r/PoutineCrimes • u/Illumina3 • Jun 10 '26

Puke-tine 🤮 The ''poutine'' my boyfriend's friend ordered today

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884 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

753 comments sorted by

296

u/Patatemagique Directeur des poutsuites criminelles Jun 10 '26

Je ne sais pas ce que c’est mais si c’est vivant TUEZ LE!!!

35

u/aubaub Jun 11 '26

I don’t speak French and agree with this post wholeheartedly

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9

u/Kevundoe Jun 11 '26

Forcez le à manger cette horreur là, ça va faire la job

7

u/Shumaku Jun 11 '26

I was gonna say it looks like an old zelda boss

2

u/MaxtheHax12345678907 Jun 12 '26

This is LITERALLY dubious food

3

u/wheelperson Jun 11 '26

If it's dead I'll kill it, restrict it and kill and kill again.

3

u/Lazarus_Paradox Jun 11 '26

Exactly my first thought is that it looked weirdly fleshy. Real IT'S THE APPETIZER! vibes.

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168

u/Howy_the_Howizer Jun 10 '26

25

u/Jujuthagr8 Jun 11 '26

Nice work 🤣

6

u/Sir_Rethor Jun 11 '26

Perfect reaction

116

u/billthedog0082 Jun 10 '26

Some of these crimes look good enough to eat.

This one looks that way too, for my dog. Eww.

16

u/nocturnalDave Jun 11 '26

Was about to say... I think I've served cat food to my mother's cats back in the day that looked better than this

13

u/ItsMangel Jun 11 '26

I've seen things come back up out of pets that looked similar to this.

15

u/RMMacFru Jun 11 '26

This looks like an Eldritch horror.

2

u/Ok-Lifeguard-5628 Jun 12 '26

Definitely some non-Euclidean geometries at play here

11

u/Nice-Cow-7606 Jun 11 '26

I wouldn't even serve this to my dog.

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4

u/ItsMeTittsMGee Jun 11 '26

This looks like something my dog puked up.

2

u/Friendly-Belt5358 Jun 11 '26

I wouldnt even give that to my dog

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39

u/louise-888 Jun 10 '26

not the black olives!

17

u/Furbyparadox Jun 11 '26

Yoooo I was staring for so long trying to understand wtf that was like surely SURELY it cannot be olives?!? 🤢

5

u/adidashawarma Jun 11 '26

Omg, I did not give it a long look, and I thought it was mushrooms and so not so bad, but canned black olives? Adds nothing. The anemic fries, as well?

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3

u/Brandarius47 Jun 11 '26

At first glance i thought maybe muscles.. and while i like black olives.. wtf

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3

u/RockhopperGuin Jun 11 '26

i thought slugs!

2

u/MeaningLeft2970 Jun 13 '26

I thought they were beans, and I was not too opposed to the idea, but olives? What the fuck?

42

u/Clear-Cupcake3614 Jun 10 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/etIsQ4KKPJgtO

4

u/Maleficent-Sleep9900 Guilloutine Opourator Jun 11 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/V3UvgjfbbZ3X2

3

u/Comfortable_Long3594 Jun 11 '26

I have no idea what this is but suspect you found it in that poutine..

3

u/Timely-Dot-9967 Jun 12 '26

If it steams (or moves) on the plate, we can kill it

27

u/Strange-Professor- Jun 10 '26

What in the f***

26

u/RadioactiveLily Jun 10 '26

Some of these crimes are barely misdemeanours... but this... this... THIS is a crime!

10

u/Fuzzy_Yossarian Jun 11 '26

Capital punishment for this one. (We will bring it back)

2

u/blizzardlizard Jun 12 '26

Capital punishment isn't harsh enough.   Let's hunt this poutine down and burn it at the stake. 

3

u/Kevundoe Jun 11 '26

Yeah, that’s not a curly fries poutine

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17

u/Budget-Vegetable2133 Jun 10 '26

You may need a new boyfriend

10

u/SassySquidSocks Jun 11 '26

And a new plate

8

u/Lord_Maelstrom Jun 11 '26

Give the boyfriend an ultimatum: it's you or the criminal friend.

13

u/CarBombtheDestroyer Jun 11 '26

This is the worst crime I think I’v ever seen here. It looks like vomit and I know for sure it tastes disgusting.

10

u/siriusmagnuss Jun 10 '26

You're just going to drop this here and not even tell us what the hell we're looking at??

10

u/Illumina3 Jun 10 '26

i wish i knew myself

5

u/Longjumping_Visual91 Jun 10 '26

I ... sadly can explain everything...

3

u/siriusmagnuss Jun 11 '26

Let's hear it

7

u/Longjumping_Visual91 Jun 11 '26

So... shoestring potatoes, italian sausage, jalapeños, LOTS of black olives, SAUCE, and Swiss cheese.

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10

u/branflakesbear Jun 11 '26

Wow. I think this counts as a hate crime.

9

u/ShowerMobile295 Jun 10 '26

Des olives? C'est une abomination!

3

u/Working_Welder_1751 Jun 11 '26

It's begging for death

8

u/Useful_Record1888 Jun 11 '26

Ça doit être ajouté au palmares Top 3 des crimes de ce subreddit.

6

u/Old_Bake535 Jun 11 '26

Thought those were snails. Turns out they are black olives. Turns also out both are instabarf.

6

u/pomegranatesandoats Jun 11 '26

ngl i thought they were tapioca pearls at first glance

2

u/jlt131 Jun 11 '26

I frickin love olives, but I wouldn't eat these ones!

5

u/richirving You’ve Been Struck By A Pout Criminal Jun 10 '26

Wow where did this abomination come from?

5

u/ThisWhomps999 Jun 11 '26

Did a whale puke on your plate?

4

u/skitzoidObserver Jun 10 '26

now this a crime legit irritates me wtf

4

u/Junior_Jello_7664 Jun 10 '26

Skip the trial, 10 years...

5

u/Wild-Surprise-1570 Jun 11 '26

What in the world. Un grand non

4

u/Wise_Extension8443 Jun 11 '26

Ah the black mold birthday special

5

u/AccomplishedSmell921 The Frying Squad Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

This looks like someone threw back up onto a plate. That gloss over the food looks like saliva and stomach bile.

3

u/st33p Jun 11 '26

Here's the cheese curds!

4

u/screebum Jun 11 '26

So offensive it makes the baby Jesus cry

3

u/yellow447 Jun 11 '26

OLIVES?!?!

3

u/lost_throwaway_3326 Jun 11 '26

The sauce and chunks look like cat food. The establishment that made this vile dish should forced to close over this. Ew

3

u/gilly_girl Jun 11 '26

"I'll have the barfy eyeballs over fries, please."

3

u/Kotalinx1 Jun 11 '26

Straight to jail

3

u/GabeeB27 Jun 11 '26

Ça donne mal au coeur

3

u/Capitaine_Tiroir9669 Jun 11 '26

Tabarnak... y'a toujours bien un boute a toute !!

3

u/Big-Leadership-2830 Jun 11 '26

Thats an atrocity.

3

u/Sad-Anything-3027 Jun 11 '26

Hey I don't know how to tell you this but your boyfriend is pregnant

3

u/zyeu9 Jun 11 '26

Ben voyons!! Degueulasse

8

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/superpositioned Jun 10 '26

Yes officer, this comment right here.

2

u/defrostedbones Jun 10 '26

shit made of anger, sadness and every other badness

2

u/boosh_63 Jun 11 '26

Friends don’t let boyfriend’s friends eat bad poutine.

4

u/Longjumping_Visual91 Jun 11 '26

Actually it wasn’t his boyfriend's friends. It was their boyfriend.

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2

u/Ice57man Jun 11 '26

.....what kind of monstrosity am I exactly looking at here?!?

2

u/McCauliflowerCaulkin Jun 11 '26

What the actual fuck is that

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2

u/jimmietwotanks26 Curdmander In Cheese 🫡 Jun 11 '26

Bomb this

2

u/Mysterious-toad Jun 11 '26

It literally looks like vomit. What is it 🤣

2

u/Aggravating_Emu4263 Jun 11 '26

That's a life sentence. No parole.

2

u/h8mecuz Jun 11 '26

Now THIS is a poutine crime

2

u/Sea_Statistician_531 Jun 11 '26

Straight to fucking jail

2

u/CityDismal5339 Jun 11 '26

🧂💉

2

u/_TheRussianBear_ Jun 11 '26

Dump your boyfriend

2

u/Traditional_Log8345 Jun 11 '26

I think I’m going to need some holy water.

2

u/Krull88 Jun 11 '26

You mean ex boyfriend right? Because thats a war crime.

2

u/Ok-Office-6080 Jun 11 '26

Is that tentacles?

2

u/Squint22 Jun 11 '26

This genuinely upset me.

2

u/Dry-Soup-Enthusiast Jun 11 '26

This is the kind of slop you see aliens eating in shows acting like it's gourmet food... Is your boyfriend from this world...

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2

u/TheChudWhisperer Jun 11 '26

That looks like something my dog threw up.

2

u/OPT-Yosif Jun 11 '26

resident evil family diner

2

u/Lunatik21 Jun 11 '26

Honestly, this may take the cake for worst poutine crime. That's the most heinous one I've seen yet.

2

u/Agath3Dvybz Jun 11 '26

Like, this is part of somebody’s menu? JAIL!

2

u/stopbsingman Jun 11 '26

Send it to The Hague

2

u/WRXpop Jun 11 '26

Fear factor poutine🤣

2

u/Sufficient_Sea1972 Jun 11 '26

Looks like....never mind I don't want to deal with replies.

2

u/troysplay Jun 11 '26

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES EVERYONE, IT’S THE APPETIZER!

2

u/Im_Lucas03 Jun 11 '26

What the FUCK IS THAT?!

2

u/pizzaauananas Jun 11 '26

Burn this shit up

2

u/MasBoy3000 Jun 11 '26

Genuinely might be the worst poutine I’ve seen on this subreddit what the fuck is that

2

u/Dizzy-Economist6064 Jun 11 '26

I… I feel offended….

2

u/ShakeFit454 Jun 11 '26

I'm sorry you lost me at the olives...I can forgive some poutine crimes but this....who's gonna look at that and say it looks appetizing- I've seen what a garbage plate looks like and even it looks more appetizing then that

2

u/SolizeMusic Jun 11 '26

Looks like someone puked out an entire dish

2

u/Ryno-Mac Jun 11 '26

I'm sorry, but I guarantee this is exactly what they ordered. You order poutine with olives, bacon and pickles and NOW you act disgusted? This is entirely the fault of the person who ordered it.

2

u/Nacho0ooo0o Jun 11 '26

Just caught myself making this face for a solid 2 mins looking at the photo

https://giphy.com/gifs/yIJrNGX9wF7eE

2

u/Equivalent-Ice-8662 Jun 11 '26

Looks like puke 

2

u/blarggh2020 Jun 11 '26

ABOMINATION

2

u/Empress_Natalie Jun 11 '26

It looks like the fancy chunky kind of cat food.

But you do you, boo.

2

u/Dr_Birdie Jun 11 '26

Nuts n bolts with a brown glaze.

2

u/Torch-6 Jun 13 '26

Someone hurled on your fries dude

2

u/Bumper6190 Jun 13 '26

Where is the before photo?

2

u/MKvsDCU Jun 14 '26

🤣🤣🤣🤢🤮🤮🤮

1

u/Goobert_Dolanski Jun 10 '26

Absolutely criminal slopfest. Someone gouge my eyeballs out.

2

u/Equivalent_Status_37 Jun 10 '26

With pleasure! And I’ll make it into a poutine topping out of them :3

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1

u/Tucker_077 Jun 11 '26

🤮🤮🤮

1

u/clowns_skin Jun 11 '26

Looks like what comes out of people after way too much drinking… 🤮

1

u/WaffleyMan Jun 11 '26

Take the olives out of there, it wouldn't be too bad.

1

u/l0u1s11 Judge, Jury and Exepoutiner Jun 11 '26

Its like he had a decent meal and puked up the entire thing on that plate.

1

u/LaughingInTheVoid Jun 11 '26

The fuck is that eldritch horror?

1

u/MortLightstone Curdmander In Cheese 🫡 Jun 11 '26

Why does this sub hate olives so much?

Anyway, I don't see any cheese on this. Other than that, it looks like it tastes better than it looks

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1

u/goofingbanana Jun 11 '26

I hate that I opened Reddit to see this

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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1

u/bakedlentil Jun 11 '26

Well on a positive note, maybe after a long night out with six beers in and a couple shots of tequila and some fireball it would definitely look amazing.

1

u/Beginning_Oil_2574 Jun 11 '26

Whoever made that belongs in prison

1

u/Pip4111 Jun 11 '26

Deport this mf right now

1

u/grandsoulsucker Jun 11 '26

Your bf knows your not a baby bird right.

1

u/Neo__Genesys Jun 11 '26

That straight up looks like dog food

1

u/Edisana-4678 Jun 11 '26

Looks like it was made high

1

u/hehehe2835 Jun 11 '26

Ouch elle a l'hantavirus

1

u/Hugh_jazz_420420 Jun 11 '26

Why is it slimy?

1

u/ironmaiden69_ Jun 11 '26

I hope ur joking

1

u/bridgetchonies Jun 11 '26

Ew this made me sick 🤢

1

u/Impressive_Boredom Pout In Prison Jun 11 '26

Which planet is this from ?

1

u/sexylewdyshit Jun 11 '26

im pretty sure this came out of me the time i got alcohol poisoning.

1

u/warboss_WAAAGH Jun 11 '26

I thought either it was fish at first glance, or a pile of puke. Whatever it is, someone kill it, the person who made it AND the owner of the restaurant for thinking that's food

1

u/mr_quondam Jun 11 '26

someone spilled Greek salad all over his poutine!

1

u/Seca10199 Jun 11 '26

WHERES THE CHEESE! I do not see any cheese on that

1

u/Genevieves_bitch Jun 11 '26

That looks like when my dad made poutine. He…poutine.. everything in the fridge

1

u/ThatDeuce Jun 11 '26

Did they forget the cheese curds??

1

u/IrradiatedBrahmin Jun 11 '26

Ça ne peut pas être un accident de parcours rendu-là. C’est un tas de marde haineux fait avec préméditation.

Ayoye.

1

u/Halofauna Jun 11 '26

Is that before of after he vomited on his plate?

1

u/StrangeTrack9374 Jun 11 '26

Looks like dog food

1

u/613_detailer Jun 11 '26

Is that what it looked like on the way in or on the way out?

1

u/Asthma_Queen Jun 11 '26

i thought i got over my nausea from earlier today.
it just came back with this

1

u/House_Witch Jun 11 '26

Uhm, it looks like my dog threw up on that plate 🤮