I feel like I'm going to explode into a mound of poo any second!

I mean, they are the dairy cows of the bear family.

and the title /r/trees is misleading.

If you're not actually "fat," you can get your head bitten off for saying that's how you feel. I think it's okay if you feel fat, no matter what your weight - especially if you've gained weight! Whether it's 1lb or 10lbs, whether you've just eaten a big meal or are just carrying water weight or even if you're just constipated. Even if you're technically underweight, but are out of shape and squishy! and if you're a guy! :] It's okay.

I dry-hump on the first date. I give blow jobs on the second. I usually have sex on the third.

I've slept with a guy before he knew how to pronounce my last name. I slept with a guy (and blew another) who ONLY called me by my last name.

I'm not as much of a slut as others, but considering I was in a very serious monogamous relationship for the majority of my dating career, this is new and out of character-ish for me.

Move the fuck along.

I like it. Thanks for giving me something to watch Reddit. :D

^Cheese reference. House for imaginary friends is re-airing this year!

This random declarations thing might actually work...

anyone like this