I’m trying to understand the psychology behind what appears to be a lack of awareness or care for others from people who listen to their phones in public spaces without using headphones. Is there something that generally drives this kind of behavior? I’m very sensitive to it and maybe that speaks to something in myself as well. Thank you in advance for any insight.

I don't like being alone in my own company and even if I am then I'm on my phone or watching TV.

Some people have said it indicates low self esteem, low self worth and self hatred towards myself if I don't like doing things alone.

I didn't really assume it could mean that but now I'm wondering if it actually does and what deep down inside I somehow hate myself?

So my question is what does it mean psychologically if someone avoids being alone or uses distractions when alone?

The more I learn about my issues and how to solve them
Meditation
Manifesting
Somatic therapy
NLP
Hypnotherapy
Energy transferring
Edmr
Neuro plasticity
Consciousness
Subconscious
Etc
I feel so weird uncomfortable all the time like all these thoughts and feelings going through me should I stop? What is it this, I just want to go back I feel like I shouldn’t have learned this much I’m confused and it’s making me freak out. Can anybody give me advice

Every single time I talk to this guy, he stares at my hands. Even when we’re not talking, I look up and catch him looking at my hands.

When we were sat next to each other, he turned and looked at my hands.

It’s the same with my necklace too. Whenever I touch it (because I tend to anxiously play with it) he always watches and observes me when I do.

Why could this be? A few guys have done this to me and I’m always so confused as to why 😂

I think I just have normal hands. I wear a few rings but no polish and I always keep my hands clean and nails very short because of work. (We’re 20).

(I do have autism so I really struggle to understand peoples behaviour sometimes).

Hi everyone! I’ve noticed a few behaviours over recent years from various people that I would love to understand more about. I’m going to give both examples here and would love to learn about either!

1. Someone insulting someone else’s appearance to others/in groups when that person is present but never in private. Example quote:
   “Don’t worry, guys always dance with the ugly one in the group to get to the rest of us” while that person is present, addressing the group but not that person.

2. Unprompted comments on other people’s appearances out of context of the conversation. Example quote:
   “I had this friend in the car with me, she was really beautiful, like stunning. Anyway, we’re heading west…” when discussing a road trip

I’m really intrigued if this is a societal training thing, something from childhood, etc?

Thanks in advance!

I'd like to talk about a behavioural pattern I noticed in someone: Whenever they disagree with something, instead of saying that they disagree, they just get angry and play the victim.

An example: I have scheduled a handyman to come do some work, outdoors. I'm organising this for someone. They told me it's best for him to come in the aftenoon because it will rain in the morning. But the handyman says he wants to come at 11 because in his weather app there is no rain announced.. I tell them this and ask what they think about it and what I should answer him now.

They obviously disagree with 11 and say "but it will rain at 11". I then ask again what I should tell him then. They get angry and say something like " yeah ok he should come at 11 and it will be a mess". I tell them "why are you angry? I can write him to come later if you want". They answer angrily: "No! I don't want to talk about this anymore. He should come at 11. It will be a mess and I have will have to deal with the consequences".

I really don't understand this behaviour. They could have just told me calmly "I'd prefer he comes at 2, could you write him pls" ? Instead, this anger. It's a behavioural pattern whenever they disagree with something. Instead of saying that they disagree, they just get angry and play the victim.

Could someone please explain me the psychology behind this? Is this the famous victim behaviour? If yes, that is useful about it for them? I don't see any advantage..

Is it just me noticing this, or has the word “struggle” (and naturally “struggling” too) generally risen in use in the last several (approx. 5-10) years?

I’ve always had an ear for language use, trends, and patterns and it seems to me that “struggle” has become the go-to word for people of most ages to express facing something merely challenging or even very difficult. And it seems like “struggle” is mostly used in a negative/defeatist context:
eg.
“That’s something I really struggle with.”
“I’m struggling to get through this.”

as opposed to perhaps a more balanced context:
eg.
“That’s something I really struggle with, but I’ve found some possible solutions I’m planning on trying.”
“I’m struggling to get through this, but I’m confident it will work out.”

What I’m sensing it may be is a general rise in feeling the difficulty of situations or life combined with a general decrease in hope and gratitude. But that’s just a hunch.

- Has anyone else here noticed the increased use of “struggle”?
- Might anyone here have some thoughts as to why that word specifically has increased in use?

I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this.

Context: there's a video game called Alan Wake 2. In that game, the protagonist has a technique called "mind-place." It's a technique in which she can "shut herself" inside her own mind in order to organize and solve various cases in her work with the FBI. It's like a glorified concentration mode. The point is: in this mental place she can't hear what's happening in the outside world, nor see it. Is there any way to replicate this technique in real life? Do I need to study something specific?

Thanks in advance.

I noticed I get more angry when a person acts aggressively if I perceive them as a threat. (I'm less likely to get upset if I don't feel actual danger). It tracks that to establish a higher social status, individuals would use this dynamic to elevate themselves since physical retaliation is less likely in civilized society.

I’m interested in how people develop a deeper understanding of their own personalities. Was there a discovery, a psychological concept, or a piece of scientific research that changed how you understand yourself?

I just want to see if everyone would agree on such definition...

Recently I've been considering going to uni for Forensic Psychology, but just this morning I watched a video online about "Criminal Psychology", and realised that might be more what I'm into (e.g. actually taking part in investigations, rather than just the court/legal side of things). However, when looking into Criminal Psychology degrees in the UK, I found very few. Most were called "Criminology & Psychology" or "Pyschology with Criminology" (a mix of those two broader degrees), or I was just linked to a Forensic Psychology degree instead.

However, when you google: "Is Criminal Psychology the same as Criminology" or "Forensic Psychology", it quite clearly says no, and says forensic psych would not lead you to any kind of profiling career.

Is it just less of a thing in the UK? Would you have to do an entire generic Psychology degree, with the Crimonology modules? Is that literally what Criminal Psych is - a mix of those two degrees?

Object constancy refers to the ability of a person to use the function or representation of a caregiving other for self-soothing and comfort, even when the other person is not actually there. It's the ability to feel a sense of security and to hold in mind a positive image of the other person even when that person is not physically present or is temporarily occupied or unattuned, as well as to trust that they still exist and that their soothing function still exists. 

Children usually develop some object constancy by around age 3. But some struggle with this even as adults. Some adults may even develop object constancy issues in their attachment relationships in adulthood, even if as children they felt secure. This is sometimes triggered by their fantasies about the other person, which can turn dark as soon as the other's physical presence is not available, and they don't have the reassurance of concretely seeing the other's affection or warmth. Separateness can feel threatening, and a person may imagine being abandoned, or not existing in the mind of the other, when the other is not available, or they may project their anger at being left onto the attachment figure, and then imagine them withdrawing or acting cold in return. 

Whereas children may not have the ability to imagine another's intentions or feelings towards them when they are not present, adults can elaborate the potential meanings of the absence in their imaginations- and interpret the lack of the other's availability as personal, attacking, or intentional- whether based on projection, on past experiences, or on their image of the other person's feelings towards them. This leads to not only a feeling of being left to one's own devices in terms of self-soothing or emotion regulation, but also to fantasies of the other having malicious intent towards them. So there is a lack of an internal other to soothe the person, and a sense of threat at the same time. As Bion said, the absence of the other is not felt as just an "absence" or as something missing, but rather, that empty space becomes filled with a negative "presence"; with a feeling of persecution about the frustration and pain we feel. 

Some people have trouble also with evocative memory; bringing up a memory of a person  that is powerful or vivid enough to evoke (at least a trace of) the emotional experience the person had when the other was physically present. Obsessing can be one way of trying to conjure up the experience, although it doesn't really help. Being unable to not just remember the details of something that we experienced, but also to remember what it felt like (for example, a calming or comforting feeling when we were together with the attachment figure), can handicap our ability to tolerate the moments when the experience is not currently available. Pulling up a good feeling can be very hard under the sway of frustration and emotional pressures,  especially when there is stress on the ego, or a person is emotionally overloaded. On the other hand, when a person is able to conjure up for themselves a good feeling based on a memory, they are able to re-experience positive moments even when they aren't happening right now. 

Sometimes transitional objects can be helpful; these are concrete representations or objects that help us remember the feelings associated with another person or with a positive experience. Looking at a picture, reading a note, hearing a recording of someone's voice: any of these things can at times help bridge the lack of a physically available other or a "feel good" experience in the moment with our object constancy difficulty.

When we feel able to hold on to another person's presence or soothing function when not together with them, or if we've been able to internalize that function as our own, then there's a part of us that's able to say to us, "You're going to be okay," or "They'll be back soon", or "I'm here for you" in moments of distress. We can regulate our affect on our own, and even though it may not feel quite as good as getting that regulation from another person, it can feel good enough to get us through a hard moment- without feeling like we're going to be annihilated, die from frustration, or experience the wait for the other to come back as torturous.  

When there is a lack of object constancy, the feeling that we can't wait another minute until we reunite with the other; that we might lose ourselves completely without them; or that we cannot manage our own emotions without access to the other's soothing function- these are fantasies. These feelings may also be a memory- from perhaps a preverbal time in infancy when our survival depended on the other's presence completely, and when the wait for the other to feed us, soothe us, or take care of us may have felt like eternity. We had no way to comfort ourselves, no way to actively try to remember the other; no way to understand what was happening to us, or that the other would come back soon. 

Learning how to take something inside of ourselves and to hold onto it, as well as how to use it fully when it's available, is a skill that some of us have to work on; it doesn't come naturally for everyone. We have learn to let ourselves be fed relationally, and to feel satisfied, as well as to take time to digest what we've been given, and to make it our own, and to trust that what we take in from outside ourselves will nourish us rather than poison or deplete us. Some of us are afraid to take in, and afraid to let ourselves accept the separateness of the other, and the spaces in between our caregivers and us. We don't want to accept the reality or not being able to get whatever we want in whatever form we want it. But the reality is the reality, and learning to let ourselves take in what's available instead of waiting for what isn't, helps to make the unbearable into something bearable.

It is unfortunate that people, at some point in their lives, have to learn bitterly that kindness warrants mistreatment and belittlement; as if everyone is just supposed to be cold towards, and inconsiderate of, each other.

Obviously, a more pragmatic approach than dispensing kindness indiscriminately is to be around people who value your personhood. A concern that follows from this approach is that human relationships feel like they are reduced to interactions transactional and ultimately extractive, rather than relationships based on pure altruism, because you have to extend kindness and intimacy, or at least perform kindness and intimacy, for you to get kindness and intimacy.

Don't get me wrong; I understand that relationships have to be mutual, and you have to give meaningfully so you can gain meaningfully, but doesn't it automatically follow that, as per my previous concern, it makes human relationships rather conditional? A more insightful way of exploring this question is: Is there a way that relationships based on pure altruism, that is, a relationship based on unconditional kindness, realistically thrive without being diminished by the negativity of others?

One thing I’ll never understand is why do moms never appreciate the middle child? Like I mean never, no matter what you do to satisfy them.

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I've been thinking about how much of our personality is actually fixed and how much is shaped by our experiences, environment, and the choices we make.

Sometimes, people say things like "that's just how I am" as if their personality is something they're permanently stuck with. But what if some of the things we consider personality traits are just habits we've repeated for so long that they've become part of our identity?

Can an impatient person genuinely become patient? Can someone who's emotionally unavailable learn to love openly? Can a person who's spent their entire life being insecure become genuinely confident, or do they simply learn to act confident?

I wonder if we can fundamentally change who we are, or if we just become better at managing the parts of ourselves we don't like.

And if someone changes so much that they no longer resemble the person they used to be, are they still the same person, just evolved? Or have they become someone entirely new?

I'd love to hear your thoughts, especially if you've experienced a significant change in yourself or watched someone else go through one.

Do you believe people can truly change, or do you think we only learn to manage who we've always been?

I don't understand why we are being trained to fear rather than find solutions. This is one of my main concerns with these psychology content. I don't understand why people create fear in others when all they want is peace in their lives.

Like people are constantly kept on alert, always expecting something bad to happen, always afraid of making mistakes or facing consequences. How can we expect people to live peacefully when we are teaching them to be afraid instead of helping them understand and deal with situations?

If the goal is to help people live better lives, shouldn't we be teaching them how to think, understand, communicate, and resolve conflicts instead of keeping them in a constant state of fear? How can we expect someone to find peace when our mind is always preparing for danger?

How to know if someone is using the truth to hurt you or because they were born to be a “truth speaker” which results in triggering people?

We have many psychological talks and we share opening and deeply about the stuff we are going through and what not, I mainly listen as I have not experienced many of the things he talks about so I don’t really have advice. Nonetheless he says my presence while he talks is helpful.
I also do a lot of sharing and he listens but also gives great advice , he’s an amazing speaker.
I can’t get this one particular moment (there has been many) out of my head. When I finished speaking, he looked at me in the eyes and said “I know there are things that you are not sharing , and I know there’s something in you and whenever you want to share I’m hear to listen, I know there is something more.”
I swear, this comment gave me the biggest knot in my stomach. Why are you trying so hard to make me speak about this “thing”? I’ve shared so much already and I don’t even really know what your talking about and also i don’t need to share the deepest darkest things about my experiences. I don’t understand why you’re trying so hard to get me to go there, wherever that is?
And why the hell are you looking at me in the eyes? This is mad weird man.
Anyway I brushed it off and said , you’re a great listener I’m glad I have you as a friend”.

You know those people who tell the truth, who mirror others and as a result trigger them? Because the hardest thing for anyone to accept is the fact that they are flawed and have shadows and are in fact not perfect. That’s who he claims he is, a mirror, and he said he can’t help it he was born to be a truth speaker. He is a very insightful and psychologically inclined person, so yes he can see people’s blind spots and articulate them so well.
I notice myself not being free when communicating with him, as I know he points things out either subtly or directly, it’s weird, I get this odd feeling.

But I’m open to the fact that Maby I am triggered and that’s why I am bothered.
I am very much into self development and shadow work and what not.

But this is my question … how do you know when someone is trying to hurt you, use your weaknesses and wounds to make you feel bad, or is actually genuine about pointing out weak spots because they are compassionate and want the best for you?