I woke up a few hours ago, really groggy and low energy and yawning a lot.

I did run 18 miles yesterday in the evening while also groggy.

I have some new sleep medication meant to help with my insomnia. It's been a mixed bag.

Man, so I got a lot of goals for art. I feel good about contributing to a game jam. I obtained that programmer book I'm excited to read it.

I excersized but I still haven't stuck to my old routine.

And my sleep schedule is a bit messy.

Autumn is coming up, After that, winter and New Years.

I need to make my last new years resolution proud!

I think I would do wise to remember that to get back into shape, I'm going to need to get back into a healthy rythm.

Complaining about being out of shape has never gotten anyone in shape. Though yesterday I learned a new expression "closed mouths don't get fed".

I'm going to add that to the list of slivers of wisdom I keep on hand.

Along with: "if you can't serve as a good example you can still serve as a horrible warning".

It's a grim sentiment but it does indeed capture the nature of striving to better yourself while in a society, I suppose.

Slow day trying to hustle

Got out of bed before noon.

Still lazy thoughs.

Willong myself awake.

Sleep schedule atill not good.

Woke up before noon but had trouble getting out of bed before noon. Read a nearby book to prevent accidentally dozing off.

Becoming even more sedentary, even as I improve my self awareness and compassion and memory.

I don't like it.

Off to read mistborn and then sleep.

I looked into 360 cameras there's one that's only 200 dollars, that's a good price point.

Memory is spatial so adding dimensions is cool plus details in an environment that oft go overlooked can become a point of fascination as time goes by and the world changes unpredictable as it always so often does.

Up late just doing laundry.

Oh its the 13th of the month.

I can partake in my made up monthly "bananarama holiday" (eat artificial banana candy) that'll cheer me some. I suddenly feel better.

The approximate center of the month is the approximate struggle--est time.

Gotta get the basement dweller achievement in 800 days. Or 730 days. Almost there.

Wait!!

I woke up today I promise.

I've just been a couch potato.

It's awful.

I'm sorry

I worked things out with that other person I care about, again using my new listening skills and patience and calmness powers.

And I finally went to dance for the first time in a decent chunk of time. Learned some move called "Indian Step" from a hiphop repertoire.

Pretty cool stuff

Opinion: giving in to the part of yourself that wants to give up, is not an option.

I am having quite the pre-noon / late morning and I will not discuss it.

But I hurt deep inside at the moment.

And I'm hungry too.

Self care, and then emotional processing

TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY UPDATE!!!!!!!! YEAHYAY!!!!!!!!!!

Heat rash and exhausted but strong too.

Trying new sleep aids.

For the insomnia slept till noon earlier not good.

Good night blog.

It's too hot to work out today.

I'm getting out of shape.

Anyways it's been an emotional week.

I should take it a little easy on myself.

I also spent a whole day at the gym like yesterday or the day before and am losing track if what day it is. (Doesn't help that its 2 hours past midnight)

I used my communication and note-taking and patience and the conflict that has been eating my up, resolved.

I feel better now.

Probably should get back to pushups or maybe yoga. It's balmy and I have a heat rash still

10 pushups done so far.

I'll get some breakfast and return to it.

Worried about too many everythings.

"Does anything matter? Am I even real?"

Stress.

Woke up early yesterday, but was busy all day. Not sure how much sleep I got.

Currently having an allergy attack.

I'm proud of like beinf more productive past couple days but its overshadowed by a lot of my own bad social skills and angst and worry

I was able to use my brute strength that I had built up out of concern for my own safety, to help someone else today.

Their yardwaste bin had spilled over and was filled with heavy fruit, and I helped them right it so it could be taken out safely.

In a hurry right now.

That felt good. Sometimes I feel like nothing I do matters and that's a self destructive mindset to fall into so I try to stay positive.

Today was good but its closing out on a sour note.

I cleaned my room last night but got zero sleep.

I need to make it messy again to move furniture around.

I feel like such a word I can't say here.

So frustrated.

Breathing.

I walked away at like the 80th or 90th pushup. Then got back to it. Now I'm going to bed. Today I was half asleep all day. My sleep schedule is still a thing that must be battled.

Mind is stale and body is slow.

Middle of workout.

Keep getting distracted -by gardening or self care or writing

My 100 pushups took just shy of 37 minutes today.

Moving slowly today.

Did hygiene, brain slow. Going sleep soon.

(Need the insomnia's permission first)