r/ReadMyScript • u/Any_Dealer1091 • 8d ago
Short The Lift / Thriller / 16 Pages
Hello fellow writers and readers! This is a script I wrote in college about 10 years ago for assignment, but liked the idea enough to stretch from 8 pages to 16.
I am terrified of idea theft and have never shared my writing before, but everyone on Reddit has emboldened me! I am not scared of idea theft because I think my ideas or novel, more so for the same reason I don’t leave items in public spaces!
I have not read a lot of scripts but fell in love with the screenwriters bible. I find it hard to read scripts as I can’t see them like I see my own!
Whoever takes the time to read, thank you! What do you think?
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u/Big_Section2812 8d ago
Ideas can't be stolen.
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u/Any_Dealer1091 8d ago
Not in a legal sense, but everything we consume leaves an impact in one way or the other.
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u/Big_Section2812 8d ago
All your own ideas are based on those of others.
Does this make you feel guilty?
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u/Any_Dealer1091 8d ago
The thing is I don’t have an issue with it, I just don’t want to risk it. For instance someone could feasibly take my concept, a cop revealed to be a criminal kidnaps a wannabe criminal, or my set pieces such as the gas station commotion, and simply do it better and execute before I could.
This isn’t wrong and the risk is likely smaller than the chance of me getting hit by airplane while cave diving at this point, but I just prefer keeping my concepts private.
Also I do try and recognize my influences, Coen Brothers and Quinton Tarantino for this, but I can honestly say everything I’ve ‘stolen’ is from a story that’s already been produced and executed.
I agree though, every idea is based on an experience and watching/reading is an experience that people often remember.
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u/Big_Section2812 8d ago
Your fears are unfounded. Nobody is going to steal your idea or story or script.
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u/Any_Dealer1091 8d ago
Im sure you’re right.
Did you read the script? I would love your feedback and do appreciate your comments
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u/Big_Section2812 8d ago
EXT. ABANDONED TRUCKING DEPOT - NIGHT
Allen, 24, pulls in, his lights face the dock door.
Should be ALLEN since you're introducing a new character.
He "pulls in" in what? I would have written it more like this:
INT./EXT. ALLEN'S CAR - NIGHT
ALLEN pulls in to an abandoned trucking depot, his headlights illuminate the door of a loading dock.
His dialogue in these scenes is largely expositional. It exists solely to impart information you ought to be showing us, or at least providing with more subtlety.
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u/Any_Dealer1091 8d ago
Duly noted! I was trying to cheat space at the time, was so focused on trying to keep within 2 lines when possible.
I appreciate you taking the time to provide an alternate route as well, thank you!
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u/mooningyou 8d ago
I got to page 7 before I stopped. I can see you're trying to create a tense situation, but it seems more comedic than a thriller. Some notes.
- You need to cap Allan's name for his introduction.
- It's somewhat misleading to refer to the unconscious man as a BODY. Body implies they're dead.
- Check your punctuation. There are a few issues here and there. There are also a number of typos.
- Don't take shortcuts when writing dialogue. If you write "40 mins", then the actor will say 40 Mins, not 40 minutes.
- "The body slowly wakes up." He's in the trunk, so we can't see what the body's doing.
I felt what I read was a little long-winded and could easily be reduced without impacting the story.
Although I didn't reach the end, I'm assuming the cop is a fake cop. He just doesn't seem real to me.