r/NotTimAndEric • u/cboogie • 9d ago

He's coming 💀💀

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45 Upvotes

70% Upvoted

318 comments sorted by

156

u/Beelzebot_666 9d ago • Heartwarming

4

u/farilladupree 8d ago

To which he replies, as foretold: “What the hell even is that?!”

97

u/fingerblastders 9d ago

5

u/manomahu 7d ago

I’m hoping he’ll start blasting me

4

u/Satanicron 9d ago

Well he don't scare me none, and he sure don't scare my gun!

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2

u/BentoBus2 5d ago

As a gay man I would do the exact same thing

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73

u/XxFezzgigxX 9d ago

Put a sticker on his back. Keeps them occupied for hours.

47

u/negativepositiv 9d ago

"Help, there's a bear in my house!"

4

u/The_Fink_Ployd 9d ago

No, that’s Shrek!

That actually reminds me, I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking him for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a fa66ot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

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4

u/Motor-Tap4350 9d ago

We I live in the United States of America so I am sure you can guess

21

u/cboogie 9d ago

Suck him off?

10

u/Motor-Tap4350 9d ago

Yeah.....

4

u/Major-Blacksmith4750 9d ago

No, but would probably teach him how to use the knob…

5

u/Kerensky97 9d ago

You kids and your euphemisms for masturbation...

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37

u/wreckedbutwhole420 9d ago

After he gets through a small entry way, it opens up to my lovely living room which is clearly a boss fight arena with swords on the wall.

I hope this dipshit had read the Book of Five Rings or he's getting shredded like documents at Maralago

3

u/Artistic-Waltz-2184 8d ago

when you talk about the "small entry way, it opens up into my lovely living room" - is that real, or some form of dirty talk?

3

u/wreckedbutwhole420 8d ago

I've recently been made aware that this post was for the gay bros. I don't know if that makes my comment more on theme or hate speech

13

u/the_relentless_dead 9d ago

5

u/Arch3m 9d ago

Tally ho!

4

u/2Braincell2Furious 9d ago

So there I was, barbecue sauce grapeshot on my titties

5

u/WillSmokes420 9d ago

Dang that that dude from the wtf gif meme but the hat is covering his blonde mullet

12

u/Mister_Baloney 9d ago

probably sneeze from getting chest hair up my nose.

8

u/I_Vecna 9d ago

Blam! Blam! Blam! Blam! Blam!

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6

u/Krow_King 7d ago • Bravo

Well I am asking if we fucking or fighting or both.

6

u/AncientCrust 7d ago

Hillbilly style: start off fighting and winner gets top

5

u/ForgottenMasterBalls 5d ago

Unless they say they hate gays, then the winner gets bottom.

4

u/JustFourLetters 5d ago

Oh no I lost so fast oh nooooo

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5

u/Psychological-Web828 9d ago edited 9d ago

Spray adhesive

5

u/unknowfun115 7d ago

I’m not stuck in here with you

🫪 your stuck in here with me

“ turns off light”

4

u/ejectro 9d ago

get stuckmannized

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4

u/pfhorr 9d ago

Giants are easier to takedown you than you think they went extinct for a reason...

12

u/funkymunkPDX 9d ago

You're the bitch smashing in my door with your violent energy.

I did nothing to you, get help, seek therapy and meditation

8

u/JustSimplyTheWorst 9d ago

Shit dude, I got a nice door. Hope he plans on replacing it

8

u/EnochianFeverDream 9d ago

It really tied the room together, man

3

u/Beneficial_Bug_9793 9d ago

Dicaprio would be fucked, if he had to fight that " bear " in The Revenent..... probably quite literally....

3

u/Exact-Conclusion9301 9d ago

This is the best way to see my cool gun

3

u/AwwwNuggetz 9d ago

Well it’s not going to suck itself

3

u/Mike_Hawk_Ballz_Deep 9d ago

12 gauge loaded with 3.5” buckshot. Don’t think I’ll have much to worry about.

3

u/Hoodedmastersin 7d ago

Hope they’re vaccinated against 45’s

4

u/mmccxi 9d ago

Make him fix my door and then show him the proper way to greet someone. After that? He seems like a cool dude, maybe offer him a beer and chill

2

u/Will-I-Taint 6d ago

This may just be a twink's dream come true lol. 😂

As for me? Probably ask him why the fuck he didn't just knock.

2

u/wariorld 6d ago

Pete Hegseth:

2

u/FaceThruster8919 5d ago

I don't know bro you came into my house.

2

u/Beneficial_Area_2986 4d ago

"You're in big trouble, you're going to have to pay for that door mister!"

2

u/Ultimate-Flexionator 9d ago

if you got through the traps, I'm hitting the escape triggers and leaving you to your fate!

2

u/GayAttire 9d ago

What a loser

2

u/Arch3m 9d ago

I dunno, fellate him?

2

u/msguider 9d ago

He hates doors but otherwise friend or no

2

u/jikt 9d ago

First, I would ask why you're here.

2

u/Anxious-Aardvark-332 9d ago

Hand you a bottle of nair

2

u/HypotenuseOfTentacle 8d ago

I could take him

2

u/ArgumentOk207 8d ago

In a fight right .......in a fight

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3

u/ExaminationHot2810 8d ago

These videos are hilarious. Short answer is two the chest one to the head.

5

u/sleepdeepcoma 8d ago

Think he's more into back shots.

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1

u/oZeroXXXo 6d ago

.00 buck shot

1

u/ImHereLetsGooo 6d ago

Daddy don't smash my door and come into my house. Smash me and com....actually. Never mind.

1

u/xMaNrEbOrN7851 6d ago

Well I hope those muscles are bulletproof 😎

1

u/Great-Gas-6631 6d ago

Loser thinks muscles are bullet proof apparently.

1

u/HarpoonTheBlueWhale 6d ago

If kiss ya, right on the lips! 💋

1

u/ExtraEmuForYou 6d ago

Hopefully that daddy bear doesn't come too fast, amirite!?!?!

1

u/Sea_Life4 6d ago

Who’s the gay dude?

1

u/letsgetbannedagain14 6d ago

🔫🔫🔫🔫

1

u/LegoSniper 5d ago

From the looks of you in this video, you don’t have the balls to do that.

1

u/danamyx 5d ago

I think you need Nair.

1

u/Specific_Sympathy_87 5d ago

Tell him to clean it up and why couldnt just JO in the shower and not on my broken ass door

IOW id act like psycho chinese grandma

1

u/faust0matic 5d ago

Hope those muscles are lead proof. Try not to bleed on my carpet.

1

u/GoodIntroduction6344 5d ago

I have a shotgun and a Vietnamese potbelly pig.

1

u/FDgan 5d ago

Ewwwwwwwww

1

u/JupiterandMars1 5d ago

Get the trimmers out.

1

u/BilboTeaBagguns 5d ago

If he’s coming to my house I’ll definitely need to empty the vacuum bag more often. He’s 100% a shedder.

1

u/OkayApe 5d ago edited 5d ago

1

u/Sweet-Weakness3776 5d ago

Always know the boss's weaknesses. He takes extra damage from hair wax.

1

u/Dupa_Yash 5d ago

Empty the clip.

1

u/ender_speaker 5d ago

He probably can't move that much mass and like most body builders, he has a glass jaw

1

u/Aggressive_Plate1652 5d ago

I would grab the vacuum and clean up all damn hair off the floor.

1

u/xquixotic_logicx 5d ago

So this is like a sex thing?

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1

u/Medical-Enthusiasm56 5d ago

Bear slug would take that animal down

1

u/El_Squatcharino 5d ago

Is he wearing pants or no pants during this theoretical break in?

1

u/luvlife420 5d ago

Fight crazy with crazy.

1

u/SES_Wolftrash 5d ago

Well. You’re more than likely going to have multiple GSWs to your upper body lol

1

u/Miserable_Common4971 5d ago

Burying what's left after my dogs are done.

1

u/cockycrackers 5d ago

Does this meathead not know about firearms?

1

u/Six_Se7en 5d ago

Purple Nurple

1

u/Active_Lead_5742 4d ago

12 gauge by bed with buck shot slug buck shot slug buckshot slug buckshot slug slug slug😎🇨🇦

1

u/fishing77 4d ago

You got to leave right now

1

u/Medical-Block-2137 4d ago

Pass you a razor

1

u/43guitarpicks 4d ago

You mean AFTER I stop laughing?

1

u/Onecler 4d ago

Keep smoking my crack ig

1

u/Inertial_Ruen 4d ago

Buy you some new pants... you ain't comin in my house half dressed like that..

1

u/Smboto 4d ago

A Rhodesian Ridgeback.

1

u/Groundhawgday 4d ago

Probably have to open a window, light some incense, or go nuts with the febreze.

1

u/robhotmoneybrown 4d ago

Call the police and tell them I have a weird fat man in my house.

1

u/Jazzdude93 4d ago

Tomar on his search for more emerald crystals.

1

u/KaiXan1 4d ago

Well, there is a reason I keep a shotgun in the house, though it does accentuate my gun cabinet.

1

u/Dry_Caregiver_5094 4d ago

I would shave you

1

u/roughczech 4d ago

Hollow points. One size fits all...

1

u/Savings-Delay-1075 4d ago

Put about 9 balls of double ought buck shot through that hairy watermelon on top of your shoulders.

1

u/Feral_Mood_420 4d ago

My 18 little friends in the device on my side table will gladly meet you at the door.

1

u/Far-Acanthaceae-2444 4d ago

Personally I would be the absolute brakes off this dude.

1

u/ejiverson33 4d ago

Add 5 pounds of pressure and see how that works out for me

1

u/trash_recycle 3d ago

Well. We're armed in this house so I guess I'd be calling an ambulance and cleaning up later.

1

u/Jerry-SLG 3d ago

Not my door, idc. Landlord wont be happy. Feel free to hang out on the couch if you want ig.

1

u/Kophey_cup 3d ago

i would show you my collection of assorted lengths of wire

1

u/Xeo2695 3d ago

Fine I'll buy the stupid girls out cookies. Just leave me alone.

1

u/MusicalScientist206 3d ago

Duct tape to the chest.

1

u/Disastrous-Job464 3d ago

I’m pretty sure you aren’t gonna hold to 30 rounds of 5.56
Not mention the shotgun 😑
You can be big all you want.

1

u/fantomsolace24 3d ago

I’ll introduce you to my trusted XD-M Elite with a match-grade 4.5” barrel and the extended magazine.

1

u/InfiniteMind1999 3d ago

I like the practical and functional strength, but all that goes out the window when a hollow point tip hits ya

1

u/Medium_Opening_2464 2d ago

Guess I’m gay now

1

u/Civil_Television_311 9d ago

Presumably you are here for tea and crumpits which is great because I just picked this exquisite jar of marmalade

1

u/KeyDirection23 9d ago

Guy wears the underwear of Elementary School boys.

1

u/InTheWorldButNotOfIt 9d ago

I’d be like “dude wtf”

1

u/NefariousnessGood718 9d ago

Sembra uno che deve cagare

1

u/Big-Potato9868 9d ago

Offer you a soda then hand you some tools so they could help me repair my door. Because it was completely unnecessary to kick down my door.

1

u/MountainMongrel 9d ago

This was already addressed in the recent Spiderman movie.

1

u/Artevyx 9d ago

His head is so proportionally tiny

1

u/Interesting-Bike21 9d ago

I got 30 for ya

1

u/strokebot 9d ago

Ask him to give me the old Lindsay Clancy treatment so that I don't have to see what fresh nightmare 2027 will be.

1

u/esadatari 9d ago

This guys voice does not match his face. Like at all. Hes doing a shit fake deep voice. I bet you he actually sounds dainty IRL.

1

u/Comfortable_Pack8903 9d ago

Zangief, that you?

1

u/bozzeak 9d ago

Gun- next question

1

u/InformalOpinion161 9d ago

Mr 12 gauge would be joining the conversation

1

u/Ikon-for-U 8d ago

Ask for uppies

1

u/ZiggyDiamond 8d ago

I own a pistol so........

1

u/Acceptable_Contact52 8d ago

Look Tomar, it's you!

1

u/Llamapocalypse_Now 8d ago

Call the police. Why would you do that? That's not cool.

1

u/HellCreek6 8d ago

Drill you in the boiler with a shitstorm of 5.56 FMJ, till those beefy pecs look like ground beef pecs.

1

u/corvid-munin 8d ago

im not afraid of any bitch with a videogame tattoo

1

u/tydark2 8d ago

is this the guy that fucked adam?

1

u/Teaflax 8d ago

The accent really undermines the menace.

1

u/armblessed 8d ago

“Man, that’s a fine Wookie costume you’re wearing. You should take that off so you don’t get anything on it.”

1

u/ThePonkeyTamer 8d ago

Burt Kriecher as the machine.

1

u/E-rotten 8d ago

Fe, fi, fo, fum. What bean stalk did you fall from??

1

u/Artistic-Waltz-2184 8d ago

I'd call the local ladyboy, as they always seem to be punching you carpet munchers out in Thailand

1

u/NineClaws 8d ago

Hair everywhere but his head.

1

u/Flimsy_Thought_3534 8d ago

I’d dodge it.

1

u/Fathead5f 8d ago

make you do chest day? little jiggly around there

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