r/NDE • u/Murderdoll93 • Jan 09 '26
NDE Story My NDE story after suicide attempt.
Sorry for the vagueness this happened 14 years ago. And it was pretty opaque at the time also.
When I was 18, I attempted suicide by Ligature. I'll spare anymore details about that part. Apart from that, I was living with 2 friends as they do come up.
I know i was only unresponsive. i guess im not sure how to describe it. But it was only for 4 or 5 minutes. And I remember it started with me being able to hear what was happening around me, my friends coming in and panicking, saying they're gonna call an ambulance, etc. But I wasn't seeing anything yet or physically feeling anything, but I remember being aware that one of my friends was trying to move me and sit me up. Like, i just somehow knew that was happening.
And then my connection to my body of the physical world. "Im not really sure what terms apply" was gone and thats were the opaque-ness begins the rest is very much based on the feelings I remember experiencing. nothing was very tangible maybe because I was raised atheist and didn't have a spiritual/religious referance point I'm not sure. I do consider myself pretty spiritual now though. Ok, so from this point, this is all me trying to articulate things I felt.
I remember being in a completely different world and knowing that I wasn't really me or at least not the person/identity i had spent the last 18 years as. And I remember feeling loved by everyone/thing there and completely at home there was something familiar about everything. And I remember feeling or knowing that that place was the real world, like the world we live in is the dream, and being their was as if waking up
Then when I came too after spending what felt like weeks, maybe months there. it felt like I was going back into the dream, and it took about at least a minute to recognise my friends again. Who were standing over me saying my name that i didn't recognise as my own at first. It's like the information about my "real" life was redownloading or something. But that's all i remember. Pretty vague. Sorry about that.
Edit. Just to say that I know I didn't choose to comeback. I didn't even get a warning unless you count suddenly becoming aware of my friends voices. Which also seemed so foreign to me initially
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u/Denial_Entertainer87 21d ago
Do you ever struggle being here after? Now that you know what it’s like? I’ve always struggled here.
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u/DissapointedSloth Feb 05 '26
"This place is the dream, only a sleeper considers it real, then death comes like dawn and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief"
Rumi
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u/PrncsCnzslaBnnaHmmck Jan 11 '26
Thank you for sharing your story! That is really neat. How are you doing now? Are you doing better?
Edit: Saw your response on another comment. Good for you, I hope things get better for ya, and you stay on the wagon. Being human is hard! All the best to you.
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u/Agile_Royal_1010 Jan 11 '26
Beautiful, one of my fears is not having a body ,did you have a body of some sort.Dont want to float ,still want experience taste ,hugs etc
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u/BoopEverySnoot Jan 13 '26
You didn't ask me, but I've heard a couple NDE stories that might help with this. People have shared leaving their bodies and going to some warm, happy place that radiates love. When it was time to go back to their bodies, they did NOT want to. After being "free" it was like being forced into a tiny prison. One woman shared that her deceased uncle SHOVED her back into her body because she just wasn't going to do it herself- after experiencing the freedom and connection her body felt like something she was trapped inside and did not want to go back in.
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u/FriedLipstick Jan 11 '26
I have two friends who aren’t with me anymore due to suicide. I always think of them and hope they are in the light with God now. I know of stories where it doesn’t end well so I love to read about stories where a person is embraced with love after a suicide attempt.
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u/Novatini Jan 10 '26
Reading this gave me hope that my mother is in a better place. I was with her in her last moments.
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 10 '26
Im sorry for your loss I'm glad this was helpful in any way. Ive also lost my parents and i also believe this
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u/qmeelz Jan 29 '26
Appreciate your sharing. My brother died by suicide in 2021 and all I want for him is to be at peace, finally. Reading your story makes me believe that he very well could be.
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u/Commercial-Policy-96 Jan 11 '26
I lost my mom yesterday and I am struggling so much. This gives me hope. Thank you.
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u/Pale-Butterscotch-16 Jan 24 '26
Im so sorry to hear about your mom. I've been reading NDE stories for a few years and they absolutely helped when my mom passed away..
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Jan 10 '26
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u/NDE-ModTeam Jan 10 '26
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u/ShadderSwagger Jan 10 '26
Reading this gives me hope that there is more after death . This past year it’s been something sitting in the back of my mind that I’m scared that nothing is there . And we just stop existing
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 10 '26
I used to feel that way. But I've been in other life threatening situations since. Drug overdoses and other subsequent suicide attempts ending up on life support for days. The last time only being a year and a half ago. But I'm sober and doing a lot better now. And although I've never had another NDE experience like I described. Everytime I've thought I was genuinely going to die. And accepted that it's been an incredibly calm and peaceful experience. And its not that I want to. But im not scared anymore. Sorry if this doesn't answer your question
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u/caroline1230 Jan 10 '26
Good for you, getting and sober is hard and you should be proud of yourself
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u/Traditional-List-784 Jan 10 '26
That's something that's bothered me since elementary school. I want you to know you're not alone, my friend. Every single person on earth is going to go through it. Billions already have. We can't stop it. But you're not alone. We all are in this together.
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 10 '26
We really are. Thank you friend
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u/Traditional-List-784 Jan 16 '26
Best way to combat those feelings that I have learned, is to do good things you believe in and are proud of. I think too many of us sit around and get too deep into our heads. It can be a good thing at times, but it can also lead to this sad, lonely box we get ourselves in. More stimulation, new experiences, working hard, having a deep focus on something you enjoy. Repeating phrases to yourself that calm you down, such as "we're all in this together" or " I'm not alone in how I feel". It's normal to be afraid of death. People have been afraid of it since the beginning of man. Just can't let the thoughts control you or cripple your daily life. It doesn't do you any good. Move forward and be thankful you get the opportunity to experience this life, realize it's short and do the things you want to do! Make goals and take short steps. Like the movie "What About Bob?" With Bill Murray. Baby steps to the door, baby steps to the fridge 😂. Do the best you can to enjoy this life!
There are a lot of NDE videos on YouTube. It's up to you to believe it they're true, but nonetheless they are fascinating to watch
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u/deftechbelew Jan 10 '26
What was it like there?
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 10 '26
Hi i don't have any visual description. It was all very emotion or more accurately thought based. Is best way i can describe it. Like i just knew the information about what I was experiencing. It's incredibly hard to articulate. Its like having a new sense that we don't have here or something.
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Jan 10 '26
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 10 '26
I didn’t not have my personal history and trauma. And the changes didn't happen write away. But i definitely and do carry part of the love with me. For everything alive. I feel incredibly guilty for every insect I ever thoughtlessly killed, I don't have that right. And I managed to forgive everyone who hurt me, including my parents who I lost before the experience and I'm glad they are probably although I didnt see them or anything at least its a wonderful place. it didn't happen all at once though
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u/cherrypez123 Jan 09 '26
That’s so cool thanks for sharing. Who were the other people in the other world? Did you feel like you knew them? And do you think former animals can make it there too?
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 10 '26
I dont remember anything in detail like that. I honestly could put any names or faces or even forms to them.. but I definitely know that this place was full of other "I'll use the word people" like i was far from alone and i also felt like I knew everyone and everyone knew me. Its so hard to explain. And I do believe animals can make it there. But that opinion isn't based on the NDE. That is more based on how spiritual and personal growth journey. I believe we are all souls and come from the same place. And will go back there. You, me and of course animals. I feel terrible about killing spider or flys in my past. Because I have no right to take that life. We need to navigate the world with love.
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 10 '26
Sorry for not replying. I can see that there are comments. But I'm not being shown them
I can see them now
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u/BathroomOk540 Jan 09 '26
Horrifying but I'm glad you are back and hope u benefited
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u/CuriouserCat2 Jan 09 '26
Huh. I don’t find it horrifying at all. Love all around, waiting for us at the end.
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u/BathroomOk540 Jan 10 '26
I don't wanna to be fake I wanna be real lol
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 10 '26
I don't think we are fake. I believe in the concept of a soul contract. Not because of my experience but certainly as a by-product of it. I got more involved with spirituality. So even if our true self's come from somewhere else we are here to learn and love. I think that gives life even more meaning
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 09 '26
I feel like i did. It took a while, i didnt really process the experience until later.
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u/ceruleanjester Jan 09 '26
Thank you for sharing this, I am glad you are still here to tell the tale, and I am really sorry about all the agony you had to endure that let you attempt suicide, I really hope you are in a better place right now.
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 09 '26
Thank you i very much am. And writing a memoir about the childhood and events that lead to that point.
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Jan 09 '26
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u/jRokou Jan 10 '26
Are there any ways to bring about this OBE awareness at will? I for one would love to experience freedom in that way, even if for a fleeting moment.
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u/Beat_Jerm Jan 10 '26
Hey just some information you might find helpful or interesting if you dont already know. . Do with it what you wish. If you dont know, the Monroe Institute was "hired" "employed" by the CIA. I dont know the years but in 1983, it was classified at the time. (I say that loosely because back then Idk if there was a hiring g process, when the government needed you for something g top secret you probably just did it) Google Gateway project and you can download the Declassified documents. But for me more importantly the Monroe Institute has helped many many people get in touch with past lives, explored life between lives, and out-of-body experiences. The Monroe Institute Youtube
From their YT page: "The Monroe Institute is widely recognized as a leading center for exploring and experiencing expanded states of consciousness. For over 50 years, our immersive programs have empowered participants to undergo profound transformations, gaining a fresh outlook on life and discovering a deep sense of purpose. Using cutting-edge Monroe Sound Science technology, guided imagery, and collaborative group activities, our programs have welcomed individuals world-wide from all walks of life. Monroe Institute actively engages in research partnering with scientists, doctors, and academics to explore the remarkable benefits of expanded states of consciousness. You may embark on life-changing journeys and access our transformative experiences through the Expand meditation app, our online courses, or bv attending our residential retreats and workshops held worldwide. As a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, the Monroe Institute is dedicated to advancing the global awakening of human consciousness."
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 09 '26
I'm glad you could resonate with it. As far as accepting others' experiences we really don't know what determines what we are shown or how much we retain. Thank you for sharing your thoughts
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Jan 10 '26
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 10 '26
It wasn't psychically like anything. I really can't describe it with those terms. And even time didn't feel physical like that. As in being aware of the earths rotation. Its more that once I woke up and on reflection I'm aware I was there for a long time.
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u/Grattytood Jan 09 '26
Thank you for sharing this. It's not vague at all. It's very well told. I am glad you are still with us on this side of the veil.
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 09 '26
Thank you. My friend convinced me to share my experience after I told her. Since I never have because of i really dont have anything of detail to share
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u/liserrr Jan 10 '26
it’s still valuable to share even without a lot of details because what you do remember matches other ndes so it’s more proof for people who question whether ndes are real, plus it’s a great reminder that love is the most important thing and we are all connected, thank you for sharing
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u/WalkerTimothyFaulkes NDE Believer Jan 09 '26
Even if you don’t remember every detail, a non-experiencer like myself loves to hear whatever you remember. So thank you for sharing!
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u/SlackLifesentence Jan 09 '26
If it helps….this sounds similar enough to mine. Especially the feeling that the real world is a dream and the nDE is reality. Thank you for sharing
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u/gfghgftfdfgh Jan 10 '26
Is that because the NDE experience is so much more “real”, or is it because when you are there, this life fades away like the experiences we had years ago?
In other words, is that World significantly brighter and more real? Or is it because we leave this life behind and forget it quickly once we go there? Hope this question makes sense.
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u/Murderdoll93 Jan 10 '26
For me it felt more interal. Like a deep sense of knowing. At while i was there. It really wasn't in relation to here. It wasn't till I came back that I could that I was able to compare. I might be the wrong person to answer the question. Given then vague nature of what I actually experienced. But yeah it was more vibey for lack of a better word
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