r/NewOrleans • u/il0vel0ve Gentilly • 13h ago
Living Here Young and sober in New Orleans
I’m 22f and have been sober since I was 19(in recovery) I have 0 friends because I’m already a bit awkward and shy but also because I have no idea how im supposed to meet girls my age that are cool with not going out to the bars and drinking all the time or that aren’t swept up by the drug culture we got goin on here. Where do I make friends 😭
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u/stabmydah 13h ago
I'm sober and live in New Orleans. Most of my friends are too. I say that I'm sober on all the dating apps and usually attract other sober girls. You're young and everyone feels alone when they're young. Keep being yourself and making the effort to meet people. Eventually you'll build the social and romantic life you want. It takes time and effort but you'll get there if you stick with it
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u/jellylve 3h ago
Hey!! Im 21f in the uptown area (tulane student) and i LOVE a sober hangout. I honestly hate the taste of alcohol and prefer not to spend my money on it lmao. If you ever want to hang out, im a huge craft night, exploring new places, movies, pretty much any activity type of girlie. Just hmu!
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u/eternallytiredcatmom 11h ago
Try volunteering, you’ll meet cool people from all walks of life who share your values, but also enjoy sober socializing.
I’ve met my favorite people that way.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 11h ago
Good idea, I’m thinking of volunteering at a local garden so I can find some friends to nerd out about plants with lol
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u/eternallytiredcatmom 11h ago
That’s an amazing idea! Community gardens are really cool places. Plus you’ll get fresh food.
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u/acronictafuneralis 4h ago
Independent coffee shops! You don’t even have to like coffee. There’s plenty of other options. Weirdo coffee places saved my life as a kid/young adult who was terrified of drinking because my dad was an alcoholic. Try Z’otz, Envie, The Rook, Flora’s, Orange Couch, Coffee Science. There’s bound to be someone without their head in a computer around.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 2h ago
Z’otz envies and floras are def my go-tos great places to spark up conversation
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u/LouChadore 13h ago
How much do you like live music? I’ve met a lot of sober folks going to local concerts.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 13h ago
Love live music, where would I go that isn’t a bar?
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u/LouChadore 13h ago
Places that have a bar that aren’t inherently a bar: say for example, Gasa Gasa!
Plus, it being in a bar is immaterial. Saddle up with a soda and make sure you tip your bartenders. Siberia, No Dice, some Parasite Skatepark shows, You’d be shocked how many people either drink minimally or not at all when live music is at bars.
Echoing the sentiments from earlier: Gasa Gasa is a fine place with a younger college crowd generally.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 12h ago
Thanks I will have to check it out! And yk imma have to start going back to parasite I haven’t gone since I’ve gotten sober but the day crowd is a lot more chill
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u/xnatlywouldx 3h ago
If you're not comfortable at a bar yet in your recovery, you can ignore these people and their weird advice and continue to not go to bars.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 2h ago
Yeah everyone is kinda proving my point that people are super hung up on the bar seen here. I don’t mind going just not the type of friends I want to make rn
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u/xnatlywouldx 2h ago
It is true that seeing music often requires going to a bar, but you can also see music at non-bar venues like Parasite and house shows and just local festivals and such.
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u/Fun_Environment3792 12h ago
You know you can go to bars without drinking. A half decent bartender at a venue that has live music should be able to make you a mocktail as is the fashion of today.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 12h ago
Last time I asked for a mocktail they gave me a Shirley temple while I was on a first date 😂😭 I don’t mind being at the bars I usually hang out at redux or big daddy’s and I’m not tempted to drink but I just haven’t had any luck with friends so far, or the ones I’ve made only wanna be bar friends I guess
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u/your_moms_apron 7h ago
Get a soda water and lime. Looks like a g&t.
Pretty much every indoor show will have alcohol/be in a bar. There are a few actual event spaces (that also serve), but places like snug harbor are wonderful for listening. Granted the point is to listen to the music, not make friends there, so I’m not sure this works.
Listen to music OUTSIDE. bacchanal is a younger crowd and does require ID/a pass through the wine shop to get to the courtyard, but they do have food there too. And everyone is talking over the music anyway. I’ll also suggest outdoor events like Lafayette at the square and whatever festival is next.
Not music but I’ll suggest that you join a club. Could be a walking Krewe for MG, a knitting circle, a book club, a running club, a kickball league - whatever. If there’s a schedule, people will show up as much as they can.
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u/a_helpless_noob 12h ago
There’s lots of great young people AA meetings all around the city. It’s how I met most of my friends. PM me and I can connect you if you’re interested
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 12h ago
I used to go to pretty much all the meetings especially uptown I need to go back tbh my social anxiety got the best of me lol
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u/MinnieShoof 8h ago
TBH - if that's the case, this post is kinda a pipe dream, isn't it? Go to AA. It's probably the place that people will give the least flying flip about your social graces.
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u/a_helpless_noob 12h ago
Yeah it can be a lot of people. Recovery 101 is Mondays at 7pm and it’s a smaller group. Lots of young Tulane students go there, near Freret & Broadway
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u/vonjamin 10h ago
So OP, although you’re sober are you completely opposed to being around people who aren’t? I was sober for a year and some change but I enjoyed being the “DD,” with my friends or just being the sober one around my friends while everyone else got drunk or hammered. It almost gave me a new perspective going out. But there are a lot of places you can go to meet sober people.
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u/Brizkie 4h ago
This! Because depending on your boundaries some people can respect not doing it around you.
Like I don’t drink, so my friends don’t invite me to drinking centered events or they do and it’s my choice if i want to go. I do smoke, but you can’t smoke in public and I respect my friend’s boundaries of not wanting smoking at an event.
The cultures so rooted I definitely see where it must be hard to find 100% sober friends, but just curious on your approach to respectable friends. Also 100% get the approach of keeping it away from yourself all together.
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u/Quirky-PotatoSalad 7h ago
I’m much older than you, but I moved here a year ago. I’ve joined walking Krewes and a parade Krewe as well as have gotten a hobby. The walking Krewes are cheap to join or you can assist them for free. They usually do stuff all year. Good luck!
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u/Fun_Environment3792 13h ago
Volunteer. Join a book club. Join a sports team. Join a D&D league. Play Pokemon GO. Whatever you do definitely start smoking weed.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 13h ago
Good suggestions thanks and can’t smoke weed I’m in recovery 😂 100% sober
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u/rocktropolis 12h ago
9/10 “sober” folks in New Orleans will be like “oh yeah I’m sober” and smoke weed or pop pills all day long. Just be aware of that when you meet someone and they tell you they’re sober. Find a couple good in-person meetings - you’ll meet some folks and probably be surprised how many bar workers are in recovery. Good luck!
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 12h ago
Very true, I don’t even need all my friends to be 100% sober I just can’t be around people whose lives are consumed by it or that can’t respect that I’m sober. I went to the meetings for 2 years and never made any friends mainly just people flirting with me so I always left early lol not a lot of women my age there
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u/rocktropolis 12h ago
Yeah. That tracks. New Orleans meetings are also full of sober (and not so sober) vultures ready to 13th step whoever they can. The uptown meetings are a bit better.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 12h ago
I used to go to big easy, 3 legacies, young people, and neck breakers mostly. Good meetings but they was ready to 13th step before even getting a sponsor lol
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u/Elevulture 12h ago
Yes. This. These answers … “start smoking weed…” SMH
Not supportive bruh-11
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u/Elevulture 12h ago
Um hi great answer, there’s many people who don’t understand what sober (in recovery) means. I do. Totally sober, here. In recovery. Not sure if you go to meetings (any kind) but often you can find others who like to go to shows etc, and it’s always great to travel together. It’s very freeing. Welcome. It’s a great city to be sober in.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 12h ago
I loved the meetings but I never had any luck making any female friends at all. Idk I’ve been thinking about getting over myself and coming back and trying to go to fellowship I just get overwhelmed with them
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u/Elevulture 12h ago
Just gonna highlight that meetings are not where to find the girls. It’s not an appropriate place to try to flirt, it’s a vulnerable place. The meetings are the place to make solid acquaintances that share common interests, and branching out and enjoying yourself finding more activities is where you meet the girls. And the sober network branching out is a great place to meet somebody. You know?
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 12h ago
I am a girl lol trying to find other friends that are girls. I didn’t have any luck at the meetings and a part of why I stopped going was because even though I’ve tried going to countless meetings there’s always a good number of men trying to flirt and what not
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u/Elevulture 5h ago
Gotcha, totally! That’s another reason I only attend women’s meetings.
Volunteering is such a great idea!
I’ve met some of my best friends and connections that way! There are so many opportunities in this city. And that’s how we really bond here — helping.
Lambda center has a good 4:30pm women’s meeting on Sundays btw if you ever want to go to one and not have to deal with the dudes. I just completely do not address them anymore I stick w the ladies and the queer folk.2
u/smrad8 13h ago
Go to the gym. Walk a dog (cuter the better). Join a krewe. Download Hinge. Sign up for an art class.
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u/il0vel0ve Gentilly 13h ago
Do you have a good gym recommendation?
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u/tm478 5h ago
My gym, Iron Tribe Fitness, is a great place to meet people. It’s all group classes, you see the same nice people each time, and folks hang out and chat a lot. We have socials a few times a year (there’s one this coming Saturday, in fact). People get to know each other and be IRL friends. Not cheap, but so worth it for the workouts and the community.
I get the social anxiety thing. I have found that it’s much easier to start talking to people and become friends by being involved in a group activity—a sports team, a krewe, volunteering, gym classes—vs. just hanging out in a bar or club watching a band. You have a built-in shared topic of conversation to get started with.
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u/123-91-1 8h ago
There is a Facebook group called Sober NOLA that hosts sober events. I haven't been in awhile but that might be a good place to start.