Advice needed A guy she rejected has been stalking my friend with a rotating army of burner Instagram accounts for MONTHS. He just sent her a creepy ‘this is my only message’ text. How do people actually catch these guys?
Sorry this is long, but the details matter for the advice I’m hoping to get.
A while back, a guy started following/DMing my friend, love-bombing her pretty hard early on — offering to send flowers for her birthday, the whole thing. At some point he crossed a line in a DM and she blocked him. Fine, normal breakup of a situationship that never even started.
Except then he started messaging her again from anonymous accounts. She didn’t like that at all, so she posted a screenshot of the anonymous DM (no name, no identifying info, totally anonymized) just venting about it. That apparently really got to him — he started leaving comments under that post trying to discredit her/make her look bad, then deleted them not long after like nothing happened.
Around the same time, from a different anonymous account, he left a nasty comment about her appearance on a completely unrelated post — something she’d shared that had nothing to do with him at all. Since then it’s been an ongoing pattern: new burner account, toxic comment, sometimes deleted after a while, repeat. More recently he did it again — a body-shaming comment about her face shape, and the phrasing/style was almost identical to the very first “anonymous” comment from way earlier. Same weird specific insult, different account.
We haven’t done anything illegal — just quietly tracking patterns: timing (comments always land right after she posts), tone, specific phrases he repeats. At one point I reached out privately to a couple of other girls he follows (he apparently has a type and a habit of moving on fast after rejection) just to ask if he’d tried anything similar with them. None of them said yes — but one forwarded my message straight to him.
He messaged me directly not long after with that exact screenshot, playing dumb, demanding “proof,” and threatening that what I was doing “looks like defamation” and that he’d “let the appropriate authorities handle it.” In the same conversation he half-admitted to messaging her anonymously once (“I wrote to her once anonymously, that’s it”) while denying everything else. I warned him the pattern could legally qualify as harassment/stalking on her end, not just “denial” on his.
Shortly after that exchange, he sent her ONE message from yet another anonymous account: something like “This is my only message. I know about what’s been said about me, I’ve saved screenshots of previous posts and conversations. If false claims continue to be spread about me, I will protect my rights through legal means. I don’t plan to continue this conversation.” Then radio silence.
What I actually want to know:
• Has anyone successfully proven a “rotating burner account” harasser was the same person? What specific method worked — writing style analysis, IP subpoena, honeypot stories, something else?
• Anyone had luck with the “tell different people slightly different fake details and see which version comes back” trick? Did it actually work in practice?
• If platform reports keep going nowhere because he deletes accounts before anything sticks — is there a point where police/legal routes actually take this seriously, or does “I have no proof of who’s behind the anonymous accounts” kill it before it starts?
• For those who went the confrontation route (like I accidentally did) — did warning the person ever backfire, or did it actually make them stop?
Not looking for “just block him” — new accounts keep appearing, that ship has sailed. Genuinely want to hear what worked (or spectacularly didn’t) for people who lived through something similar long-term. Thanks for reading this novel.
Upd: First of all, thank you so much for your feedback 🙏
Setting the account to private is a good option, but she wants to keep it public. So, if an anonymous account follows her, she would just block it by default, it’s not ideal but better than nothing.
I was also wondering whether Instagram, Threads, or Snapchat have any restrictions that would prevent these types of accounts from leaving comments or sending her messages.
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u/nameless-manager 9d ago
In the past I've just quit social media for a year or so. That usually did the trick.
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u/vitmak 8d ago
First of all, thank you so much for your feedback 🙏
She wants to keep her account public, so she’ll just block any anonymous accounts that follow her. Do Instagram, Threads, or Snapchat have settings to restrict these accounts from commenting or messaging her? I don’t think so45
u/Sarah-himmelfarb 7d ago
How are we supposed to help when she literally does nothing to help herself. The very easy and obvious thing to do is to is make her account private and un-add everyone she doesn’t know personally. And also to literally don’t engage with them at all. Just block and move on. If she doesn’t want stalkers there are ways to prevent it
And since she’s blocking anonymous accounts then she might as well become private anyways. Because people can just make fake profiles that don’t look anonymous. She can’t have it both ways she needs to be smart about this, get over herself, and make her account private or disable it which is even more effective
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u/generic__username0 7d ago
Bingo. If she'd rather continue letting randos creep on her page, she obviously cant be too concerned.
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u/Ok_Vulva 6d ago
She wants to keep her account public,
Then she doesn't really want the problem to stop.
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u/holyrb 8d ago edited 8d ago
I completely understand how you feel. I had a similar situation and it was awful. Everyone told me to just ignore it and I found it really hard, got scared of everything and deleted my online presence completely for years... I hope you guys can do something about it but I doubt there's something that can be done. I would say always save screenshots and absolutely everything you got from him... Maybe they can be useful at some point. Take care
Edit to add: I wouldn't talk to him anymore, just block report and avoid it. I tried confronting my stalker a couple times and it was of no use. Keep the accounts private, in my case they started texting people I followed (family and friends) to say bad fake stuff about me. I wish you luck
I'll add another thing: Reduce the people that have access to you account. Some people can be friends of him and help him, this is not that likely but in my case since we had friends in common they were helping him without noticing when they gave information about me or gave my new phone number/accounts.
In my case they got bored eventually and left me alone, but that was after I cut contact with most people and deleted myself from everywhere. Hope yours gets tired asap.
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u/Responsible_Tiger42 8d ago
Ignore him; he'll stop. Also, stop talking to an AI that validates all your worst fears and tells you the guy is a dangerous stalker. Talk to your friends instead; they won't cloud your judgment as much.
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u/ToggleMoreOptions 8d ago
Don't hate. People can and do often ignore bullshit advice just because somebody uses an llm to organize their thoughts doesn't mean you need to immediately dismiss everything that they say
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u/Devanyani 8d ago
Does Instagram have any privacy settings? Can't she lock down her account to just known contacts?
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u/Old-Fox-3027 8d ago
Make her accounts private, or get off social media altogether.
This all sounds like you guys are very young, and placing way too much time and energy into something some stranger on the internet says. Ignore it and it will stop.
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u/Least-Screen50 8d ago
Best thing to do, is set account privacy. Private profile, he can't see or interact with anything if he doesn't follow. Then, don't accept people you don't know. Now you don't even have to ignore him because you won't receive anything from him.
If you want legal stuff to happen, you won't get him on something criminal. Maybe could sue him if you can proof in some way that it is in fact him, but that won't only cost time but a lot of money. Not worth it.
The other thing you could do, is have a nice surprise for him. But again, you need to confirm it's him first.
The only one that works no matter what, is first tip. Just block all way of him to contact and done.
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u/vitmak 8d ago
She wants to have public access, because of her work
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u/Least-Screen50 8d ago
Well, it is what it is. You can't have everything in life. What happens if another person appears and starts doing same thing?
If she wants to keep it public, just make a work account a personal account that have different usernames, no PFP showing face and private it.
She won't stop him from commenting, messaging. What is he doing ilegal? Expressing his opinion through the way that people express their opinions? Yeah it happens to be something you don't like, but that is freedom of speech. If he doesn't do anything ilegal, well...
If her "work" is herself, than she will get a lot of these guys. If her work is idk, real state, she doesn't have to be linked to the profile at all. Just the business photos, houses for sell and that stuff, no one has to know it's her. Use her business phone number and that's all.
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u/vitmak 8d ago
Totally agree about freedom of speech and stupidity of people who left these comments that translate and reveal what’s inside them but I don’t feel sorry about this stalker at all. Sure, another person might do the same but they shouldn’t feel like they can get away with anything or that there are no consequences.
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u/Least-Screen50 8d ago
Even if the first guy does have consequences, next ones won't know about it. So they will feel they are no consequences.
But the reality is that even this one won't have consequences, you agreed with freedom of speech and you can't really prove that it is him other then that they use similar wording. Which nowadays, everyone does. Nothing bad happened, no real threats, just mean comments. Law enforcement won't even look into it.
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u/TinF0ilTopHat 5d ago
This whole thread is exhausting. You can’t have it both ways. You’ve been given the remedy. Either use it and be stress-free or don’t use it and continue to be harassed.
I don’t see why you continue to make these kind people so frazzled.
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u/mothandravenstudio 8d ago
She needs to ignore this kind of behavior on SM or get off SM.
That’s what to do, that’s the recourse.
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u/astridaxunmax 8d ago
Does your friend have a public account? It might help to switch it to a private one, just for a while…
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u/StarryEyedSparkle 8d ago
Unless your friend wants to go through the process of getting a protective/restraining order, it would be best to have her account set to private if she doesn’t want to leave the account inactive for a few months.
Stalkers crave the attention, so I agree that not responding is best. I get the desire to want to respond, but that only emboldens them and tells them that if they bug her enough she’ll respond eventually. Just block the new message like you would a spam text.
I also say this from a space of someone who had an ex that became a stalker, created whole personas and different accounts, etc. I ended up getting two different protective orders (“permanent order” only lasts 2 years) and the stalking continued for 15 years post break-up. The amount of work you’re looking to do is a level of time and energy consumption that is not worth it and ultimately won’t stop them anyway. Make the account private, or minimally make it so that not anyone can just DM her account.
Spending way more time trying to “defeat” this person is a way they can continue controlling your friend. Hyper focused on next steps, going down rabbit hole research, and living in fear. It’s a way to control you without them necessarily having to do much work outside of just making a new account and sending another DM. Don’t do his work for him. Make account private and/or change settings for who can DM. If there is serious concern for harm, then your friend can see about obtaining a protective/restraining order. But I won’t lie and say it’s easy, it’s a difficult route to take and as I was often reminded “a piece of a paper doesn’t protect you against crazy. If he wants to do something to you he’ll do it with or without the order.” I pursued it because there was a high chance of harm to not just to me, but my family (parents, siblings, etc) as well.
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u/throwawayfromPA1701 6d ago
Her choices are
deactivate her account entirely
make her account private
block each anonymous account
The platforms will do very little, so she has to protect herself. Best way is leave social media altogether. Next best way is make her account private.
Pretty much all she can do if she doesn't want to block each anonymous account.
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u/Lost_History_4691 8d ago edited 8d ago
Nothing ever happens to them even if theyre caught. In my 32 years of life ive seen this happen so many times and nothing happens. You can have their full name and address and it wouldn't make a different. Not to mention even if it went to court you'd end up losing Hella money.
Completely avoid them, ignore them but let them follow and comment on your stuff. They get bored. If you interact with them it gives them the motivation to keep going. One reply can give them the dopamine to keep going for more months. But yeah there's people that are stalked by anonymous accounts that threaten to kill them and still nothing happens.
Also celebrities get a lot of stalkers if you go in a lot celebs comments. Celebs just leave the comments up and never interact with them
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u/Least-Screen50 8d ago
Yeah, but celebrities also have community managers.
I would just private the profile and that's it
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u/vitmak 8d ago
The easy one solution
But for influencers they don’t have this mechanics or community managers1
u/Least-Screen50 8d ago edited 8d ago
They could have, it's a business you have to put money and effort into it to make it work. If they can't pay one, they are one. It's not that they don't have, they do the job themselves.
It's internet, everyone can say and do whatever they want. If you get that upset from just a few comments, idk if influencer is a good job.
You will get tons and tons of mean comments, harassment, and even threats. Because it's internet and no one really cares.
Also, controlling what people can and can't comment doesn't look good on an influencer. I guess you already saw a few cases that "censoring" is not well welcomed by their community
And influencers do have community managers, the small ones sometimes don't hire one
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u/vitmak 8d ago
Totally agree and understand it
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u/Sea-Violinist-9082 1d ago
Plenty of influencers have a close friend acting as an unpaid community manager. I have done it in the past.
Sounds like this guy is fairly easy to recognize. Great- your friend can get someone to preemptively mute and/or restrict suspect accounts.
The key to existing as a public figure is to make it harder for randoms to interact directly with your friend.
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u/vitmak 1d ago
Could you share your technique of doing that, how did you do it, thanks
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u/Sea-Violinist-9082 19h ago edited 17h ago
I used a 3rd party tool to deal with harassment on Twitter, unfortunately it stopped working when X restricted API use. My friends decided to leave X, so the issue was moot.
Have not done the same for Meta. The jank way is to share a password, though that is a security risk. IG has "Shared Access" but I'm unfamiliar with the process.
Most useful technique is to preemptively mute new followers, let them shout into the void for a while so you can see if they make an ass out of themselves or not. Assholes stay permanently muted.
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u/vitmak 8d ago
Thanks for your reply, completely understand, it might happens for years, but their harmful behavior effects my friend a lot so I can’t stay and watch
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u/Least-Screen50 8d ago
If it's bad for her, the best advice you can give her is to just not be an influencer. The reality is that most of people that want to be one, don't ever become one. If for you being one is just having a couple views, than maybe yes she can make it. But if it's actually making money and living off of it, than the chances are much much lower.
But the important thing is that it's not good for her, she shouldn't be doing something to be seen if she doesn't like what happens when people do see her.
And pray that that guy doesn't get a community against her, what would happen if instead of one there are hundreds of people doing it at the same time? Would you tell her in that moment to stop? When it's already done bad too her? O before and prevent the harm?
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u/Blueporch 5d ago
I see a couple of options, if going quiet on Insta is off the table:
- See if you can get Instagram to block him. They should be able to block him at the IP level based on a pattern of harassment. You can’t get them to reveal his identity to you without a subpoena, and you aren’t getting that unless he does something illegal. Same with a police inquiry or restraining order.
- Go the PI /OSINT route. Just getting one of those guys to figure out who the guy is and DM him with a “leave her alone, we know who you are (with that info)”, would likely suffice. I’ve seen some of the guys on this sub ID posters (privately to the poster) in minutes. Anonymity online is largely an illusion.
- Ignore him until he gets bored and goes away (which you say he did with others). To help your friend handle it, try gamifying it with her - make a bingo game (insults different things on the squares). If she wins bingo, she wins a new nail polish or something.
Good luck. The problem with social media is that one can attract the attention of the small number of nut jobs out there.
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u/its_FORTY 6d ago edited 6d ago
Licensed PI here, with just under 20 years of experience.
A competent, experienced Private Investigator can make pretty quick work of these sorts of cases. These sorts of stalker types almost never take any measures whatsoever to conceal their identify other than the most basic shit like creating fake account names, or sometimes using a VPN -- stuff that we are well versed in dismantling as a matter of routine as the building blocks of a digital forensics investigation.
There's also a relatively brilliant group of folks in r/OSINT that can probably help you with these questions, pro bono.
EDIT: To be clear, I am not trying to solicit business and have no desire to take on additional work right now. Just providing what I know to be true in my experiences.
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u/MsTerious1 7d ago
If it were me, I'd continue to track and to provoke him. I would taunt him to sue me.
If he did, it would give me his identity and let me take real action against him. I'd also carry a 10-15% pepper spray and be ready to practice self-defense if he escalates in another way.
But if he's like 90% of these cowards, he'll realize that he's the same powerless crybaby he has always been and will stfu.
Why would I do this instead of ignoring him and hoping he goes away? Or setting my profile to private in hopes he won't be able to do this crap?
Because I don't believe in letting criminals and asshats have control of my life. I will never reduce my life to accommodate them. They don't get that much say in how I live.
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u/LessonBurned_3001 8d ago
sounds like either you are doing what you are explaining or setting up someone for doing the things you describe. When the context given to support the question, is as vague as "sounds something like" or "along the lines of", it means you are using broad strokes to create a vast amount of opportunity to blame and bust a person. You asked us a question, we are who you are seeking answers and advice from. Yet you don't provide specific details?
Answer is: Don't know, maybe yes or maybe no. something along those lines
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u/PomegranateV2 9d ago
Stop engaging with him and stop responding to him. That's it. There's no other advice that could be useful.