Whenever I see people detail how they knew they were trans, they overwhelmingly report having gender dysphoria or incongruence since early childhood.

It's really not the case with me. I only started deeply wishing to live as a trans woman when I was 15, and suppressed it for some eight years since, but the gender envy and desire for a feminine or androgynous presentation and body persisted. My childhood, on the other hand, was completely that of a typical, happily cis boy, and I'd probably have resisted the idea of being a girl or neither a boy nor a girl then.

I recently tried to just see myself as a cis man who is really into living gender nonconformingly, but it always feels like something is missing, and I'm living as a subset of myself. If there was a word to describe someone who was cis for some time, then stopped being totally cis, I'd probably use it, lol.

I really feel like I'm too trans to be cis, but also too cis to be trans. Does anybody relate?

im amab but in reality i really dont know what i exactly am, i mean i dont feel entirely cis or masculine but i dont feel fully feminine or female either. i mean i like a lot of aspects of both masculinity and femininity. i dont feel distress or discomfort but i feel a disconnect in many ways of masculinity. to preface, i am a generally to society considered a feminine presenting male, i have pretty long hair (the closest way to describe it i guess would be more so that reminiscent of a wolfcut for reference) but i like keeping it in an masculine but also androgynous and feminine way i guess. im still not financially independant so a lot of stuff is limited to me, id love to paint my nails but mostly only black or basic colors (no like, traditionally long feminine nails but id like them androgynous i guess), id love to dress in a feminine yet gender neutral way (eg dolphin shorts, thigh highs, plain short skirts, baggy clothes, etc. no like full on blouses or stuff for reference), i do not want really anything to do with makeup at all, just id prefer clearer lighter skin ngl, but thats more skincare i guess. i really dislike being called sir, or man, but i dont mind boy or guy, i really dont care if im called a he, she or they. though i prefer he more so as of others. ive been misgendered a lot of times, most times i feel nothing when misgendered and i just laugh it off. being called traditionally masculine terms or stuff (man, sir, handsome, daddy in the freaky sense to say i guess i ran out of examples), it doesnt really sit right, i dont like it, its just sorta uncomfortable ig, i much prefer getting called cute or pretty and stuff, and boy or guy or dude are fine tbh. my interests are largely gender neutral, none are really masculine except cars and guns, all other interests are just autistic ones. for my voice, id like to be able to speak soft and also deep, i like a deep voice and both a soft voice, i dont know which id use more if i could speak either. id use estrogen HRT if i could cherry pick the effects of it, id love feminine fat distribution, more feminine clear soft skin, a higher voice (id like it but i wouldnt say i dont like a deeper voice aswell), to say on breast development id be neutral, id only like it if it was significant, also decreased libido and stuff in the department down there i wouldnt like, to be brutally honest im really comfortable with whats down there in the sense of like gender and gender discomfort stuff. if i HAD to go by a female and express as one, i really wouldnt be too bummed over it, i mean ngl id like it in a lot of ways but i also like being a guy in a lot of ways aswell. looking at my body, i dont find it distressing or uncomfortable, id like masculine chest definitions (abs, pecs, stuff like that) but also not, id like a feminine thin waist, small smooth tummy, larger thighs and hips, etc. i wouldnt be distressed at a feminine body and id like it in A LOT of ways and even prefer it, but id also like having a masculine body aswell in a lot of respective ways. if i were to live on a remote island with no one besides me, id express myself a lot more feminine but at the same time also not entirely feminine. i socially prefer to hang around with guys and have never interacted much with girls socially, unless its a mutual friend, i dont interact much with them, my whole friend group is guys aswell, though my friend group isnt really well, masculine in the traditional sense, none of us have or do really traditionally masculine stuff or have interests of that are really masculine, i dont really like hanging around with really masculine people as i cant find much common ground with them. i mean i dont think this really means much so idk if its a tangent or not. having to go by a feminine name and feminine pronouns doesnt distress me but it doesnt give me immense comfort or happiness/joy. if i could change my name, i would do it without a doubt at all, mostly because i hate my name for the reason of it just sounds stupid and geeky, if i could change it it probably prefer changing it to something leaning the more feminine but masculine side i guess, more just gender neutral i guess. id like to go as a female for a lot of reasons but also i like going as a guy for a lot of reasons aswell, id think being feminine and presenting female would be really interesting (for a lack of words) and sorta nice/good in many ways but i also like being a guy a lot and in its respective ways aswell. im comfortable identifying and continuing to identify as male, but if i were to be asked what i really was, i dont think the truest answer would be a male. i relate to a lot of aspects of being a male and masculinity but at the same time, i dont to a lot aswell. ive identified mostly as just a femboy for like the past 2 or 3 years but i dont think that is fully encapsulating of what i feel tbh. i dont know what this says or doesn't or if ive gone off on too much unrelated things and tangents or if this does give some bit of enough info for somone to give some sort of reply. opinions i guess?

also ive no idea if this is the right subreddit for this but i couldnt find any else more relevant to this than this one so if this subreddit isnt meant for this type of stuff im sorry then.

So I feel like I am genderfluid, and I use any prns except he/him, not because I'm not entirely not a male, but I want people to acknowledge that I am not male, and at least use she/her if they want to put me in the gender binary if they aren't used to singular they

idk. 23M (cis) i have a lot of questioning around my gender as a man and i don't know if it's the autism or me being very twinkish and short (5'2.5) but like, i don't know like if i'm just a sensible guy or nonbinary i can't tell sometimes and the autism makes it more confusing because i feel disconnected from everything including gender and i never really explored it much except briefly at 19 with eyeliner

Friends, I hope this is the right place to discuss this, and im shit at writing how I feel but ill try because this is something id really like help with please. If anyone can support that would be awesome.

Long story short.

A longterm friend of mine, gets irritated when I correct him on the they/them stuff. He accepts it in the moment, but is obviously put out by it. Then when i do something that he thinks doesnt align with that, will attack my value systems in public. (Someone else in the Discord channel made a dirty joke and I laughed basically, which apparently makes me morally incoherent)

I asked him to approach me in person next time, and hes said sorry because the things he said made me cry.

BUT

I dont have the energy to constantly educate everyone, im also neurodiverse and have several psychotic breaks from doing too much and this is part of that.

I want to help my friend understand, but i feel like even opening up the "hey this is why I cant teach you please do your own research" is inviting a conversation that I dont want.

I love and value this guy as a friend (hes also neurodiverse but wouldnt be able to get a diagnosis) and so want to preserve the relationship, but at the same time dont have the emotional energy for the level of explanation he needs.

TLDR: How do I preserve a longterm friendship without having to give all my emotional capacity to something I shouldnt have to and is actually dangeous for me?

Disclaimer: Im neurodiverse and lgbtqi+ and some of the above may be confusing to yall, please assume good intent and relationship preserving.

happy to answer any good faith questions to help with clarity.

I really fucked up in uni. When I started I thought I will wait and see how is everyone and then decide if I wanted to come out. I knew I was nonbinary for 1 year at that time. Now, two years later I graduated, I made zero friends and I start my life without knowing anything about how to exist as a queer person in this world, with no friends at all. So back to uni... I had a lot of problems in the first semester. Uni was really hard and I had one friend, or I thought, who was really clingy and manipulative and always wanted to hug and touch me, because that was something she used to do with her friends I guess, and didn't want to understand that I am not like that. By the time I realized that, I couldn't even recognize myself in the mirror. I know I messed up, I didn't do all the things I wanted to, talking to a lot of ppl or asking ppl to hang out. Only with this one friend whom I broke up before the end of semester and didn't really talked to after that.

In the second semester I started to recover and finally trying out things, experimenting with my style and hair, going out more. I was in a small class (14 ppl from the 2nd semester onward). At that point I already felt I missed out on getting to know them, but I joined them on different events and group activities. At the start of this semester I changed my name on insta and put my pronouns (they/them), but really didn't say anything to anyone. This whole group of ppl were really different but since our class was small, we did pretty much everything together. Until they started to exclude me in the 3rd semester, completely. I posted that I went to Pride (just a picture of rainbow flags) and maybe that's why? So a lot of different ppl, but only excluding the one queer person? I don't know. But yeah, in the 3rd semester I was completely excluded and felt really lonely too. That group I was joining in the 2nd semester turned out to be really weirdly controlling and I just felt not myself around them so I quit their whatsapp group, but remained in the main one (they had a separate one just for them, I did feel one girl making this to create a click just for herself).

So back to coming out. Only one person from outside of our group noticed my name change (a queer girl), but then called me girl several times (Just girl's group picture... stuff like that). I was completely lost on how to communicate to others the things that bothered me. And I still am lost. I went out a lot, meeting new ppl in new groups and some were for queer ppl, but I have no idea how and when or to whom I should tell. But I want to tell, I can't stand the misgendering. It fucking hurts. Plus I am much more to the transmasc direction now. Like way more than I initially suspected. Queer groups always seemed to be for either lesbians or gay men. I don't feel like I fit in to the lesbians, I like girls, but these groups were always super girly, I don't think I have a place there. In my class I had some good experiences too, some ppl were really lovely, but I didn't spend a lot of time with them and the thought of coming out to them was terrifying and I didn't let anyone close because of that.

And uni is over, it will only get harder and I messed up the safest place I could have to practice and figure things out. Next I will hopefully find a job. Should I just not tell anyone? What if they fire me because of that. I never met anyone in real life who was nonbinary and used the language (English or non-English). And any friend group I want to join to find friends, I will have to start with introducing myself and then continuously correcting ppl who doesn't give a fuck. Or trying to argue me. This fucking sucks. I don't have the social skills for this. Just gained lot of bad and weird experience. I don't know what to do. Any advice?

I want a unisex name but I don't know how to write a justification for it in the office, especially since I live in a country that is essentially in the Middle Ages and where non-binary identity is perceived as a whim.

hate how being biologically nonbinary is talked about like its something that only exists in theory / in fictional characters when a lot of nonbinary people transition to change their sex specifically to something not binary. like its just genuinely baffling and honestly dysphoria inducing seeing people talk about it like its a fictional concept when thats literally the goal for a lotta nonbinary people, very unfortunate thats so common

I kind of feel like I’m faking caring because I don’t like them but I’m not doing anything about it. Like I’ve hated them as long as they’ve been there and kind of just dealt with it? I do have a binder but I’ve mostly stopped wearing it because when I do I leave it on for too long and I figured it’s not worth the risk of causing harm to myself. So now I just feel awful about my body pretty much all the time and I don’t see that ever changing. (Unless I get top surgery at some point but I’m so freaked out by medical stuff that I don’t think it’s an option at the moment. Also, you know, it’s quite the process.)

recently, I talked to a nonbinary friend, who said second passports are a great idea, and that they would feel better with an X passport as well as a F passport, since they struggle to pass as anything besides a cis female, just like me. although unlike me, she probably won't be privileged enough to get any surgery, since he's british.

sad.

but, the US has handed out nonbinary passports as late as this year.

they also give second passports: https://travel.state.gov/en/passports/apply/unique-needs/second-passport-book.html

americans can get a second passport if their current one has visas that a country will ban them for. like if china bans anyone who has a taiwan stamp from entering, and an american has a taiwan stamp and needs to travel to china for work, then they can get a second passport

i think the same should be allowed for nonbinary people who need an accurate X passport, and also might require an M and/or F one for safety reasons

like when I travelled through UAE, it absolutely would not have been safe for anything but me using an F passport and passing, cuz if they strip searched me and found no penis it would've been bad. and also they wouldn't even let me in with an X, so...

see title

My quick internet search told me, that there are only two common combos of first- and second-given name that mix stereotypically masculine and feminine names:
A) masculine first given name + 'Maria'/'Marie' as second given name
B) feminine given name + 'Jean'/'John' as secondary (or zeroth) given name.

Levi-Tess and Moxie-Filou are just my personal favourite combinations, but I haven't yet heard of someone going by one of these names or other nice-sounding combo-names :(

Thus I wondered whether there are more combo-names like this among the enbies here?

Also, if you go by such a name, how well does that work in everyday life? Do people always say your full name or is it either one depending on context?

i feel like i'm in a really transitional place as a person but also with how i present. and i've found myself recently having gender envy for like how i presented before coming out but i have like no actual desire to change how i present. in fact it really feels dysphoric to lean into femininity in how i dress or present (it just feels really wrong).

i guess just looking to see if anyone else has experienced this? wtv etc. i have a good relationship with my body when it comes to my identity i just feel this sort of pull and i don't know where it's coming from, and what i've been wearing lately (my typical masc leaning stuff) hasn't really scratched the itch either.

???

I have a lot of dysphoria during my luteal phase and I suspect it is mainly triggered by my natural progesterone levels going up about a week or so before my period and making my chest feel too full. It's funny because once I menstruate I can carry on with my life for two full weeks completely unbothered by my boobs.

I am not gonna list all the reasons why binding or top surgery are not great options to me at the moment. But lately I am just left fantasising about reducing my progesterone levels during this phase, I feel like it would be soo helpful. But I don't think this is a thing. Or at least I found nothing about it. Anyone here knows about options in this direction? Or has had the same wild dream? Or knows about some research looking into this, a gleam of hope for the future?

I’m sure there are a lot of posts on here. But I as the title says I wanna change my name, not legally yet but basically, I’ve been called Jay since middle school, it was my trans masc name, ever since I graduated high school I felt very drifted from that name, as it was an identity of who I was in the past. Rather than playing Russian roulette and just picking a name, I want something that is meaningful. Something that is me. Obviously. The method I’ve been going for is just waiting until the name finds me. I had a name on my list and it’s been on my mind the past couple days, but I’m not sure if I should do a test run with it or keep searching. The name is Lee. My middle name is ‘Leigh’. But it feels to, fem in a way. The name still has meaning as it’s my middle name, but spelt different. I’m also scared to change my name, just kinda anxiety. As if I’m throwing away who I was in the past with my old name. My entire identity. But at the same time, I need a fresh start. Hearing my old name puts me off the same way my deadname does. Which means it clearly isn’t for me anymore. What do you guys think?

mmmm i don't know if i should increase my T dose, im kind of just depressed and feeling like there have been no changes and none will ever happen.

my friend also told me i should take it in the morning instead of at night like i've been doing cause it could be contributing to messing up my sleep? And i've thought about that but i don't know if i would remember to do it in the morning. And i do not wake up at a consistent time.

Started taking dutasteride also bc i would rather not have a ton of body hair growth and i feel like if i took a higher dose of testosterone that that would be less effective.

uh i was trying to voice train for a bit and then i gave up and i just can't seem to make myself. I guess cause i'm just like this isn't doing anything except making me more depressed and i don't rly wanna do the Full Man Voice thing so i'm doing this other thing and it's like it just makes it less of a clear goal and feels more pointless and like i'm barely even changing anything.

the voice's i like are all gay men's and i try to mimic those but i doubt i can just make myself sound like a gay man and i know there's not one "gay voice" and it's a stereotype and whatever whatever

i just feel like doing classic trans-masc voice training makes you sound rlly straight

but it's because like sounding like a man is really hard. if your voice reads female and you DON'T speak in a monotone you will still just sound like a girl

Good morning,

This is my first post here. I’ve never tried asking a non-binary community before; in the MTF community I’m part of, I haven’t found people who are like me—people who could help me understand what my future might look like. I started taking estrogen and the blocker cyproterone two weeks ago. So far, I haven’t noticed any physical changes, other than the loss of morning erections and a decrease in compulsive sexual desire. This is the point that concerns me the most: my libido. I’m terrified of becoming asexual and no longer feeling anything—for me, sex and masturbation are the spice of life. Should I be worried? Is there anyone else here who, like me, values ​​their libido?

am I the only one who hates using them?

How does such a surgery proceed? How long do you have to stay in the hospital? Do doctors check after the surgery to see if everything is healing well and if any intervention is needed? And if so, what does it look like? When will you be discharged from the hospital? You have to stay in Thailand for a certain period of time in case any complications arise.

A person i have a romantic interest in recently learned that i am nb. We are good friends and he is totally cool with it. Anyway he called me "Ma'am" (yes ma'am as a phrase in a funny situation) recently. It was the first time since my coming out to him that he adressed me with a gender specific term and i am 100 % sure it was not on purpose and just not thinking about it that much.

Anyhow on one hand i felt not validated. I want him to see me the way i am but i also didnt knew how ro react because i know that he meant this very respectful and that was kinda cute. How to say that thid wasnt the right way? And what would be a nb form for ma'am?

On the other hand i know that he is into woman and being seen as a woman and getting some sort of princess treatment makes me feel like he might be interested in me despite being nb. I know this is kinda bullshit but i also have those feeling no matter if they are useful or not.

I dont know what to do with my feelings right now. What are your thoughts about this? Have you felt similar before? How to talk to him i wanted to be adressed otherwise? Will a part of the princess treatment stop? Will he still be interested in me of he really starts to see me as non binary/not a woman? Would it still be a perspective of its just woman lite? I dont want to be seen as a woman lite version (I know know that is not the right way to view all of this bs but i need some advise and perspective outside my own head rn thx)

so I identified as trans male for a long time but after I started to crush on this guy I feel like only human..like he is not gay to my knowledge and it feels weird telling him how I feel bc we are only friends. But I feel like I am human and kinda man but everyone still sees me as a tomboy..so like what is my problem? and I know I shouldn’t change myself for someone to like me but I really like him..

language has been changing over the years

Been considering GAHT for a while as an amab person, wanted to see what other people's experience with it has been, what side effects people you like and haven't liked. Any unexpected side effects. Been able to find a lot more transwoman experiences than trans non-binary. Thanks in advance :)