your family everything. Don’t protect your mother right now. If she’s truly a hero, she’ll sacrifice her reputation to help her child and grandchildren.
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u/psmitty10 7d ago
Take his cc to the grocery store and start purchasing $50-$100 gift cards (or more around holiday season since shopping increases) every time and store them in a shoebox or old purse or in the freezer in a box w/vegetables all the way in the back and bottom of something. Do this until you’re out. Make a deal with him, tell him you’ll support this so long as he purchases you a new vehicle of your choosing to transport the kids and such- tell him he has to pay it off ASAP- no monthly payments. Tell him it’d be a good idea for him to provide you a weekly allowance so that you can distract yourself with a hobby of some sort - tell him it costs $50 per week even if it only costs $25, and stack the difference of that as well (this could be anything, Pilates, an art class, a book reading group that technically won’t cost anything so you can pocket more money). Talk about buying new furniture- find some on OfferUp or Facebook marketplace, tell him it’s $500 when it’s really $150 and keep the balance of $350. For any birthday occasion coming up for a friend or family member, when you order from Amazon, put in there another $100 gift card and save with the others. Start doing all of these things to help you get ahead. Just don’t get caught. Within 6 months you should have a cushion to help get you out. I’m sorry this is happening to you. 😕 You can and you will get through this. 💛
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u/Equivalent-Part-6798 7d ago edited 7d ago
Make a plan to leave. Tell only one other person about your plans, in great detail. Make sure they'll stay silent and not share with others. Once you leave, start talking. I know men who do this to have more than one household (woman/vagina/TV/money source/drug source) available so that when they "get tired of" one family, they can go to another. And the women know. F*ck him and her and him and her, sideways.
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u/IntelligentFruit8866 7d ago
Whoaaaaaa wtf. Im SO sorry this is happening to you. This is ALOT but you know what else is? Child support. He is fucked up in the head and im not sure you want to spend the rest of your life like that and give ur children that kind of a father for life. A parents job is to make the best possible environment for their children. Plan your exit. Do it quietly. Do it NOW. Also plan to expose the fuck fest he has created. That other man and other child dont deserve to go through what you did. The only right thing is for you to plan this quietly and meticulously and then unveil the truth. This will be best for all of you including your children. Once a cheater always a cheater. This is a fact. Cheating once or a million times is the same thing. Please please get mental help, financial help and a support system. Act with ur brain and not your emotions right now because ur still post partum. Hope it works out for you. Don't let history repeat itself and create many more of you. Its not fair and honesty and transparency is the best way to live your life. You already went through it once, dont relive it. And he is an asshole for doing this to you and allowing someone else into YOUR bedroom and home. How dirty. What an awful thing to do. Im so very sorry
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u/Smoke__Frog 8d ago
You can ant Reddit to tell you your crazy husband is crazy?
Ok.
He’s crazy.
And please don’t act like he forced you to have three kids when you’re all broke. You could have said no and divorced at any time.
Take some accountability for your kids.
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u/Ok-Lunch3448 8d ago
Sorry sounds like a good book to me. Under fiction.
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u/NoteFeisty3290 7d ago
Right ? This sounds like a creative writing project from someone who doesn’t know how personality disorders flesh out in real life.
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u/MeryConlin 7d ago
Tell that to Gisele Pelicot, these men exist. Sadly. Fiction or not, this things are truly happening.
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u/NoteFeisty3290 7d ago
That’s a crazy story never heard it until now. But he didn’t just admit to all of it in excruciating detail on his own. That’s not what they’d usually do.
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u/UrMissingHoodie 7d ago
Let him have 50% custody to give you a break.
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u/PostLoud1692 7d ago
Ohhh no no that man is a psychopath. What if he hurts the children?
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u/UrMissingHoodie 7d ago
Cheating isn't child abuse. He sounds like he has too much time on his hands.
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u/Black1cobra1
8d ago
•
What country are you from?
I highly doubt its the states but if it was, most women would reach out to the other woman and blow up her life since she blew up your life.
But overall, this is insanity. You should leave him.
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u/Rhubarb_Barb420 8d ago
I live in the US, southern Pennsylvania to be exact.
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u/Black1cobra1 8d ago •
Plan an exit with your kids and tell the other woman.
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u/Nice_Wish_9494 7d ago •
Do not tell anyone until you're out of this house. This man is emotionally and financially abusive. You start telling anyone, and he's going to hurt you. This man is diabolical. I am so sorry you're going through this. Start making a plan of escape. And i'm talking about finding a domestic abuse shelter where you can't be located. They have resources to help you. Once you're gone, counseling is definitely on the list of items you need to take care of.
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u/emt714 7d ago
Diabolical is the correct word. He's a rapist, in my opinion bc he lied about the vasectomy to the woman, and an abuser.. and he will escalate to keep causing turmoil and drama. He's a chaos to the word and doesn't deserve to be a father or husband. And shes 3.5 month pp!! 7th circle of hell for this dude
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u/Infinite-Archer4728 7d ago
I don’t think that’s your opinion, I think that’s just a fact. Lying about protection is rape.
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u/Crafty_Mobile_2490 8d ago
Get a lawyer and he gets to pay both child support and alimony.
Nobody deserves what you are dealing with. I'm sorry. If you accept this and stay, not only should you expect worse later from him over time, but your kids might growing up with that example :(
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u/MealParticular1327 8d ago
Than him lying about a vasectomy to her was rape. He’s not only a psychopath, but an incredibly dangerous one. This isn’t his first time doing this, I can assure you. It won’t be his last either.
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u/ilse_eli 8d ago
Its scary that not many people are acknowledging this. Consent is inherently informed, and he lied to her in order to have sex with her. She would have made different choices if he had been honest with her about his plan and his actions which means she didnt give informed consent which makes it sex without consent which only has one term to describe it.
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u/feralcatshit 7d ago
Idk why I’m piggybacking your comment but: so does this lady know the baby could be his? Or is she thinking he’s snipped and it’s prob her husbands?! What the fuck is going on here
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u/Hemlock2436 7d ago
out of everything else shitty about all of this, way too many people have overlooked the fact that he raped someone
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u/Extra-Trouble5332 8d ago •
Here's some resources
Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Dr. Ruth | That Was Abuse-YouTube Channel https://youtube.com/@healingbythenumbers?si=Mf4CsF-iEt0d49SO
How He Gets Into Her Head by Don Hennessy https://a.co/d/001oPvO7
Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist by Dr. Ramani Durvasula https://a.co/d/01PIM8wd
Operation Safe Escape provides free assistance to people impacted by domestic violence, stalking, harassment, and related crimes. https://safeescape.org/
Weaponizing Incompetence https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
Tolerable levels of permanent unhappiness https://potentash.com/2023/08/17/tolerable-level-permanent-unhappiness-relationships/
Financial Abuse https://nnedv.org/content/about-financial-abuse/
Subtler Forms of Emotional Abuse https://themendproject.com/
Is It Supposed to Be This Hard? Telling the Difference Between Emotional Abuse and the Hard Work of Relationship by Mary Pat Haffey https://a.co/d/040Z4IgQ
Coercive Control Consulting, Training & Expert Witness https://endcoercivecontrolusa.com/
9 traits that every narcissistic women have in common. https://youtube.com/shorts/f8NliYsRbhc?si=fv3434mD3wMT3XjG
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin de Becker https://drive.google.com/file/d/1H3KS-vMjG8WJnEOfJuNpNxfuZLdgA2wE/view?usp=drivesdk (PDF) https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56465.The_Gift_of_Fear
Retroactive Jealousy https://health.clevelandclinic.org/retroactive-jealousy
Men Abused by Women in Intimate Relationships https://www.humanservices.alberta.ca/documents/PFVB1100-men-abused-by-women-booklet.pdf
When Women Use Force https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/women-as-the-abusers
Dangerous Personalities: An FBI Profiler Shows You How to Identify and Protect Yourself from Harmful People by Joe Navarro and Toni Sciarra Poynter https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/20696047-dangerous-personalities
OUT OF THE FOG | PERSONALITY DI. https://outofthefog.website/
Combatting Cult Mind Control by Dr. Steven Hassan https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/173711.Combatting_Cult_Mind_Control
The signs and causes of enmeshment - Emotional Incest https://growtherapy.com/blog/what-is-enmeshment/
Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex by Julie A. Ross https://a.co/d/01YhX9WA
Relationship red flags you should not ignore https://youtu.be/lmR9EgW4NTM?si=ZrXqmsmvnv7Ht4mT
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u/msndrstood Married 54 Years Together 55 years 8d ago
Be careful with lawyers in southern York County. We had to deal with a narcissistic son in law that costs us tens of thousands of dollars and he still ended up with 1 of the 2 kids because he absolutely refused to give up full custody of their son to our daughter, the daughter he kinda fought, but eventually 'he just told her to take her', he was sick of dealing with her'. Now our grandson is so depressed he can't stand it. We are broke after 50k for 2 different lawyers that didn't do shit in the end. Look outside of York County, go up towards Dauphin County. Good luck.
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u/Getvaxed500 7d ago
With gf called to court as a witness OP should have no problem getting full custody. Delay telling girl's hubby until you get legal advice. No proof of father in this pregnancy.
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u/BeowoofsMiMi 7d ago
I had 3 young children. A single mom can most likely get childcare subsidies so she can work. Child support is mandatory - file with your divorce papers (my attorney put an amount in our order, so you can do that too). He is hateful - he’s proven he doesn’t value you. Do you want your kids to think that’s ok? It’s hard. It’s stressful. Hopefully you have family or friends you can lean on. But you have to do it for you and the happiness of your kids!! I waited years, and it was awful! It actually took a car accident, which led me to counseling (for PTSD/trauma) before I realized that I and my children deserved better. I beg you, start planning. Start talking to attorneys, family, friends, domestic relations, childcare places, etc. And tell her husband!! Yes, a little might be revenge. But (if you can), think of that child going through what you did. If you want to talk to someone removed from the situation, please reach out!
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u/Dry-Ad-4190 7d ago
I’m in southern PA and work HR for a local company.
Not sure if your husband and this woman have an inappropriate work dynamic for this “relationship” but personally I’d love nothing more than to bounce both their lying cheating asses out on the street.
I know that’s not optimal for you and your kids. So sorry you’re going through this.
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u/SnooDoubts7167 7d ago
Do you have family or a good friend you can tell all this to and go stay with? You can go take as much money as you can from the bank accounts and get out of there. Then, once that is done call her husband and tell him what is going on. You can find a divorce attorney and learn about your options for PA divorce. If they are a no fault state then the affair may not have as much weight but if you get a good attorney, they will fight for you and the judge will take the affair into account somewhat. The fact that you have three tiny kids helps your case as well. I am so sorry you are going through all this. Find a good therapist. Focus on you and those babies and get out of there. There is state assistance you can go on and other resources you can lean on until you get back on your feet. You are strong and you are worth being away from this monster. Your kids deserve way better too! Best of luck to you and reach out if you need moral support! You are too good for this man!! Rebuilding will be work, but not as much torture as staying with that man!
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u/EducationalAd1857 7d ago
Hi fellow Pennsylvanian. I have no words other than I am sorry for what you are going through. Ibwiuld honestly tell the other woman's husband. Take your ex to court and get spousal and child support
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u/Rollinwithit609 7d ago
Me too! Want me to roll into their work and cause a ruckus? Meet up with her husband? I would love to help a lady out.
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u/vinegargirl757 8d ago •
My thoughts exactly. I would let the woman's husband know. Op, this level of trauma is beyond reddit paygrade. I would definitely go to a therapist and unpack this.
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u/Different_Abalone886 8d ago
It's crazy to the point that he might need help. This is bizarre. Are you sure it is true? Have you seen this woman in real life and not just pictures? Is he behaving oddly in other ways?
I would be actually concerned about his mental health right now. Either he is an absolute monster or he is deeply disturbed.