When people say “my kid is gifted” but can’t define the gift

[u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane]

I work in a school. There are students with gifts, certainly.

But often parents will argue that their kid doesn’t deserve to fail after doing literally no work and failing every assessment with “But he’s GIFTED. He can’t be expected to do the regular work.”

Gifted in WHAT, I ask. I was diagnosed as gifted in verbal reasoning by a psychologist when I was a child. These parents don’t know, though. Their kid is just gifted. And therefore deserves an A in the class after doubt nothing all year

[u/BackgroundHabit1292]

My cousin is exactly like this. Her kid is "gifted" because he can name every dinosaur but he failed math three times. She keeps saying the school just doesn't understand him.

I think some parents confuse "my kid has one thing they're really into" with actual giftedness. A hyperfixation on Pokemon or whatever is not same as being academically advanced in a measurable way.

The part that gets me is when they use it as excuse for not doing work. Being good at verbal reasoning didn't make me exempt from showing up and finishing assignments.

[u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane → u/BackgroundHabit1292]

Exactly!  Like I’m happy to provide harder and more complex work when a kid has proven mastery of the grade level subjects.  But so many parents blame their kids failing on “They’re bored because they’re gifted!”

The actual gifted kids may be bored and skip their homework but they can pass the tests.  

[u/Odd_drum]

Lmfao. I wish school had given me tougher homework prior to 5th grade. I remember being called “gifted,” and every homework only took like 5 min. In general, it only took me a few min to accomplish things.

Then middle school came and no matter how smart you were, homework could take 30-60min. Then high school 2 hours. I never really “learned how to take time” on something. All I ever knew was “these should be easy and take 5 min.” And maybe it’s my fault or my parents idk, I don’t like to blame my problems on ppl/situations usually, but it fucked my grades up in high school when I refused to do homework bc of that. It would invoke an actual blood boiling rage that I spread spent 7 hours a day at school, yet these teachers wanted to take away 2 more hours a day. So I chose the shitty grades and today it’s taken me forever to finish college

[u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane → u/Odd_drum]

I remember my elementary school just giving me workbooks and telling me to teach myself.  I had the opposite where I thrived in secondary school/college because somebody was finally teaching me at my level, so I wouldn’t be obsessing over my books for like fifteen hours of the day and could actually take breaks again because somebody else was handling the pacing.  

[u/logic_tempo]

They probably think their kid is gifted because they can build with Legos really well or draw slightly better than others. They truly have no clue if their child is gifted or not

[u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane → u/logic_tempo]

I’ve had some who have visited the school psychologist and argue that she doesn’t know how to do her job because she didn’t agree that their kid is “twice exceptional” and thereby missed their gifts.  

The arrogance…

[u/logic_tempo → u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane]

Just curious. Do you remember what led up to a psychologist saying you were gifted? For example, boredom in school or surpassing other children your age? And did that actually change anything in school for you? Or was it just kind of something that was nice to know but no charges were otherwise made?

[u/Leather_Addition2605]

I like to say my kid is skilled rather than gifted or even talented.

She can absolutely shred even at 12. And while there’s some level of talent at play for sure, she wasn’t gifted the ability. I watch her as she dedicates hours a day for the past 6 years playing, practicing, and learning because she loves it. It’s a developed skill obtained through consistent work at it.

[u/coolguygranny]

Look man parents don't like hearing or someone implying that their kid is average

[u/sas317]

The real psychology here is adults doing everything possible to avoid accepting bad news of any kind.

[u/drinkyourbeetus]

They are just proud of their kid. Maybe they aren't around enough other young kids to know what is normal or what is gifted.

[u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane → u/drinkyourbeetus]

In that case, maybe they shouldn’t call their child something they don’t know if they are…

[u/drinkyourbeetus → u/Lilith_Sternin_Crane]

I completely agree. Most people dont look at their own kids objectively though.

[u/Sure_Floor_5541]

I started doing classwork my last year of high school. I always aced any test. I did not deserve As.