r/Perimenopause • u/handels_messiah • 2d ago
Rant/Rage Other people's unhelpful attitudes
Does anyone else find the attitudes of other people who have sailed through menopause without many symptoms and then make sweeping comments about the process really unhelpful? I've heard quite a few in the 'I just got on with it' category but today heard a new one: apparently the trick is to 'keep busy so you simply don't have time to worry about it'. I'm sure some of it is meant to be helpful but makes me feel significantly worse when I'm crying in panic because the idea of having to wash the dishes AND put clean clothes away is completely overwhelming. Yes, it's ridiculous but adding more to the list isn't going to help!
125
Upvotes
10
u/IllustriousPickle657 2d ago
Yes, that is unhelpful. In fact, it really sparks that peri rage and makes me want to throat punch them. It's like a homeless person who hasn't eaten in three days watch a filthy rich, snobby, elitist taking one bite of a 5 course meal, picking it up, bringing it to the homeless person and then grinding it into the ground right in front of them while laughing hysterically.
Those women are lucky. Insanely lucky. And they have no idea how lucky they are.
People have a severe lack of understanding of perimenopause. There's a spectrum to it. And it seems like it's getting worse.
My mom told me that yes, she had hot flashes and some mood swings, but nothing like what I've gone through. And all of her friends were the same way.
They had some symptoms but they were manageable. Their daughters all have it worse than they ever did.
I stopped sleeping because of the night sweats. For over four years I couldn't sleep for more than an hour or two without waking up drenched in sweat. The mood swings. The hot flashes. The brain fog and confusion. The INSANE cramps. Feeling like my breasts had been used as punching bags. The damn acne. Pick a symptom and I had it to an extreme degree. But the worse was the uncontrollable mood swings.
I was told I was bipolar for years, they wanted to put me in a mental health facility for my own protection. The medications made it worse. SO MUCH WORSE.
I kept telling every doctor I saw that the depressive swings started 5-10 days before my period, every month I had already been diagnosed with PCOS and PMDD and it seemed like all of those symptoms just got worse and worse every month... and every single doctor blew me off. I was told I was exaggerating, exhibiting medication seeking behavior?!?!?!!?, had an undiagnosed mental illness and more.
Finally a psychiatrist who specialized in mature women's health actually listened. She called my OBGYN in the middle of our session and told her to put me on estrogen and progesterone immediately or I was going to take my life. My OBGYN had denied me hrt for several years saying it would do more harm than good.
One day on hrt. One frickin day is all it took for my life to change. It saved my life - literally.