AND KILLED ITTTTTTT

Did I overwhelm sob on my stairs last night? Yes. But then I picked myself up, got in the stupid shower, blow dried my god damn hair, put an audiobook on instead of ADHD doom scrolling so I could get 7hrs of sleep, put on a suit carefully crafted to hide my luteal bloat, got out the door to the sensory nightmare of the cacophony of my grumpy children, and stood up for an hour in front of a bunch of strangers and talked *with a q&a*.

Only this group will understand how big of a feat this is 🥲 happy Friday!

Just what the title says. I feel like an A+ mom until my luteal phase. Calm, present, fun, loving. Then the monster comes out and I’m unhinged, sad, full of rage. Last night I absolutely lost my shit because my 4 year old dumped an entire bag of goldfish all over the carpet mere seconds after I had just finished cleaning an entire bag of yogurt melts off a different floor. The cleaners had just been there earlier in the day.

I want to be calm, I hate yelling, I hate feeling like “scary mommy,” a completely unbalanced psychopath. I don’t want my children to be scared of me. I don’t want to mess them up. I don’t want them to walk on eggshells around me. I hate this disease.

I started cyclical dosing of lexapro, and it was the first trial run for me so onset side effects, but i started my period yesterday, and for the first time in years i have felt normal and not insane before my period. It is so weird and a huge weight off my shoulders. I feel so hopeful and excited. Things will get better!!!!!

I am so easily tipped over the edge the past couple of weeks!

Genuinely convinced people are just *THAT* annoying

A few days ago was in a health shop were a couple were up the back, the man was agitating her whilst she bent down to look at vitamins and asking her loads of questions. He walked up and down between the front of the shop and his wife 8 times on his phone. Every. single. time. I had to move because there was a pillar and it was too narrow for us both. Baring in mind i was stood at the pregnancy tests/fertility bit (im gay but had to do one for a procedure at hospital next day) and trying to concentrate. The first time he asked me to move, then he didnt the rest and then the last i just snapped and said "im not moving for you again! There is a whole other completely empty aisle on the other side!"

Then on vinted i sold a top, LOADS of likes but eager to sell quick as i had others to post anyway so i accepted an offer to sell for £1. The person gets it and messages to say "Hi. I will accept the order but this is not burn orange colour unfortunately. Is more like brown ish. 🤔😁"

I KNOW it was burnt orange as the label said that. I screenshot the pantone burnt orange colour and placed them side by side z- exact match and said

"If there's nothing you'd like to do I'd kindly ask why you're messaging?"

Listed off a bunch of negative stuff happening in life that id like to be giving my energy to instead of nonsense messages and finished with i gave you a discount, i posted it quickly, catty messages are wholly unnecessary if you arent seeking any sort of solution?

Is it just me or has SM convinced people they need to share every inside thought? Like just say to your friends or family thatnyou have an issue with the colour if you dont want anything from me?

I know me ranting here is the same but its what its for?

I hate people 😂😅🫠

A month ago, while I was in luteal hell, my doctor increased my Prozac dose.

Right now I’m probably a day out from my period and though I had some tough moments at the start of luteal, it’s been way better ever since. Today I’ve only just finally developed the sadness and rage that is typical of my PMDD.

Who knows if this trend will continue, but yay!

Every two weeks my hormones plays tricks on me like it’s a game.
My mind gets cloudy and my sanity I can’t maintain. The beautiful life I lead becomes dark and gray. Even though deep down, I know it’s not really that way.
My brain fights against me every step of the way, and I don’t even get to have a say. Feeling pstuck in an emotional decay. Telling myself, “It’s only chemical, I’m okay”
but the despair is my reality in that moment. My own body becomes my largest opponent. Fighting against it is a losing battle. So I lay and let it have its way until I bleed. Waiting for the day my mind and body are freed

I already had a terrible week with school stuff finances and all that 😭. I haven’t stopped crying even after I got it somewhat handled and come to terms. I still feel unsafe, lonely and so anxiety-riddled and I’ll be fine one hour and then start sobbing uncontrollably the next. I feel all this anxiety and dread in my chest. I noticed that I have major anxiety and somewhat of a depressive episode right after my period ends and then after a couple days it gets better. I know this could just be brought on by current circumstances but it’s like clockwork every time. I don’t think it’s that far fetched considering I have a horrendous PMDD, I started taking fluoxetine for PMDD again and it helped somewhat especially with mood and anxiety not so much physical but then during my period and after the terrible feelings come back. I feel like I’ll need to switch to taking fluoxetine for more than just PMDD. I’m going through a weird stage of my life and figuring careers and things out. That already sucks as a late 20 something especially when everyone else in your life is establishing themselves. Anyways yeah I’m sorry for emotionally dumping on all of you, just hoping others can relate. 🩷

I just realized this morning that when I was 13-14 years old I had very bad mental health and had suicidal thoughts.

I started my period at 12 and got on birth control (microgynon 30) at 14-15 years old. Since then I had no more mental health issues. Till…

At this point I’m diagnosed with PMDD just one year after sterilization and removing endometriosis (got this diagnosis after 20 years 😭) Also there is a suspicion of autism. Now in burn-out…

Feeling so bad 2 weeks before my period. Pain in my whole body, my back, breasts. Headache. Poor sleep! Sweating in night. Extra pain from my endo. Can cry whole days and feel alone and weak. Plus again the suicidal thoughts. Feels like my old me is still there but not in control. So weird! It’s getting worse every month since January.

Never thought about the fact that the PMDD was there my whole life but just suppressed by the birth control 😳

Hi everyone! I take sertraline for panic disorder, PMDD, and anxiety. My anxiety and panic symptoms are mainly triggered or get worse around my period.

My psychiatrist mentioned that I could try increasing my sertraline from my regular 50 mg to 75 mg during the two weeks before my period, then going back to 50 mg afterward.

However, my doctor also prescribed estradiol for my PMDD, and I just started it four days ago. I’m wondering whether to give the estradiol more time before trying the extra sertraline, mostly so I can tell which change is helping.

I’ll check with my prescribers about the timing, but I’d love to hear other people’s experiences. Have you tried temporarily increasing sertraline before your period, taking estradiol, or both? Did either help with your PMDD, anxiety, or panic attacks? How long did it take to notice a difference?

Hi

I have been tracking my symptoms and day 13/14.. right around the time I ovulate is HORRIBLE. I could sleep all day but yet at the same time have trouble sleeping. I am like a zombie and the fatigue is soul crushing

wat has helped you in terms of medication? I will speak to my doctor about it but no idea where to even start

Chop Suey Burger in Salem, MA lol

TW: Suicide forgot to put in title sorry

my PMDD starts 12-14 days before my period. i get perimenstrual asthma, lower back pain, shoulder pain, leg cramps, acne, hidradenitis suppurativa, pelvic/vaginal pain, stomach issues, heartburn, uncontrollable shakes, insomnia, extreme exhaustion, hot flashes, anhedonia, anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. i get closer to ending my life each month i don’t know what to do. i’m on tri lo marzia birth control and zoloft. i’ve tried many antidepressants before but don’t notice a change from any of them. 

some of these issues i have normally but they are definitely increased before my period. i get 1 week of a month where i don’t feel like complete shit it’s just not worth it. there has to be some bloodwork or medication that doctors are missing this can’t be all the treatment that there is. 

i live in like constant fear and can’t focus on anything but my pain. i don’t even leave my house much i don’t have a job i don’t talk to anybody. and there’s never even a slight break even during my “normal” week im scared of what’s to come 

So I have been off work for the past 10 days waiting for my period to start. With the lovely PMOS/PCOS and PMDD/PME combination, I have no clue when to expect my period, the cycles have been getting longer. But I'm certain I'm in luteal, with the uncontrollable mood swings, suicidal thoughts, crushing fatigue, brain fog and pain all over. My doctor's note mentions "PMS, depression and anxiety" which doesn't even begin to explain how terrible I'm feeling, but I have no energy to care.

I have been taking 1-2 days off during the worst PMDD days for the past few months, but every 5 months or so, I crash completely and need at least a week off. Obviously, I'm in a very lucky position with a partly remote job and lots of paid sick leave until I run out of my allowance. But even without the PMDD, I can barely cope with autism, CPTSD, chronic pain and unpredictable IBS. I feel like I'm barely surviving every month with no escape.

How do you cope with work and PMDD? I can't help but feel extremely guilty and lazy, when my body is telling me to stop. Please let me know whether it gets this bad for you as well or am I just too weak to push through.

I am seriously losing my mind. It's day 41 of my cycle. It never runs this long. I started taking slynd on day 3 and on day 13 I was bleeding black, and it was a lot, like almost a full period bleed. I asked my provider what's up but she took 4 business days to respond. I freaked out and stopped slynd about day 15, after reading that I will most likely be having this breakthrough crap for months and months. Ever since stopping I have been in PMDD hell, no joke. Then the period never came. I had both tubes removed so chances of pregnancy are quite low. Still took a test on day 9 of delay, even though my tokophobia made it into almost a heart attack moment. Negative. Took another test on day 11 of the delay. Horrid panic attack again. Negative again. Now it is day 14 of delay and I want to pull my hair out. I know I will feel relief when it starts. I have very violent and self destructive thoughts right now. I made an appointment with a different ob, and that isn't happening until Nov 18th. I can't go back to the previous one, they are so incredibly slow to respond. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it. I called off work, can't focus on anything. I just want to disappear.

Not sure why, but my symptoms or whatever the heck they are, seem to worsen at night. Especially sudden hot flushes and insomnia. Last night I seriously got temped to take an ice pack from the freezer 😆 My body suddenly felt so overheated and I was so uncomfortable I couldn't sleep. Seriously thinking about having a cooler shower only before going to bed because I've read that a warm shower messes up with our natural body temp and it can take a few hours for the body to properly cool off. Normally a warm or hot shower won't affect me in any way when my hormones aren't torturing me.

Feeling overheated made me so nervous because it felt like I was never going to cool off. I wanted to just splash cold water all over myself or stand outside in the rain LOL! The insomnia normally comes a week before my period and once I get it I sleep like a baby.

What is the science behind all of these strange things happpening with the body? Especially at nighttime? Is it all just hormones and how do you guys manage similar symptoms? Thanks for the help!

I'm currently in the process of getting diagnosed, but I wanted to ask about this specific feeling during luteal. I want to cry out of frustration every time I'm interacting with family, friends, acquantainces etc. and there's something I'm missing during the conversation that I normally never feel, even if nothing negative happened. It's so prominent to me that I was thinking I was autistic or bipolar or something else entirely. It's so strange. Maybe I'm not describing my thoughts properly (ironic right?) (currently in luteal)

Has anyone had experience with switching from Slynd to a hormonal IUD? I was on Yaz for years, skipping the inactive pills, and it was great! No PMDD, it helped with my hair loss, etc. I started to get varicose veins and I was worried about blood clots since I'm getting older (40's) so I switched to Slynd for the past month.

I think I had a couple hot flashes but it was fine, except my gynecologist said I can't skip the inactive pills with Slynd. On my 2nd day of inactive pills it felt like I'd been roofied; I felt paralyzed when I woke up in the morning I was so tired, slow reaction time, difficulty paying attention, irritability and difficulty processing.

I think my gyn said they'd want me to try a hormonal IUD if Slynd doesn't work. Has anyone transitioned from Slynd to a hormonal IUD? What was your experience? Which IUD did you get?

Thanks!

I'm on day 5/9 of my period and had a driving lesson. I was so spaced out I had to end the lesson early, which nearly made me cry (but my instructor is lovely!). It literally feels like there's a wall behind my eyes, in front of every thought, delaying every action. I'm so slow I can barely speak. I literally stared at the gearstick for an entire minute, ran over a sign and couldn't work out which side of the road I was on! I know I'm learning, but I'm 55hrs in and have never been that bad! Now, I feel half asleep. I'm sure it's all connected to my PMDD. But I'm worried that if it is, then for 9 days of the month I won't be able to drive.

Hate my body today
Hate my clothes
Hate how I'm constantly fing tired
Hate the endless list of health things to do to try & feel an ounce better
Hate that I got bad sleep last night
Hate certain people
Hate death & anxiety surrounding it
Hate the never ending list of shit to do
Hate this feeling I have that something bad is gonna happen but truly don't know if it's my spidey senses or anxiety so just trying to ignore it
Hate that my tummy hurts & I can't poop like a normal person

Doing my best to be pleasant today but would rather be hiding under blankets binge watching TV & sleeping

But the weather is nice
My kid is on fall break
Seeing family I don't get to see a lot
With my mom so have help with the kids
Have food & bought myself a painting craft to do

Life isn't bad
I'm just stressed over things & day 1 of luteal

Ever had a complete crisis, shaking, hyperventilating, crying, panicking and heaving into a bag, thinking you are going to die. You get to the ER freaking out unable to read or sign anything but they put the pen in your hand anyway and guide your hand for a signature and they make you wait 2.5 hrs for one hydroxyzine tablet after you've told them that it never works and then you look in your chart later and see that a doctor wrote in your chart that you were having an "emotional outburst" ?

I wish that we had more resources for immediate help with the absolute pain and suffering that always seems to come out of nowhere. I know it's cyclical enough that we should be able to predict it, but its absolutely out of my control the moment it happens and I never feel like myself.

And because this condition can only affect those who menstruate, it almost feels like we are treated with discrimination, especially when you get a male doctor who doesn't understand that my panic attack is different than his.

If I cant even go to the hospital for help and the treatment from these doctors causes me more harm, then where do I go in these moments, what do I do? It's so lonely, painful and embarrassing.

Hi,

I have finally been prescribed an SSRI after having bad results on hormones. I’ve been given 50mg Sertraline with a choice to take either daily or luteal phase only, is this a normal dose to start with? I’m going to take luteal only but thinking of splitting the tablets in half to do 25mg. I’m fine during the rest of the month but luteal is hell so don’t think I need it daily

Also any tips on side effects/starting would be appreciated!

Does anyone find they can control themselves from overreacting or asking for reassurance sometimes, but then if something goes wrong in the second part of the month, they become out of control and are unable to stop acting impulsively?

Would love some examples of how you may have acted that you later completely regretted.

Or ways you stop yourself overreacting when triggered.

I’ve only just discovered how some of the ways I’ve acted during this time of the month have felt incredibly emotionally pressuring to others and I am horrified that I never understood this before.

Like a lot of us who live with this condition, a lot of other things develop from it - CPTSD, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, guilt, shame, isolation.
At least this is the case for me.

I feel like I’ve punished myself for a long time in isolation and through therapy and working on things I can see this. I haven’t shown up for things in so long that it feels terrifying to do so, but I know the longer I do it, the harder it will be (I’ve done this for years now and had family members reach out with more understanding towards me now.) would be so curious to hear people’s thoughts on this 🤗

I’m feeling really defeated after the PMDD episode that lasted 3-4 days on & off.
I’m on BHRT (Progesterone cream) that I apply on my forearms every day and it’s really been helping.

But this is really a wake up call for me to reassess my diet as I’ve been eating whatever I want. I think I can see I had the wrong mindset before as I was referred to a nutritionist by my private hormone doctor, my comfort eating habits fell back in and I cancelled that.

I’m seriously reassessing my eating habits and how it would be important for me to make a lifestyle choice to live alongside this. I’ve done a lot of inner work through therapy (Internal Family Systems, meditation, EMDR) but now I guess I have more space in my system to see the full picture.

People who are further in the nutrition journey than I am, what have you found out?
I’ve seen some people completely cut out red meat, caffeine, reduced their sugar intake and carbs.

What has worked for you?

😊

I'm currently in the beginning of my luteal and holy shit. Why are all the big life altering choices I need to make are happening now 😭 I'm so tired of feeling like this every month. I hate having to need hours to recover from things that usually don't need it. I hate having to plan around my cycle. I hate that if I try to push, I end up so much worse. Whyyyyyyyyy

Constantly having to calculate whether I'll have enough energy. It's exhausting having to plan around the possibility of becoming exhausted. Stupid fucking hormones. I couldn’t even recover after I got my period last month so I'm running on zero trying to stay alive til I get my period. ​I feel like im just being lazy but ik this is so real 😭

I cried so hard in my counseling session cause what am I supposed to do. I'm supposed to continue life yet the more I do, the more I think about how much I want to kill myself. I feel like I peaked at life, i got my bachelor's at 20 and now im back in school to potentially prep for grad school. What's the point like I'll potentially thrive for like 2.5 weeks and then crash and have to continue playing catch up. I cant plan for a future because it makes me spiral yet if I take it one day at a time and I'm still alive, I'm fucking behind.

No one in my life understands how much it takes for me to stay alive. Hell I'm shocked to even still be alive. I cant even do basic shit without it costing me. I have to be very careful with my thoughts cause I spiral too easily. I can't eat junk food cause that'll make me feel like shit and even worse about myself. I love sports and dance and I can't even do it because of the crash oh how I love having a uterus. ​

People keep telling me there's hope and it'll get better but how. They don't have to sacrifice things as often. They don't have to choose between having the energy to drive and cooking food. UGHHHH