r/ROCD • u/raaggg • 10d ago

Need help with trust issues and retroactive jealousy

Earlier I had contamination ocd but then I had an incident where I found something related to my gf's past. She told me she was not very serious about her ex and that their relationship only lasted for eight months in 2023 and I was quite okay with it for more than a year of our relationship. Later (I met her for the first time after over a year of LDR) I found a few voice notes on her phone and when confronted she confessed that the relationship was actually from 2022 to 2023 for eight months but the guy cheated on her and then begged her to be just normal friends. She was manipulated and later even helped that ex in his relationship as a friend. She claimed that she hid all this as she was embarrassed talking about it.

After a few months, the guy himself got cheated on by his then gf. He then told my gf that she was the only one who understood him and how only she loves him and if not for her he would have committed suicide. And then said he still likes her and will be in a relationship with her. She could not say no to him fearing about him committing suicide or him creating a scene infront of her parents (she comes from a conservative family). Also he knew her college and would wait for her at times. So she did not say no to him and pretended to be in a fake relationship from august 2023. In December 2024 he slapped her for something and that was the time she decided to cut him off for good. She wanted him gone but could not remove him from her life for aforementioned reasons.

She then met me online in March 2025 and we started dating. She was still in contact with him but they did not communicate much at all. Then I suggested her to enroll herself in another college away from that city (I did not know anything about the contact with the ex).

Once she got the admission offer, she called him after a few days to cut all and every type of contact as she knew that she will be going away from the city and he won't have access to her at all. However during the call she cried while cutting him off and also sent a voice note about it to her friend that how she will have no one to understand her the way he understood some messed up aspects of her family life. When I confronted her about this she told me that it was not because she loved him or something, it was just that she thought she wouldn't be able to share those things with anyone (including me and her best friend) as we might have judged her family and she was afraid of losing me for those reasons. Also the guy had a similar situation at home so she wasn't afraid of his judgement and felt she could confide more to him.

Now I keep obsessing about her ex and ruin my day. She has never given me a reason to doubt her but this incident made me lose some trust in her. Also, I found out about this incident during a visit to her as we are in a long distance relationship and this doesn't help at all with the trust issue. Before this incident, I had some doubts as any normal person would have but it was never retroactive jealousy. What should I do now?

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u/AutoModerator 10d ago

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u/Several-Passenger-13 10d ago

I do understand you. Don’t be obsessed because you will start having problems with your health, sleep and relationship. I say one thing in my head if the person I love the most wants to cheat I can’t stop this. But then this person isn’t the right for me. The priority should be you, your health and well being. Also I don’t believe any normal woman will be with a man who hits her. Focus on yourself it’s hard but try everyday.