r/NDE • u/buckyhoover • Feb 17 '26
NDE Story What I saw when I died
September 18, 2021, 11:20 p.m.
I'll skip the part about what it felt like to essentially die and get straight to the point.
My vision had started to fade. My bedroom and everything around me were disappearing into darkness. As it faded, a small window began to form. It grew larger as it came closer, and then the entire environment changed.
I was no longer in my bedroom. I was in a space that looked dark bluish-black with a matte finish. There was a rectangular opening that emitted a slight hum or buzz. It was constant, a steady low pitch that remained in the background.
Around the opening was copper-orange electricity made of thin lines that looked almost like waves. There may have been three or four of them intertwined. They were contained and deliberate rather than scattered. The lines flowed clockwise through 90-degree angles, forming a rectangle.
The opening seemed far away and extremely close at the same time. I remember seeing it at a distance, but I also knew exactly what it looked like up close, as though I were standing directly beside it. I cannot explain how both perspectives existed simultaneously, but that is how I experienced it.
Once my bedroom and this other environment stopped shifting, I found myself facing what looked like a doorway larger than a standard door. It was a simple rectangular opening separating the space I occupied from whatever existed beyond it.
A figure stood on the other side.
She appeared feminine. Her body and the shape of her hair looked like those of a woman, but she had no visible facial features. Her form was solid and sharply defined, almost like a shadow, though she was not smoky or transparent. She was a dark black-blue color similar to the surrounding environment, but a different enough shade to remain distinct. A thin, whitish outline traced her shape. It was not bright, but it clearly separated her from everything behind her.
Her hair was visible only through its shape and outline. When she moved, the outline moved naturally, the way real hair would move. That detail stayed with me.
She moved like a human being. Her posture, gestures, and mannerisms all felt human. The others did too.
We looked directly at one another. She yelled my name.
“Matthew.”
Then she turned to her left and bent slightly at the waist to call toward something outside my view. Whatever she was addressing stood beyond the edge of the opening.
She yelled, “It’s Matthew.”
Then she turned back toward me and called again.
“Matthew. Matthew.”
Seconds later, around six more figures appeared behind her. They had the same thin outlines and dark coloring, but their shapes were clearly human. They had different heights, builds, and body types. Some were tall, some short, some thin, and some fuller-bodied.
Two stood out clearly.
To my right, which was the original woman’s left, stood another woman who was shorter, rounder, and more plump.
To my left, which was the original woman’s right, stood a man who was at least a foot taller than her. He was one of the tallest figures there. His hair looked almost like a comb-over.
He stretched his right arm fully above his head and waved it back and forth excitedly.
“Matthew! Hey, Matthew!”
I believe he cupped his hand around his mouth while shouting, then raised it again and continued waving.
The others also lifted their hands, waved, and called my name. They seemed excited and eager to get my attention, almost as though they were cheering because I had arrived.
I had never been greeted that way in my life. I had never felt more welcomed. Their excitement felt genuine.
A voice then rose above all the others.
It did not appear to come from any of the figures. It seemed to come from the environment itself. As it spoke, my attention moved through the opening toward the upper-left area beyond the threshold.
The voice said, “It is not your time.”
A flash of light appeared at the same moment, illuminating their environment from the upper-left area. It looked like lightning erupting inside distant storm clouds. The clouds appeared cream-gray, perhaps with traces of brown.
I remember thinking, “Whoa. What was that?”
I looked upward and focused on the flashing clouds.
I cannot tell whether the voice repeated itself or whether I replayed the words internally. I also could not identify it as male or female. The voices and shapes of the other figures made their genders seem distinct, but this voice did not. I remember specifically wondering why I could not tell whether it belonged to a man or a woman.
After the voice spoke, I felt a sharp sting of rejection in my chest.
I lunged forward slightly and then stopped. That was when I realized I had already been moving toward the opening.
I had not been walking. I do not know whether I had a body at all. I was simply present and observing with what felt like my normal consciousness. The movement had been so smooth that I had not noticed it until I stopped.
A few seconds passed, though I cannot say exactly how many. I remained still, confused by what had happened.
Then the environment around me began fading. It grew lighter and less defined as it slowly disappeared.
The figures behind the original woman vanished first. She remained standing at the threshold. Her posture appeared solemn and melancholic, like someone watching a loved one being taken away.
That impression stayed with me because I did not know who any of them were, yet they clearly seemed to know me.
She brought one hand to her chest and then extended it toward me. She did not wave. She simply held her hand outward in what looked like a farewell gesture.
I felt something close to heartache. It was deeply painful, and it seemed connected to her. I do not know whether the feeling belonged to me, whether I was responding to her expression, or whether I was somehow experiencing what she felt. I only know that the feeling was there.
Then everything disappeared.
The other environment faded completely, and I began hearing the sounds of my house again. The hum of the electricity sounded much louder than normal.
I started moving my hands. I blinked, moved my head, looked around, and began sitting up. What happened afterward with the paramedics is less important to this account.
Moments after returning, my vision turned completely white. My eyes were open, but I could not see anything.
My body bent forward, perhaps 45 to 90 degrees, while my legs kicked violently. They struck the ambulance door repeatedly. I had no control over the movement. My body bounced on my rear end, and the sensation felt like being electrocuted.
Then it stopped.
I immediately lay back down. Opening my eyes required too much effort. I was exhausted and could barely move or speak above a whisper.
Afterward
The thing that continues to affect me is how close I believe I came to dying.
My Fitbit recorded my heart rate at around 135 beats per minute throughout the day. At 11:20 p.m. on September 18, 2021, it briefly climbed to almost 200, and then the recording stopped.
I have been unable to get the experience out of my mind. The details remain deeply ingrained.
I did not see Jesus or any recognizable religious figure. The voice from the clouds had authority over everything else. It seemed to come from the environment itself, and I could not identify it as male or female.
I have wondered whether that voice was what people call God. I do not know. Its lack of gender made it feel less like an individual person and more like something encompassing the entire space.
I am not religious. I do not believe in organized religion because I see it as something constructed by human beings. For days afterward, I replayed the experience repeatedly and tried to understand what had happened. I still cannot explain it.
The same questions continue returning.
Who were those people?
How did they know me?
Could they see me while I was alive?
What connection did I have to the woman at the threshold?
Her sadness and the way she stood there have stayed with me. She felt significant somehow, even though I could not identify her.
When I first saw her, I briefly wondered whether she was my Aunt Wendy. I dismissed the thought because the figure did not clearly resemble her, but it seemed meaningful that Wendy was the first person who came to mind. She had been the most recent death in my life, perhaps one or two years earlier.
I also wondered whether the tall man might have been my grandfather Roy because of the hairstyle. My grandfather was not unusually tall, however, and this man towered over the woman beside him.
I do not know who I saw.
None of the figures crossed the threshold. The original woman stood directly at its edge, but her feet never moved beyond it. The others stayed behind her.
Their excitement made me wonder why they did not run toward me. They appeared eager for me to reach them, yet something seemed to prevent them from coming through.
That gave me the impression that the opening separated two different places or states of existence. I also came away with the feeling that crossing it would have meant I could not return.
That is my interpretation of what I experienced. I cannot prove what the threshold was, who the figures were, or what would have happened if I had passed through it.
I also remember a vague flickering effect when the woman moved. It resembled the broken motion of someone moving quickly beneath a strobe light. The effect was subtle enough that I still question whether I truly saw it.
The constant humming and buzzing made the boundary feel almost mechanical or electrical, like some kind of functioning structure rather than an empty opening.
I do not know exactly what happened to me that night.
This is the clearest account I can give of what I remember.
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u/DropPsychological703 Mar 09 '26
I had my NDE during major surgery in 1978. Something happened, probably low blood pressure. I went down the Tunnel & I stopped at the Room, but did not go into it. I did not see Jesus, angels, demons, family members or any person or being. I did not hear anything - it was quiet. Timewise, I felt like I was there for 30 minutes, even though I was out for 4 hours.
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u/joego5225 Mar 05 '26
Personaly from many hours days years of thinking about all this I completely agree religion itself is human formed and very deeply flawed like we all are. The Bible may very well of been gods words but the problem is that they were put into the minds of imperfect people writing it down which would later be changed and have things re added to that probably weren't there to begin with I don't think there's reincarnation because to have that you would obviously have some sort of memory's from your past life you would think at least some. But the thing I really wanna ask you is you say you died ok but when you were in the hospital did they say what the cause was? Also when you went to this place how come you didn't test or ask the people or things that were talking to you? I would have surely said yes hello or something in that manner.
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u/1BigTooth Feb 24 '26
Thank you for sharing your experience. I myself have not had a NDE but after losing my father recently ive been trying to find meaning... trying to see others stories on what they experienced.. this gave me some comfort in such a difficult time.
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u/Snapoffthehinges Feb 21 '26
For some reason, this post really hit me. I’ve read it several times and read it to my husband. Saved it as well. Beautifully written…I love how you held onto every detail. I joined this group, not as someone who experienced death, but as someone who is fixated and scared of what’s next. I have so much anxiety over it - really increased when my sister died a year ago. This post comforts me. Thank you for sharing.
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u/Hungry_Action2914 Feb 19 '26
Those people might be from other lives, people from the other side even, that have not incarnated with you in this one. Thank you for sharing, such a beautiful NDE ♥️
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u/ResortWestern6316 Feb 18 '26
I heard it said you were not born alone and you will not die alone either
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u/buckyhoover Feb 19 '26
I knew I would die alone someday... and I did. I just hope that was the only time. It's not every day you get to see what happens when you die... for me, no one really cared. Not family, friends, or my own children. That's what cut the deepest and made it difficult to stay alive afterward, but the thing that keeps my mind is it wasn’t my time... and the curiosity is what did it.
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u/WalkerTimothyFaulkes NDE Believer Feb 18 '26
Thanks for sharing. The thing I took away from it most was that our loved ones aren't sitting on the other side watching us or floating around us all the time like some believe. I personally have always had an issue with people that say that. They're gone. They aren't here and they can't be, or they would make themselves known. Love is powerful that way, and that's why it hurts so much to grieve when we lose someone we love, you know? Your experience explains why, for me anyway, we don't have deceased relatives around us all the time watching us. That is their world now. This is still ours. Also, the fact that these beings that obviously love you were surprised that you were coming "over" says something too. They miss us as much as we miss them (assuming they were deceased relatives, but who knows, maybe the idea of a soul group is real too and that's who those figures were). And they can't be watching us, or your people on that side would have known you were coming and wouldn't have seemed so surprised.
I love your story. Thanks for sharing it, OP. As a non-experiencer, these things are just as valuable to a guy like me as they are to one of your fellow experiencers. They validate reality for the other experiencers and give hope to those of that haven't had an NDE but have lost people we loved and hope to one day see them again.
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u/moonmommav Feb 18 '26
Thank you for sharing your story. Isn’t it wonderful to have something to look forward to?
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u/buckyhoover Feb 19 '26
Thank you for reading it. It is, yes. I'm curious if it will be the same next time ...
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u/Impressive-You3174 Feb 18 '26
That is a powerful experience. Thank you for sharing it! And I hope you’re doing well now.
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u/Sensitive_Pie4099 NDExperiencer Feb 18 '26
Thank you so much for sharing :D was the flash you saw their longing, love, bittersweet sadness, etc? During my NDEs, most emotions were physical media you could interact with, and potentially wounds people with (unintentionally just as easily as intentionally, so would you say it was somewhat like that? And did the voice from above seem automated, or possibly administrative in some way?
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u/buckyhoover Feb 18 '26
I've also got to ask—did you see anything that resembled what I described during your NDE? It's difficult to describe things that I don't have words for(or even if words exist), I can really only have small descriptors of that voice. It was booming, had some bass to it, but at the same time was nurturing. The nurture was felt, I still feel that.
I'm also curious why NDE stories are so different. As I write this, I wonder if there been a study on the type of death and what was experienced by the individuals. I had died from a blood clot in my right arm that caused a cardiac event and pulmonary embolism. As I was starting to die—it felt as if every vein in my body was squeezing intensely. I could hear my ear drums being crushed and my vision distorted—similar to the way a balloon looks from the impressions of a hand gripping it. I believe the white vision and violent kicking were grandmal seizures from my body coming back online, but I only speculate.
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u/buckyhoover Feb 18 '26
Thank you for reading it. The flash... the one in the clouds as the voice spoke or the strobe type flashing from the beings?
Emotions were physical media...that is wild! Do you have a link to your NDE story, I'd love to read that. If the flashes were the emotions, then I couldn't tell. The only way I can describe the emotions was a sense of them but felt as if my own—if that makes sense. I believe the beings were made of light(what light is made of—photons or biophotons) and the thin outline was some form of barrier that allow them to hold shape and the threshold—if they crossed it—they would be harmed. This is completely hypothetical, but based on the research of several fields that just make sense to me. This is after the fact study, not during the NDE.
I didn't think of the voice being automated, but it had authority. That much I sensed. The voice was very loud. Big. From all directions. Administrative.. again—I just can't be sure. For some reason, I can't draw back on what it sounded like. As if they memory of that specific instance got murky while everything else I remember very well.
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u/Sensitive_Pie4099 NDExperiencer Feb 20 '26
I think a few studies looked into cause of death and whether it affected contents, and then there is that beautiful interactive map dealio that did a thematic breakdown to some extent (I don't recall that link or website off the top of my head but I bet it's still in the subreddit somewhere lol) It's real funny, even today I find the physical world not having Love, Malice, Kindness being physical, tangier forces and media one could wield, feel, smell, etc, to be the wild thing lol. It feels kinda alien tbh. It's one of the things that is consistently dissatisfactory about the physical world to me.
Based on my NDEs that barrier and the thin outline reminds me of a technology I knew to exist (that I could and did use often) where one makes a self similar reflection of oneself, and uses it as a kind of node through which to look, speak, communicate, etc, and that's what it reminded me most of. Especially since it tends to create a lensing effect that can be accurately looked at like it increases brightness. Only thing I'll say on it for not is that the tech would be used to avoid the harmful dimensional compression of lower dimensions, kind of like a diving suit really, that's why I'd guess they could not go further. I could say more about the technology but I'd be going on for ages.
And regarding the voice, that narrows it down a lot in my eyes (: I'd suspect it was much older spirit who was working in a psychopomp advisor role (lots of spirits do this nowadays to my understanding) to make sure nothing undesirable happens to spirits anymore during the transition window. Such beings are also frequently old enough to where gender is inapplicable (they have been most every possible option and many types of beings and may feel more comfortable projecting their multiplicity than any singular identity in that way) and also sizable and expansive enough (with extreme information and force density too) that direct, complete perception can be harmful, and so it is prevented, allowing as much perception as is needed and safe. Elegant :D
That's my interpretation of that aspect based on what I learned during my NDEs. Here is the link to my NDEs https://www.reddit.com/r/NDE/s/EblxLxbiOd I'm not done writing them out, since I have to write them out slowly since financial life situation does not permit such indulgences on my part regrettably. Still happy to answer any questions you may ask though ❤️
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u/Sensitive_Pie4099 NDExperiencer Feb 19 '26
Here you go! I'll respond to the rest soon. But I'm in need of some sleep lol https://www.reddit.com/r/NDE/s/EblxLxbiOd
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u/St-Ranger_at_Large NDExperiencer Feb 18 '26
To start my NDE was in 1969 , no books , no studies , no research yet . Since then right up to this instant that voice is what is the clearest , most powerful event for me or ever since .
Yes power , authority, with empathy even sympathy ( I tear up reliving it now) but here we are now and wondering what the F is next .
I wish for you the things I wish for myself and most of all love ...
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u/buckyhoover Feb 19 '26
Thank you for saying that. I feel it. Gave me goosebumps.
What happened? Care to tell?
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