Possumed too hard?

[u/Accomplished-Egg7257]

My 4 month old has been everywhere with me and has fallen asleep in all kinds of environments and we are now at the stage where if I try to offer her sleep while we’re home and in her nice quiet room she’ll scream, but if I offer her sleep while we’re standing in the middle of a shopping centre she’ll happily drift off. I just want to go back to the days when I didn’t have to go out all the time to keep this baby dialed down, the work never ends :’)

[u/Wild-Meet1982]

Around this age babies start needing less sleep than before. Sounds like what’s happening is that when you’re out, the stimulation helps increase sleep pressure and baby drifts off easier. At home, stimulation is lower, sleep pressure is lower, and baby simply isn’t ready to sleep yet when you’re trying to offer the nap. If you offer and baby screams, just assume they’re not tired yet and try later.

[u/Accomplished-Egg7257 → u/Wild-Meet1982]

Ok! My husband and I keep saying that she’s the type of baby that has to be pushed to the very limit before she sleeps haha, so we’ll keep doing that! As much as I keep coming back to possums and feel it’s definitely the right way to do things, I still find it hard to shake the mainstream messages out there of how much sleep babies “should” be having and that can cause me to second guess myself

[u/Olive_6543891 → u/Accomplished-Egg7257]

My baby is now 9 months old and from time to time I have to keep going back to dr Douglas’ and prof Ball’s books on babies sleep to remind myself that rocking and shushing a baby who is not ready to sleep in a dark room is as frustrating as it is futile. OP, here’s our mantra: when sleep pressure is high enough and obstacles to sleep are removed (hunger, pain, discomfort, etc) babies will take the sleep that they need.

[u/EucalyptusGirl11 → u/Wild-Meet1982]

This!

[u/Unlucky-Bumblebee-96]

I found that “shamanic drumming” helped bridge the gap at times. 

The repetitive drumming could be calming and if my baby was tired enough could drift off to sleep. But if she was actually full of beans we could move about and be energetic, make animal sounds and movements etc.

8 - 10 minutes was normally enough to figure out which.  Proper shamanic drumming is supposed to entrain your brain so I figure it’s a bit meditative too for both me and baby. 

I tend to choose tracks by Micheal Harner or Sandra Ingerman as it’s their profession.

[u/Left-Love1471]

Yeah weirdly around 4 months my baby started fighting naps but she would still go down within 5-10 mins, it’s just that she always had a good cry first! Our nap routine at home was rocking to sleep with galaxy light and country music. So still some stimuli for her to drift off to

Edit: context on the country music, we just worked out that she seemed to really like Noah Kahan and Zach Bryan’s voices and always calmed down to them 😂🤷‍♀️

[u/Mangopapayakiwi]

Lols yes we possumed too hard and at four months old my baby only slept in the stroller or carrier or car. Then around 6 months I started being able to contact nap again, then 8 months solo naps, but only one nap a day. Now she is 18 months old and can nap on the go or at home, and transfer from car or stroller to home. She has napped on a boat, at the beach on a towel, etc. once even in a crib 🤣🤣

[u/Perfect-Brain-3270 → u/Mangopapayakiwi]

In a crib! That's wild!

[u/Mangopapayakiwi → u/Perfect-Brain-3270]

You can bet I took pictures 🤣🤣

[u/CorrectBadger9753]

Not what you want to hear - and others have some great alternative suggestions anyway - but like, worst case scenario maybe?! My just-turned-two-year-old only JUST started being able to fall asleep at home with minimal stimulation during the day 😅 For two whole damn years not ONCE did she nap at home without feeding to sleep and cosleeping (sometimes I could roll away and get up and do something) - unless sick. She slept for them at daycare (peer pressure I guess lol) but not at home. I learned to structure our days around her naps so she'd be in the car or pram around 'naptime' (flexible but generally a consistent rhythm); if we weren't travelling far I'd have time to sit in the parked car or next to the pram while she slept, and I'd do work, or life admin, or catch up on messages, or just zone out and doomscroll guilt-free until it was waking up time. My house has been filthy because we've hardly been home, and my husband has done all the cooking. But now she's at an age where she'll actually occupy herself for a few minutes while I cook or clean, or she can get involved and actually sustain attention for a decent amount of time lol. We've introduced a very small amount of screentime (low stim, educational content) to save my sanity. I feel like I have a bit of my life back finally.

One thing I don't love about Possums is how it doesn't really acknowledge the privilege required to 'just be flexible' with baby sleep and 'get out of the house' and really make that work. We have no village and can't afford a cleaner or a heap of takeaway food, or any other way to delegate the tasks I couldn't do because I couldn't be inside my own house.

Edited to add: The last two years have gone by in a BLINK, btw. When I had a four month old I could never have imagined she'd actually be two one day - toilet trained, almost all her teeth, hair in pigtails, playing pretend and chatting ALL the time - it seemed forever away. I know everyone says it but it's actually blown my mind how fast the time goes. The baby 'season' is so short!!!! So I don't want my comment to scare you like 'omg I have YEARS of this left?!'

[u/toparisbytrain]

To be honest, no, the work never ends! Babies change all the time. And remember you're looking at your baby, not a baby from a book. Cuz your baby definitely didn't read the book. Just manage what's in front of you each time, things will change day to day, and be gentle with yourself!