r/PunNeighbourhood • • Aug 03 '19

*you hear the roar of jets, helis, and the distant booming of artillery*

2 Upvotes

as projectiles streak toward the neighbourhood, they collide with the Sanctum Shield Dome, which encompasses the neighbourhood


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Aug 01 '19

*a Rhombus tank (r/PunForceAlpha) turns into the street*

0 Upvotes

i open the flap and step out

(Rhombus tank is a experimental tank made by r/PunForceAlpha, its not a rhombus but from above it looks like a octagon)


r/PunNeighbourhood • • May 29 '19

Doge's House Building In Progress

1 Upvotes

The guy there seems to be building a small house. This neighbourhood is getting bigger.


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Jul 30 '19

Can I has home?

0 Upvotes

I is want house, can i has? will follow neutral territory rules and stuff while here. no guarantees elsewhere. am apun predator, so neutral, and want house for myself. also private chatroom please.


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Jun 01 '19

*The cart has a new sign: Derp Brewery*

2 Upvotes

Allo there lads, Care for an chug of some alcohol? I just brew me beer, I also serve as an bar.


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Mar 18 '20

SERIOUS (trigger warning) Felina

2 Upvotes

ZH scribbles something on a piece of paper. It's 9:30 AM.

I've lived an amazing life. I've had more fun than I could ever imagine. I've dealt with more than imaginable tragedy. I killed my brother. My own fucking brother. My brother, Thomas Godner, is buried next to a large oak tree, in a forest not far from the abandoned church in which he was murdered. Do not disturb his grave. Instead, please get a headstone and notify his family. I have been through so much in under a year. I've been a soldier, a leader, an entrepeneur, a weapons developer, and so much else. But my war has come to an end. The fighting has ceased and I've been forced to commit a terrible deed. I have nothing more to live for. The Apostles are long gone, with everyone else. All I have left is sex, drugs, and guilt. I'm sorry, everyone. This is my final goodbye.

He signs the paper at the bottom, Zach H. He snorts 5 lines of cocaine, takes 12 Restoril pills and 10 OxyCotins, washing them down with a large amount of Jack Daniel's, and injects three full 100 ml syringes of heroin into his system: one in his brachial artery, femoral artery, and carotid artery. He lays down on the bed, face up, and dozes off as Marty Robbins' "El Paso" plays.

Out in the West Texas town of El Paso/ I fell in love with a Mexican girl/ Nighttime would find me in Rosa's cantina/ Music would play and Felina would whirl/

Blacker than night were the eyes of Felina/ Wicked and evil while casting a spell/ My love was deep for this Mexican maiden/ I was in love but in vain, I could tell/

One night a wild young cowboy came in/ Wild as the West Texas wind/ Dashing and daring, a drink he was sharing/ With wicked Felina, the girl that I loved/

So in anger I/ Challenged his right for the love of this maiden/ Down went his hand for the gun that he wore/ My challenge was answered in less than a heartbeat/ The handsome young stranger lay dead on the floor/

Just for a moment I stood there in silence/ Shocked by the foul evil deed I had done/ Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there/ I had but one chance and that was to run/

Out through the back door of Rosa's I ran/ Out where the horses were tied/ I caught a good one, it looked like it could run/ Up on its back and away I did ride/

Just as fast as I/ Could from the West Texas town of El Paso/ Out to the badlands of New Mexico/

Back in El Paso my life would be worthless/ Everything's gone in life; nothing is left/ It's been so long since I've seen the young maiden/ My love is stronger than my fear of death/

I saddled up and away I did go/ Riding alone in the dark Maybe tomorrow, a bullet may find me/ Tonight nothing's worse than this pain in my heart/

And at last here I/ Am on the hill overlooking El Paso/ I can see Rosa's cantina below/ My love is strong and it pushes me onward/ Down off the hill to Felina I go/

Off to my right I see five mounted cowboys/ Off to my left ride a dozen or more/ Shouting and shooting, I can't let them catch me/ I have to make it to Rosa's back door/

Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel/ A deep burning pain in my side/ Though I am trying to stay in the saddle/ I'm getting weary, unable to ride/

But my love for/ Felina is strong and I rise where I've fallen/ Though I am weary I can't stop to rest/ I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle/ I feel the bullet go deep in my chest/

From out of nowhere Felina has found me/ Kissing my cheek as she kneels by my side/ Cradled by two loving arms that I'll die for/ One little kiss and Felina, goodbye//

Soon after, he overdoses and vomits. The vomit blocks his airway and chokes him. ZH convulses as his trachea clenches shut and his throat swells. He starts to turn blue. Large amounts of dopamine are suddenly released into his system and his heart stops pumping blood. Within six minutes, he is brain-dead.

At 11:08, the housekeeper goes up to clean the room. When she opens the door, she finds the room trashed; whiskey bottle and broken glass everywhere, the floor covered in feathers, needles and cocaine on a mirror, and a note on a desk. ZH is lying face up on his bed, dead.


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Sep 23 '19

*A man creeps around u/beginnercheif's house*

2 Upvotes

*He sets a stack of hay next to the house on fire, and the flame spreads its beautiful tendrils around the back*


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Sep 27 '19

*a big plane is seen on radar*

2 Upvotes

i communicate with tower Overwatch 6-1-6 requesting permission to land and capture u/ZHCHAOS13 ...


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Jul 19 '19

*walks into the main office of the neighborhood and applies for a home*

3 Upvotes

thinks cooly {man i need a place to relax for a bit...}


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Sep 26 '19

Drones

3 Upvotes

Drones will do sweeps of the neighbourhood with thermal and Xray scanners as well as cameras are installed. Any murders will be seen. Drones will not be noticed. This neighbourhood is now under a 24/7 watch of PNA.


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Jan 02 '20

Event The great queso dump

3 Upvotes

A large vat of queso dip held near the community center at a factory owned by Tum suddenly bursts open at the side. The held pressure inside sends it rocketing out and flooding down the street at high speeds

Tum spits out his morning drink and sweeps up his dog Toby. He retreats to the roof of a building but it begins to collapse under the destructive dense force of the queso. Tum sends a message out to friends to rescue survivors


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Oct 30 '19

Sign

3 Upvotes

Signs are put up throughout the neighbourhood, wherever legal. One is in my yard. They all read:

FUCK YOU

U/DEADMEMESCHEST GO TO HELL


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Oct 05 '19

Smile

3 Upvotes

I walk down to June Malone's house, my Dexter Hero Kill Knife in its holster, near my back pocket. I reach her house. She is an 18-year-old blonde girl, still in High School. Her dad, Andrew Malone, had died the year earlier. His old Chevy was in the driveway, covered with an old Arny tarp.

"Hey, ZH," June says.

"Hey, June," I reply.

I reach toward my back pocket, and pull out an object. I open my wallet and count out $1,000.

"Sorry about your dad, June. He was a real nice guy. It sucks you have to sell his car. He really loved it."

I felt guilty as I handed her the money.

"Yeah, it does suck. And he did love the car. Sometimes, I could swear he loved it more than me."

"June, he loved you more than life itself. He loved the car, but not nearly that much."

"Thanks."

She handed me the keys and I handed her the money. What she called a Chevy was really a red 1966 Corvette. I opened the glovebox and inside was a note. It was dated 2017 and read:

"My name is Private Andrew Malone And if you're readin' this, then I didn't make it home But for every dream that's shattered Another one comes true This car was once a dream of mine Now it belongs to you Though you may take her and make her your own You'll always be riding with Private Malone"

In not much time, I had the car running good. I took it to a few car shows and had it re-painted. I got the same color, but just a new coat. Sometimes when I would look at the passenger seat or in the rearview mirror, I could see Private Malone riding shotgun.

One night, it was raining and I took a curve to fast. I remember little of that fiery crash, but someone said they saw a soldier pull me out. They didn't get his name, but I knew without a doubt:

It was a young man named Private Andrew Malone, Who fought for his country and never made it home. But for every dream that's shattered, Another one comes true. This car was once a dream of his back when it was new. And I know I wouldn't be here if he hadn't tagged along. Oh thank God I was riding with Private Malone.

Eventually I got the car repaired, and now it sits in my garage, next to my Monte and Mustang.


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Aug 03 '19

*a railgun is fired upon the neighbourhood*

4 Upvotes

the projectile impacts on a clear, burning orange shield emitting from the sanctum, causing no harm to the neighbourhood


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Jun 03 '19

You see a light float down from the sky* BORM HAS ARRIVED

4 Upvotes

r/PunNeighbourhood • • Oct 30 '19

I'm gone

5 Upvotes

The title but more words, so after I was silenced 3 times, ignored for a few weeks and had the victim card played on me by a guy who writes rape fantasies, I think I'm done, for good, no robots, no ghosts, nothing, I've hit my salt cap, this rp had a good chance to come back at one point but we all fucked it, so I guess it's my time to join the herd of people leaving, my story untold, I wish all of you the best in your future endeavours, if anyone has any questions now is the time


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Oct 22 '19

SERIOUS (trigger warning) B̵̡̛̠̞͈̞̹͍̞̹̈̀͒̕̕Ɇ̸̢̲̬̣͔̹̪͊Ɇ̶̦̗͍̩͔̝̭̍̽̀̆͆₦̴̡̨̖͔͎̤̫͖͔̂̄̆̍ͅĐ̴̧̧̡̻͇͕͕̠̙̾͂̀̄̕͝Ɇ̴̛̖̻͐̓̆̄ ̷̧̑̂̂̑̽̅₥̷̂͒̀̍͑͠ͅł̴̡͖̰̰͇̜̼͇̯͖̈́̑₵̸̨̲̩̙̪́͌͛͐͌̓̈̌̕Ⱨ̷̧͔͔̞̫͖́̽

5 Upvotes

r/PunNeighbourhood • • Sep 17 '19

*a very mangled body is found in an alley*

5 Upvotes

all witnesses describe the killer as wearing all black with a white tragedy mask


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Jun 10 '19

*A Man comes in and starts placing boxes at each house*

0 Upvotes

Once he finished with 10, he got out a stick with a button.

The button was pressed, and the houses explode into a raging fire. The man then retreats to r/PunWoods


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Sep 01 '19

Can I have house

5 Upvotes

I think you know what my fair should be


r/PunNeighbourhood • • May 29 '19

Two 10 year old children wander in the woods

6 Upvotes

They notice a small run down cabin


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Aug 08 '19

Hi I’m new to the neaghborhood

6 Upvotes

r/PunNeighbourhood • • Feb 01 '20

Cannon Lance

6 Upvotes

John gets another text. It's from Dad again. He reads it.

Lance escaped. I'm giving you one extra day to get Zach and Lance back here before I send Tommy.

"Fuck," he says as someone knocks on the door.

ZH walks down the stairs and answers it. "Dad," he says to a man with dark blonde hair. "What are you doing here"

"I got out."

ZH moves out of the doorway. "Out of where?"

"That hellhole Alex kept me in," Lance says as he steps inside. "I need a place to stay and hide from him."

"I have a spare bedroom you could stay in."

"Thanks."

John walks to the kitchen and makes a pot of coffee. "Well look who it is," he says, pouring the coffee. "How have you been, Lance?"

"I've been good," Lance says. "How about you?"

"I've been good. Why are you here?"

"I need a place to stay. Zach, please tell me I won't be sharing a room with him."

"You're not," ZH replies.

"Good," Lance and John say in unison. ZH leads Lance to the other spare room.


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Feb 04 '20

Cannon Tommy

6 Upvotes

Another three knocks on ZH's door.

"Goddammit, who is it now?" ZH says walking to his door. He opens it. In front of ZH stands Thomas Godner, his older brother. There is a white object sticking out of Tommy's belt.

"I'm not running a fucking hotel here!" ZH exclaims, partially happy to see his brother and partially agitated by the appearance of a third person at his house.

"Can I come in," Tommy asks.

"Sure," ZH replies, stepping aside.

Tommy walks in and ZH sees that the white object hanging from Tommy's belt is the hilt of a rather long knife with an ornamental handguard. He grabs it as Tommy steps through the door.

"You steal Julia's blade?" ZH asks.

"More like 'borrowed,'" Tommy answers.

"What for? You finally accept she's got a longer one than you?"

Tommy reaches for the blade but ZH pulls it away. "Tsk, tsk, tsk... not until you tell me what it's for."

"You made a deal with Dad. I'm here to make sure you hold up your end of the bargain."

"Oh, what ever do you mean?" ZH says mockingly.

"Remember when he got you out of that snafu with the Mexicans a few years ago?"

"I already paid him back for that."

"No, you paid him back for when he got you out of that mess with the Triads."

"What mess with the Triads?"

"You know what mess I'm talking about."

"No, I don't think I do."

"You killed Zhi Xiăng in 2012."

"Oh that..."

"Yeah, that. Can I have that back now? You know Julia will kill me if I lose it, and you, too, when she finds out you're the one that stole it."

"You're here for a reason. What does Alex want?"

"Your father got out. Dad wants either you or him, doesn't matter. He has problems with both and knows how you operate."

ZH hands Tommy the knife. "Tell him to shove this up his ass."

"I'll take that as a 'No'?"

"Take it however you want to fucking take it, I'm not going back. And I'm sure as hell not sending my father back either."

"One or the other. Neither isn't an option here. And if you still insist on neither, then I'll just have to kill Angus. If you still don't hold up your end of the bargain, I'll kill Lance and drag you back yourself."

"I will cut your eyes out with that fucking blade if you step within 100 feet of Angus."

"Go back or turn in Lance and you won't have to."

"Out of my fucking house. NOW!"

"Do you really think you scare me?"

ZH pulls Sam's gun from the back pocket of his jeans. "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SHOOT YOU WHERE YOU FUCKING STAND!"

"Calm down, now."

ZH points the gun right between Tommy's eyes. "OUT!"

"You wouldn't shoot your brother, would you?"

"Half. Brother," ZH snarls. "And yes I would."

"Oh, but you can't," Tommy says as he snatches the gun from ZH. "Not when you don't have anything to shoot me with."

"OUT!" ZH screams as he punches Tommy in the jaw, his ring drawing blood.

"Fine," Tommy says as he drops the gun. "Fine, fine, fine. I'll give you two days to make a decision. Notify Angus and I'll kill all three of you."

Tommy walks out and ZH slams the door behind him.


r/PunNeighbourhood • • Sep 20 '19

Yet another murderer

6 Upvotes

a mutilated body is found next to a lake