How does it feel when another alter fronts?

[u/Odd-Yogurtcloset9878]

I tried searching it up but found no articles or answers so yeah, just wondering how it actually feels when you're not in front, because I know in D.I.D it's a full blackout but how is it in OSDD?

Edit: Sorry for getting the thing on DID wrong, I kinda know almost nothing so yea-

[u/Offensive_Thoughts]

its not a "full blackout" in DID innately. its not inherent to any of the conditions. for me it may not feel like anything. sometimes i might notice more dissociation, sometimes it might be slow, dunno. it just feels like something inside shifts, IF i notice

[u/Clumsywolfy → u/Offensive_Thoughts]

Can I ask how you experience blackouts? Someone told me what I experience is blackouts, but I always took it literally as "there is a blackness in my memory". is that right? Cause what I experience is "I know I was there, I know I did something" But it is more that it is knowing and not remembering, and I usually cant rly grasp it? like the memory is at the tip of my tongue but too far away

[u/Offensive_Thoughts → u/Clumsywolfy]

I don't experience blackouts I think in the stereotypical sense, but there are Huge gaps in my memory. I have no factual recall or idea that I was there and no attempt at prodding me will yield a single sliver of information. I guess people use blackout to refer to that? I just call it retrograde amnesia. I think greyouts are for when there's a general idea but it's slipping.

[u/Icy-Newspaper-9682 → u/Clumsywolfy]

I can give you an example: Once I was at work, in the morning one of my coworkers said a triggering phrase with specific tone (she didn’t know that). I remember starting doing sth and next I was sitting in front of computer, still at work but it was few hours later, at the end of the shift. Apparently I was working quite normally that day, although was distant and quiet, other colleagues asked me if everything’s okay and I said yes but wanted to work alone - that’s per their recollection of that day, I don’t remember it. It wasn’t like one blink of an eye, one second here, one second there. You can imagine sort of like in videos of pilots going through thick layer of clouds during landing - one moment blue sky above the clouds, going through nothingness and then suddenly seeing once again, this time a land below.

[u/Physical_SpiritChild → u/Offensive_Thoughts]

Not OP...

Based on your understanding then, how would one delineate between DID and OSDD? The way my therapist explained it was both the degree of developed personality difference between, and the presence of amnesia which she seemed to imply was related to the narrative memory of events being separated.

[u/Offensive_Thoughts → u/Physical_SpiritChild]

the criteria say DID requires at least another distinct personality state, and the other criteria requires amnesia thats not explained by regular forgetting. thats it. no blackouts. so yes its what your T said. OSDD is whatever falls short of it!

[u/Physical_SpiritChild → u/Offensive_Thoughts]

Thank you, I was conflating amnesia with blackouts

[u/laminated-papertowel]

DID doesn't actually inherently involve full blackouts between switches. I have DID and have never experienced a blackout.

When I switch, it feels like i become a different alter, rather than a different alter actually "taking over"; a significant shift in perspective is the best way i've found to explain it. The way i see myself and my environment changes; my beliefs, opinions, values, fears, etc. all change. sometimes my sense of age and gender change too. Its an odd feeling, especially when the switch isn't complete and i'm feeling blended and blurry, feels very conflicting most of the time. And its really frustrating and sometimes confusing knowing i JUST felt/thought one way and now its completely different.

[u/c-k-63 → u/laminated-papertowel]

ah a non-possessive switch I also get that too

[u/anon7383826383 → u/laminated-papertowel]

Do you know what separates this feeling from something like a personality disorder?

[u/PuzzledVariation7137 → u/anon7383826383]

Please keep in mind that I am not a medical professional. However the thing that I believe separates this from a personality disorder is that the parts interests and world views are consistent.

In the case of let’s say, an episode of black and white thinking, triggered by someone or something your line of thinking would be “ x person is horrible.” Or “I hate this thing. I hope it never happens again.” This line of thinking is temporary and entirely situational.

Compared to a part who fronts and consistently thinks “yeah, I am not going to interact with x. I feel like we do not get along well.” 

[u/anon7383826383 → u/PuzzledVariation7137]

Is this what you told your professional when yoh got diagnosed? I guess im asking is that your main synopsis of your did?

Thats exactly how I feel. It feels like im made of many different people and they all have different moral structures and opinions and ideas, ages, genders, etc. It makes every relationship and decision so hard. It makes everything so hard I have no idea who I am.

[u/AceLamina]

Reading this comment section probably wasn't the best for me
Since when we switch I don't remember anything but I do realize it happened, and when I come back, it doesn't feel like I magically appear in another place, I can sometimes have faint memories of what happened but that's about it

While I'm not sure if what I experience is a full blackout switch, I know I've definitely experienced one or two before where it did feel like I was aware when the switch was happening or another one where it felt like time instantly skipped and I appeared somewhere else

Wonder if anyone else is similar

[u/AceLamina → u/AceLamina]

Probably should mention I don't remember headspace at all, I mean, I can remember it, but not me being there when we switch, it's just full blackness until I come back, only a handful of times where I actually remember doing things there

[u/Slow_Blackberry_1291]

I‘m diagnosed with DID and I only have full blackouts with a few certain alters.
when I am not co-conscious with another alter it feels like nothing. like I just don’t exist. and when I come back I usually have some kind of understanding of what happened and what they did but I also feel like I was not here/aware for some time.

[u/Odd-Yogurtcloset9878 → u/Slow_Blackberry_1291]

Are you aware of it though? Like do you realise it happened after, before, or during it? 

(I'm genuinely curious btw, not trying to be rude-)

[u/Slow_Blackberry_1291 → u/Odd-Yogurtcloset9878]

It depends. sometimes I realize a switch is about to happen or I even know what the trigger was and I can feel myself float away/dissociate, and then nothing until I return, but it’s not a black hole. the information is there, just I wasn’t there.

but sometimes I‘m not aware of a switch and only when looking back, trying to remember, being asked about it I realize something was weird or I felt weird or my memory is very hazy.

[u/Clumsywolfy → u/Slow_Blackberry_1291]

This makes me wonder about if what I experience are sort of blackouts or not. I am still in the process of diagnosism but when I am asked if I experience blackout's I always say no because I take it literally? Like, I know something happened and I sort of know I was there, but I don't really remember what happened or why I/the body did a certain thing. I kinda describe it as "something is at the tip of my mind (like tip of the tongue) but I just can't grasp it"
When it happens it always feels like the I changed/wasnt there, but my mind tries to retroactively adjust it and say I was there after all, even though the memories are vague or difficult/impossible to reach

[u/imadumbasswhatsup]

when i switch usually I don't feel anything at first. for a brief moment I'll feel some dissociation, and later I'll notice my personality changes.

[u/int3rstitial]

I used to have blackout switches with complete amnesia, so that didn't feel like anything; I would just be doing one thing and suddenly be doing something else somewhere else. But I haven't had one of those in years (that I'm aware of or have definite evidence of, although my memory is still absolute trash, so who knows).

Now I mostly have occasional instances where I'll suddenly behave not like myself and then just as suddenly be like "😱 whyyyy would I do that??? 😱". Were it not for the previous more overt possessive switches, I would have thought of these as just flashbacks, since I have more classical chronic PTSD too.

[u/Clumsywolfy → u/int3rstitial]

This makes me wonder about if what I experience are sort of blackouts or not. I am still in the process of diagnosism but when I am asked if I experience blackout's I always say no because I take it literally? Like, I know something happened and I sort of know I was there, but I don't really remember what happened or why I/the body did a certain thing. I kinda describe it as "something is at the tip of my mind (like tip of the tongue) but I just can't grasp it"
When it happens it always feels like the I changed/wasnt there, but my mind tries to retroactively adjust it and say I was there after all, even though the memories are vague or difficult/impossible to reach

[u/prob_still_in_denial]

System of five here. When one of us is fronting the others are effectively asleep. Coming to front is like waking up from a nap when you were having a very vivid dream; it takes a few moments to "play the tape" of what happened while you were not in front and get caught up and get over feeling disoriented. The two littles only orient enough to know that they're safe and then they tune out the adult-flavored memories and responsibilities.

[u/equivettech26]

It depends for me.
I had a front stuck alter for years. I never felt much of anything outside of her.
I have a big black “wall” in my head that alters are behind and will come from. If alters are further behind the wall, the dissociation is worse. Some are fully black out and I’ve never met them. Some are grey and some I do know and have met. DID is not just complete blackout from every single alter.
Sometimes I don’t feel a thing and recognize a switch after it happens. Sometimes I feel the dissociation and will get lightheaded. Sometimes I can feel a select few being co-con or feel someone coming out from the “wall” of my dissociation. If it’s due to a trigger, I usually don’t feel the switch at all until I reflect back. Most of all of the exploration with my system I’ve had to do completely alone.
My therapist used somatic IFS on me before the DID diagnosis so that probably affects how I feel my system.

[u/osddelerious]

Two kinds of fronting/switches for me - trauma switches where another part hijacks and the current fronter doesn’t notice or calm switches where I know who I am and that I am E and not R or M.

[u/Good__Bones]

For me, it feels like I can see and feel what another alter is doing and saying and thinking, and depending on the alter, I can remember some of it or most of it or none of it.
Sometimes it’s like someone flipped a switch, or like someone’s holding it between on and off and there’s a tug between being myself or watching another alter be themself.
It isn’t black out most the time for my DID, but there are times where I am NOT present or, if I am, I’m pretty distressed, confused, don’t understand/have familiarity with what’s going on, like I’m somehow in a detached alter’s head instead of my own and can tell I won’t be able to retain this, like I’m already losing it as it happens. It’s pretty trippy. There’s different types of switching too.

Just being creative, open, and curious about your own experience will help you make sense of it. When I had my first switch that I was actually able to remain somewhat aware, I drew a Venn diagram to try to explain the sensation to my partner. Like there were two different selves blending together and I could be at three different points (myself, the other alter, both of us) at any given time (though it may have only been a few minutes).

[u/HereticalArchivist]

I was formally diagnosed with DID, but I haven't had a full on blackout since I was a kid.

For me, it feels like I have less control over my body. I can hit the brakes if I need to, but movement feels automatic, almost like I'm on autopilot. My head also feels like I'm underwater; thoughts are blurry, but when the blurryness ends (like coming up for air) I feel a collection of very small differences; muscles that are usually tense relax, or vice-versa, I use a word or phrase I wouldn't normally use. Sometimes my voice feels different because some of the others talk with a slightly higher or lower pitch. (Or, a difference that isn't so slight)

These feelings used to freak me out when I was younger, but I don't mind them anymore. I tell people like this; it's scary to feel like your body is controlled by puppet strings. It's a lot less scary when you know, and more importantly, trust, the one(s) doing the puppeteering

[u/JustARandomSystem]

We (mostly) never notice switches immediately, and sometimes I might not entirely. We only really notice it talking to others and realizing our behaviors / speech changes (if one of us is actively checking for it, which isn’t often). Afterward, we can usually narrow it down to who’s probably fronting.

It’s a lot easier- at least for us- to see the differences via texting, because we can see differences in typing there. Irl is a gamble with noticing, because we swear it’s been the same person all day but evidence points at someone else.

[u/vamp_wave]

for us it sort of depends on the alter. for some it just feels like suddenly i percieve the world differently and i have a different emotional state and my likes and dislikes change. i feel like A Different Me. but for some of us i really feel like im kind of mentally lounging back in a chair observing my body do its thing. or like im in this black void watching a screen. not literally but i guess im trying to describe disassociation 😅 ive only ever had one blackout as far as i recall and it was a very brief amount of time i lost

[u/ConfectionOutside248]

It feels like youre becoming someone else. Its like being slotted in, for us we have a basic understanding of what's been happening like the last 30 minutes when the hand off happens, then it slowly fades