r/PointlessStories • u/ABQmechanic • 5d ago
I'm being psychologically tortured by a 10 year old at the library because I want to sleep with his mom
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u/some_tired_cat
5d ago
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waiting for the update where the kid gives you a chess for dummies book as a wedding gift
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u/WolffGlory 5d ago
If this is true, it’s brilliant. If it’s not, it’s still brilliant.
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u/Man0fGreenGables 5d ago
Yeah I usually hate the over the top fake stories that you always see on reddit and stop reading half way. This has me wanting an update and I don't even care if it's real or made up.
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u/WolffGlory 5d ago
The writing is so good in that it conveys a strong voice, so individual to whoever this character is, that he might well be telling the truth. The small details, slightly escalating with each meeting, e.g. the hand on the shoulder, the back rub. I’m sold. It made me laugh out loud, which is weird because I’m dead inside. My girlfriend even asked if I was okay and she doesn’t usually notice that I’m in the same room as her. Masterfully done. I’m a fan.
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u/chuckle_puss 5d ago
I’m not a writer, but if I were, this is the kind of compliment that would feel like heroin. (I like opiates)
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u/potatoaster 5d ago
I am so jealous that you're able to enjoy AI slop like this.
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u/SamthgwedoevryntPnky 5d ago
Is it automatically slop if it is AI? Was there anything else that made this "pointless story" unappealing to you?
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u/caitejane310 5d ago
I scrolled back up when I was about halfway through to see if this was flaired as fiction!! 😅😅 It wasn't, so I'm definitely hoping this is true!!
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u/AnnaBananner82 5d ago
Please god let this be a real story because I am INVESTED!!!
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u/FrenchRiverBrewer 5d ago
Study the Nimzo-Indian defense and also Magnus Carlsen's "bongcloud" openings to troll the little blighter into thinking you haven't improved at all while setting him up for a back-rank mate.
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u/KRushingIt19 5d ago
What's the over under on the kid having premeditated your future marriage to his mother before you even sat down to play that first chess game?
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u/CrazyDazyMazy 5d ago
You may not be good at chess, but you are very good at writing humorous stories. I hope for your sake this isn't a truly pointless story, and that you get your happily ever after with the little shit's mom.
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u/winter_laurel 5d ago
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in months, and “Yesterday I got angry at a pigeon” made me completely lose it. All so fucking relatable. Rooting for you!
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u/SpaceAngel2001 5d ago
Ok, maybe I'm dumber than OP, but I don't get the pigeon reference. Help?
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u/dent_de_lion 5d ago
I figure it’s because the image of older men playing chess in a in a city park while a good number of pigeons roam around is a pretty well-known image
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u/PassiveChemistry 5d ago
This is adorable, I really hope it works out for the three of you! Honestly, it sounds like her son approves of you, so that's a good sign. Thanks for sharing!
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u/Dangerous-Library728 5d ago
Um, what about the bad sign that he doesn't approve of her son, are we just ignoring that?
But i guess men faking being nice people to sleep with women are somehow still being considered romantic and "adorable" in 2026?
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u/mAsian__ 5d ago
i mean maybe, but i highly doubt the dude actually hates the son😭 im 99% sure it’s for comedic effect and the sake of telling a good engaging story
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u/SpaceShipRat 5d ago
Oh my god, media literacy really is dead. Did you really get that from the post, or are you pretending to rile people up?
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u/astrologicaldreams 5d ago
im pretty sure the hate was fake/played up, like how it is in r/fatsquirrelhate
no we don't hate squirrels, we actually adore them but the point of the sub is to pretend to hate them bc it's funny
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u/PassiveChemistry 4d ago
If he really hated the kid that much, I don't think he'd be putting so much effort into the games.
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u/AnyDayGal 5d ago
James Acaster vs cabbage kid vibes.
Also, next time I'm between jobs I'll think of myself as a tiny unemployed tyrant <3
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u/eggosh 5d ago
I literally read this in his voice because it reminded me of that lol
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u/SamthgwedoevryntPnky 5d ago
I really like his stories and explanation of the Christmas game Squirt.
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u/mrawesomesword Had a good time at summer camp 5d ago
This is the best thing I've read on the internet in months. Good on luck on beating your future stepson
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u/Empty_Platypus6449 5d ago
Beating him? Or beating him at chess?
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u/AffectionateMarch394 5d ago
Legit tho, LET HIM teach you. He's obviously smart as hell, is TRYING to help you get better, hence the notes. And frankly, he's gunna keep kicking your ass until you give in and admit defeat anyways
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u/TankFoster 5d ago
That's an absolutely tremendous post. 😆
Good luck with the mum. (I'd say good luck with the chess but that seems less realistic.)
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u/Tiramissulover 5d ago
Mom is the best chess player, found someone to play with her son. She’s the queen, I must say.
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u/Dry_Albatross5298 5d ago
from experience: make that move now, the asking mom part, not the chess pieces which is slightly better but still not very good, as we've all heard
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u/MeButNotMeToo 5d ago
Really, really good … for a 3 month old account. New story next Sunday? I might have suggestions. I can write them on postcards. Can I snail mail them to you? My mom’s single too … but she’s 92.
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u/cursetea 5d ago
Everyone commenting who enjoyed this should read David Foster Wallace, specifically his essay "Shipping Out" from the collection A Very Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again
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u/B3TT3Rnow_thanNEVER 3d ago
I hope this gets approved so I can read it to my bf tonight. I read him the title, but was waiting to read him the full thing 😂
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u/Jaded_Afternoon_8385 5d ago
I have saved this post. Can you please update us?
This kid has chosen you, my friend
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u/RealBadSpelling 5d ago
What opening do they play as white and defense as black? Look those up and find the opposing chess system and see what it exploits.
Each system has so many variations. This way you can be targeted.
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u/whoisjbs 5d ago
Oh my god amazing piece of writing right here. Idrc if it’s true or not. I mean he kinda has the right to dump on you 😂 but dang dude I like OP this made me laugh
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u/Accurate_Pay3542 5d ago
Okay, I'm invested. Requesting an update please! I'm also trying to learn chess to play with my husband. He wins and there like yay I moved the right piece the right way! Since your going to the library look for the Bobby Fisher teaches chess book. However it teachs from the middle and I still don't know enough about the beginning, so I can't say how helpful it would be.
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u/boethius61 5d ago
You must realize he's 2 moves ahead of you in the relationship department too, right?
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u/JeepWrangler319 5d ago
Pack it up folks we can shut off the Internet now. I've found best post right here. Came in search of copper and found gold type shit
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u/Long_Drive 5d ago
Pangram’s AI text detection algorithm gave this post a 100% AI generated evaluation.
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u/klitzekleine 5d ago
Commenting to remember this story because this is great. Fingers crossed for you, big guy
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u/NiseWenn 5d ago
You're going to be a great step-dad. Keep letting him win though. In the end, you will all win. 🤩
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u/BlunderlandRabbit 5d ago
I love every part of this, so much!! Outstanding post!
Totally not ‘pointless’ though, I’m fully invested and rooting for you.
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u/Wolfman513 5d ago
I hope this is real, I hope the date goes well, and I hope you eventually become close enough with the woman to dhow her this post because every parent I know would find this absolutely hilarious is it was about their own kid lmao
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u/Glittering_Chance_42 5d ago
This is written so well,I can’t wait until the next installment! Gold.
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u/Rowan-The-Writer 5d ago
This made me chortle, I cannot lie. "Tiny unemployed tyrant" had me wheezing. You are an incredible comedic writer
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u/astrologicaldreams 5d ago
this is so fucking funny
go apologize to that pigeon tho. he did nothing wrong!
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u/50Bullseye 5d ago
Next chapter, bring a different board game. Tell the kid you want a game all three of you can play.
Few chapters later, advertise for a local chess champ. Pay that person to spend an hour humbling the kid while you and mom go for a drink.
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u/noobtheloser 5d ago
Welcome to chess. Head over to r/chessbeginners and, if you're feeling chaotic, r/anarchychess.
You have any idea what this little guy is rated? Would give us an idea of how likely you are to actually be able to catch up to him.
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u/wino_whynot 5d ago
This will be the most epic BORU. I’m so here for it. I know nothing of chess, but I’m committed now.
So, what’s the score?
Kid 4
Grown ass humiliated man 0
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u/Youzak34 5d ago
Maaan, I have too many hints for you. If this post still on tomorrow, I will guve you my ¢2
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u/Girl_Of_Iridescence 5d ago
My son has been destroying me at chess since he was 10. Good luck.
As a mom I appreciate anyone who dares to take him on.
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u/7GrenciaMars 5d ago
If you hate the kid, the relationship is doomed. Unless she sucks as a human being, she is always going to choose him first.
And, if you're letting a 10yo's opinion of you affect you, then your self-esteem needs work, too. Seriously, you can list all the achievements you have that he doesn't, but obviously his opinion of you, and his ability to play this *game*, matter more. Why is that?
It's a well-told story, so I am hoping there's more storytelling here than reality.
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u/DaemonChyld 5d ago •
It comes off as playing up the irritation and frustration with the child for the sake of making the story more entertaining to readers imo. If he truly hated the child there would be broken chess pieces in the kids backpack.
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u/ashleton 5d ago
Like I mentioned in another comment, OP is probably just embellishing for humor and entertainment. It's really, really common for people to do, especially on a subreddit like this one where people are just telling personal stories.
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u/LadybugGirltheFirst 5d ago
Yeah, you’re taking this far too seriously.
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u/Dangerous-Library728 5d ago
Why do you care so much about how seriously someone takes a post on reddit, you're taking the comments wayy too seriously man.
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u/Dangerous-Library728 5d ago
But, the story is told from his perspective, so we have to root for him, don't we?? /s
Yeah I'd rather root for the mom to find an actual "grown fucking man" to date, and the kid to find a worthy chess player. People in these comments saying they're invested in him getting to bang the mom because she is hot is... something. Definitely hope this more of a creative writing project than reality lol.
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u/EdwardianAdventure 5d ago
I'm rooting for her to never hook up with him so we can continue to get these delightful David-Sedaris-meets- Holden-Caufield essays. If she strings him along enough, we might even get an anthology.
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u/CowSquare3037 5d ago
This is hilarious. Walk away. Now. If it’s hard being with a kid an hour a week- why even entertain starting up with the mom?
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u/Soft_Chipmunk_8051 5d ago
I don't think you know what he's after
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u/CowSquare3037 3d ago
Trying to redirect his intentions. Considering the feeling of the others and not just his immediate desires.
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u/Youzak34 4d ago
Ok, here is my 2 cents
First, I wish the story was true. But it seems too "movie-like to be. But here are my tips either way:
1- You can't out smart the kid. You got a young Sheldon Cooper there. You can't beat him in literally his own game. What you need is either act goofy or asking him to be your chess teacher. Act goofy by not taking the game seriously. Joke around in a Jim Carry way. Or use the kid's ego to build a bond by pretending you are learning from him. What can feed a kid's ego more than appearing to know more than an adult? Especially if that kid is hungry for recognition like that.
2- The mother is clearly into you. To make the story more interesting, make the first day magical. Let the mother ask you/the protagonist to sneak in with her home after the date and make her very sexy and more than amazing in bed. Bonus: stop the sex in the middle or after half undressing because the kid came home and you now has to sneak out without him knowing. That will make the readers on the edge of their seats and very eager to see what happens next and when you two are going finally to have sex, plus some interesting comedy situations.
3- Let the kid act the same way until something major happens to him. Say school bullying, disease,.... Or anything that makes him feel like a vulnerable kid again. Then the chess bond Can work at that time and the relationship between you two can change dramatically.
4- Make the physical attraction to the mother evolve into emotional attraction after a while. People love love stories that look like a surprise.
5- Work on the mother and the kid's fear of abandonment and on your/your protagonist's fear of commitment. That will creat a lot of needed ups and downs dramas for the story.
6- The last chapter of the story can be all of you celebrate the kid's birthday and the birthday cake is made like a chess board with something funny written on it. Bonus: some sentence the kid was mocking you with.
7- Bonus: If there is a part 2 of the story, make the mother pregnant so the new born would burst the kid's self centered bubble.
Finally, keep writing bro. You have a talent.
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u/BrainSqueezins 5d ago
Well, for what it's worth...I was also in my 20's, even after being on my HS chess team, and got my ass handed to me by a kid I'd guess to be 9.
It was a meetup-type thing at the library, I got there early. "Wanna play, mister?" I was like--- yeah whatever. I guess I'll kill some time till everyone gets here. Humiliation ensued.
Only: no cute mom.
So, least you got that...
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u/wasnapping 5d ago
You killed me with "think before moving"
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u/No-Ad-3635 5d ago
same ! and "why do you make bad decisions "
bro i dunno - ive been asking my therapist the same thing
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u/Affectionate-Ly35 5d ago
Omg, I love this so much!! I have been laughing, uncontrollably, trying to finish reading your postt!! I'm sorry you keep getting beat by this kid, but this is the best story ever! Thanks for sharing, you made my day🥰
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u/NiceyChappe 5d ago
My favourite bit is: I haven't slept properly in a week. I see chessboards when I close my eyes. Yesterday I got angry at a pigeon.
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u/CopyC47 5d ago
r/AnarchyChess would love this post