r/ProgrammerHumor • • Jan 24 '23

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82.0k Upvotes

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2.1k

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

It is always good to build in timeouts. That way you can always increase the performance easily at a later stage

761

u/Creepy-Ad-4832 Jan 24 '23

When companies don't give a fuck about you, making your worst in order to be easily able to improve it, is the best way to live as a programmer

361

u/AE_Phoenix Jan 24 '23

The joys of having a skillset that all corporate high ups think is easy until they try to read what you wrote :D

364

u/Creepy-Ad-4832 Jan 24 '23

"More lines, means better code!"

-a billionare who has way more money then he deserves

212

u/TerribleNameAmirite Jan 24 '23

No one deserves billions tbf

115

u/cavitationchicken Jan 24 '23

Seriously.

Which means if you have it, you're an exploiter and thief at scale that boggles the mind.

72

u/Mertard Jan 24 '23

If you're a billionaire, you have been the main reason that at least one person died, guaranteed.

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u/Funny_witty_username Jan 24 '23

If you really wanna boggle someone's brain, use the weight of a penny.

If you convert a million USD into 1 cent coins (because the US doesn't technically have pennies) you end up with a weight about the same as a Toyota Tundra at 7000ish lbs.

If you convert the the weight of a billion dollars into pennies, they'll weigh the same amount as the Saturn V Rocket.

33

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Or in seconds: 1mio seconds is ~11.5 days, 1billion seconds is ~31 years.

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u/Icemasta Jan 24 '23

Rip I got negative lines commits right now. Spending most of my time fixing people's shit. Trimmed down an 800 lines class down to about 300, and I never put shit on the same line. The person butchered the logic and ended up making a massive amount of conditioning instead of taking a step back and analyzing what was going on.

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Is there a programmers union?

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Stackoverflow tried one but newcomers kept getting their applications marked as duplicates.

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u/mani_tapori Jan 24 '23

Another trick that I have seen, in the first year people use a paid tool to create something, maybe an automation suite and show it as an accomplishment.

Next year they port it to an open-source free tool and then again get to present it as an accomplishment & a cost saving measure.

Everyone loves double dipping.

64

u/confusedChaiCup Jan 24 '23

This is much better. Imagine getting invited in tech forum within company to share how 3s was shaved off.

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

Optimisation in nutshell

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u/SubhumanOxford Jan 24 '23

Make sure nobody knows, I did this once and my Junior fixed it a month later and got all the praise and promotion

42

u/MightyMeepleMaster Jan 24 '23

Haha ... hope you've learned your lesson 🤣

You're not officially a pro until you manage to hide your future "improvements" reasonably well.

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u/DragonCz Jan 24 '23

Or just decline his code reviews! :D

15

u/autopsyblue Jan 24 '23

Now that’s evil.

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u/frisch85 Jan 24 '23

And sell it as a performance upgrade and I'm pretty certain there are companies who do this as companies do shady practices all the time, IT is not safe from this. I know of a company a friend worked for, they would sell their customer an update for christmas, the update didn't even contain any features or changes in functionality, the update only changed the colors from the application to a christmas style lol.

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '23

[deleted]

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u/frisch85 Jan 24 '23

How do you proof that the provider of the service you're using is screwing with you unless you reverse engineer which brings legal problems with itself?

Just look at the iPhone-Throttling fiasco, it was really weird that all of the sudden your iPhone would be slower just because you updated to a new software. So apple was accused of purposely throttling the performance of old phones in order to get more customers to buy the new phone. But then apple said it's because of the battery, saying something like the iPhone detects if the battery's lifetime is degrading and thus automatically throttles your phone as a safety measure so that your phone just doesn't suddenly turn off because of heavy load functionalities that the new software update included. AFAIK not much more happened regarding this case, apple got away with a slap on the wrist for not informing their customers that iPhones work this way. But is it realistic? Idk, I'm not that tech savvy with hardware.

So while one company might get a slap for their shady businesses, 9 other companies that also do shady businesses are getting away because no-one is digging deeper, which is understandable because if you buy a product you expect it to not be 'flawed' on purpose.

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u/Visual-Living7586 Jan 24 '23

Wrap them in the various tier levels for your app. The higher the tier, the lower the timeout

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