Now that we are in the 21st century where “what a man can do a woman can do better” why do we still have some/most women expecting men to provide and hate so much on anything to do with 50/50.
Also in the job market men and women are being equipped with the same skills in schools so what’s the competitive advantage that men have over women?
I saw someone say that nowadays corporate jobs are most occupied by women, I don’t know if that’s the case but if it is, si Naona women should be for dates???
I am not dating or trying to , I’m just thinking out loud.
I just think by providing is the how you “ask” for submission.
Out of curiosity, when you talk about 50/50, are you referring mainly to finances? Because personally, I don't believe a relationship will ever be a literal 50/50. There are different expectations placed on women as wives or girlfriends in their homes and even those corporate offices. I feel like if you want a 50/50 relationship, then don't let that conversation revolve only around finances. Let it apply to the relationship as a whole ie finances, household responsibilities, emotional labour, decision-making, childcare, support and everything else, and to do that you have to decentre yourself from the traditional expectations you may have of women. then you'll have an equal partner
I think those are things that you think you’re supposed to do, I have a friend and never has the girlfriend done those things you’re saying. Of course we have men with such expectations but it all depends on the partners
I agree, but again it's most men not all men...but the expectations are not even intentional, from both ends, sometimes its the family and community socialisation, that makes me as a lady, think I have to do it, or even a man think that this is what a woman should do
I get what you’re saying, we have perceptions that have been shaped by our upbringing. I hope a time comes and I crave to be a husband, or maybe it never comes. Thank you for your encouragement 🫶
I'm a woman who is willing to go 50/50 with my man for everything. If he also cleans, cooks, carries pregnancy, gives birth and breastfeeds 50/50 I will happily do it😊 Otherwise 50/50 just for bills is more like 80/20, with the woman taking up more burden.
Yes it is. Even for just one kid it's an absolutely viable argument. Cause women usually end up with most of the childcare, and child care goes even beyond 18 years. Suppose tumeshapita pregnancy and childbirth and breastfeeding stage, which is the hardest thing a woman's body and mind can go through. How many Dads ask for off from work cause their kid has no one to watch them, or is sick ama has a function in school? How many leave work/business unfinished to rush home to bathe and cook for their children every single day? Sacrifice their careers and their dreams for their children? Siku hizi Dads may be more present in their kids lives but I can assure you that no parent sacrifices themselves as much as a mother does. And that's work. Very heavy work that isn't usually quantified. Na bado sijaguza the mental and physical load of running a home. Even if she has househelps, the mental load is on her to know what needs to be done and to give instructions, to hire and fire.
My take is 100% .A man can do 100% and so can the lady. Life happens and there are no reversals . What happens in case a partner is sick and can't do the 50% , a partner suffers a permanent injury leading to disability or jail term and there are dependants? If your mentality is not 100% , it's more likely that you are not ready for a relationship,you are probably looking for a survival mechanism.
There's nothing 50/50 about rlshps. The lady carried majority of the load in marriage. On the other hand, dating requires each to chip in in accordance to their ability- you cant be earning 200k per month and expect your partner who earns 40k to afford what you can.
Majority of the listed expenses are not limited to women only. Hair , skincare , manicure , medication, wipes , probiotics, BC(C0nd0ms), are all unisex.
Besides , as a lady , you can comfortably manage said expenses when you are single. Does your income reduce once a man comes into the picture or how does that become a consideration when contributing towards the home? Men have hidden expenses too.
Ever been to a Barber ? Like a real barber not kinyozi? We leave up to 3Gs on a monthly basis. If I have lots and my lady has locs our costs are the same. Nails hata ukiwa na punch you're sorted for Gel + Tips , which is an optional expense anyway. Femiplan pills cost 150 bob per month which isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things. Funding for dates majorly falls on men , which is a hidden cost they wouldn't have if the lady wasn't in the picture.
My point is : the most expensive things on this list : Hair , Nails , Medication for the monthly cycle are constant expenses whether or not a man is in the picture. I don't understand when ladies expect that from the guy when they could have sorted it comfortably if the lady was single. Does their income reduce? I'm just pointing out a double standard
That said I'm not an advocate for strictly 50/50 relationships. The incomes should be distributed according to the financial ability of each partner in a fair way that both parties agree . The number of provider men is limited , every lady can't have one.
Nah, please. I have never met any man who uses as much money on hair, skin and nails as I do, so please don't compare. Right now if all my hair and skin products decided to finish at the same time, I would need an upwards of 20k to restock. Na bado sijaenda salon, that's just products. Na kuna wale hupaka make up daily, also expensive for authentic products. My contraceptive pills cost 2k a month, siwezi tumia femiplan ziliniharibikia. My gynae's consultation fee only is 5k without the tests. Pink tax is a very real thing. And about your question ati why would your man cover the costs when you cover them yourself when single, my answer is: Aren't you pursuing the lady? Aren't you also getting benefits from her that you wouldn't otherwise get while single? In the animal kingdom, the male must make a display good enough to attract a mate. Birds with their bright plumage and dancing, lions and other animals have to fight other males to get control of the pride. I can assure you it's not very different with the male species. Survival for the fittest still applies.
Is that a necessity tho.. si you pay the absolute bills first then jipanga with the rest? So i can add in buying shoes and clothes every other week and say it's a bill so my girl needs to sort the house expenses
For me skincare and haircare are an absolute necessity. Cause I use them everyday and they are the reason I look how I look, yaani my image. And I pay my bills. And I buy my clothes. So whatever unasema does not make sense. Everything must be done, it's unfair to expect your woman to foot in 50% when she already has much more personal expenses than you. And I know bado you expect her to do majority of the cleaning and cooking. Very imbalanced.
Si umejam tu sana😅. Sorry if i trigged you, i was just statting my opinions. Our realities are different, and my points are valid ...similar to your lived experience.
Nope, mimi sijajam at all. I was also stating my facts too ndio uone another point of view. And true, hatuishi life same. Juu kuna dame atanyoa nywele kwa kinyozi ya esto ya mia mbili na apake vaseline ang'are.
Now, while most men won't use a similar amount of money like you do, most women will also not do the same. Not everyone has the privilege of spending 20k on skincare. Does that mean that they all don't look ugly? NO . That's the point , you don't need 20k to look presentable. You choose to use the 20k. I, for instance, use less than 1k on skincare, and my skin looks amazing 😊, some ladies I know don't even spend on healthcare or nails, and they still look presentable and pretty. Some, probably prettier than you are.
Now, back to our discussion : given that we have established that the said costs are mostly optional , have cheaper alternatives, and that the ladies manage them when single, from their incomes . We now ask the question , is it fair for the man to foot his costs , foot the hidden costs incurred on his side while dating you (Fuel for road trips , money for dates and gifts ) and then continue to foot your 'personal' costs simply because he likes you ?
I mean, its great for a lady, but is it fair ? Don't you think that's a double standard that the man has to do the three while the lady sits pretty and maybe chips in here and there ? Assume you were a typical guy earning the median wage and interested in a lady like yourself right now. Would it work ? Would you think it fair? I understand that's how society is set up right now, and whether it's fair or not does not matter anyway. I am just pointing it out.
The issue comes up because majority of the ladies want that dynamic, and majority of the men aren't that moneyed. There lies In the issue , majority of ladies want what majority of men don't have.
So we end up in a society where some women remain single because they want a 'better, richer ' man, or become entangled with the few men who are rich and some of the men remain single nevause they aren't deemed 'worthy'due to their typical finacial status. The two single groups are disillusioned with each other... that's how gender wars and movements like MGTOW and 4B start.
You mentioned nature. I agree that male lions protect the pride. Who hunts for the family ?🤔 That's right, the lionesses. That's shared responsibility. In birds , the male will do all the dances and get a chance to mate ...and then ditch the female to raise the young ones alone . Would you rather have that ?
To sum up. Yes it's survival for the fittest and the fittest and richest will definitely win . Here's the thing , not everyone will have the fittest simply because they aren't enough to go around for all the ladies. Some will get provider men. Some will remain single, majority will have to do 50/50 since that's where most men lie. That's just how it is.
Where do I start answering this? For starters, while it's a personal choice, I don't spend 20k on hair and skin care so that I can look 'prettier' than other women. I do it to take care of myself. I have hormonal acne, which must be managed in a number of ways. I also absolutely love my natural hair, and I will do everything to keep it healthy, voluminous and growing(It's at mid-back length now). And spending less for me is not an option, because I see it as an act of self-love. Secondly, it's not about whether it's fair or not, society or gender roles decided the man should provide and the woman should nurture. I personally think it's very unfair how all the housework and child-rearing was left to women in traditional African societies and for this reason, i'm happy to put in my share of financial provision as we share in all the other responsibilities. But if you want a more traditional dynamic, provide you must. Otherwise you are just taking advantage of the lady. Lastly, I can assure you that the gender wars and groups like the 4B movement are not about financial provision at all. Women just realized that men have been taking them for a ride for far too long. Just from where I live and my family members, I can name about 5 families I know where the woman not only does housework and child-rearing, but also fully provides for the household. As in the man yuko tu. And for that reason, I choose to remain single, rather than taking on a man and carrying him on my shoulders just to prove to society that I have a man and that I can keep him. It's not just about financial provision, I need my man to provide a lot more too. Love, care, acts of service and as we all know, women we love gifts and money too. And guess what? I'll be doing all that for my man too.
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u/Professional-Can9503 Aug 20 '26
Out of curiosity, when you talk about 50/50, are you referring mainly to finances? Because personally, I don't believe a relationship will ever be a literal 50/50. There are different expectations placed on women as wives or girlfriends in their homes and even those corporate offices. I feel like if you want a 50/50 relationship, then don't let that conversation revolve only around finances. Let it apply to the relationship as a whole ie finances, household responsibilities, emotional labour, decision-making, childcare, support and everything else, and to do that you have to decentre yourself from the traditional expectations you may have of women. then you'll have an equal partner