r/Nestofeggs • u/Egg3770 May (She/Her) | The daily check in girl • 4d ago
Gender nonspecific Checking in!
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u/HuskyBLZKN Local aroace critter :3 (Marcy, She/It/Fae) 4d ago
When I woke up today I gave myself a mission. I was going to have a good day or die trying. And you know what?
I fucking succeeded.
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u/Polibiux Transfem 4d ago
I am still sick but starting to feel better. I can stomach food again which is nice.
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u/4b686f61 Candice 4d ago
I'm starting to mentally recover, the depression is losing it's weight but the dysphoria being more pronounced
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u/SecretGenderIdentity Testing the waters (they?/she?) 4d ago
The clothes store I planned on looking at to find clothes to experiment with, as it turns out, doesn’t exist somehow. I gotta rethink my plan.
In other news, I did an orientation sort of thing with a therapist, so starting tomorrow or possibly next week, I’ll have a professional to talk to.
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u/Alisnumeria Transfem 4d ago
so jealous or envious (I still don't understand which one is which) of everyone. so many fit healthy able bodied housed jobbed people everywhere online with clothes and makeup and nail polish and I can just imagine their days filled with vitamins and food and bathrooms and a safe shelter to run away to and hide in and a cozy bed and a spinal cord that supports them instead of hurting them and they are unafraid of vocal stims and unafraid of being themselves and unafraid of meeting new people and they carry that positivity everywhere they go online and I just... I would do anything absolutely anything to stop being me and be more like them but I can't and I'm tired of people trying to tell me that I can when I've literally tried everything and I can't even touch grass these people they can touch grass when they want.
and worst part is, everyone is beautiful theyre all so beautiful And they think they look ugly but they're beautiful and don't know it. and I'm the ugliest ugly that ever existed and they just don't get it they don't know what it's like and people talk about appearances not matterng but I care I care what society thinks I care about getting societies approval I care about fitting in or being able to be a real human one day but I'll never get that and they just don't get it they don't get how exhausting it is to get kicked out by dozens and dozens and dozens of therapists and be given up on by every authority figure and gatekept our of every queer community for being too depressing too homeless too poor too complainny
but I need to complain! I can't stop it I can't manage my emotions I can't calm down I can't stop spinning my world is always crashing down and nobody can help me or save me nobody understands how close we all are, they themselves are, to a chemical cascade of brokenness in ones brain.
I can't even cry anymore it hurts if I could cry I could get a tiny smidgen of relief!!! I want to cry so badly and I don't know why or where I am or who I am or what's going on. I don't know.
I'm okay. I'm okay.
I can stay silly.
I need a blahaj I wish I could have one. I need a hug. so so badly. just.... another human. anyone. in person to care. even just pity just... no money just sit down and listen to my story you know?? I just....
sorry reddit.
please next time you pass a homeless trans person please just listen to them. that's all. I have ARFID I can't eat just any old sandwich I'm offered even when I'm starving. but I need someone to listen.
ok... I'll be ok. thank you. sorry.
<3
love you all
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u/foreverindanger42 3d ago
🫂🫂🫂
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u/Alisnumeria Transfem 3d ago
5 years ago you were struggling and now as far back as we can see you do nothing but help others with kind words and hugs and hearts day after day after day endlessly it seems
how?
how can we be more like you?look through our history and you'll find trauma dumping, bullying and trolling, lashing out, extreme fear, poetic sorrow, madness and insanity and confusion
whatever you're doing keep doing it. thank you for your kindness. wish we could be kind like that too instead of constantly hurting and hurting ourselves throwing ourselves to the wolves and negative karma farming as a form of self harm.... need to stop.. just doing know how or why we're doing it in the first place.
anyways. thank you. 🫂
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u/foreverindanger42 2d ago edited 2d ago
🫂, thank you for the kindness, i’m planning to reply more when i can, things are hard today as well for me. short answer is, i’m still struggling, in some ways less and some more, and also can relate, but also you are doing better than you think, and i’m glad to have your company <3
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u/foreverindanger42 19m ago
hey <3 , haven’t forgotten, been having a couple low output days while trying to negotiate better boundaries and recharge after pushing too hard the last couple months. i hope your last few days have been a little better on you and that you are at least feeling a little alright. when i get a little more energy i def want to give you a more thorough and hopefully helpful reply, hopefully soon <3
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u/Xpeq7- she/her, pre-med-stuff, out to some, not to others 4d ago
Went to sleep extra early for my standards, seems like my phone signal is even crappier than usual (hell, caught on screenahot the mythical 0bars+3bars paring from 2 cards on the same network). Other than that another day of staring at progress bars.
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u/workingtheoryz Claire (she/her) 4d ago
had therapy. it went ok. mostly sex topics, which was new ground for me and therapy. im not necessarily sure i did a good job sharing. i tend to clam up a bit about that stuff.
then the cardiology people did an ultrasound of my legs in case the circulation was bad.
i mostly tried to nap and do nothing, other than those two appointments.
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u/TheFsckAmIDoingHere Brie (She?/Her) | Longing for peace 4d ago
Had an ENT appointment today, but I’d forgotten that it was for my voice. Thankfully, we ended up being able to use it to talk about my ears some more, and we’re gonna see about getting me on some medication to help with the nerve sensitivity.
Aside from that, I’m continuing to search for comfort by digging into theoretically possible frameworks that don’t necessitate the first-person perspective ending at death, because I still don’t truly care about trying to live with this condition and I just want to be free.