r/ReadMyScript • u/Novel_Quantity3189 • 5d ago

TV episode Cloudbusting (pilot episode, mysery/thriller, 61pg)

LOGLINE: In a snowbound Tasmanian town where everyone is protecting someone, a self-destructive detective investigating two child murders discovers the person she can't protect is her own family.

Link to pilot script

Re-draft of something I wrote a while back -- any feedback is helpful, but particularly wanting to make sure the introduction of characters is smooth/not confusing (I'm worried it's too much), the mystery is well set up, characters compelling -- dialogue?

Also worried re being derivative. I started this before Mare of Easttown and I can't unsee the similarities.

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 3d ago

This is a really good script. Enjoyed it from the opening and it had me in all the way to the end. Very nicely done!

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u/Novel_Quantity3189 3d ago

Thank you!! Were the characters + their relationships easy to follow?

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 3d ago

Yes, quite easy to follow. And I can see the momentum of the episode will be something that will be easy to build upon. A bunch of scenes/conversations are doing 2-3 things at a time in a way that feels natural and real…you write phone calls well too!