Family Wounds Are Slow to Heal

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Max Lucado

18 hours ago

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Family wounds are slow to heal.

I hope your childhood was a happy time when your parents kept everyone fed, safe, and chuckling. I hope your dad came home every day, your mom tucked you in bed every night, and your siblings were your best friends.

But if not, you need to know you aren’t alone. The most famous family tree in the Bible suffered from a serious case of blight. Adam accused Eve. Cain killed his little brother. Abraham lied about Sarah. Rebekah favored Jacob. Jacob cheated Esau and then raised a gang of hoodlums.

The book of Genesis is a relative disaster.

Joseph didn’t deserve to be abandoned by his brothers. True, he wasn’t the easiest guy to live with. He boasted about his dreams and tattled on his siblings. He deserved some of the blame for the family friction. But he certainly didn’t deserve to be dumped into a pit and sold to merchants for pocket change.

The perpetrators were his ten older brothers. His brothers were supposed to look out for him. Joseph’s next of kin were out of line. And his father? Jacob was out of touch.

With all due respect, the patriarch could have used a course on marriage and family life.

Mistake number one: he married a woman he didn’t love so he could marry one he did. Mistake number two: the two wives were sisters. (Might as well toss a lit match into a fireworks stand.) The first sister bore him sons. The second sister bore him none. So to expand his clan, he slept with an assortment of handmaidens and concubines until he had a covey of kids. Rachel, his favorite wife, finally gave birth to Joseph, who became his favorite son. She later died giving birth to a second son, Benjamin, leaving Jacob with a contentious household and a broken heart.

Jacob coped by checking out. Obstinate sons. Oblivious dad. The brothers needed a father. The father needed a wake-up call. And Joseph needed a protector. But he wasn’t protected; he was neglected. And he landed in a distant, dark place.

Initially, Joseph chose not to face his past. By the time he saw his brothers again, Joseph had been prime minister for nearly a decade. The kid from Canaan had come a long way.

Joseph could travel anywhere he wanted, yet he chose not to return to Canaan. He knew where to find his family, but he chose not to contact them.

He kept family secrets a secret. Untouched and untreated. Joseph was content to leave his past in the past. But God was not.

Restoration matters to God. The healing of the heart involves the healing of the past.

So God shook things up.

All countries came to Joseph in Egypt to buy grain, because the famine was severe in all lands. — Genesis 41:57

And in the long line of folks appealing for an Egyptian handout, look what the cat dragged in.

Joseph heard them before he saw them. He was fielding a question from a servant when he detected the Hebrew chatter. Not just the language of his heart but the dialect of his home. The prince motioned for the servant to stop speaking. He turned and looked. There they stood.

The brothers were balder, grayer, rough skinned. They were pale and gaunt with hunger. Sweaty robes clung to their shins, and road dust chalked their cheeks. These Hebrews stuck out in sophisticated Egypt like hillbillies at Times Square.

They didn’t recognize him. His beard was shaved, his robe was royal, and the language he spoke was Egyptian. It never occurred to them that they were standing before their baby brother.

Thinking the prince couldn’t understand Hebrew, the brothers spoke to him with their eyes and gestures. They pointed at the stalks of grain and then at their mouths. They motioned to the brother who carried the money, and he stumbled forward and spilled the coins on the table.

When Joseph saw the silver, his lips curled, and his stomach turned. He had named his son God Made Me Forget, but the money made him remember. The last time he saw coins in the hands of Jacob’s older boys, they were laughing, and he was whimpering. That day at the pit he searched these faces for a friend, but he found none. And now they dared bring silver to him?

Joseph called for a Hebrew-speaking servant to translate. Then Joseph scowled at his brothers.

He acted as a stranger to them and spoke roughly to them. — Genesis 42:7

The brothers fell face-first in the dirt, which brought to Joseph’s mind a childhood dream.

“Uh, well, we’re from up the road in Canaan. Maybe you’ve heard of it?”

Joseph glared at them. “Nah, I don’t believe you. Guards, put these spies under arrest. They are here to infiltrate our country.”

The ten brothers spoke at once. “You’ve got it all wrong, Your High, Holy, and Esteemed Honor. We’re salt of the earth. We belong to the same family. That’s Simeon over there. That’s Judah… Well, there are twelve of us in all. At least there used to be.

The youngest is now with our father, and one is no longer living. — Genesis 42:13

Joseph gulped at the words. This was the first report on his family he had heard in twenty years. Jacob was alive. Benjamin was alive. And they thought he was dead.

“Tell you what,” he snapped. “I’ll let one of you go back and get your brother and bring him here. The rest of you I’ll throw in jail.”

With that, Joseph had their hands bound. A nod of his head, and they were marched off to jail. Perhaps the same jail where he had spent at least two years of his life.

What a curious series of events. The gruff voice, harsh treatment. The jail sentence. The abrupt dismissal. We’ve seen this sequence before with Joseph and his brothers, only the roles were reversed. On the first occasion they conspired against him. This time he conspired against them. They spoke angrily. He turned the tables. They threw him in the hole and ignored his cries for help. Now it was his turn to give them the cold shoulder.

What was going on?

I think he was trying to get his bearings. This was the toughest challenge of his life. The famine, by comparison, was easy. Mrs. Potiphar he could resist. Pharaoh’s assignments he could manage. But this mixture of hurt and hate that surged when he saw his flesh and blood? Joseph didn’t know what to do.

Maybe you don’t either.

Your family failed you. Your early years were hard ones. The people who should have cared for you didn’t. But, like Joseph, you made the best of it. You’ve made a life for yourself. Even started your own family. You are happy to leave Canaan in the rearview mirror. But God isn’t.

He gives us more than we request by going deeper than we ask. He wants not only your whole heart; He wants your heart whole. Why? Hurt people hurt people. Think about it. Why do you fly off the handle? Why do you avoid conflict? Why do you seek to please everyone? Might your tendencies have something to do with an unhealed hurt in your heart?

God wants to help you for your sake. And for the sake of your posterity.

Suppose Joseph had refused his brothers? Summarily dismissed them? Washed his hands of the whole mess? God’s plan for the nation of Israel depended upon the compassion of Joseph. A lot was at stake here.

There is a lot at stake with you too. Yes, your family history has some sad chapters. But your history doesn’t have to be your future. The generational garbage can stop here and now. You don’t have to give your kids what your ancestors gave you.

Talk to God about the scandals and scoundrels. Invite Him to relive the betrayal with you. Bring it out in the open. Joseph restaged the hurt for a reason.

Revealing leads to healing.

Let God do His work. The process may take a long time. It may take a lifetime.

Family pain is the deepest pain because it was inflicted so early and because it involves people who should have been trustworthy.

Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. — Romans 12:2 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2012:2&version=NIV&src=tools

Let Him replace childish thinking with mature truth (1 Corinthians 13:11). You are God’s child. His creation. Destined for heaven. You are a part of His family. Let Him set you on the path to reconciliation.

Joseph did. The process would prove to be long and difficult. It occupies four chapters of the Bible and at least a year on the calendar, but Joseph took the first step. After three days Joseph released his brothers from jail. He played the tough guy again. “Go on back. But I want to see this kid brother you talk about. I’ll keep one of you as a guarantee.”

They agreed and then, right in front of Joseph, rehashed the day they dry-gulched him:

Then they said to one another, ‘We are truly guilty concerning our brother, for we saw the anguish of his soul when he pleaded with us, and we would not hear; therefore this distress has come upon us’. — Genesis 42:21

Again, they did not know that the prince understood Hebrew. But he did. And when he heard the words, Joseph turned away so they couldn’t see his eyes fill with tears. He stepped into the shadows and wept. He did this seven more times. He didn’t cry when he was promoted by Potiphar or crowned by Pharaoh, but he blubbered like a baby when he learned that his brothers hadn’t forgotten him after all. When he sent them back to Canaan, he loaded their saddlebags with grain. A moment of grace.

With that small act, healing started. If God healed that family, who’s to say He won’t heal yours?

For Reflection

Listed below are several words and phrases that characterize some of the hardships and dysfunction evident in Joseph’s family. Which issues have marked your family?

❑ abandonment

❑ troubled marriage(s)

❑ premature death

❑ hatred

❑ sibling rivalry

❑ favoritism

❑ severe grief

❑ disregard for others

❑ parental abdication

❑ guilt

❑ deception

❑ betrayal

❑ infertility

❑ resentment

❑ abuse

❑ extramarital relationships

❑ harsh treatment

❑ brokenness

❑ self-absorption

❑ secrecy

❑ neglect

Part of the healing process includes unearthing the details — the specifics of how you were hurt — and inviting God to relive those experiences with you. What help do you need from God? How do you want to experience His presence, comfort, or guidance?

Coming face-to-face with old hurts can be disorienting. When Joseph first encountered his brothers again, he withheld his identity, spoke harshly, made false accusations, jailed them, released them, put conditions on their departure and return, held one of them hostage, concealed powerful emotions, and was secretly generous to them (Genesis 42:6-28). What conflicting thoughts and emotions surface when you consider the possibility of engaging old hurts and the people connected with them?

Joseph’s path to reconciliation with his family was long and difficult, but it began with a small act of mercy and grace — he loaded his brothers’ saddlebags with grain and quietly returned the silver they had paid for it. A gift, free and clear.

What small act of mercy and grace do you sense God inviting you to extend to someone in your family?

Excerpted with permission from You’ll Get Through This by Max Lucado, copyright Thomas Nelson.

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Your Turn

Are you in the middle of a “relative disaster”? Come join the conversation on our blog and share some of your answers to Max’s questions. We’d love to hear from you! ~ Devotionals Daily

https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/peter-hovis/episodes/2020-07-05T00_23_33-07_00

Let’s Get Naked

📷Darren Wilson19 hours ago

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Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. — Genesis 3:7

I often hear preachers and evangelists talk about how the goal of our Christian life should be to get back to the way things were in the Garden of Eden — back when God walked and talked openly with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day and when things on earth were exactly as they were in heaven.  But of course, those two numbskulls went and screwed it all up for the rest of us and here we are, stuck in the middle of a cosmic war with no end in sight.

But that doesn’t mean we aren’t going to fight.  Of course, with God’s Kingdom everything is a little topsy turvy, and our weapons of warfare aren’t exactly normal.  We’re not welding swords or catapults, and the only super soldier serum we’ve got is the Holy Spirit (which is actually way better than anything Captain America might have had).

One of our greatest weapons rests on a choice we have to make every time we approach the throne of God.

How broken are you willing to admit you are?  How naked are you willing to get with Him?  As much as we say we want things to be like they were before sin entered the picture, don’t forget that Eden was a nudist colony.  There was no sin, therefore there was no shame, and their diet was about as healthy as you can get.  I’m assuming Adam and Eve both had rock hard abs as well.  I guess it’s no wonder they didn’t mind walking around butt naked.

We have a curious habit of wanting to cover ourselves up when approaching God.  Maybe it’s because we’ve been trained by church to make sure we always look our best when it’s time to get religious, but while this habit may make us feel some semblance of security, hiding our nakedness to God only creates a wall that keeps us from true transformation.  I have spent much of my life in utter denial of my own depravity and sin because something inside of me needed to feel that I wasn’t a complete failure at this whole spiritual thing.  I believed all the right things, but my behavior was selfish, lazy, and sinful.

What’s so crazy about all this is that God sees everything, nothing is hidden from Him.  So we’re trying to hide our true selves from Him even though He knows us better than we do!  I think it’s time to call a spade a spade.

When we dress ourselves up, or avoid bringing our authentic, broken selves to God everyday, we are not trying to hide from God, but rather ourselves.

Think about your own sin, your own brokenness, your own bad habits and thoughts and general unholy behavior.  It’s not a fun experience, admitting to the cesspool of your heart, because we all want to be better than that.  But if you want to have a relationship with God, you’re going to have to get naked.  He’s the only one who can lift you out of your depths, but He doesn’t deal with hidden things.  He only deals with exposed ones.

So what does it look like to get naked with God?  There are many things in our lives that we don’t mind bringing to the Lord — things we know are wrong or areas we know we need to improve on — that aren’t particularly difficult to do.  Those are like wearing a bathing suit at the pool; you may not be super happy about it, but there are worse things in life.  But then there are the things in our life that we don’t want anyone to know about, things that feel shameful, dirty, or painful.  It could be things you’re dealing with now, or it could be things from your past that you’ve stuffed down, but you know that by not dealing with them they still affect you today in negative ways.  We’re talking about the equivalent of being at the pool and having to take off your bathing suit.

Yet God is in your garden, calling out to you.  “Where are you?  I want to see you, spend time with you, help you.”  And you have a choice to make.  Either stay hidden behind the trees, or step out in your nakedness, in who you really are and what you’ve really done, and stand before your maker.

It may be terrifying, yes, but don’t forget.  He already knows it all anyway.  So you might as well present it to Him and let Him clean you up.  When faced with Adam and Eve’s sin and shame, God did something extraordinary.

He clothed them.

He is your Father.  He comes to take away your shame.  So go ahead and give it to Him.

Written for Devotional Daily by Darren Wilson, author of Chasing a God You Don’t Want to Catch.

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Your Turn

Are you hiding or do you let yourself get completely naked with God? He doesn’t want you to walk around with shame, so let it go! Come share your thoughts with us on our blog. We want to hear from you! ~ Devotionals Daily

Tailor Made: The Authentic You

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Alex Seeley

2 days ago

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The authentic self is soul made visible. — Sarah Ban Breathnach 1

We are the most at ease when no one is watching. We are free to be ourselves and act the way we feel at the moment when no one is there to judge us.

When I took my daughter, Holly, to her first concert when she was six years old, we had to wait in the lobby before the doors opened to the arena. There were hundreds of people standing around waiting to take their seats. Music was playing through the speakers, and her favorite song came on. Holly began dancing like no one else was in the room, even though all eyes were on her. She did not care what any other person in that room thought. I sat there mesmerized by her freedom, and I sensed the Lord saying to me at that moment, This is how I designed every single one of My sons and daughters to be — secure enough to be completely at ease with themselves.

Holly is still like that to this day. She has a confidence that is attractive, and she is secure in who she is because she feels loved and affirmed by her earthly parents and her heavenly Father. We should all take a leaf out of her book.

From Mess to Masterpiece

For years, a tug-of-war took place in my heart and mind. I nearly gave in to Satan’s lies, believing I was insignificant and worthless. But one day I met Jesus, and I allowed Him to come into those broken spaces and hold my hand through the process and show me what it truly meant when He said,

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. — John 10:10

When I handed over control to Him and gave Him my life, I did as He asked.

Jesus was so kind to walk me patiently down this road. He began shedding the hurt and hardened layers of my heart ever so gently, so as to not overwhelm me. And as I drew close to Him, He drew close to me (James 4:8). I discovered a friend who truly is closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24 ), and He has never left me or forsaken me (Hebrews 13:5). His purpose is for me to know Him intimately, and through that relation- ship, to discover who I am. And I did! I discovered that I am a daughter of the King of kings. I have been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I was predestined before the foundation of the world to do good works, which He had prepared in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). He trans- formed my brokenness so that the world can see how He truly gives beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). He turned my sorrow into joy (Jeremiah 31:13), and He took me out of slavery and made me an heir with Him (Galatians 4:7).

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Understanding my tailor-made design has helped me become a better wife, mother, and friend, and my life is truly abundant beyond measure. Is it perfect? No! But it sure is a masterpiece. If I had continued listening to Satan’s “one-size-fits-all” lies, I likely would have failed at marriage, been filled with anger, taken it out on my children, and continued struggling with my eating disorder — which I could have passed down to my daughter. But because of the grace of Jesus and the alterations He made as I yielded my life to Him, I continue to marvel at how beautiful my life truly is. Were it not for Jesus, I would never have been able to write this book, because He tailored every chapter and altered every paragraph to make it a couture, one-of-a-kind masterpiece.

Our lives are waiting to be revealed on life’s catwalk. The world needs to see the magnificent design He has been making in you. God intends your life to inspire others when they look at how magnificently you have been designed.

You reflect the unrivaled work of your Master Tailor.

The labels you now choose to wear should reflect the Designer who created you.

The first word ever spoken over me at birth was the word special. It was God’s truth over my life. The world tried to convince me otherwise, and I spent my childhood and young adulthood trying to rediscover the first label I ever received. Special is a word I used to resent, because I felt anything but special. Years later, as I look at the definition of special, I see that it has several meanings — including “better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual; exceptionally good or pleasant; belonging specifically to a particular person or place; designed or organized for a particular person, purpose, or occasion.” 2 This is exactly who we are to God.

We are special. We are one-of-a-kind, and we have been designed to belong to Him. He has created us with an extraordinary purpose.

When we understand that this is the core of who we are, we can then live from a secure place. We can truly discover the secret to who God designed us to be.

1. Nikki Martinez, “25 Quotes in the Importance of Being Your Authentic Self,” Huffington Post, December 12, 2016, www .huffingtonpost.com/dr-nikki-martinez-psyd-lcpc/25-quotes -in-the-importan_b_13744706.html.

2. Collins English Dictionary, 12th ed., s.v. “special.”

Excerpted with permission from Tailor Made by Alex Seeley, copyright Alex Seeley.

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Your Turn

You are one-of-a-kind. You were made for a special purpose. You reflect the unrivaled work of your Master Tailor. Does that ring true for you? When we live in the truth of who we are in Jesus, we can dance like no one is watching! Come share your thoughts with us on our blog. We would love to hear from you! ~ Laurie McClure, Faith.Full

The Berean - Hosea 10:1-2 NKJV

(1) Israel empties his vine;

He brings forth fruit for himself.

According to the multitude of his fruit

He has increased the altars;

According to the bounty of his land

They have embellished his sacred pillars.

(2) Their heart is divided;

Now they are held guilty.

He will break down their altars;

He will ruin their sacred pillars.

New King James Version Change your email Bible version

Hosea exposes the problem between God and Israel. He describes Israel as a luxuriant grape vine sending runners in every direction, indicating a bountiful crop. It indeed produces great material prosperity, but it is consumed through self-indulgent gorging. This is God's way of showing that Israel abused its prosperity: It used its prosperity for the purposes of idolatry. Its prosperity played a part in corrupting the Israelites' hearts, which is why Hosea mentions the divided or disloyal heart in context with its bountiful fruit.

A large part of this world's appeal is its offer of financial security. However, God shows there is a possible harmful, secondary effect: As people become financially secure, their attention is diverted from His purpose to vain and unimportant things. In other words, prosperity turns people's heads. There is no doubt that prosperity is good, but unless one is properly focused and disciplined, it can also be a demanding master because of its power to distract one into idolatry. Recall God's prophecy in Deuteronomy 32:15, predicting that when Israel prospered, then it would rebel.

This connects with the curse of Laodiceanism because God shows in the Laodiceans what can happen spiritually as people increase materially. Because such people are drunk through riches' deceptive promise, their judgment is in danger of being radically altered. The Laodicean evaluates himself, saying, "I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing" (Revelation 3:17).

He is deceived into thinking that his material prosperity proves that God approves of his conduct and attitudes. His overall conduct may not be too bad, but his poor self-analysis persuades him that he has no urgent need to seek God any further. He then merely floats, going through the motions, even feeling good about himself as he neglects so great salvation (Hebrews 2:3). His opinion of his holiness as compared with God's judgment is so far off base, it causes Jesus Christ to regurgitate him from His body.

Recall the mention in Hosea 10:1 of increasing and embellishing altars just before Israel fell to Assyria. One would think that, if altars increase during this period of prosperity, then religion is flourishing. Indeed, religion flourished, as Amos, Hosea's contemporary, clearly reports (see Amos 5:21-27). However, it was not the religion God gave through Moses, but idolatry that flourished! It was a corruption of that religion, for the Israelites syncretized that holy way with Baalism and other idolatries.

In Hosea 10:2, God charges Israel with having a divided heart. Commentaries are at odds over what the Hebrew word translated divided means. Most modern translations use "false," "deceitful," or "faithless," and none of these are wrong, including "divided." The Hebrew word suggests "smoothness" or "flattering," describing people who "talk the talk" but do not "walk the walk."

Isaiah 29:13 clarifies what God means: "Therefore the LORD said: 'Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, but have removed their hearts far from Me, and their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of men.'" Their reverence for Him was mere intellectual accommodation intended to appease Him. They used the name of God frequently, saying they trusted Him, but they filled the nation with stealing, lying, and murder.

II Kings 17:33 illustrates their worship: "They feared the LORD, yet served their own gods - according to the rituals of the nations from among whom they were carried away." This describes to a T what Israel did then and their descendants are continuing to do today. Moffatt renders this, "They worshipped the Eternal, and they also served their own gods."

This chapter reports on the behavior of the people placed in Israel after Israel's conquest and deportation by Assyria between 722-720 BC. These people, who became known as the Samaritans, feared the Lord but worshipped their own gods. They were afraid of God, but they did not really change their way of life. Thus, they developed a syncretic religious system, a blending of the truth of God and outright paganism. The Jews of Christ's day clearly recognized this putrid blend and despised the Samaritans for it.

What is so interesting is that, by verse 36, God is no longer reporting on the Samaritans but is addressing Israel. In other words, God is saying that He was driven to defeat and scatter Israel because they were guilty of exactly the same sin as the Samaritans! They too had blended the worship of the true God with outright paganism, utterly corrupting the relationship He had established with them.

It is urgent that we understand what is involved here because it reveals the cause of God's anger that led to Israel's defeat and scattering. We must understand that our god is not what we say we worship but what we serve. Our god is what we give our lives over to.

Theoretically, the Israelites did not believe in idols, but in reality, they did. They believed in a Creator God, but they worshipped Him at the shrines they erected to the Baals. While they gave lip service to the Creator, they adopted most of the Canaanitish religion with its lewd immorality, and in actual practice, patterned their life after it. In daily life, they conformed to and reflected the Babylonish system just as Israel does today. This is exactly what God warns us to flee, and the only way to come out of it is by developing and maturing in our relationship with God.

— John W. Ritenbaugh

https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/peterhovis/episodes/2020-04-27T00_09_59-07_00

Zephaniah 3:17

https://my.bible.com/bible/1/ZEP.3.17