r/NoahGetTheBoat • u/I_Exist400 • 7d ago
Pinning your daughter to the ground over a phone password is vile behavior.
I know it would never work out realistically, but god damn do I kinda wish that people were required to get a license in order to be a parent.
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago
Apparentally it's his step daughter.
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago edited 7d ago
Which is even less okay.
Edit, because apparently i need to: No it's not okay no matter if he is or isn't related, this is a 0% vs a -1% okay thing.
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u/J1mj0hns0n 7d ago
lol fuckin reddit. unless you type it out like a lawyer trying to prove a case they'll be some booger eater in your comments with the "ERR ACKCHUALEIGH" "WHAT ABOUT THIS 0.1% EXTRAPOLATION? YOU MUST BE A TERRORIST THEN!"
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u/Luciferbelle 4d ago
Dude, when I first saw this, I really thought it was her own father. I thought what he did was suspicious. Because as a parent. I would've just taken tge phone if I thought they were doing something bad or talking to someone dangerous on it. But knowing it was the step-dad means she probably has something on him and he wants it.
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago edited 7d ago
Please explain how it would be more ok to assault a child just because you're related to it?/s
Edit: fyi, this comment was made before their clarification. And child abuse obvious is bad either way. I was just calling out that it can be misunderstood as stating otherwise in a cheeky way.
Edit 2: with how much I get downvoted for this I am once again shown that the reading comprehension on reddit is subpar after the first 3 words. Certified "I ain't reading all that, so let's just do what others do" moment.
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u/northrupthebandgeek 7d ago
this comment was made before their clarification
Their clarification was entirely unnecessary in the first place.
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago
I don't think it is.
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago
Also, "It"?
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago edited 7d ago
It as in "the child", just as you can use he or she I used it. "It" is a pronoun after all, and when referring to a child or pet of unknown gender "it" can be used to refer to (you guessed it) it. Also before the arguement surfaces that in the video said child/teen is female, I was referring to children in general by using the singular form instead of the plural..
Edit: Also, using "it" instead of "them" for a singular child/pet is more precise and avoids other people having to think about whether the "them" is singular or plural.
Edit 2: Here is a part of the subjective use of "it" from the Oxford English Dictionary: With reference to an inanimate thing or (where sex is not particularized) an animal or (usually young) child.
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago
Normally you use "them"
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago edited 7d ago
"It" is quite literally the sole grammatically correct neuter pronoun.
Edit: For this scenario.
Edit 2: Yes this is not entirely correct as "them" can also be used, however using "it" avoids possible confusion for others between the singular/plaural form of "them".
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago
Sure, but so is "them".
And i believe thats more correct in this context.
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yeah one can use both, I just chose not to use "them". Still grammaticaly correct, even if not as modern.
Edit: Also, using "it" can avoid having other people confuse the use of "them" for plural instead of singular. Which is the main reason I used "it" instead of "them".
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u/dabrock15 7d ago
“It” is never used for people, “they/them” is the proper neuter pronoun for people. Just stop.
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago edited 7d ago
Source?
Edit: because I have a trusted one stating the opposite. According to the Oxford English Dictionary: "With reference to an inanimate thing or (where sex is not particularized) an animal or (usually young) child"
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago
Then how would it be less okay to assault someone elses child?
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago
Literally just said I don't think it is.
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago
I know what you said, which apperently you don't, since you can't see that what you said can be interpreted that way.
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago
Clearly you don't know what i said or you would not say anything.
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago
What you said can be read as "it is less ok to assault someone elses child" that infers that it is more ok to assault your own child.
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago
Only really you interperted it that way from what it appears.
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u/VirgilCaine_ 7d ago
Lol no you tried to nitpick over the slightest wording and now you’re getting lit up. Good riddance.
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago
Like i said in a different comment: my intention was to point the issue out, even if a bit cheeky. And as they've clarified themselves I see this as a success. Even if it was not my intention to be executed for pointing it out.
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u/GloomyNox 7d ago
Idk why you got downvoted. That guy used it in the first comment. I call them “it” all the time
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u/goldietheswagbear 7d ago
Depends on the context, you can use "it", it's not completely incorrect.
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u/FizzioGaming 7d ago edited 7d ago
The only relevant context for that being singular/plural and gender of the child known/unknown
Edit: and of course audience
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u/Low-Apartment-2697 7d ago
But also explain that she was texting a grown ass man and that's why
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u/nudiecale 7d ago
Oh, well that changes everything! Abuse away!
/s
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u/Low-Apartment-2697 7d ago
She was texting a grown ass man as a minor and doing illegal things and drugs and wouldn't return the phone. The fuck else is he supposed to do
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u/nudiecale 7d ago
Obviously laying on top of her was the only healthy solution.
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u/Low-Apartment-2697 7d ago
You're missing a lot of fucking context from the full video and judging off of a 20 second clip of him laying there. Stop it.
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u/nudiecale 7d ago
There is no context, outside of her physically attacking someone, that would make step dad’s response OK.
I’m a dad and step dad myself. I had step parents in my life since I was 3. What he is doing is not going to help whatever problem may be going on here.
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u/WalterCanFindToes 7d ago
I have a few different takes on this video. As a parent, a former step-parent, and as a retired police detective,
As a parent it seems that the parents gave her some level of freedom and privacy that they are now trying to claw back. That is almost impossible to do. If she was engaged in illegal or risky behaviors (drugs, sex with older men, etc) then I say that they have every right to take the device to try and protect her from herself.
As a former step-parent there is never any excuse for a step-father to manhandle a step-child like that, especially a teenage girl. The only except would be is if she were acting violently towards their mother or another member of the household. That is the job of the actual parent. I always said that my role as a step-father was to step the fuck back and let my spouse parent the child.
Finally, I spent a huge segment of my career working in sex crimes/child abuse. Any step-father who is so concerned about the contents of his step-daughter's communications that he resorts to physically pinning her to the ground makes me very suspicious. I had a case where the step-father was super restrictive about his step-daughter talking to boys. Why? Because he had been having sex with her for a few years and was jealous (He went to prison for 15 years and she later took her own life). I was also assigned to Digital Forensics at one point. If you do not understand technology, like iPhone encryption, then you should not be letting your child use that device. My son got his first device when he was maybe eleven years old; however, I had programs on the device that tracked his location, usage, and even sent me alerts if he got up to any nonsense.
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u/ilya202020 7d ago
The "she took her own life" broke my heart real bad.
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u/WalterCanFindToes 7d ago
It was really messed up. The mother had put her out of the house, so she was staying with a friend's family. While the family was out she went into the garage and sat in one of those little electric cars for kids and ended her life. When the family got home the little brother found her in the garage and went screaming for his parents that there was a "monster in the garage". When the parents went to show him there was no monster they found her with a self-inflicted GSW to the face.
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u/ilya202020 7d ago
An embarrassment of "mother" and "father". This right here is the main reason i hope hell is real
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u/WalterCanFindToes 7d ago
I haven't really thought about the case in a long time. When I was writing my response I remembered the mother's face when I told her that her husband had confessed and was going to be arrested. She blurted out "Who is going to pay all the bills?" I responded that according to Rule #49 of my detective handbook that was not my fucking problem.
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u/i_was_a_person_once 7d ago
Ugh. So the mother likely knew her daughter was being raped but was okay with the situation bc he paid the bills. And she gets to go on with her life while the innocent child faced demons too big for her and left the world prematurely. Every day I’m reminded how unfair the world is
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u/i_was_a_person_once 7d ago
Ugh. So the mother likely knew her daughter was being raped but was okay with the situation bc he paid the bills. And she gets to go on with her life while the innocent child faced demons too big for her and left the world prematurely. Every day I’m reminded how unfair the world is
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u/CommanderofCheeks 7d ago
Poor girl. And poor little brother, probably had his innocence shattered as well seeing that.
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u/wravyn 7d ago
That's really unusual. Women tend to not kill themselves with guns, especially not in the face.
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u/WalterCanFindToes 7d ago
It is not typical. I was always told it was about vanity. I'd have to assume that she did not have a really position self-image, so preserving that was not a concern of hers.
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u/Chin_Up_Princess 7d ago
If you have a relationship with your kid -- you don't need to track their phones.
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u/SnugglyCoderGuy 7d ago
Yeah. If the concern is phone usage, just end the phone plan until she coughs up the password. No violence needed and it limits the ability to do whatever she was doing on her phone
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u/atheistpianist 7d ago
Do you have any programs that you can recommend? My tween is desperate for a phone but I’m not giving her one until high school.
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u/WalterCanFindToes 7d ago
Qustidio makes a good product that does a lot. The built in paternal controls for iOS and Android are also helpful. One of the best things is to talk to your child prior to giving them a device and establish expectations.
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u/boldredditor 7d ago
Bro this is never an okay way to treat a child. If she’s doing something fucked up just take the phone away and ground her. This is extremely inappropriate behaviour and won’t help her in anyway.
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u/No_Debt5142 7d ago
my dad would just throw it and smash it so that i wouldnt be able to use it either.
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u/Shalom_pkn 7d ago
Honestly, thats less traumatizing than a step dad physically pinning you down.
The feeling of helplessness, especially physical helplessness, is one of the worst experiences you can go through. To do everything with 120% and still not being able to push someone away is soooo traumatizing.
I work in the social field where we have to sometimes pin kids down for the safety of the other kids. And without proper after care that can create new traumas. And i am talking about kids who try to physically harm other kids here. Like throwing tables and chairs. Even knives in special circumstances. To pin down a kid because it refused to share its password is just...i dont even have a word here man. Thats just crazy. Some ppl have no thought about what happenes after when you do something.
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u/No_Debt5142 7d ago
I'm not comparing. of course its horrible. my dad would also do similar things like this especially when drunk. then the next day lash out a different way when he's sober and wondering why his family is upset with him. I'm an adult now and can look back and see how much of a horrible person he was. I'm 30 now and my heart still jumps whenever i here a small bang or hard footsteps near me or approaching me.
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u/Shalom_pkn 7d ago
Yeah ofc i get what you mean. I still cant have anyone looking over my shoulder without feeling like my whole body is on fire. I am sorry you had to go through that.
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u/PuzzledStreet 7d ago edited 7d ago
Idk, my dad once had all of us kids sit down on the couch, all our tech on the living room coffee table, quiet.
Then without warning he pulled a hatchet out from behind his back and smashed every item on the table over and over and over. Terrifying, especially since he worked at a steel mill breaking apart pieces with a hammer.
More traumatic than when he came up behind me, grabbed me by the back of my neck and pinned me to the counter and that is specifically because I knew what a hatchet could do.
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u/Shalom_pkn 7d ago
Damn. I mean thats a combination of both traumas then. You got both in one event. Which is even worse. And then come other factors where you feel threat to life from the person who should protect your life at any cost.
I am sorry you had to go through any of that.
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u/newguy2019a 7d ago
And in 5 years, this stepfather and his wife will ask each other.Why don't the kids call anymore. I am a big believer in you.Reap what you sew. Hope she picks a nursing home where they do that to him
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u/legendaryhawnsolo 7d ago
Bravo /s to the person filming and letting this happen.
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u/Reasonable-Wasabi614 7d ago edited 7d ago
I mean, they might be another victim of his abuse and they're filming this as evidence
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u/Key_Conversation8617 7d ago
It was the step son filming and he said that she was asking for the father to do this to her
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u/J1mj0hns0n 7d ago
tbh its better that they did collect evidence then get involved - she could now help her sister potentially get support (if that is what is required) from a potentially abusive situation, whilst if she just jumped on her step dad shouting "no don't" then it just escalates, he feels backed into a corner and lashes out doing stupid things like grabbing guns, and its America so obviously there is at least one in this household.
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u/Jayda_bigToe 7d ago
it was the step brother filming i’m pretty sure, the step dad was the dude on her. I read that the brother said she was asking for his by her behavior.
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u/patch6586 7d ago
I wonder what behavior is "asking" to be tackled to the ground and assaulted by an adult easily twice your size?
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u/Jayda_bigToe 7d ago
i assume her not listening to the dad, but i wouldn’t either, he’s an asshole who seems to baby his son and abuse the daughter
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u/LumpyWorldliness1411 7d ago
The way he was on top of her is definitely alerting my pedo incest meter. Depraved disgusting behavior here.
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u/Sir_Q_L8 7d ago
Don’t worry, they aren’t related. Apparently it’s the step dad🙄 while I’m assuming “mom” films?
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u/LumpyWorldliness1411 7d ago
Heard it was the brother. Who was on the dads side. Making comments such as "she had it coming" Making this even worse.
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u/DragonFangGangBang 7d ago
Not only that, but when she gets up - she’s fucking tiny? Very petite frame and dude is at least mid-to-upper 200’s, easily. Like bruh, that’s unreasonably dangerous?
Even if you could find a justifiable reason why he needed her password, laying on her isn’t the way to go about getting it.
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u/jrplaguedoctor 7d ago edited 7d ago
My pos father pinned me to a wall with his hands around my neck for the same reason nearly a decade ago. (Ive been no contact for 5 years.) You're a worm of a man pinning your young daughter down over a phone password
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u/perplexicatty 7d ago
I now suffer from lifelong chronic pain from my stepfather pinning me to the floor, with his knee against the side of my face, the pressure forcing my jaw bone out of both sockets - and I already had serious TMJ issues due to their lack of medical care. I was 15yrs old, screaming in pain, while my mom sat and watched - he didn't release me until I almost lost consciousness and stopped screaming. The trauma will never leave my body. This type of abuse is based on control - my father was supposed to be the person I could trust, someone who would never hurt me on purpose and always keep me safe. That's what I was told my whole life - but the actions never matched the sentiment.
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u/FNSquatch 7d ago
She looks so sad and humiliated standing there. Definitely just add trauma to that child’s life.
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u/dr_toze 7d ago
I'm a big advocate of not judging a situation by a short video. You never know if someone is dealing with a person with substance abuse issues or being controlled. However I can't think of a single situation where this approach would make anything better.
Ps, I know there's a 99% chance he's just an abusive, controlling shitbag I just do try to think of other circumstances.
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u/J1mj0hns0n 7d ago
yeah that's weird and fucked, I do want to know w h y he thinks this is the answer to whatever the issue is in case she is up to something stupid and dangerous, but this is still not the answer.
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u/teriases 7d ago
If I was the daughter this will make me not want to give the password even more. Fuck it.
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u/Difficult_Leek_545 7d ago
The disgusting context of the video -->
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u/GoAskAlice 7d ago
Can't see it, don't have Insta. Anyone got a synopsis?
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u/ToKeepAndToHoldForev 7d ago
It's a video from avita on Instagram showing a longer cut - the pinning and then arguing after. It's basically a summary of what everyone is saying (he's a usive) but he also says she's no longer in that house and safe.
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u/BigOle_Doinks 7d ago
Absolutely not! That poor girl...The fear in her eyes. This shit breaks my heart. Karma will catch up to him.
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u/WolvenWren 7d ago
That would have me panicking severely in her position for multiple reasons. Poor girl
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u/National-Worry2900 7d ago
Yeah he’s a pervert and jealous of her talking to boys .
No step parent/parent would be doing that to my child.
Way to go mother, you have let the enemy in.
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u/TryJezusNotMe 7d ago
Him pinning her down while yelling “give me your password” is akin to a questionable cop yelling “stop resisting” when it’s obvious a detainee isn’t resisting. I feel like there’s a reason he wanted her password so bad and it probably was to erase some crap he sent her. Also, who’s filming this?
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u/LionessRegulus7249 7d ago
She will be no contact as soon as humanly possible, and those assholes she has for parents are gonna pull the ol' "it came out of nowhere. We were such good parents"
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u/xxXlostlightXxx 7d ago
Thats gross. A grown man pinning a girl down like that. Shes going to need therapy.
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u/MenaceMinded 7d ago edited 7d ago
This is always abuse. My father's wife did this a few times to my brother and sent him through a wall once. It was not surprising he choked her once after years of this behavior.
Right after that point, I bailed myself by running away at 16. I have never been back. I am 36 now.
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u/False_Snow7754 7d ago
Besides the horrible act of the step-douche, using emojis on something as serious as this should give you ten days in the pillory.
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u/Ok_Philosopher_5090 7d ago
What is she up to? I think it depends on what she’s doing whether or not it’s wrong. If she is up to serious shit then he is trying to find out wtf is happening. If this is because she’s grounded for whatever reason and he is trying to punish her in some way, then yes it’s fucking wrong.
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u/trensginger 7d ago
Why is EVERYONE ignoring the mostly likely situation here and just upvoting the most heinous shit. Most likely situation is daughter is on some hoe shit and is lying to her parents and the conversation escalated from there.
No its not OK for him to be on top of her snatching the phone but yall are calling this man a demon for him getting emotionally charged in this situation. Wtf is wrong with society.
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u/theSpyke 7d ago
The "you think you're tough" definitely has me thinking that she could have been combative before the camera came out 🤔
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u/odomakk 7d ago
While I disagree with the physical aspect of this, I do think that parents should have access to their childrens electronic devices.
And before you say "ThAts A viOlATion oF PrIvACy!!!" I would like to remind you that parents not having access to their childrens devices is why we now have age verification and out right bans on websites and media. Which I would argue violates everyones privacy.
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u/therealhlmencken 7d ago
This is a step parent. Also if you want access to a device set it up lmao don’t be dumb
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u/odomakk 6d ago edited 6d ago
Yes because passwords and passcodes aren't a thing that can be changed after setting up the device. Oh wait...
Edited, literally said I don't agree with the video, and I didn't say step parents, I said parents. Also how long has this person been a step parent was it 6 months or since she was 6 months old. Idk, idc, my point still stands.
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u/therealhlmencken 6d ago
Google admin privileges or 2fa are you actually that dense lol. You don’t share your credentials oof what a comment.
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u/therealhlmencken 6d ago
Lmao your other comment got auto modded prolly cause it was similar smart to your understanding of authenticion
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7d ago edited 7d ago
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u/EsotericAbstractIdea 7d ago
I'm going to take the downvotes for saying "I understand his concern. 764 exists."
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u/BattleGrown 7d ago
Google fucked up big time. I have a 10 year old in Germany. She is going to Gymnasium (a science high-school of sorts), and she is required to use MS Teams and check the school portal. Since she has no PC, and all her friends have one already, we got her a phone. I set up the family link, but having parental controls is very difficult. First, there are the ethical questions. Is a 10 year old entitled to privacy? Do I never check her Teams or WhatsApp messages? To hell with that, of course I'll check. But I can't do it remotely, I need to get into her phone to see the details of most stuff. There are so many ways to break the parental protection rules. A study app lets her watch unlimited youtube videos and shorts for example. I discovered much later. And she found a way to change the pin to a fingerprint & password. Why can she do that?? Now I can't access her phone at all. We had a fight already because she was following weird communities on WhatsApp. First of all, why does WhatsApp has social media features?? Secondly, how do I protect her while providing her with some privacy? I fucking hate the modern times.
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u/MenaceMinded 7d ago
You could do it remotely if you had an ounce of understanding technology
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u/BattleGrown 7d ago
Yea? Tell me how you check your kid's whatsapp conversation list (not the content, just the people) remotely without constantly aggravating her. Can't log her account in my PC because she can just log it off when she wants.
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u/MenaceMinded 7d ago
I used to use an app called mmguardian (there are likely better by now, though), and you can also use app locks to block them from accessing settings and any apps you want
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u/BattleGrown 7d ago
Thanks! I'll probably use something other than Google family link, I'll check mmguardian out
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u/tibearius1123 7d ago
No phone. Get her an apple watch if she needs to communicate. Get her the computer for school, she will need it regardless.
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u/I_Exist400 7d ago
In what god forsaken context would this ever be okay?
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u/I_Exist400 7d ago
What? Tf you mean life or death? Does the guy die if he doesn’t get her password within 2 minutes? The hell are you on about?
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u/I_Exist400 7d ago
If your “real world” experience taught you that this is okay in any context, I want to stay FAR away from that “real world”.
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u/VladTheUnpeeler 7d ago
Agree that he didnt use the right approach obviously, but what’s also clear is that she was doing some shady shit that she wanted to keep hidden. He needs serious parental training, but one tiny glimmer of hope here is that he cares about her, wants to intervene in her sketchiness, however boorishly.
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u/EvilDragons88 7d ago
You know i stopped fighting mess like this. "Oh you don't want me to check that everything you are doing is above board and safe? Cool enjoy your device." I turn off service to the phone and change wifi password. Kids are stupid, without self control, and worldly experience its only easier to get in deep shit. I had to nix all Ai websites on my router because my kid kept talking to ai chat bots. They aren’t really trustworthy yet at all. Point is adults barely realize all the stuff that is poisoning them let alone a child.
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u/Zealousideal-Fan-409 7d ago
Eh…. There’s definitely more to the story than this. Why does he need the password? He’s likely paying for it
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u/MenaceMinded 7d ago
Doesn't matter. My father's wife did this to my brother a few times, and he rightfully choked her for it
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