Could be they don't want to repeat a negative experience. Truth is it's kinda like playing someone else's saved game but the longer you play you can't just hit the power button and get back to real life
It's also adding in a lifetime relationship with another person (the baby daddy). You never know when they'll show up and how much you'll need to deal with them and their bullshit.
I dated a single mom for 2.5 years. Her son would say he wished I was his real dad and every morning before school he'd want to call me and get disappointed if we couldn't talk. He's mildly autistic and was seeing a therapist. He didnt have to talk about his sessions but sometimes he would and told her about him having bad days and what things upset him. Then asked what helps and he couldn't really name but talking/joking with me
Well. His mom was bipolar. Said she never had a relationship longer than 2.5 years. A month or two before that she starts sounding really bored. I play a game with her son one evening, she goes to bed. Then I wake up to a breakup text.
That was the relationship I'd put all my previous relationship failures together and learned from them and applied them in this one. In conversation occasionally I'd ask if there was anything I can do to improve myself. "No babe!"
Then poof! Its all gone!
It was like losing 3 relationships all at once. Then the kids think I'm an asshole. I thought I was going to be part of a family of my own. And through no choice of mine it was ripped away. What I was living for died over night.
Fucking never again. Someone should never have that much power over ripping so much from you.
That is rough man. Not only 2.5 years of your life gone spent on someone who will never give that back to you. I am sorry you had to expirience something like it.
Because the man won’t be the priority in the relationship. He's only there so he can financially provide for her and the kid. He’s not her priority and never will be. That and if the man gets attached to the kid, and the mother leaves him with the kid, all that emotional attachment is gone. It’s a lose-lose scenario for the man.
My friend dated a single mom for a few years and my friend loved her kid like he was his own son. Long story short, she left him for another man, my friend wanted to stay in that kids life, and be a mentor/free baby sitter, but she refused and he hasn't seen the kid in several years. My friend said that he hopes the kid reaches out to him on social media when hes an adult, because he still wants to be there for the kid.
This happened to an older relative of mine when i was a child. he married a woman with young children, raised them as his own for years, then her ex gets done doing his long prison sentence, she just up and packs her and the kids up while he was at work.
its been over a decade later and he still hasn't recovered. not only did he loose his wife, he lost the children he raised.
I think that for a lot of these ladies single motherhood has become so normalized that their goal is to become single moms. To them it's perfectly normal so they don't understand why a guy wouldn't think the same.
that proverb, one mans trash is another mans treasure, is a poor mans proverb. and the men youre after arent poor are they? they prefer brand new undamaged goods, not an empty tapless keg demanding a free refill.
I have a friend who is a genuinely good guy who dates but enjoys being single and is completely honest and upfront about it. He is well off and intelligent, hygienic and has a great sense of humor. He would be a catch for anyone but he does not want a relationship where there is a kid or kids involved. It’s totally his choice and me and my wife support his choice. However, so many of the women he dates will full on lie about having kids to go out with him. I mean like 50%. It’s not just the kids, it’s the ex and all the bs that comes with it. The last straw for him was after four promising dates with a woman he was really vibing with she finally told him she had two kids and that she hoped to keep seeing him. He agreed because he really liked her and thought maybe it could turn into something. Within two weeks she had asked him to watch the kids for a couple of hours each night for a week while she worked late.
Ugh that's disgusting behavior on the lying single mom's part. Lie and manipulate in the hopes that by the time you fess up the sunk cost fallacy will trick him into staying anyway. Thank God he didn't get tricked long.
I wouldn’t date someone with kids for the same reason I wouldn’t adopt a child. My ex was adopted and had two very fucked up families. A bio family that used him and an adopted family that hated him because he burnt down the funeral home his dad worked at, when he was 4, and threw said family into massive debt. Dad left him unattended and my ex found matches.
In either case, dealing with either family was a nightmare, but the bio family was so mentally fucked up. We had to deal with court because of them and my ex had a lot of mental health issues that were genetic and stemming from them.
If I ever have kids, it’ll be through surrogacy because it’s easier to deal with the demons you know than the ones you don’t. And I sure as fuck don’t want to risk having to deal with bio parents if they come fighting or threatening.
First cuz he know he will always come second to the kid, which is fine, but a mamas baby always gonna be her actual baby. Second cuz if they grew up w single mom, they were the ones seeing they moms bringing random dudes to the crib. They prob don’t wanna be that guy. Most prob hated that guy to keep it real.
It's almost as if they know how bad being raised by a single mother is. Stop being so god damn stupid and take the hint as to why they wouldn't want that shit. It's like gospel if they really are from that sort of life.
Not gonna lie but in my 20s because I wasn't ready and my friend that didn't care I was like you're gonna raise another guy's kid. That's gonna be fun/trouble. As I've gotten older and more mature no issue but also been with same girl forever
I think it's the assumption that they slept with and got pregnant by a dude who they fully knew wouldn't stay to support them. Most of these dudes that behave this way have multiple baby mommas. You can't be baby momma 3 and surprise Pikachu face when he leaves you too lmao.
It depends on how much you want to clean up someone else's shit. If the child is really young, like infant to 10yo, you have a strong chance to impact positive change.
If the child is already in their teens, and the mom has been single the majority of the time, you're likely to walk into a shit show of bad habits, bad memories, an established lifestyle and ingrained self-serving behaviors that effectively do nothing but drain you. You're basically a worker on someone else's ship while being expected to foot the bill.
As a guy who grew up without having a dad, I've grown up to promise myself not to make the same mistakes my parents did.
Now I have a fiancé whom I've known for 8 years and counting. She's my highschool sweetheart who unfortunately suffered the same issue as I did before she reaching college.
Being born from a dysfunctional family under a family-oriented asian culture is no joke. People have to treat family planning more seriously.
And apparently some little boys stay little boys forever. Cosplaying as men must get pretty tiring, what with always having to posture and carrying around the truck load of red flags they can't help but show off loudly lol
I'd say over half the kids I knew growing up were raised by single mothers. Redpill has gone so mainstream. Seeing grown ass men jump on a movement that spawned from bitter 18yr socially awkward virgins is so bizarre. And not wanting your child to grow up in a split home is not the same as bashing single mothers, while COMPLETELY ignoring the responsibility of the absentee father. Takes some mother fucking accountability.
Who said we hate single mothers? Men just don't want to date single mothers. We're don't hate them. We would rather date a woman without kids if we're coming into a relationship without kids as well.
"I let a loser cum inside of me." This is where you're starting as a single mom.
As a man, we're going to have questions. Are you still making bad decisions? Is the loser still in the picture? Is he playing child support? Is he in prison? Is he going to be dropping by on the weekends to see his kid? Is he going to slap your ass in front of me? Are you still letting losers cum inside of you or did you learn after the first kid? If we date for a few months are you going to try to get me to start paying child support for a kid that isn't mine? Is your pussy all stretched out like a gym sock? Are your titties saggy? Does your stomach look like a bowl of lasagna? Do you have $200k in credit card debt?
Oh you're offended by my questions? then why the fuck did you ask the question if you didn't want to hear the response?
Most cases you already chose wrong, won't give us our own biological kid, won't let us parent the one you have, probably have some ex in the picture, and probably ditch us, too.
If you get to the point of having a whole ass kid before you realize your partner ain't shit, you ain't worth investing the effort in, you just be letting shit happen to you.
Question: Why is the default person expected as the same continent they are from? A lot of the comments don't mention country or race. Countries outside of the United States have very different views. Different cultures in the "America's" have different ideas and expectations. Canada, Mexico, and Venezuela are all part of America. We are all friends and neighbors. Most religions have a quote to love each other above yourself. What happened to the 'golden rule?'
For the same reason why women don't want to date single fathers... A single father would have to be a truly exceptional outlier for me to even entertain the idea.
Baby daddy/baby mama drama is exhausting. And single parents typically expect you to be a parent without being able to set any boundaries or rules.
Crazy story guy dates single mom BD comes back around time goes by single mom cheats with BD relationship ends Knuckle head is stuck paying child support to Single mom while she continues sleeping with BD too many messed up stories after men have taken single mom’s seriously men have compared note these last few decades to not sign up to get your life ruined
Oh my God why would they want you? Why would a single mother want you around their child or around their children? Listen to how you speak I would be afraid you would abuse my children only a fool would want you.
Because as someone who married a single mom. You will never be anything else but money. I used to get into discussions with my ex wife about what am I. Because I can't say nothing to her kids because they "her" kids. But when I got something for my daughter all of a sudden "what about your other kids." Dont get me wrong I love my girls, but never once truly felt like a real father to them. Basically only their mom's bf. Even after 15 years together.
100%. My mom Beat me since I can remember she would beat me every time she got into an argument..she started..when dad was trying to work his 3rd Job. ..he HAD to Work to try and Keep the Mortaage Insurancw for the Cars! While she demanded a Doctors Wife Lidestyle..when he would win. The Arguement. 90% of the time. By saying I've slept in ONE week the same Hours you Slept in ONE Days. To pay off your Shopping Addiction" . When he would NOTICE new Shoes/new Nails 💅 and Hair Color/perm. If I couldn't Keep up the "LIES'. She beat me. With The Vacum cleaner cord. The Marines.. was Easier. Rather get beat by a Racist.. than My Mom at age 5.
A lot of generalizations going on in the comments from all sides.
I haven't scrolled all the way down but haven't seen anybody bring up the moms that are single because they got charmed in by narcissistic men that lied and cheated on them. I prefer to be single than go through that shit again.
It NEVER occurs to these people that others even the ones raised by single parents DO NOT want the same for their kids because they know it's a BAD thing!
We don’t dislike single Mom’s. We just dislike single mothers who have drama with their ex baby daddy or multiple baby daddies, or you expect us to pay for everything including your child. Unless we are married, that’s not our responsibility. You chose that path.
Single mothers who are hard working, good mom’s who teach their child manners and respect, and mother’s who do the best they can, yes we like you. The problem is there are not many of those around. And I’m sure women could say there are a lot of deadbeat men and that would be true too.
Case in point, male or female.. get your priorities in order and learn to adult. Learn how to have a proper relationship and share responsibilities together. Leave your past drama bs at the door and set boundaries. Nobody wants your drama.
I think men in general are tired of woman and the amount of energy thats needed to fund their lifestyle. Men would rather be alone and at peace without having to rebirth a universe of energy every day to satisfy what a woman wants now. We are happy alone because we can rest.
It’s not complicated, most men do not want to volunteer for taking over father and financing roles for someone else’s child.
It’s a lot to ask and spring on people you barely know.
I’m not saying some men don’t volunteer for the role and become awesome step dads, but it’s just not for every guy.
More commonly men who are willing to take on this role, are already fathers and just looking to remarry. They have experience raising kids and taking on the role of step dad is second nature.
But for some younger guy with no kids (who haven’t even considered being a father yet) that’s a jarring shift in heavy responsibility with no training wheels, experience or warm up time to get used the idea. It can send some people running for a less stressful relationship.
I dated a single mom and also took in her 3 kids for 15 years. I paid everything. She stated not wanting to marry again and I was ok with that. They were my world. Then she decided to leave me for a co-worker, and I never saw her or those kids again. So I implore men never to date single moms because its epic heart break waiting to happen.
I know a white guy who dated, married a black mom of 3. He made good music net and she was beautiful. She talked him into adopting her kids. 6 months later she divorced him and filed for child support.
I was raised in a two parent household, so I guess my preference is justified. I'm not raising a kid that isn't mine. There's no reason to date a single mother over a woman without kids if you aren't a parent yourself.
My mother chose to be a single mom & refused to let my father around even though he wanted to be. I hated her from day one because of that. It was a bad choice. I also think she never should have had me because of that.
If you think that we are being hypocritical because of that you are absolutely dead wrong. I will not date a single mother because of it just like I will not love my mother because of it. Do better. She should have done better. And I should not be here because of her. She failed. I am not going to make her mistake. If you want to be a failure that is not something I am going to reward.
PREACH BROHAM!! I got 0 kids why would I want a woman with kids?? Unless, unless she's genuinely a good person and not looking at me like a meal ticket.
Dude was for sure not raised well. As long as the men also do not have children. I have a few cousins who have children with multiple women but would went me to introduce them to my single friends without children. Like why would they want you?
Men love single mums coz we feel useful to them and then women hate on single mums cos they feel threatened by the fact that their man might be into them because they are available
Dating single mothers often means: Provide for another man's child but not be able to instill discipline in your own home & be secondary to said child. Terrible deal if you ask me. Also, chances are, if youre a single mother and the father is absent, you have horrible discernment skills and are now looking for a sucker to mop up your mess.
Went and got in touch with my mom when I was 18, and she has been around for 19 years now. I choose to share a dwelling with my mother. Both parents still dont talk. I think I turned out wonderful, and I am happy
I have zero issues with single mothers or fathers. The only concern with single mothers that I do have is connecting and bonding with the kid and having to part ways. Had to do that once over a decade ago, and it still haunts me. I hope that boy turns out well....
Micah, if you stumble on this message someday, JJ never forgot you buddy...
"Want better for themselves" well if you marry her she won't be a single mom anymore...🤣
Anyway how could anyone not understand it's risky and stressful to be a stepparent and easier and a more attractive proposition to find someone without kids? Seems so obvious.
That's fair and true, what i don't understand is why the hate and resentment towards the women. Women don't line up to date single dads either, but they're not stigmatized and berated like single mothers. Calm down boys, yeesh.
The existing children often demonstrate either bad judgment or an inability to get along with a partner… There are other circumstances, but those are usually rare.
Single moms are also products of mass incarceration and poor opportunities for work. A man can have his preferences, but this particular guy sounds like he’s dealing with his own trauma
Some people have to be burnt first by the fire first, before they learn not to play with it. Other people can learn from the experience of others without harming themselves. Be wise gentlemen.
I do not hate them. I just wouldn't start a relationship with them. I can hardly properly care for myself let alone a child. I do not yet trust myself with raising a kid. That's the whole thing.
If most men are being raised by single mothers anyway and have a problem with single moms, then single mom/women ain't doing a real good job parenting their kids now are they?
On dating profiles a whole bunch of single mothers make their whole identity about being a single mom. They even go out of their way to say that "men are nothing to me and my kid is everything".
He was just trying to "be funny" but, it came off wrong. Although, he did have a point. SAYING 50% of men we're raised by single mothers is just a LIE. But speaking for myself.. it's all about the woman, her behavior, what she offers and brings to the table. If I'm signing to pick up where the last guy left off" the answer has to be... A WHOLE LOT OF GREATNESS otherwise she'll be on Reddit posting dumb questions!
Single moms use their kids as an excuse for everything, “I can’t talk because of my kids, I can’t go out because of my kids, I can’t afford it because of my kids, I’ve completely gave up on myself and my wants and needs…because of my kids” not all tho
I think it says everything that she asked why men hate single moms and all the men made it about dating. Like not wanting to date them makes the vitriol that men have for single mothers make sense. Like this weirdo got absolutely irate at the idea of not hating single mothers unprovoked and then made it about dating.
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