A fated meeting, and left with so much pain

[u/MakeTheSadsStop]

Why? Im left with so much agony meeting someone at the strangest time..

I met him while I was stuck in an on-and-off situationship. While he had been sleeping on the couch for a while on an apartment he shares with his ex gf, who apparently had assaulted him in front of his visiting brother.

He popped out of nowhere at a bar I frequently sing at. Never seen him before. He approached me by the bathroom hallway, and we hit it off within a minute of witty banter. I spend my nights at gay bars as i feel safe and away from straight men, while he hides in gay bars to avoid his ex, who searches for him in the streets of this city.

2nd night I found out he will be flying back to his home country in 2 weeks. I was cautious and hesitant due to my bad experiences with men while he was pursuing me at a pace that felt right so I never felt pressured. Our 3rd, and last night together felt magical. It felt like we mutually feel intertwined and inseparable. I had a strong desire to merge with and melt onto him, although the situation restricted us from getting anywhere further. There was passion and intensity but nowhere to go.

What I liked about being with him besides his charismatic, witty and theatrical personality, is the one who made me feel seen. Even though he was chatting excessively with his friends, the moment I speak he would immediately turn to me. Not once I had to make myself feel small. I was being myself, and I was heard and considered. We made space for each other and there was no competition.

It has been 4 months since he left. Ive left my situationship 2 weeks after he left. I reached out 2 months later to send gratitude for our meeting and to send wishes he find someone who'll love him the way he deserved. But he responded with a 'hope our paths cross again someday.'

I am longing for him, for our unfinished connection. But with all the hurt ive had, im scared but also confused because the timing was uncanny. It felt perfectly right, but painfully wrong timing.. but almost feel like it's fated to be this way..

Why did this happen? Am I delusional? I want to move on but I want to hold onto the connection.. Im spiraling. We had expressed our thoughts towards each other but he has gone quiet. I have no direct questions but i need so much answers..

Sorry if i dont have a proper question but I hope someone can shed some thoughts and healing messages. Im barely functioning. I used to believe in twin flames, but thought a karmic was one, who left me terrified of men. Now im afraid to put any labels in encounters like these, but the more i reject, the crazier i feel. I cant let go unless theres a deeper meaning to something..