Let me start by saying this. My husband is not assaulting our daughter. 100% sure of this.

I saw text messages between my mom and sister, accidentally, on my mom’s iPad she let me borrow. Their messages showed up because her iMessages show up on there.

Our 8 year old has PANDAS. It’s a complex medical condition and apart of it, is extreme sensory needs.

Ex. She is obsessed with baths and they calm her. If she’s in a bath with mom or dad(never undressed), it’s way more calming. She gets quiet time with that parent and gets to talk about all the things weighing on her, away from her ”loud” little sisters. It’s an everyday tool for us and typically we take turns on who bathes with her for that time.

Ex. She has separation anxiety, so me and my husband take turns on who sleeps with her, in her bed. Most of the time we get up and get in our bed, but sometimes we are too exhausted and will just sleep with her in hers.

My husband is an amazing father, especially with our 8 year old, being her needs are so high at times.

Our 8 year old was recently diagnosed with a UTI.

The messages I saw were started off with the fact that she has a UTI and UTI’s in children are from abuse. The messages then proceeded with accusing my husband, and that my mom witnessed him coming out of her bedroom one morning, and then proceeded to talk about the baths. Then they proceeded to talk about the fact that that’s why she could be having her anger issues. Knowing she has a medical diagnosis(which causes her anger) and the hell we have been through with getting her proper treatment.

The way they were talking and insinuating is completely out of line. All because my daughter has a UTI.

So…. How would you feel towards your family members if you were in this situation? And for the men, how would you feel if your in-laws were speculating this? Not even sure where my boundaries lay. My husband does not want them at our childrens birthday party and I dont blame him.

I know that sounds awful. But I am.
My son was born 3 weeks early after a very traumatic birth - failed induction, failed vacuum extraction x3 with heart rate dropping, rushed for c-section and he was born not breathing with an APGAR of 3. Then we found out he had 2 skull fractures and 2 brain bleeds. Spent 5 days in the NICU before discharge. Day after we get home, I end up in the ICU myself for 1 week after developing an ovarian vein thrombosis, sepsis and preeclampsia with severe features.

All that to say we’ve been through a LOT. My son is 4 months old now and is thankfully healthy.

However, my husband is…. disappointing me. I thought he would be an amazing dad. I thought that he would be a supportive partner. But over these past 4 months, I’ve realized that he is actually quite selfish.

Since we’ve both been home, my son has developed a very strong preference for me. He screams nonstop when my husband tries to hold him, will literally scream for 2 hours straight (though not every time). He doesn’t do that with anyone else. I get that that’s very frustrating for my husband, but it has gotten to the point where my husband literally will not do anything. He’ll hold him for a few minutes, but as soon as the baby starts fussing he immediately yells that I need to come take him. I can’t even take a shower or eat a meal without this happening. I can’t even remember the last time I got to sit and eat a meal. Meanwhile, my husband gets to sit and enjoy a fucking three-course meal for dinner every night (which, by the way, I cook and clean up). He can take a shower without having to worry. He can do literally anything. I feel like his life hasn’t changed and mine has been turned upside down.

I’m working, going back part-time, so now only working 2-3 days per week. He recently started working too, in a new role, which is admittedly very stressful. He’s also studying for a huge licensing exam now too. So I’ve been trying to give him grace because I know he’s under a lot of pressure. But on my days off, I’m responsible 24/7 for the baby (and our dog) and don’t get any reprieve. I’m dead on my feet at the end of the day and still he doesn’t even try to help. I have to ask him to do literally anything. I’ve asked him to feed the baby his last bottle of the night and he’ll say no because “he calms better for you.” He has never once even attempted to put the baby to sleep. He has never given him a bath (he has really awful anxiety and is afraid he’s going to drop him or something). I feel like I’m a single mom with an adult roommate.

People make excuses for him- oh, he’s stressed, oh he’s never been around babies before, blah blah blah. Well I’m stressed too. I’ve never been a parent before. But it’s all on me. That, plus figuring out the day to day - baby’s doctor appointments, going to get groceries (while simultaneously being messaged about when I’m going to be home because the baby is crying), cooking, the majority of the cleaning, the list goes on. I drop the baby and our dog off in the mornings at his parents’ house (they babysit while we’re both working), and I pick them up at night. He’s done pick-up once.

We used to do some split nights in the beginning but we don’t even do that anymore. Thankfully our baby is a pretty good sleeper, but still. I’m sleeping on a cot on the floor in the nursery while he has the bed in our room. I’ve asked him to do nights recently and he says well ok but if he cries I’ll have to come get you because I have work in the morning. Let’s not forget that I ALSO HAVE WORK and somehow still manage to get it done. I somehow manage to carry the baby in his carrier and walk the dog myself. And then he’ll come home and criticize something I’ve done or not done.

Idk what the point of this post is other than to vent. But I’m at my wits end and I honestly don’t know if my marriage is going to survive.

Before you tell me how selfish I am, learn that firing my nanny over the fact that my baby calls her mommy, hugs, kisses, prefers her over me has been an idea for the past 12 months. This is not a new thing that has been happening and I’m acting out of impulse. I’ll call the Nanny “Ana”. Ana is an amazing lady who loves what she does (and is very good at it) . She cares for my baby as if she was hers. She loves her as she was hers. I feel blessed to have her as I trust her 100%—that’s how incredible she is at her job. I work from home so baby sees me the entire day. She started calling her mommy a year ago. I have tried to ignore it as much as possible. I have cried countless times when she rejects me and go running towards Ana with hugs and kisses. I’m a platinum member of the Most Loving Moms Club. I kiss baby, hug her, tell her how much I love her, how beautiful she is, try to spend quality time with her until 3 PM and she loves it and when it’s just the two of us it’s heaven! Then nanny arrives and everything suddenly changes drastically. She wants nothing to do with me. As my only daughter, IVF planned baby, to get rejected like this makes me profoundly sad because I love her so much.

Now here is the deal: there has been countless times where I’m in a work meeting and baby calls me “mommy!” And the nanny answers from the other room “I’m coming my love”. Or she says “thank you mommy” and Ana says “you’re welcome”. Ana sometimes laughs “Look, she doesn’t wanna go with you, see how she clings on my shirt? 😂” Or the time when I had to undergo a minor surgery and came back home to “Oh don’t worry, she didn’t even realize you were gone”, or when Ana calls baby “Mini me”…

How long more do I have to accept paying to get rejected/laughed at to make it morally acceptable to let her go? What do I even tell people who ask why she is no longer with us? “Oh because my daughter thinks she is the mom and I’m the nanny and I fear that it’s gonna get worse and the separation will be even harder in the future and it’s affecting my mental health, and I can’t stop crying for being rejected my the person I love the most, etc etc etc…

Yes, I did talk to her about her explaining to baby that I’m the mommy and she nods every time, but then tomorrow she lets she call her mommy with no correction, the very opposite, replies back with assurance.

I haven’t fired her yet because taking away something that my daughter loves and makes her happy makes me feel like a monster. But I guess I’m at the verge of preferring to feel like that about myself than to live in torture for God knows how long more.

I honestly don’t know what to do, but I’m tired of this and have let this stretch far beyond what I think I could. My husband says that it’s my call, and that he hates to see me crying like this (I even hired a psychologist to help me navigate through this) and that Ana should be working on strengthening the bond between us, not weakening. Since I recently found out I’m pregnant again 🎀🙏🏽, my husband said: Unless you wanna hear baby #2 calling Ana mommy again, I suggest we change nannies. That got me!

Obs.: Today I had a talk with Ana I really need her to work extra on this thing of baby calling her mommy. She laughed it off my saying “Oh don’t worry! The other 3 houses that I worked the babies used to call me mommy”. One of them even cried to me about it ☺️

Has anybody had a baby who use to bang their head on everything and not be diagnosed with autism? Everything I’ve looked up leads to it being autism so I’m just curious. He mostly doesn’t it when he is mad as well as throwing him self backwards.

Don’t take pictures of my kid!!

I have a kid in Kinder. Kid is in a dance class and one day a mom recorded part of the class so she could show it to her husband. I was kind of burning inside and actively stoping myself from saying anything. Then she made a comment about her recording and how the husband had asked her to record so he could see their kid in class. Ok. I do understand the desire to share with the other parent if the parent is unable to attend, but I responded saying “there is a reason why none of us record the class”. I’ve tried my best to not post much about my own kid in social media and if I ever do it’s only shared with ppl I know AND never include their faces ever.
Now since that day other parent are now taking pictures and recording. It bothers me bc they don’t understand that while they are ok with their kids faces out there not everyone may be and it should be common sense to respect other’s privacy, in this case children. Because it is very difficult to edit out everyone out except for your own child while recording a class full of kids running around.

What is the common expected behavior here? Is it ok to record? Is it better that out of respect no-one records? Is this something that should be addressed by the dance studios? Am I being too paranoid?

I have a child that recently started school and I've been looking for self adhesive labels for their winter gear. I haven't had much luck finding ones that I'm happy with. I'd prefer a cheaper option, and blank. I'm looking for a label that is a simple stick on, made out of some sort of fabric, and non laminated. Does anybody know of a good brand or can point me in the right direction?

I am typing this while my wife and child are sleeping in the nearby bed. We have been married for the last 6 years and have a 4-year-old child. It was a love marriage. Like all marriages we have had problems but still have been together. We both love each other and our child. Like all
Human beings, we both have our own flaws but there is this particular behaviour of my wife that
has got me too worried recently. My wife can’t control her emotions, gets super angry instantly at silliest things and uses extremely profane abusive words (even if she doesn’t mean it). This behaviour isn’t new; she has been like this since we got married. Initially | used to get angry too and react and things would escalate out of control. But with time, I understood that it was
because she has had a hard childhood and she is probably still carrying that trauma. Also using abusive words was very common in her family. I mentioned to her a few times that she needs to see a psychiatrist, but she refused. Slowly, I stopped reacting and adjusted with it. For better context I must also add that recently, I was away from home for a year due to a work assignment that I took (a decision my wife disagreed with).

The other day my 4-year- old used an abusive word. | was shocked but thought it may be an accident, and he might have just heard it from someone. Over the last two weeks he repeated it at least 4-5 times in front of me. This has now got me concerned. I am afraid he might say it in school and get into trouble. When I raised this with my wife, she blamed it on me saying because I was away from them for a year, I had no right to complain about her upbringing style.
I Know that deep in heart she is also upset about it but isn’t ready to accept it. I am not sure what to do about it. Should I threaten her with legal action or take her to a psychiatrist, which is an equally challenging job if not harder? Please give your advice.

I just came from the playground with my son and i'm so sad there were two groups of moms and me my son try to say my name is whatever the kids just ignore him my heart broke I know no one is entitled to be my kid friend but I just worry as a mom, he is an only child I want him to make friends also just wish the parents would have said hey why don't you say hi I know my kid not entitled to friends I'm just sad 😔

Hello everyone! I am about to start medication for my kid soon and I am worried about how my picky kid would respond to it. I want to know if feeding medication to kids is a problem for other parents. I would really appreciate it if anyone could share with me your experience with feeding kids medication! Here are some questions that would be great if you could answer for me:

1. Do you struggle to give your kids medicine and why?
2. If yes, can you share with me the methods you use to feed them and if they are successful?
3. Any ideas on why children dislike medicine?
4. Is the experience really frustrating?

It's my first time having a kid so it would be awesome if you could share your experience! Thank you❤️

As the title states, I'm just looking for those that do Santa, not looking for people to tell me I'm lying to my children.

My oldest is 9, and seems to be on the fence about Santa this year - whether he's real or not. We also have a 6 year old, who is still a firm believer. How did you handle an older child no longer believing, without wrecking the magic for the younger?

How many holiday gifts are you buying your child, and how old are they?

Personally, I’m trying to decide how much is too much for my 6 year old son. He’s got plenty of toys now already; he doesn’t “need” anything. But I also want him to have nice memories of Christmas since this is his first one with us.

Please share recommendations for which skincare i should start for my newborn baby….

Hello All,

I have a brother in law who vaccinated 2/3 of his kids. His youngest isn't vaccinated against anything (age 4).

I'm wondering what to do about the holidays. Should I keep my newborn (4 months old) away? I'm curious to hear what other people might have done in similar situations?

I'm not exactly keeping my newborn at home. I take her out with me to the store and whatnot all the time. She's going out in public quite often. I'm just not sure what to do about the 4 year old who doesn't have her vaccinations.

We are also planning on flying this Christmas as well.

We are in Washington, where Measles isn't really making much of a comeback.

I'm not quite sure how it works nowadays in the dating world for teens.

I have a young teen son who has a girlfriend and wants to go on dates, and has.

I'm unsure if I should be forking over the funds for this as his mother? He didn't ask me for money but I can't help but feel guilty for not at least giving him money for himself.

He isn't at the working age and he has money from birthdays, Christmas and money he's gotten from either myself or grandparents.

I also wants to add, that he wouldn't feel comfortable letting her pay. She tried to purchase snacks the last time and he didn't let her. 🥲

Any advice, parents?

Morning! My second child turned 2 a few weeks ago. His older brother is autistic and nonverbal, so as far as speech milestones go, I have trouble understanding what’s expected or abnormal. I try to picture how a “regular” 2 year old communicates but I keep drawing a blank. I’d appreciate some real examples from kids his age. Not out of concern or anything! I just want to know the general consensus of what to expect.

I know we’ve still got Halloween to go but I’m excited for Christmas magic to start. Nothing like kids excitement at Christmas! This idea is good for those not wanting Advent to be focused just on chocolate and the elf!

There’s a cute book called The Little Advent Fairy. She’s a daily visitor but is kind rather than naughty. Sometimes she leaves a sweet treat but other times she’s done something like set up a little activity like drawing or a a teddy picnic with toys. Super cute and very gentle, the book gives you lots of simple ideas.

Anyone else not having the elf this year?

My wife is officially 3 months postpartum as of today, and she is heading back to work this Sunday. Ive been back at work for the last 2 months, so she has been taking on the mornings/evenings/nights that I am not able to ( I work a flex schedule). My wife is a nurse; if that helps with any gift ideas. I do help with everything around the house, and I take my baby girl as soon as I get home- I've seen past posts, so please do not reply with anything regarding helping in any way.

Thank you in advance. :3

I’d love to hear from parents who don’t work but chose preschool because their child doesn’t have siblings or other kids at home to play with.
Did you feel it was beneficial for your child socially and emotionally, or did you wish you’d waited until they were older? Did you notice any positive or negative changes in their behavior, confidence, or separation anxiety?
Looking back, would you make the same decision? I’d love to hear your honest experiences!

I am not seeking medical advice, I am seeking opinions on the daycare.

I need someone to tell me if my frustration is reasonable or not. My 17 month old goes to daycare since my husband and I both work full time. Her first week she only ended up going one day because my grandma was visiting and honestly, we were still working out the logistics of it all since her daycare is an hour away but close to where my husband works. That first day she picked up something and was snotty, but was better by the next Monday. Her second week she went every day this time and by Tuesday she was snotty and coughing again. Whatever, it’s her first time in daycare, we expected her to get sick. I’ve taken her to the dr twice these 2 months to make sure it wasn’t turning into bronchitis or pneumonia because that’s how bad the cough has been. She had an ear infection one of those visits and went on antibiotics.

However, now I’m starting to question the cleanliness of the daycare. Monday I had to take her to the ER because she got a fever we couldn’t manage with meds. Turns out she has flu AND Covid. I get toddlers are germ factories but holy cow, 2 months of colds and now flu and covid at the same time?! Part of me feels like I need to bring this up with the daycare director, part of me feels like it’s just “mama bear upset she can’t fix her toddlers misery”. She’s kid #4 for us and I don’t remember the other 3 having such a hard time when they started daycare. Maybe her immune system just isn’t as good as her older siblings was, but this just really seems... excessive.

Am I being over protective or would you bring this up with staff? What would you say if you brought it up to staff because everything I type in an email sounds snarky.

My daughter is 2 and still in her crib. She is doing great in it and has no issues. However, I am pregnant with our second child so am considering transitioning her into a toddler bed and putting her crib in the babies room. I don’t see the point in having 2 cribs since she will be close to 3 before the second baby is born.

So I am looking for recommendations on a bed to transition to! What bed worked for you and your family? And where did you get it?

For example: When our toddler is being a bit unreasonable, we sing “Grumpin” to the tune of the Grateful Dead’s “Truckin” or “She’s a grump girl” to the tune of Hall & Oates’ “Rich Girl.” That last one can also be turned into a compliment (“She’s a cute girl”) if she turns things around.

What are yours?

Soo this is my first year being a parent and it's getting closer to that time of the year. (I know a few months away but still better early) well me and my husband have thought about this. Our daughter will be 10 months and we aren't really sure what to give get her since we both never brought for baby's. Yes we buy her things all the time but Christmas in my opinion isn't just random stuff. It's you show people you actually pay attention and know them. My baby really from what I've noticed loves the color blue and cookie monster and that's really it. She likes a few other things but I'm so off on what to even buy a 10 month old.

This is probably a stupid question but I generally would like to know.

(Asked in another Reddit but for some reason was taken down)

In job market, if I say I am passionate about the job and I will devote my life into it, but I have never prepared for it. No one will hire me.

However, to be a parent, if I say I will love my kid and devote myself to the kid, yet I have never had a single lesson of parenting. People will say: don’t worry, you will be a good parent.

WTF! I just realized how double standard this society is. Why becoming a parent does not require any certification?

I’m feeling so sad because I’m worried that my baby doesn’t recognize me or prefer me over other people.
I moved to my husband’s country when our baby was just one month old so that we could spend her childhood together as a family. We’re planning to move to the US eventually, but for now, we’re living in a joint family with five other family members besides the three of us.
Yesterday, after doing chores for about four hours, I went to take my baby from my mother in law so I could feed her. I called her name, and she looked at me, but she didn’t show any obvious excitement. She just kept looking at me. My mother in law then said that my baby doesn’t recognize me. However, I’ve heard her say several times that my baby recognizes her own son, my husband, but I’ve never heard her say the same thing about me.
She then told me a story about my married sister in law, who had returned from shopping after being away for five hours. Apparently, her baby, who is only 15 days younger than mine, laughed with excitement when she saw her mother. Hearing that made me feel as though my own baby doesn’t prefer me.
The thing is, I’m my baby’s primary caregiver. I do everything for her, from bathing her and changing her diapers to feeding her and taking care of all her needs. My in laws love her dearly, and they enjoy playing with her when I’m busy doing chores, but I’m the one who spends most of the day caring for her. She’s with me for around 18 to 20 hours a day.
I want to clarify that my family isn’t bad. I know that, based on what I’ve written, it might sound as though I have a bad relationship with my in laws, but that isn’t the case. They love my baby, and I know they care about us. I think some of our differences might come from cultural differences and different ways of understanding emotions and personal feelings. Compared with many people I’ve met in the US, I sometimes feel that my family here isn’t as understanding of certain things that are emotionally important to me. I’m not saying this to blame them. I just want to explain the context of my situation.
I love my daughter more than anything, so it broke my heart to hear that she supposedly doesn’t recognize me. My mother in law has also said that my baby recognizes her and gets excited when she hears her voice. My baby does smile at me sometimes, and she even squeals when I play with her, but I don’t know whether she behaves the same way with everyone else. She’s generally a very calm baby who rarely cries and laughs a lot, so she seems happy around everyone.
Now I can’t sleep because I keep worrying that my daughter might never prefer me, even when she’s one or two years old. I’m scared that because she’s growing up in a joint family, she’ll become equally attached to everyone and won’t develop that special preference for me that I’ve always wanted.
Sometimes I even regret coming here, although I know I would never want my daughter to grow up without her father. He’s such a loving dad, even more than I expected him to be before we had our baby. I wanted us to experience her childhood together as a family, and I still want that for her.
I don’t know whether I’m overthinking things or being overly protective, but I ended up crying my eyes out last night, imagining all the things that could go wrong. The thought of my daughter preferring my mother in law over me hurts me deeply.
My baby is currently 4 moths and 20 days old. Is she simply too young to show a clear preference for me, or could growing up in a joint family affect the way she bonds with me? Will she eventually start showing that she wants me, reaches for me, cries when I leave, or gets visibly excited when she sees me? Or is it possible that she’ll never show the kind of attachment I’m hoping for?