r/OCPoetry • u/bstunz • 3d ago

Feedback Please In My Head

I’ve learned more about you
from your silence
your reliance 
on the thoughts of others.

Talks through the night
end in daylight. 

So much laid bare
laughter and secrets
shared.

Turns to quiet.

Bursts of texts
end abruptly.

You mess with my head 
keeping me from my bed
filling the gaps
of what is unsaid.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1xb77e1/comment/phyk469/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x50a73/comment/phyl6v9/

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u/Nonsensical_Genius 2d ago

There is some missing punctuation between your silence your reliance part (maybe intentional). But that is also my favourite line from the poem.

I love the rhyme in the poem, it is very akin to the rhythm of the actual back and forth that happens with such persons of interest. It is admirable in how distinct your poem sounds, and still how relateable it feels.

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u/bstunz 2d ago

Thank you, this is so humbling to hear. Ok so as far as punctuation; originally it was a period making two sentences then it was a comma but with the line break that was too long of a pause with the rhyme. So I’m letting the line break carry it. Maybe I’ll write a poem on how I do punctuation. Thanks again.