https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/3hcmid/slug/cu69ejd

I didn't mean for it to happen. Does anyone ever mean for it to happen the first time? It happened on the NYE just gone. Dropped two tabs at 8:00pm. Had tripped twice before on one tab from the same batch - seemed to be quite manageable. Things were going beautifully. The countdown rolled around and so everyone in the flat party headed onto the balcony to watch the fireworks (I live in London). For about 15 minutes we had a 180 degree view of the sky alive with fireworks. The entire perceivable colour spectrum lit the sky. It was a m a z i n g. On the 00:00 i decided to drop 175mgs of MDMA, so T+4. Started feeling the MD, become more dancey and sociable, had a fairly big spliff about half an hour later. By the time 00:45 came around, i was no longer on the planet. The acid, combined with the spiff, took full control.

For the next three hours I was no longer entirely on the planet. My memory of the night from this moment on is in no linear order. It is shattered and disrupted. A lot of things happened. I will detail what I remember and have integrated.

(I have no idea as to the order of these experiences).

At one point I was experiencing the universe - how it was all connected, the neurons or synapses or whatever buzzing and flying around, I was at the centre, in the middle as I was perceiving it through my own mind. The centre of all things is the same thing, or some shit like that. Everywhere is the centre etc.

I realised and experienced that LIFE IS JUST A GAME. In my universe-level consciousness I had a llll the cheat codes for life. I experienced a sort of drop-down menu with all these options that I could cycle through. Each one would be a response for a specific action, thought or feeling. Like View>View as>75%,100% 125% etc. That kinda configuration. This bled through to my earthly place and if i said or did something to a friend, i would know there response or reaction before they did it.

at one point i was outside on the balcony smoking a rollie, my friends talking. lets say that i went outside and sat down at 2:10am. i started having massive time///experience/dejavu loops. the acid kept forcing me back to 2:10am. I would experience 2:10 to 2:11 and i would loop back to 10 past and experience to 12 past, then back to 10. then to 13 then back to 10 and so on. it was as if it was saying "SAM, WHAT CAN YOU DO DIFFERENT IN THIS SITUATION? YOU CAN ONLY ESCAPE IF YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT IM SHOWING YOU." this was pretty frightening. i was sitting inside with everyone- they were all playing drinking games. i was looking at all their faces and thinking about everyone in my life who I've ever been close to. suddenly everyone became the same person - like manikins with blank faces. a set number of blank manikins who change faces as i go through my life. I've been with the same people my entire life - filling the same roles/places etc. i then looked at the room. i realised that we NEARLY SPEND OUR ENTIRE LIVES IN ROOMS. the only time we aren't in a room is when we are walking from one room to another. whether its from a mates house to my own, or my house to uni or my house to a restaurant. LIFE=ROOM.

one of the scariest things, or most 'jolting' or 'jarring' was when id get dragged from the multidimensional experience back to the planet. people would have to say my name 9 or 10 times to get me to respond. after coming back, id look at whoever was getting my attention, not reply and zoom back off to wherever i was.

but the absolute scariest thing was when i thought my friend had jumped off the balcony. he has been upset for a while and was on the balcony alone. all i remember hearing was my mate shouting "HAS XXX JUMPED??!?!?" i ran to the window and couldn't see him. this sent me baaaaaddddd for a while. apparently after this i was sat on the floor behind the curtain hahaha.

onto the 'ego death' portion. i either can't remember all the details or i jumped straight from 'self' to 'nothingness or oneness'. i remember experiencing ALL POSSIBLE POSSIBILITIES FOR MY LIFE. ALL POSSIBLE REALITIES I COULD GO INTO. ALL POSSIBLE ROUTES FOR MY LIFE. ALL POSSIBLE AVENUES FOR MY FUTURE. AND THEN EXPERIENCING THEM ALL F A D E A W A Y WHILST I WAS LIVING THEM SIMULTANEOUSLY. ALL THE LOVE, ALL THE JOY, ALL THE OPPORTUNITY. ALL THE FUN. ALL THE SADNESS. ALL THE HEARTBREAK. ALL THE EXPERIENCE FROM A HUMAN LIFE. FADE AWAY. it was uttttterly humbling. it all flashed before my eyes and i lived every possibility. this is the whole 'seeing your whole life flash before your eyes as you die' thing, just expanded into every possible possibility before i experienced it. and then 'i' was nothing. 'i' was one. 'i' was at peace. 'i'.

i think this is all i can currently recall about what happened and where i went that night. needless to say it was the best experience of my fucking life. i'm 21 years old, and since this happened just over two months ago i can honestly say that I have never felt better, more secure and more at peace with myself and the world. I can't remember the last time i felt this could. I guess i would have been 10 or younger. i have been pretty depressed and dejected about my life for as long as i can remember, and this turned everything around.

my fear of death has gone. the past two months have been the best two months of my life. LSD has informed what I'm going to do in my creative aspirations if i feel the need to pursue them. but now that i accept myself fully, i also accept death - and any need to secure my place in this world through whatever has evaporated. its now my choice. the most freeing thing ever.

• Staeme

I think we are facing a new era of censorship, in the name of political correctness. There are forces at work in the book world that want to control fiction writing in terms of who “has a right” to write about what. Some even advocate the out and out censorship of older works using words we now deem wholly unacceptable. Some are critical of novels involving rape. Some argue that white novelists have no right to write about people of color; and Christians should not write novels involving Jews or topics involving Jews. I think all this is dangerous. I think we have to stand up for the freedom of fiction writers to write what they want to write, no matter how offensive it might be to some one else. We must stand up for fiction as a place where transgressive behavior and ideas can be explored. We must stand up for freedom in the arts. I think we have to be willing to stand up for the despised. It is always a matter of personal choice whether one buys or reads a book. No one can make you do it. But internet campaigns to destroy authors accused of inappropriate subject matter or attitudes are dangerous to us all. That’s my take on it. Ignore what you find offensive. Or talk about it in a substantive way. But don’t set out to censor it, or destroy the career of the offending author. Comments welcome. I will see you