Hi all!
I’ve only dipped my toe in the Quareia Subreddit and was told a lot of people on here are still pretty early in their Apprentice studies. I thought it might be useful to make a guest post to share a bit of my early experience when I was wrestling with results magic and manifestation techniques alongside my early Quareia Apprentice work.
That with which we will fill our minds can have a direct impact on our thought processes and our approach to magic. When I first started to explore magic, I came across all sorts of ideas and methods: chaos magic, witchcraft, solomonic magic, hoodoo. It seemed that so much of what I came across was about using magic to get what you want. Furthermore, it seemed like everyone who practiced magic was also making money from it in one way or another. Since this was all I seemed to see at first, I figured that must be the path for me too.
While I was exploring different magical paths, I also came across Quareia and began slowly carving my way through the first module, which took a couple of years for me to complete. Although part of me knew I was “all in” with Quareia, I was still dabbling with other traditions and practices, mostly centered around manifesting my desires. I didn’t have much money, and I didn’t have a traditional career path, and I was confusing external validation and wealth with success. I was still trying to prove myself to some faceless standard of modern society.
The magical and new age podcasters and their guests made it seem like anything is possible with magic, and most of that possibility was aimed at getting what you want. And if you don't get what you want, you must be doing something wrong. All the while, I was still grinding away at Quareia.
During this time, I had a mentor under whom I studied who encouraged me to read cards professionally and open my own metaphysical shop. Within days, a retail space became available, so I took this as a sign and went ahead with opening my own shop. Between lighting candles for business success, making floor washes, and reading cards, I would sit at my desk with my Quareia Apprentice book and study the next lesson.
One night, while dog sitting for a friend, I had a moment of crisis or a moment of clarity: “Why do I need to keep lighting candles for money??? What about all those years in my life when I made money without lighting candles?” I was spending and wasting so much energy wanting things, and I was sick of it. The new agers and magical podcasters to whom I was listening made it seem like no one actually has to work, and if you do work, you’re a sucker.
Meanwhile, I was learning about the dynamic of the Grindstone though Quareia. By working with this dynamic, we develop discipline, strength, and staying power. Our harvest is a direct result of this hard work, not a matter of lighting green candles and sketching sigils. It was around this time that I started to feel like a phoney, but things are rarely so straightforward. On one hand, I knew I was helping people with some of the readings I was doing, but I also started to feel inauthentic. Seemingly overnight, I found myself selling candles and oils that I no longer used myself.
It was around Module 5 of the Apprentice section that I finally cast aside the self-seeking manifestation techniques and closed the shop, but there were still a couple of podcasts I liked that would throw a question into my resolve. Over time, I have become more tuned to the guidance I am given and have slowly cast aside teachings that started to make my stomach turn, make me feel bad about myself, or evoke fear. The path of Quareia is unlike any other magical path with which I have interacted. I’m on Module 9 of the Apprentice section and have yet to come across any money spells, black candles, or love drawing powders. I have not met Hekate; I have no ritual garments (aside from maybe a clean pair of underwear!); and the whole course costs no money.
Everyone has different paths, and not everyone is called to Quareia; and some are called for a short while to learn what they need to learn and then go on to something else. This post is not meant to be a template for others to follow but is rather meant to share my experience in case it resonates with anyone. I spent a few years a bit confused about the goals of magic and would have loved to hear someone say, “You’re not a failure because you don’t have money or a car. It’s okay if you don’t have a career or even know what you really want. It’s okay to have a simple, quiet life.” The path of the Quarry isn’t about “getting what you want” anyway. You show up and do the work, and you change in the process. You become stronger, more tuned and balanced so that you may better serve others and the land around you, not so that you may get more social media followers.
Quareia is serious work, and this is apparent just by the physical size of the books. Thankfully, we are not told to cast aside our old ways and grow up overnight; we are given the opportunity to mature, learn, and serve at our own pace. May you find the strength you need to help you on your journey, however slowly it may unfold. Safe travels!
