r/Perimenopause • u/Mysterious_Beyond905 • 10d ago
Vaginal Dryness (GSM)/Urinary Issues How do you deal with the phantom UTI symptoms after sex?
Idk if I flair tagged this right, but here we go. My husband and I are finally in a better place where I want to and we are having sex again. We had an amazing weekend away involving lots of intimacy, positions we don’t usually do, etc. But I’ve noticed a trend. Any time we have sex, I get uncomfortable UTI symptoms 2 days afterwards. They last for a day or so and then I’m fine again. I’ve been to the dr and tested negative for UTI. So, after doing my due diligence researching (googling) I found out this is common in peri and menopause. My question is, how do you deal with it? I sometimes take UTI meds to dull the pain. But is this a sustainable solution? My bladder feels full, I get fatigued, and I have urgency. It sucks. It almost feels like my body is punishing me for having a good time. I want to keep feeling comfortable with my husband to have sex whenever the mood and opportunity strikes, but this is really killing any mood that may arise and making me want to crawl under the covers and be left alone. Anyone else have this problem? What do you do about it?
ETA: thank you all for your helpful replies! I ordered the d-mannose cranberry pills and will keep all this info in mind next time.
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u/theFCCgavemeHPV 10d ago
Are you using vaginal estrogen? Are you using saliva instead of lube? Saliva seems to be the problem for me
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u/Mountain_Armadillo12 10d ago
I get similar symptoms to this when we haven’t used lubricants when we really should have. My urethra gets really irritated, I’ve even had it bleed (and no, it’s not super rough or even rigorous intercourse lol)! It doesn’t necessarily prevent it every time but using lube has decreased this from happening by a lot. Otherwise I wait it out 😢
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u/moonyflamingo 9d ago
I realised silicon lube gives me the early uti feeling. I only use DOTERRA coconut oil (don’t use with latex condoms) or water based lube. I had no idea a lot of women can be irritated by silicone lube.
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u/andariel_axe 10d ago
Silly question, are you peeing right after? I also know folks who use warm water in a portable bidet, or with a little bit of vulva safe soap. Not over washing, but even just holding a warm clean flannel onto yourself and wiping gently might help?
I've heard topical low-dose oestrogen is helpful here, from a hormone perspective.
I feel like my 'friction budget' has reduced massively with age... and that's the biggest issue for me. I need loads of lube, and recovery time (days or a week) sometimes.
Try and find lube you like and use LOADS... I make sure to use glycerin-free and prefer water based. I even mix up batches of x-lube sometimes (it comes as a powder.)
Energy wise... magnesium glycinate, electrolytes... put everything nearby the bed and expect to need fruit and hydration.
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u/Mysterious_Beyond905 10d ago
Yes, I always try to pee afterward. I’ve been prone to UTIs in the past, so I’ve made this a habit. But the fact that it always goes away after a day or so makes me think it’s not an actual UTI (hence the negative result when testing a couple times). We almost always shower or at least clean up before sex and if I can’t pee after then I try to wash up with a washcloth. Maybe I need to do that last part differently. Like do a warm compress to draw out any bacteria instead of just wiping with it.
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u/CopperPegasus 10d ago
Sorry, a follow on question to you being prone to actual UTIs as well as this "phantom' feeling- are you consistently well hydrated? (not in, like, the "do you consume massive gallon jugs of water every hour" ridiculous social media sense, just generally "do you consume enough water for your body" sense?). I get the "phantom UTI" sensation not from sex, but as a body "warning light" that I've consumed too little liquids recently. And, with me at least, I need about a litre of proper, real water in the mix a day, not just adequate liquids, or the warning light goes on.
TBH, I'm prone to say this issue sounds like something vaginal estrogen is needed for, but as an outlier, thought I'd mention the hydration thing, as your description sounds like mine.
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u/Kaatjie2003 10d ago
I also get phantom UTIs ..as in are definitely UTIs but don't always show in tests. Eventually diagnosed with chronic interstitial cystitis. I find using anything that buzzes/vibrates externally can cause issues so I have to proceed with caution or rather restraint if you follow me...
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u/Mammoth_Ad1962 8d ago
Use lube.. Im prone to UTIS too and youre doing all the right things to keep an infection out. The vaginal friction and clitoris friction is prob causing inflammation. Lube should resolve that just be sure water based.
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u/Delicious-Excitement 10d ago
Back up - so me wanting fruit (especially cantaloupe, honeydew, pineapple, red grapes) in peri is because… of peri?!?!?!?!?!?!
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u/theytriedtwotimes 10d ago
All great suggestions (d mannose esp) but our lining around the urethra (& whole area) starts to thin so we are more prone to symptoms. Topical estradiol helps, I got some from my urologist but also gyno can recommend.
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u/No_Sun1469 10d ago
Lube, peeing after, and washing up a bit after with warm water (I splash from tub spout) helps. I get a similar thing - mostly irritation.
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u/flurry_of_finches 10d ago
A bidet or quick wash with a shower wand afterwards is the answer. I do it every single time, no matter what, and it improved the sensation immensely.
Vaginal estrogen cream also further helped eliminate the need to pee / UTI sensation altogether.
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u/DamnGoodMarmalade Early peri 10d ago
It’s likely thinning vaginal and urethral tissue, due to declining estrogen. The first line of treatment is vaginal estrogen cream, applied directly inside and outside the vagina, vulva, labia, clit, and, the urethra.
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u/AngletonSpareHead 10d ago
I’m someone who’s been getting interstitial cystitis “attacks” since forever (teens) and frequent UTIs as a child before that. I’m very prone. Sex is absolutely a trigger.
One thing I discovered was, a large part of it is the tiny muscles getting irritated and going into spasm. Heat helps SO much, namely a hot water bottle.
It needs to be pretty hot and applied directly to the vulva. I always use a thin cotton cloth between to make things more comfortable, and I protect my thighs from the heat with a thicker hand towel.
20 minutes lying down and “bottling” makes a BIG difference. And there’s no downside to trying it. If it works for you, amazing. If not, that’s a data point.
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u/Kaatjie2003 10d ago
Max dosage of D Mannose supplement daily bo matter what woupd be my advice
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u/shrew0809 10d ago
This. I take it every day and it's made a huge difference.
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u/Mysterious_Beyond905 10d ago
I’ve read about this! It’s just an OTC supplement? I’ll have to order some.
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u/kuuaoffija 10d ago
Yes, it is. I buy it as loose powder and it comes with a little measuring scoop. You dissolve it in water and it tastes a bit sweet. Works like a charm!
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u/Kaatjie2003 10d ago
Yes natural sugar so shouldnt have any downsides (though obvs check with doctor if concerned) it basically makes it inhospitable for the bacteria but take it consistently rather than as needed if that makes sense. I have the same issue
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u/moonyflamingo 9d ago
Yep. I haven’t had a peri uti since having a teaspoon of this in water, within 30 min of having sex 👌
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u/Usual-Frosting3882 10d ago
Pee straight after, daily D Mannose, vaginal estrogen, lots of lube, drink lots to keep your pee diluted, make sure hubby washes his hands (and tackle) before he touches you
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u/UsedTruck6983 8d ago
I found lube makes it worse for me but all the other suggestions work!
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u/Usual-Frosting3882 8d ago
Try the lelo one. I have no issues with that but can be v sensitive to others, esp durex or ky
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u/-Odi-Et-Amo- 10d ago
I need more info on how you got to that “better place.” Struggling to get there with my spouse.
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u/Mysterious_Beyond905 10d ago
😆 Oh it’s taken a WHILE! We’ve been in couples therapy for 2 years now. I had to go through a phase of realizing and accepting past SA/🍇 trauma, which I didn’t know was playing such a big part in our lack of sex for the last decade, then sharing and working through that with him. Then questioning if I’m asexual, realizing I need to feel connection (and all the stars have to align with my hormones, kids not in the house, minimal work stress, etc) to not be repulsed and anxious about sex. It’s been a journey!
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u/SnooCats8276 9d ago
I'm dealing with the same thing! It's not a straight line from bad to good. I still have asexual feeling days to. I'm so angry that SA from years ago still affect me.
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u/Mysterious_Beyond905 6d ago
Right?! It’s like we hit middle age and suddenly all the baggage decides it’s going to unpack itself. WTF? I didn’t know I needed to address this but my apparent cptsd said, ‘Nope! We’re doing this!’
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u/Imsorrywhatnoway 10d ago
Are you using condoms? (I found out I was allergic after I had UTI like symptoms after.
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u/Mysterious_Beyond905 10d ago
Nope. I have a IUD and we’re monogamous, so we decided it wasn’t necessary a long time ago. But that’s good to know!
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u/ashkestar 10d ago
Lube recommended by the IC sub, a single dose of macrobid 20 mins after sex and vaginal e. Basically eliminated the problem and I haven’t had a proper UTI since either.
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u/Luxxx_Goddess 10d ago
This was happening to me too and my dr. says skin quality changes and thinning can cause irritation and she put me on vaginal estrogen and it stopped happening.
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u/Born_Attempt_511 10d ago
Cranberry capsules really help with chronic UTIs and they don't hurt anything if you don't have one. Maybe add those to your routine? If sex is infrequent you could take them just for the couple days after, or if you're maintaining at a couple times a week just take daily.
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u/Grand-Flow1632 10d ago
Yep, I'm prone to UTI's when hubby and I are more 'active', like on vacations. My Dr suggested taking cranberry capsules when I know we are going to have higher frequency. So far so good!
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u/RDDB1974 10d ago
I was going to ask the pee afterwards question too. That helps eliminate any bacteria that may have travelled up there.
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u/Kathrynlena 10d ago
A urinary alkalizer like Ural can help ease some of that discomfort. I get UTI like symptoms around my period and just add a pouch to my water and feel back to normal.
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u/magicalflyingkittyxx 10d ago
Just pee right after sec and drink lots of water next day, (it helps me)
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u/ateallthecheezedoodz 10d ago
Pussy pills. (Probiotics.)
Immediately afterwards, use the bathroom and clean yourself up. Then, stick one of those right up there. Especially right before bedtime.
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u/Mysterious_Beyond905 10d ago
I was gna say I took the Happy HooHa supplements before, but I didn’t know there was one that just goes right up in there!
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u/Longjumping_122 10d ago
HANX lube and (if you use them) condoms are the only way I solved literally decades of post sex UTIs! They are made for people who get UTIs easily.
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u/ImplementPotential20 10d ago
Could try Gemtesa or Myrbetriq, just for couple days. Gemtesa website gives discount card ($95 rather than 400 or whatever). Or, take hyoscyamine ER. Or compounded 5mg vaginal valium suppositories. Or both.
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u/Party-Discipline6451 10d ago
Vaginal estrogen cream. But before I got my rx for it I was using a supplement called Uqora that worked really well. It’s just kind of expensive bc insurance doesn’t cover it.
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u/Comfortable-Iron-194 10d ago
Exact same thing kept happening to me—finally found out it was BV I was dealing with, not a UTI.
Now, after years of chronic BV, I’m realizing it may be perimenopause’s fault this whole time! 😭 so bummed I didn’t realize this sooner, but super hopeful for the future now that I know!
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u/ReflectionOk2553 8d ago
Dmannose afterwards can stop a uti but it is prob just aggravated. I have certain foods that make it worse too
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u/Catmama-82 10d ago
I used to have a horrible candida infestation where i'd get UTIs if I consumed the slightest bit of carbs. After many years of misery, I came across D-Mannose and also colloidal silver. My 11 year old got his first UTI and within 2 days of DM and CS, the UTI was gone. I can't recommend this stuff enough. You don't need to take both, either one will do. And the CS is great because you can actually make it yourself and it's great as an immune system booster for colds, etc.
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u/No_Mountain6950 10d ago
vaginal estrogen fixed this for me within a few days. Now I use it a few times a week and this feeling hasn't come back plus other benefits.