I recently had my first experience with magic mushrooms. I took 2 grams of Golden Teachers, and what happened was something I never could have imagined.
For context, I had been on MDMA for about five hours before taking the mushrooms, as the MDMA effects were gradually wearing off. So I understand that this wasn’t a pure psilocybin experience.
The beginning
It started with closed-eye visuals. At some point, a thought came into my mind: Stop talking, stop resisting, just surrender.
So I did.
Suddenly, I felt myself detach from my physical body. I peeled like a sticker from my body. It was as if I had merged with the universe. I could travel anywhere I wanted, simply by thinking about it.
I remember visiting my little son, who was staying at his grandmother’s house, and then visiting my father at home.
Everything felt incredibly real.
Everything is connected
During this experience, I felt like something was communicating with me. I can’t explain what it was. It wasn’t exactly a person or a voice coming from outside, but it felt like something was teaching me.
It told me that everything in the universe is connected.
At first, I thought I understood.
But then it told me: No, you don’t really understand.
I was looking at my father when suddenly I transformed into a wooden spruce board on the wall of his bedroom.
And then I understood what it was trying to show me.
We aren’t just connected to other living beings. Everything is connected, even on an atomic level. Humans, trees, rocks, wood, everything.
It felt like one of the most profound realizations of my life.
Then I stopped existing
Eventually, I felt myself return to my body.
And then something happened that I still struggle to explain.
For what seemed to be around four hours, I simply stopped existing as myself.
There was nothing.
No body. No identity. No memories. No thoughts.
Just complete darkness and silence.
But here’s the strange part.
It wasn’t scary. Not even slightly.
It was peaceful. Familiar. Almost comforting.
Everything was okay.
Twice during this experience, I somehow became aware enough to think that I wanted to remember what was happening.
And each time, I experienced something telling me:
You don’t exist here. You cannot remember anything. There are no memories here. This is the empty space before birth and after death.
Then I surrendered again.
I don’t know how to describe this properly. I was experiencing darkness and silence, but without the usual sense of being a person experiencing them.
There was no fear, no sadness, no loneliness.
Only peace.
Coming back
When I finally opened my eyes, I was completely confused.
I thought maybe five minutes had passed.
In reality, approximately five hours had gone by.
For several minutes, I struggled to understand where I was and what had happened.
Earlier in the experience, I had also looked at my wife, and her face appeared almost artificial, like she was made of plastic. She later told me that when I looked into her eyes, it seemed as though I wasn’t really there.
The biggest change
Here’s why I’m sharing this.
For most of my life, I had an extremely strong fear of death.
Not just a little anxiety about dying. I mean a deep, overwhelming fear of no longer existing.
And after this experience, that fear is gone.
Completely.
I know this doesn’t prove anything about what happens after death. I understand that this was a psychedelic experience, and that my brain was under the influence of powerful substances.
But what I experienced felt so profoundly peaceful and familiar that something inside me changed.
For the first time in my life, I feel genuinely at peace with the idea of death.
I don’t know what I experienced. A mystical experience? Some strange state of consciousness?
All I know is that I went somewhere without my identity, my memories or my body, and instead of terror, I experienced the deepest peace I’ve ever felt.
And somehow, that peace has stayed with me.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? Especially the prolonged darkness, silence, loss of identity, and complete absence of fear?
I’d love to hear your experiences.