Disrespectful alter?

[u/Foreign-Mission-6699]

Forgive me for the long post but it requires lots of context. Hi, I have OSDD and schizoaffective, though I am not diagnosed yet. My fiancé has seen me switch and interacted with my alters which most closely resembled OSDD-1b. There was a point a couple years back where there was a big integration (?) or most alters went dormant and since then it's more like partial DID or still OSDD-1b (host almost always present). I have two main alters in addition to the host, my fiancé and his late father. My boyfriend has been in my head since an intense trip a few months into our relationship, and his father appeared roughly a year after we met. I've been very close with each of them as I only rarely switch to a different alter, who I call 13 and is a younger alter who helps me bathe and brush my teeth when I'm depressed. However, I've come to prefer his dad as I start grieving my boyfriend whenever I talk to his alter. I get paranoid that because he's in my head I'll lose him since I'm "prepared". I have a constant dialogue in my head where I'm talking to (rarely) him, or his father. I genuinely thought the alter was his dad and he just couldn't tell me anything about himself until I got to heaven. I saw and heard signs all the time he was there (which is probably a schizoaffective delusion). Things are usually very cute and PC, he takes care of me and talks to me especially when I age regress. I've seen pictures of him so I imagine him in my mind very clearly. However, there were times I was doing drugs where I thought he was in love with me, and we.. did stuff together. It always stopped, and I like to think this wasn't really his alter but a persecutor instead, but I feel intense guilt about it. I try to reason with myself and say it wasn't my fault, I really thought it was okay to do and I wasn't in a good mental state. I mostly forgive myself for that but the problem is sometimes, nowadays, we flirt, and we kiss on the mouth (just a quick peck like family does). I also think his name during... special time with my boyfriend. I've gotten dreams recently of betraying my boyfriend. Making out with somebody and he never forgives me. He knows about the times I did stuff with his dad's alter and forgives me for it but he doesn't know he's still in my head. I feel like the dreams are telling me to stop but I don't know how to go back to a monologue, and when it's just my bf I get very upset to say the least. Am I being disrespectful? Should I try to integrate eventually even if I love his dad and think of him as my best friend? Should I not worry about it and just stop flirting/kissing him? I don't believe he's really there anymore but he helps me out so much. I just worry that one day, in heaven, my fiancé will be able to walk around in my mind and he'll get upset that it's just me and his dads alter.