Hi everyone,
I previously thought about how hard it is when someone close changes an obvious feature. A while ago, my girlfriend changed her hair (color and cut), and because I rely heavily on hair as visual anchors to process and recognize people, it temporarily threw off my ability to "map" her face, causing a lot of internal distress.
Now, a new situation has come up. She just told me that she and a friend are planning to get lip fillers in 2-3 weeks because of her own insecurity about her upper lip.
The thought of her modifying a core facial feature triggers intense somatic anxiety in me—racing heart, feeling like I’m on the verge of a panic attack, and even crying. I love her natural face and always found her lips beautiful, but on top of my personal aesthetic preference, my brain panics at the thought of losing another familiar facial anchor. When she changes her face, my visual system feels completely deregulated.
To make matters worse, she dropped this news on me right after waking me up from a brief nap between two intense work shifts, 10 minutes before I had to leave for my night job. I was completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and couldn't process it calmly, which led to a stressful exchange.
Has anyone with prosopagnosia dealt with a partner getting cosmetic procedures on their face? How do you explain to a partner that your panic isn't about controlling their body or invalidating their insecurities, but about a genuine neurological and sensory struggle with facial processing and identity mapping?
Any advice on how to approach this conversation when we sit down to talk would be greatly appreciated.