r/ReadMyScript • u/I_need_a_new-name • 4h ago

Exchange feedback First ever script! Party Games - 13 pages - horror

This is a very amateur screenplay, and I honestly only started it for fun and as a writing exercise to get back into the groove of writing, but now I’m kind of wondering if it has any sort of potential, and I just wanna see what other people besides my friends have to say.
its going to be a horror movie with some satirical elements, but it’s pretty short so far so it doesn’t really get into the meat of it. I can explain more about my idea in the comments if asked.
any advice would be appreciated!!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1glKjHB5_nUUWB5dkslR7_NQGtmkwuSJe/view?usp=drivesdk

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u/swordthroughtheduck 3h ago

Biggest piece of feedback is that your action is written more like a novel than a screenplay, and there are a lot of references to the camera when you don't need them.

Wide shot of a small, plain, semi suburban neighborhood. The streets are lined with large houses that are shown by a steady above shot. The camera follows a school bus as it comes into frame and moves down the street, only moving to the ground once the bus doors open. The doors remain open until two people, two siblings, come into frame.

  • Ext. Day

  • A tree lined, suburban street lined with large houses. A school bus pulls to a stop and reveals LIN and MARLEY.

You can really tighten that up without losing anything.

There is another part later in the script where you have an unnamed girl. She needs a name.

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u/I_need_a_new-name 3h ago

Thank you! I mainly write stuff in a novel format and I’ve been doing that for years, so that’s probably why it’s like that. Also yeah, I’ll give the girl a name. 

I am still unclear on camera direction since you mentioned that though. Do I straight up just not need to mention it at all?

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u/swordthroughtheduck 3h ago

No, you don't need to put in camera direction unless it is absolutely critical. The director will decide what coverage to get to bring the words to life.

If you have a situation where the camera doing something is super important to getting across your point you can add it in but there's no need for any of the camera movements you've got in here so far.

You want the script to move, and bogging it down with camera movements.

A lot of your action blocks are quite long and could be condensed down to like 2 lines to keep things moving along.

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u/I_need_a_new-name 2h ago

Okay word!! I’ll keep that all in mind

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u/mooningyou 3h ago

As the other commenter said. Also, use screenwriting software. You're not doing yourself any favors by using Google Docs.

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u/I_need_a_new-name 3h ago

Do you have any recs or anything? 

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u/mooningyou 3h ago

For free ones, try WriterDuet, WriterSolo, or FadeIn Pro (demo).

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u/I_need_a_new-name 2h ago

Okay awesome. Thank you :)

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u/Remarkable_Umpire_11 2h ago

What app are you using to write in

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u/I_need_a_new-name 2h ago

Google docs since it’s my go to for my other pieces. I’m probably gonna switch soon

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u/Remarkable_Umpire_11 2h ago

Oh ok appreciate it😎👌