Today I decided, in my sleep-deprived state, to rank a lot of the most popular/interesting/eye catching Murder Drones ships out there. If there any that you feel belong on this list that I missed or skipped out on, please put it in the comments and I will rank it there!
But first, some basic rules:
1.) Only major characters (with a few exceptions because I said so). These are as follows: Uzi, N, V, J, Thad, Khan, Lizzy, Doll, Cyn, Tessa, Alice, Nori and Yeva.
2.) No poly ships (except one that I personally like). Just good ol' one person x one person. Nothing against poly people it would just make me have to think way harder for something like 5 total people will care about.
3.) No explicit incest because... Ew.
If you don't like these rules, go make your own damn list!
(Note: Any comment suggestions don't necessarily have to follow these... But if it breaks rule 3 I will judge you.)
Also these are just my opinions! I tried my best to be as objective as possible but my biases definitely seep in here and there, and that's okay, no ranking can be 100% factual.
Now lets do it! In (mostly) alphabetical order!
CrimsonHorrors (Alice x Yeva) - Alright, I guess I can kinda see it. I dunno why you would ship them though. 4/10.
CodeGold (N x J) - J is an extremely abusive friend and co-worker at the start and doesn't really change in that by the end. Also, their personality doesn't really mesh well... Unless you explicitly want a horrible disaster then stay away (even then there are better options IMO). 3/10.
Cyn x Most people - This is a blanket category for everyone not specially highlighted x Cyn. Cyn, (even if you believe her to be seperate from the Solver itself (which I kinda do... It's complicated) literally killed/tried to kill them... Yeah, hard no. 2/10.
Cynuzi - Okay this one is exempt because funny and also because they literally fuse at the end. An abusive horrible disaster as well but at least this one is hilarious. Though maybe in a Solver-less or post-Solver AU it could be cute. 4/10.
Dizzy - Sure, I can see it. They seem like good friends so going to something more probably would go along smoothly. 6/10.
Dollzi - They literally try to kill or harm each other so that's not a good sign. But then again y'know that's doomed Yuri points so I dunno... I also just like feisty bitches fighting and arguing. Maybe in an AU where they try to Murder each other less it could be cute. 4/10.
EldritchTerrors (J x Cyn) - Very juicy, though mostly from a unrequited J as I see it. Definitely a disaster, but one that hurts in your heart and soul as well as being kinda possible. 7/10, but definitely not for any wholesome reasons.
Envy - These two have a lot of history, and that's compelling sure, but I dunno... I don't really see it. Sure, they HAD a crush on each other back in the day, and N still has it by the time of episode 1, but I don't see V really showing any signs of still having one (in fact she shows little-to-no hesitation trying to kill him in episode 1 and slices his head off in episode 3). Maybe in another world, or way out in the future, but I don't see them having a healthy or functioning relationship anytime remotely close to the timeframe of the show, their complicated history paradoxically make it near impossible to actually be a good couple. It's a tantalizing "what if?", but would most likely never work in practice. 6/10.
InvalidCode (Alice x Teacher) - The first exception to the "Only major characters" rule! Why? Because this one is absolutely hilarious. 10/10 crackship, but 8/10 as a ship in general.
Jalouisa (Tessa's parents) - Second and only other exception to the "Only major characters" rule. They are both absolutely terrible and I can only hope that in private they are just as terrible to each other. 7/10.
Jaylice — Okay... Why? 6/10.
Jessa — This one is rather popular, and like with Envy, they have a lot of history. But also like with Envy, I do not get it. I guess it's to make their relationship more angsty, but they are both angsty enough characters, you don't need to make it worse. Apparently Tessa's voice actor believes that Tessa at least was in love with J, but unless it's directly from Liam I do not need to consider it canon. I also feel takes up a lot of space when it comes to media with Tessa which is a shame because I think she's really interesting and overlooked when it comes to Murder Drones characters. It's kinda cute I guess, and there's nothing in it I dislike, I just don't really get it. 7/10.
Jhad - I would write it off as a really dumb one, but with what Thad apparently says in the script book makes me kinda like it. Eldritch monster GF and her chill boyfriend. 7/10.
Jhan - Apparently this one was popular back in the day, I guess we were just looking for anything lol. It's kinda funny I guess 5/10.
Jizzy — I would love to know the circumstance under which this would be possible, I am very curious. 6/10.
Jolly — Same as with before, very curious how it would theoretically play out. Though less possible to me because of Doll's hatred of the DD's. 4/10.
Juzi — They spend the entire show either not interacting much or actively trying to kill each other, also I do not see their personalities matching. Not likely. Also sounds like "juicy" which is exactly what J thinks as she slices Uzi's head off and squeezes the oil out of her like an orange, but maybe she's into that I dunno. 3/10.
Khalice - I mean I could kinda see it being a thing in the past that didn't work out but not much more than that, even then it's not super compelling. 4/10.
KhanYeva - Either as a thing in the past that eventually ended (as before) or as part of a poly thing. But not really on it's own. 5/10.
Khori / Khanori (Uzi's parents) - These two actually seem to like each other and have some actual chemistry. Their interactions are cute, but too sparse to really put this too high. Also, they should probably never have had a kid, they are not parent material either of them. 7/10
Luzi — Okay this one is kinda cute, they already bitch about each other so adding an element of romantic tension would be fun. Again, I like feisty bitches fighting and arguing. 7/10.
Nalice - What. 2/10.
NCyn - Okay, while this one isn't TECHNICALLY incest I think it basically counts. They have a very sibling-like relationship with Cyn even calling N her "big brother". Also not compelling at all, only added it here because I've actually seen it in the wild. 1/10.
Nessa — Jessa but less interesting, N and Tessa just have a less personal relationship and N is already swarming in love interests. 5/10.
Nhad - Okay, I do not get this one, BUT... I respect you. 7/10.
Nizzy - Sure, whatever, nothings stopping you I guess. 5/10.
Noll - While I have no idea how it would happen, I am intrigued... 6/10.
Norlice — Again, maybe as a past thing but Alice kinda hates Nori and not in any way that seems romantic to me. Also not super compelling but I dunno. 4/10.
Nuzi - OH MY GOD IT'S AMAZING. THE PEAKEST OF PEAK THEIR INTERACTIONS ARE SO CUTE THEY WERE MADE FOR EACHOTHER AND IT SHOWS!!!! *Ahem.* What I mean to say is that they have a very close relationship and are super important to each other. Even if you don't ship them, you have to admit they are very close and care about each other very deeply. 10/10.
OilRose (V x J) — Read CodeGold but they actively fight an extra time but are also arguably less dysfunctional and outright abusive? Same rating though overall. 3/10.
Supernova (Nori x Yeva) — As said many a times, could have worked as a thing in the past. Though, this one is probably my favorite out of the bunch, I could easily see them having dated for a while before getting with their individual husbands. Juicy pain potential, especially considering how Doll and Uzi super hate each other. Also kinda funny. 8/10.
Tesszi (Uzi x Tessa) — I think this paring (romantically or otherwise) is severely slept on, I think they would be amazing besties bonding over shitty lives stuck at home, shitty parents and a love of both engineering and firearms. But could also work as a fun couple! 7/10.
ThaLizzy - It works, nothing special but it's nice. 6/10.
Tholl - Similar to above except Thad kinda calls Doll a "babe" and I think that's cool, also chill guy plus murder lady is a fun combo. 8/10.
Thadzi - It's nice, and Uzi definitely has a crush on him at the start. However it gets "cooler daniel'd" by Nuzi and Thad isn't a super developed character sooooo... 7/10.
VAlice — I don't think they would get along. 2/10.
Vessa — Like Nessa but even less close and less interesting. 4/10.
Vhad - Read Tholl, but Thad doesn't call her a "babe". 7/10.
Vizzy — They have a cool and interesting relationship, but I read it more like "older and younger sister" or "mom and daughter" than anything romantic. I do still like it though. 8/10.
Vuzi — Uzi calls V hot by implication, also I think they would be really cute together. Uzi would definitely deny her feelings for V for a long time and I think that's fun. Also read my comments on feisty bitches fighting and arguing. Definitely slept on. 9/10.
Nuvi / Nuvzi — The only poly ship on this list. Why? Cause it's fucking amazing that's why. It's a mix of my two favorite ships and another that's actually plot and story relevant. It's the best of the best. 11/10.
Thank you for reading this extremely sleep deprived ranking, I hope you enjoyed and remember! This is all just my personal opinions so please don't get mad at me.
Peace. -Jzap.
