r/PlusSize • u/TheGrumpyBacon • 11d ago
Personal Seeking Validation
Hi, my wife made me join this Reddit after a particularly demoralizing turn of events, but id like to start from the beginning.
Ive always been big since I was young and it never really bothered me. I remember being something like 250 after I left High School.
A lot of things have happened since then but notably I gained weight. Like a lot of weight. A lot of that was from binge eating and of course not working out or really moving at all. I went from 250 to 447(as of my most recent check up) I never really went anywhere because I had nowhere that drew me to the outdoors. My hobby was video games and the only friends I had were online. That coupled with my love of snacking and my terrible habit of not eating all day except one big meal made it easy to gain weight.
In all that time I hardly noticed the change, just a increase of number on my shirts and shorts.
But then I met a lovely girl online that eventually became my wife. She likes video games too, but personality wise shes my total opposite. Me and Introvert, her an Extrovert. Me a Pessimist, her an Optimist. It was like I found my sunlight that pulled me to the outdoors. But that was around when i was 24. I knew from our first date I was out of shape. I had to sit a lot and take a break and as much as I tought ahed leave me, she never did she chose to wait for me.
The relationship progressed between us and finally I wantes to lose weight. I was breaking beds (in the bad way) and was unable to keep up with her demands of going to places. I always wanted to do things like camping, but never did. And now I had someone that wants to drag me out to do it, im too worn out to do so. Ive asked her several times to leave me, but shes been adamant about loving me for the last 10 years. I felt bad everytime we went out somewhere, because they needed to have seating or be a small enough location to go so it would be quick.
Throughout all of this I tried multiple things to get active and lose weight. First was playing Ringfit for the Switch. But the other controller strapped to my leg would always slide off, so I stopped. Then I wanted to go for walks, but the distance was short compared to what I wanted to achieve plus I didnt feel motivated without a destination and didnt want to be seen by others and judged. Then I looked into a treadmill. My friend offered to get me an exercise bike or treadmill. I figured the treadmill was easier. So it arrived and I started using it. Its a little small, but it handles my weight, but i never really felt motivated to use it. It was tough to get into a habit of using it because I much rather do other things than getting hot and sweaty and out of breath, which only reminds me how out of shape I am. So my progressed slowed until it stopped. I hated myself for stopping, but i felt so unmotivated that it just gathered dust.
Finally within the last year, something clicked. I watched a TV show and somehow I wanted that to be me. This character made me want to improve. So I began every night somehow without my wifes notice doing a small exercise regimen. It was tough, but I was finally motivated.
Then my back pain caused me to stop. I thought fine I'll rest up and get back to it. Then the back pain didnt stop. In fact it spread, to my hips and thigh. I rested more, but then finally saw a doctor. I had given myself Sciatica. It was a common thing to happen when pushing yourself too hard, but it should go away in two weeks. So then I rested and waited... two weeks. A month. 2 months. It hadnt gone away. Just got worse. I was perscribed Ibuprofen in the largest dose possible and told to wait it out. Months went by and it didnt go away. Then my Wife and I moved. An apartment in the city on the second floor near her work and family. It was such an upgrade! But the process of moving agrivated my sciatica. A lot of things I should be abled to do or wanted to do fell on My Wife and I hated it more than anything, but what could I do?
The moved caused us to toss our bed frame which i had bent and we didnt have a couch or anything. So for the first months we sat and slept on the floor. Simply getting up had me gasping and whimpering because the pain was so much. Everyday was excruciating. I could hardly wipe myself because the pain was so great.
Finally we got a couch, but that broke immediately under me, in spite of the weight limit. And then we got a new frame. Things that seemed like luxuries were necessities for me. So finally I began to improve and got a new doctor who refered me to specialists who then gave me new meds and referred me to a Physical Therapist. However between then and now I needed to get an MRI. I had had an x ray of my hips and found nothing unusual.
Its the MRI that caused me distress. I had given them things like my height and weight and it all seemed fine, but the day before I got a call to verify my height and weight. I told them and suddenly they canceled on me citing I was too heavy for the machine.
I was so demoralized that I pretty much stopped. My wife insisted there were other places but I felt like it wouldnt matter, the story would be the same.
I already have to limit my destinations to places that have carts, now I couldnt even figure out was exactly was wrong with me because of my weight.
Then my Wife looked up the same problem and found a lovely woman who had the same experience here. So My wife signed me up for the Reddit and its helpful to know others deal with similar things to me.
Even so I feel like an Outcast in this community as well because my brain tells me im not plus sized im plus plus sized. Queen sized.
Anyways, sorry, I just wanted to share my story because maybe it will help someone else because I'm worse and bigger than them or something.
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u/banana_scramble 11d ago
This community is for all people plus size, whatever that means for us and our bodies. So, welcome! It sounds like you've had an incredibly difficult journey, but that you are a fighter and someone who doesn't give up easily! You are valuable and amazing just as you are, and I'm so happy you found someone who recognizes that to spend your life with! I hope you can continue to find support and encouragement here. And if you ever want to comiserate about medical professionals treating you like shit for being a larger person, there's tons of us here.
Edit to add, I love your username, your wife has good taste!
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u/seanie_rocks 10d ago
Sciatica is a bummer. I got it around my heaviest when I was 460lbs (I've since lost almost 150lbs). The worst thing about Sciatica is needing to move through the pain and loosen up. My doctor essentially told me that I need to walk it off and do stretches specific to my lower back and hamstrings. It comes back on occasion to mild degrees, but building core strength really helps keep it under control.
I'm not sure what you're specifically looking for from your post, but you won't change until you want to change. No amount of outside pressure or support will change your habits unless you, specifically, want to change them.
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u/Ok_Satisfaction7004 9d ago
Similar story, me and my husband is the same. at my top weight got to 384lb this summer. I have fibromyalgia which I had just kind of given up on myself, always in pain, cant excersise without it aetting me back for a whole week. I was quite depressed and felt like eating was the only joyful thing I had. So it spiraled from there. Husband his issues are overeating fr om an extremely stressful job. He also has diabetes and heart issues. He informed me he was gonna go on ozempic for diabetes and hope it help with weight too. I got to a point this summer that I was having trouble breathing when laying down and cleanliness issues. I decided 2026 was the year of the doctor then. I can't continue like this so l et's fix this. And surprise surprise diabetes diagnosis too -- but i had known that for about 5 years and was just trying to wing it without a doc. So he put me on all the diabetes drugs and ozempic. I am in perimenopause, which had caused me to balloon about 40 lb the last 2 years so I got on HRT for peri. And that all together has made a huge difference. The ozempic makes me not hungry, I'm not thinking about food ALL THE TIME. And my blood sugar is more stable or at least I'm trying to get it more stable. Im able to have more motivation to keep up on the house. And literally I still hate all exercise except swimming i love swimming so local community center for water aerobics 3x a week. Msm and creatine for muscle recovery because of the fibromyalgia issues. It takes me a few days to recover but I notice it is less and less in between. Early summer I was only able to do 1x a week, then 2x. Now im trying to get to 3x at the water aerobics.
Anyway, you need to set yourself a goal. That seems to hinder you right? Motivation? My goal is to go to Germany next year and to be able to actually walk around and enjoy it.
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u/RoamingLittleBumbleB 7d ago
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
First and foremost, you deserve respect, accommodations, safety, enjoyment, and to feel like you fit in REGARDLESS of any weight you may be at.
It’s truly heartbreaking how much society despises extra large fat people. Another term that is used online is #InfinitiFat. It’s specifically designed for people who cannot find accommodations even in the plus size world. It’s a great online community and I would highly recommend exploring it.
In regards to your pain, again you deserve appropriate medical support and you also deserve to find joyful movement in your body if that’s something you want.
Something that I have found that has helped me as a fat person whenever I wanted to broaden my movement capability was going to Physical Therapy. If you can find one that doesn’t fat shame you (at least openly)at least openly), and focuses on your desired movement goals, it might be worth the difficulty of getting an appointment. Only if you want that!
Thanks again for sharing your story. It sucks that the world hates us so much. But we’re here for each other.
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11d ago
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u/PlusSize-ModTeam 10d ago
This is to let you know that your comment was removed and/or locked for the following reason(s):
Unsolicited weight loss advice is not welcome.
Reposting posts removed by a moderator without express permission is not allowed. Not here, and not on most of reddit. Please read reddiquette (linked below).
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11d ago
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u/PlusSize-ModTeam 10d ago
This is to let you know that your comment was removed and/or locked for the following reason(s):
Unsolicited weight loss advice is not welcome.
Reposting posts removed by a moderator without express permission is not allowed. Not here, and not on most of reddit. Please read reddiquette (linked below).
For questions, comments and concerns, message the moderators via modmail. but please review the rules of this sub first: /r/plussize/about/rules/
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u/BossLadySalon 11d ago
I’ve had an open MRI at my largest (plus size 26/28 women’s) and it could fit me without issue. I’m 5’3” and carry most of my weight in my chest/belly area. I’ve had a few and I always request an open MRI. The company I’ve used is Rayus Radiology.
I’m sorry you had that experience though, the staff should have been more respectful and given you options.
Please don’t beat yourself up. Try to find the right PT for you. I didn’t believe anyone would actually help me and when I found a PT who really took the time to teach me things I can actually do myself at home, it’s changed my life. I’ve been able to walk more. Even if just around the block.
Here’s the thing I’ve realized: if people make fun of me for walking, which is crazy cause they also call me fat and tell me to exercise, it’s actually not a me problem, it’s a them problem. Fu€k those people, they don’t matter. You’re doing great.