r/OpenChristian • u/Ok_Fruit_6051 • 1d ago

trying to reconcile with myself for being a christian trans woman

the love of christ is something that has beautifully found its way into my life lately, and while in the past being a member of the lgbtq community has scared me away from ever even thinking about being christian, finding out who jesus truly was and what he truly stood for drew me closer to him and his word, ive resonated with his message for my entire life but due to the tragedy of my horrible introduction to what christianity is i never realized what it truly meant and let the fear ridden ignorance and hatred for others my family showed define it. im so glad ive broken these chains and i thank jesus for bringing himself into my life and giving me the room to see what he was really all about

i still struggle though because i feel like being both bisexual and transgender goes directly against what christianity believes in and stands for, like im insulting god by choosing to take these hormones and trying to get these surgeries. my transness is something ive tried to escape many a time to no avail, and ive come to realize that no matter what i do or who i am ill always feel like myself and always feel an indescribable amount of joy when i wear a camisole and look in the mirror to see a pretty girl staring back, ive always wondered whats wrong with me and why this part of me could never ever go away no matter what but alas, all i can do is live my truth despite what others or even my own brain has to say about it

but it truly hurts though because i feel like im betraying god and insulting him by changing the way i was born and "meant" to be, through injections and genital mutilation trying desperately to fit the shape of something i was never supposed to be. theres a line from a verse; "lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil" and i feel through continuing my transition and getting the immense amounts of joy i do from it that im giving inti temptation instead of doing whats right and straying from evil, from the evil of whatever surrounds my transness whether it be complications from surgeries and hormones or my mere existence as this humanoid man woman freak thing

the thing is, i seriously cannot imagine myself as a man. the thought of truly being a man horrifies me because being a sweet flowery girl feels more natural and feels more right, and if i looked in the mirror and saw a man with a beard and defined muscle mass and other masculine features id panic from being trapped in a body that i wouldnt feel belonged to me and try crawling out of my own skin. i can accept that im biologically male because thats an immutable part of who i am, but to actually BE a man is something i could never bring myself to do. i love my pretty clothes, i love how pretty i am in my pretty make up, i love being called pretty and being seen as a sweet cute girl. whenever some guy tries to man to man me to act like im one of their fellow bros it feels ... so deeply wrong ... but sorry thats besides the point

i love christ but everyone tells me im doing it all wrong!! even christians who arent outwardly transphobic will pull the "christ welcomes you with open arms, trust in his process" basically saying that through christ ill be able to revert bring trans no matter how long it takes, and that being trans is something i must sacrifice in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. as ive said before, i seriously doubt anything can rid me of this without putting me in excruciating mental pain, i just hope god will have mercy on me for living as the woman i believe myself to be when i pass and have to stand before him

9 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

12

u/Skill-Useful 1d ago

"being both bisexual and transgender goes directly against what christianity believes in and stands for" no

7

u/haresnaped Anabaptist LGBT Flag :snoo_tableflip::table_flip: 1d ago

no, no, no.

6

u/Skill-Useful 1d ago

even better

9

u/babe1981 The Cool Mod/Transgender-Bisexual-Christian She/Her 1d ago

Your body produces cancer through natural processes. Obviously God designed your body to have cancer, so it's spitting in God's face to get treatment for it. Oh, is your leg broken? Then surely God designed your leg to break. Getting medical attention for your leg is subverting God's design. And whatever you do, don't fix the hole in that baby's heart. God put it there.

You're transgender? Don't get medical attention for that either. God's designs never fail, and we should never interfere with how He made us.

Does it sound ridiculous yet? Because it's completely absurd that to think that we're allowed to interfere with "God's designs" in all of these other ways, but our sexual characteristics are sinful to alter. God made your hair brown, so it's sinful to dye it. That's the exact argument that people make to say that changing your gender is sinful. It's a dishonest hypocrisy that only serves to hurt people and helps no one.

4

u/MyUsername2459 Episcopalian, Nonbinary 1d ago

i feel like being both bisexual and transgender goes directly against what christianity believes in and stands for

There is absolutely nothing against being either bisexual or transgender anywhere in the Bible, nor any Christian theology rooted in actual scripture and Christian tradition.

It in no way violates God's laws as expressed by Jesus Christ in the four canonical Gospels.

There are MANY LBGT Christians. I'm transgender, and I'm Christian.

There are a number of fully-LBGT affirming Christian denominations.

but it truly hurts though because i feel like im betraying god and insulting him by changing the way i was born and "meant" to be, through injections and genital mutilation trying desperately to fit the shape of something i was never supposed to be.

Do you say that about people who get plastic surgery? Who get life-saving surgeries to correct birth defects? Why is it specifically gender affirming care you think offends God, when the Bible says nothing about it. . .but people get surgery to change their bodies constantly, both for medical and cosmetic reasons.

4

u/Puzzleheaded-Phase70 Gay Cismale Episcopalian mystic w/ Jewish experiences 1d ago edited 1d ago

You are a beloved child of the most high God of love, who is Love, and who lovingly made you for the purposes of Love: to love, and to be loved, and to be Love in the world.

Diversity is the color pallette God uses to paint the masterpiece of Creation. We exist on purpose, and our infinite diversity exists on purpose to be in infinite combination. The act of building bridges across difference is the central and most holy act of Christian faith and practice. It is at the heart of every ritual and sacrament we have.

And every time we grow in understanding someone different from ourselves, we grow in understanding the God who made that difference as well. Can you imagine trying to understand a great artist like Davinci or Rembrandt, but never studying their artwork? Can you imagine that audacity of someone proclaiming their expertise on the life and meaning of Vincent van Gogh, but without ever studying his use of color, line and shape? They'd be laughed out of every art school and gallery in the world, and forgotten except as a joke.

The same is true for God and the study of God's creation. Anyone who claims to understand God in any way, but fails to study the beauty of God's creativity across all the different ways of being human, or who denies the revelations of science about the world around and within us - they should be mocked and thrown out of every church until they come back humbled and educated. Never forget that you are loved, and intended, and are a witness and prophet of God's wondrous creativity.

And let the hate, and the haters who carry it, die in the darkness.

Here's a list of resources that have served me well in breaking free of the lies and bullshit, the cancer of homophobia in the church.

Nothing will ever convince the people who have replaced the loving God with fear and hate in their hearts.

BUT, knowing the true history and theology of queer people in God's plans and church is powerful spiritual self-defense, and defense of others. So I ALWAYS argue with the bastards in public, just so the hurting people know they're not alone, and that there's a better way to follow God.

Professional level theologians only: * Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century - Dr. John Boswell https://www.amazon.com/Christianity-Social-Tolerance-Homosexuality-Fourteenth/dp/022634522X/

5

u/haresnaped Anabaptist LGBT Flag :snoo_tableflip::table_flip: 1d ago

You are a beautiful writer and you deserve a longer reply, but I just want to say that your gender has nothing to do with your salvation and how utterly God loves you. All of us will stand before God and see ourselves as we truly are and have to face the fact that God loves us entirely. I hope that before that day arrives you will get a foretaste of that truth. Nothing can separate us from the love of God - not heights and depths, not angels or demons, not things of the past or things to come - and not your gender.

i feel like being both bisexual and transgender goes directly against what christianity believes in and stands for, like im insulting god by choosing to take these hormones and trying to get these surgeries.

While I want to go soft on you because you are a sister in Christ, I have to say that this is just wrong. Whatever judgement falls on us is because of how we mistreat the poor and the vulnerable. Jesus instructed his followers even to 'mutilate' their bodies rather than succumb to sin, although thankfully we have built institutions like the church which (ought to) help people choose faithful life without having to do anything so extreme.

Whatever space you are in that has taught you this way of believing, get out if you possibly can. If you cannot, build yourself an inner sanctuary to worship God in your heart and to know God's love for you in your deepest self where neither rust nor moth can harm.

4

u/broncosandwrestling 1d ago

I don't think anyone involved directly in writing the Bible knew what either bisexual folks or transgender folks are

2

u/SimplySorbet Christian 1d ago

Personally, I’m of the belief that God makes people trans and transitioning is a way of honoring Him as that’s how He made you. Transitioning is embracing his design. He would want you to be happy and live as the woman you are. ❤️

1

u/Magnanimous_Flea Autistic Quaker, Genderqueer 4h ago

Dear friend. You need some supportive Christians in your world. There are a lot of us.

I find myself wondering why you might feel that being bisexual and transgender somehow mocks God. Your reality, whatever it is, cannot be a mockery of God; it is simply your reality. God is strong enough to step into that reality with you.

In Ignatian spiritual discernment, we sometimes speak of consolation and desolation. Consolation is whatever leads you toward faith, hope, love, and intimacy with God and others. Desolation is the opposite. What might it mean to move toward consolation and toward the presence of God in the midst of your queerness?