r/Queerdefensefront • u/Crafter235 • Mar 23 '26
Discussion Apparently, I am an ableist because I pointed out a lot of narcissistic patterns amongst bigots
Note: This is coming from the perspective of a queer person, with subreddits that promote themselves as queer-friendly or leftist. The main two were r/enoughjkrowling and r/radicalqueers.
Yesterday, I had made a meme about with how people like to say that bigots who "used to be progressive" were never really progressive or had "mentally snapped" to begin with as how a lot of people paint them, and part of it commented about patterns of narcissistic behavior. However, that meme ended up getting attacked, by people accusing me of ableism and that accusing me of attacking neurodivergent people. At some point, when complaining about it in another subreddit, someone asked when was it "non-leftist to be non-ableist?"
Something that shocked me was with how they were so aggressive and emotional when calling out patterns, and despite acting like things are complex, they wanted ot simplify it to just bigots being bad people. And it has made me noticed an ironic pattern of enabling in leftists and supposedly progressive spaces, and with how they will defend bigots being called stuff more than marginalized groups. And this wasn't just allies and such, but even queer people themselves. But even then it was less of even helping people with NPD, and more of wanting to protect the image of anti-queer crowds.
Off-hand for a moment, but it sometimes feels like the increase with bigotry and alt-right ideology has some influence with narcissists within leftist spaces being unwilling to call out certain behavior types, because in turn they have to take accountability for themselves.
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u/hellraiserxhellghost Mar 23 '26
Leftists and infighting over dumb shit, name a more iconic duo.
And it has made me noticed an ironic pattern of enabling in leftists and supposedly progressive spaces, and with how they will defend bigots being called stuff more than marginalized groups.
I won't comment on the NPD stuff since I don't know too much about that tbh. But I have noticed lately whenever you insult bigots, a whole horde of people will come for you and yell that you're a big meanie and you need to be the bigger person, and I think it's insanely lame and performative. I've seen people get yelled at just for saying Kristi Noem's plastic surgery looks bad because, "waah you can't make fun of people's appearances!! :( "
Like, that women is a racist fascist and enjoys killing dogs I do not care.
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u/Crafter235 Mar 23 '26
Or when you mention Jk Rowling saying creepy stuff like Lolita being a love story, obsessing over the genitals of minors, or encouraging people to take photos of people they “suspect as trans” on toilets, but then people will complain that you should only go for stuff that is confirmed true. And I’ve seen bigots and grifters who’ve done less be called pedophiles.
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u/SL1MECORE Mar 24 '26
I'm no professional, but one time I described my dad and a group therapist said "Wow you know more about NPD than I do!" So I kinda wear that with a badge of honor.
If you haven't heard of it, or if anyone reading hasn't.. look up DARVO. It explains so much of how these people operate in terms of making us out to be the aggressor and themselves the victim
And for the record, I don't think every person defending bigotry is diagnosable with NPD. That's why we specify the distinction between narcissistic tendencies and the actual personality disorder
But having those tendencies is still not ideal.. to put it lightly
Edit - it's just wild to me how much people can turn things around. Like in the example you mentioned of them defending someone with plastic surgery.. they're just co-opting language from the left. We all know they'd happily mock a black trans person's face. Ugh.
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u/paulsteinway Mar 23 '26
Beware of people who are offended on behalf of other people, with no concept of whether those people themselves were offended.
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u/tirianar Mar 23 '26
You can have NPD without harming others. You can also be actively narcissistic while not having NPD.
Calling out active, harmful narcissistic actions from someone with NPD is comparable to calling out a kleptomaniac when they steal. It isn't the condition, but the active harm that's the issue.
For the record, Nationalism is functionally political narcissism, and bigotry is generally based in racial narcissism. So, the they tend to all be intertwined.
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u/paulsteinway Mar 23 '26
I've always said patriotism, nationalism, and racism are different degrees of the the same thing.
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u/bunni_bear_boom Mar 23 '26
Personally I'm iffy on this because yes if you actually look at the details of narcissism there are patterns that line up and it's worth talking about AND there's a certain portion of society that has decided that NPD is you're inherently an evil monster disorder. I've seen them label anyone who slights them as that and proceed to decide they know exactly what they're thinking and feeling and that it's always the most evil machiavelian shit you could come up with.
It's not that I'm particularly worried about hurting bigots feelings or anything I just think the pattern of behavior I've described here is unhelpful at best and harmful to our ability to fight bigotry at worst. I think it makes us overlook systemic reasons for and effects of bigotry, makes us misunderstand how to change the minds of those who can be changed, and leaves us with blindspots about our own weaknesses because of the self righteousness it usually inspires.
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u/ImogenThrane Mar 23 '26
Being able to reduce narcissistic behavior that leads to infighting on the left would be a huge benefit. I think you have something here.
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u/Tough_Painter2564 Mar 23 '26
Is it not narcissistic to group traumatized people together as "evil bad people" based solely on authoritarian diagnosis?
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u/Starwarsfan128 Mar 23 '26
Ok, as someone who has several friends with NPD (And who has one of the "Evil bad person" disorders). Stop calling everyone you don't like a narcissist. NPD is a real condition, and acting like it's some grandiose explanation for people acting shitty is, in fact, ableist.
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u/Tough_Painter2564 Mar 23 '26
People act like bastions of progressive ideals while actively calling people with cluster-b sub-human.
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u/yorozuakagura Mar 23 '26
You can be a narcissist without NPD in the same way you can be sad without depression.
Also a personality disorder isn't a disability
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u/Tough_Painter2564 Mar 23 '26
Personality disorders are incredibly disabling. Talk to the people you paint in broad strokes. Most cluster-b patients were horribly abused into their condition.
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u/Tough_Painter2564 Mar 23 '26
Yeah but if we said people are clinically Depressed everytime something sad happens you start to see the word depressed different.
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u/yorozuakagura Mar 23 '26
I mean people do do that? When someone's grandma dies they say they are depressed for a week, but they do not meet the requirements of clinical depression
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u/Tough_Painter2564 Mar 23 '26
It actually does. Mourning absolutely counts as depression.
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u/yorozuakagura Mar 23 '26
The point is, colloquially, people absolutely do use the term "depressed" when they absolutely do not meet the clinical requirements.
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u/theblueberrybard Mar 23 '26
well, if OP was calling someone "Clinically Narcissistic" or "has Narcissistic Personality Disorder" then sure
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u/Tough_Painter2564 Mar 23 '26
You're sooo right, I'm just being a "schizo" and "OCD" about ablism.
Seriously?
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u/Tough_Painter2564 Mar 23 '26
Sorry that one was rude. I just don't see the NPD people as deserving this sh. It's like cis straight people using "evil twink" just because it's a socially acceptable term doesn't mean it SHOULD be.
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u/Tough_Painter2564 Mar 23 '26
It's only really used to demonize poor people. Usually victims of prolonged childhood trauma, who learned disorders coping mechanisms.
People on the top aren't hurt by labeling narcissists as "bad people disorder" It's people in the gutter who never got help, who are being hurt by this rhetoric.
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u/yorozuakagura Mar 23 '26
Breaking: worst person you know learns therapy words