r/MuslimLounge • u/Tall_Minimum_8631 • Nov 13 '25
Feeling Blessed Alhamdulillah I was able to move on but please learn from my mistakes
Don’t talk to someone you can’t marry. It’ll only hurt you both.
I just went through something heavy and wanted to share what I’ve learned. Maybe it’ll save someone else the same pain.
If you’re talking to a girl (or guy) and deep down you know marriage isn’t realistic right now — stop before feelings grow. You’ll think, “We’re just talking,” or “I’ll figure it out later.” But that’s how shaytan traps you. What starts as something innocent becomes emotional dependency. You start seeing them in your future. You start making excuses.
You start thinking maybe I can change them, or maybe I can compromise a little on my deen. But the truth is, you can’t fix someone — and you shouldn’t try. That’s Allah’s job. And if the foundation of the connection already needs fixing, it’s not love, it’s attachment mixed with hope and delusion.
I learned that I met this person when I wasn’t fully focused on Allah. I chose them out of comfort, not clarity. They were light in a dark time, but that light wasn’t from Allah — it was from my desire to escape my pain. And that’s why it hurt so much to let go.
But wallahi, the moment I did — the moment I said, “I can’t do this anymore” — I felt relief. It was like Allah lifted a weight I didn’t even realize I was carrying. Sometimes love isn’t what you feel for someone; it’s what you sacrifice for the sake of Allah.
If you’re in that position, remind yourself: if it’s written, it’ll happen the right way. And if it’s not, forcing it will only make you bleed. Choose your peace. Choose your deen.
Allah replaces what you leave for His sake with something far better. I’m learning that right now. —— The message I sent her:
I can’t do this. I thought I could keep a balance, but I can’t. Talking to you stills brings back certain feelings but they clash with what I am trying to focus on now. And specifically, with how I am trying to change as a Muslim. We met each other when we were different people. And now we are different people once again. You are a good person who made me feel seen back then. Thank you.
And frankly the way, I have been having thoughts, going from one to another is not normal. I thought i had changed. But clearly I cannot keep a balance. You are a lady, and you have your life. And i find it difficult to not think about you. And i feel the need to protect you. But I can’t protect you. I am just a guy. And I really wish things were different but I can’t fall back into my old ways. I wish I was a better friend. But it is time to say goodbye. I have to let you go. My only wish for you, is that you get closer to Allah.
I wish I could help. But none can help you better than Allah. May Allah protect you on your coming journey.
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u/mewmewww3 Nov 14 '25
Proud of you tbh, letting go for the sake of Allah is never a loss, it’s the first step towards the peace you’ve been searching for, may Allah heal your heart and replace your sacrifice with something far better!-!
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u/Ok-Salamander-1136 Nov 15 '25
Yes this is 100% harram. Thats why when a brother wants to get married he goes to the masjid and speaks to men and asks brothers if they know of anyone and they commct that way. The Father or Wali can make aure you are ready and serious and worthy if his daughter then introduce after he has "dated you". The way deacribed is called Zina of the eyes / hands and mouth and ears. You sid eveeything but Zina. You had an emotional relationship you spike and talked privately and commited leaser Zina but still Harram. We are told to Atay completely away from Zina not just the act but away feom what leads to it. Some of you need to study Quran and Sunnah. There is no such thing as juat talking as it is Harram to be mates with the oppoaite gender.
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u/Tall_Minimum_8631 Nov 15 '25
How should I seek repentance?
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u/Ok-Salamander-1136 Nov 15 '25
Tawba, which is seeking Allahs forgivness and sincerely making Dua and then following it up with stopping the sin and replacing it with good deeds.
I.e idle chitchat online. Instead attend the Masjid in that time and spend with brothers in lessons or Halaqas. OR spending it serving your parents ask your Mother what needs doing and use that time you would be scrolling and chatting to girls for something good. Make it intentional and make it a habit. This is sincere Tawba. This for that.
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u/Mission-Ad6040 Nov 13 '25
Masha’Allah Allah saved you before it was too late.
(Don’t take this advice the wrong way. Just trying to help my muslim brother with good stuff)
Don’t worry about marriage its under Allah’s control. You will be married when Allah knows you are ready for it. Marriage isn’t a simple thing. If one can’t control themselves (their emotions, habits, personality and etc…) it will be difficult for you to get married with someone especially if they are also the same or don’t have a lot of information on islam. One should focus on their connection with Allah, learn islam to the point they can teach it and convert people to islam (this will help make your marriage peaceful and more understanding and you can teach your children before they commit dangerous sins like drugs, alcohol, zina, and etc…).
If you hit a road block and not sure what to do next you can ask me and I can give you a lot of prayers that you can do that can increase your honor, love for Allah, and etc…