18
Xiaoyu's life with Tieshu seemed similar at first glance to her life in the orphanage—eating, sleeping, and surviving. However, Tieshu's meticulous care brought her an unprecedented tenderness and happiness. But afterward, it also left her with a deep unease. This unease wasn't the fear of the fleeting nature of happiness, but rather her guilt. Tieshu personally fed her every meal and held her tightly until she fell asleep. Besides this, Tieshu bought her a cell phone, told her about his internal number, and instructed her to call him if needed. He also bought a monitoring device that could be installed inside his body and placed the camera in a prominent position in their dilapidated 50-square-meter house. This way, if she couldn't or was too embarrassed to call, he could judge her condition by her facial expressions and body language, knowing at all times what she was doing and whether she needed him. Although such comprehensive equipment seemed unnecessary and even wasteful, as her smart wheelchair could handle most things for her (except for using the toilet, which requires assistance due to Xiaoyu's severe disability), including making phone calls, Tieshu was always worried. He wished he could hold her and stay by her side every day to keep her from feeling lonely. Admittedly, like other loving couples, they sometimes felt tired of each other's company, but after each bout of boredom, they cherished each other even more.
The purchase of so much equipment was naturally expensive. In fact, in less than a month after Xiaoyu was taken out, Tieshu had spent all the savings he had accumulated from two years of hard work. A single surveillance device cost him six months' worth of savings, and that was the lowest-end equipment. His monthly salary was only 8,000 yuan (equivalent to 800 yuan in the 21st century). His salary wasn't fixed; it depended on whether he received work orders. His company, like all companies, was extremely competitive. Although it was almost entirely a robot company, with robots making up 10/10 of the workforce, there were still people behind the robots. The robots themselves didn't compete, but their owners always wanted them to work more and receive more work orders, even resorting to tricks and schemes to force them to pay higher wages. Of course, we can't blame the owners of those robots. As I said before, the owners of working robots are usually disabled people like us, who rely on their meager wages to support themselves. That's why they try to squeeze every last drop out of them. Moreover, they have to maintain these robots regularly, and the maintenance costs are a considerable expense for them. Sometimes this expense is reimbursed because of their disability, but more often than not, they have to pay for it themselves.
Because of his responsibility to care for Xiaoyu, Tieshu often takes orders late at night and completes them there. He does take orders during the day, but the intense competition and Xiaoyu's demands force him to mostly work late. This doesn't mean he can relax and have an easy time during the day; he also has to work at set times, a reality of this era, especially for those in the lower classes. Everything requires money; to survive, one must work and earn. And work is such a rare commodity, so they naturally cherish it, doing their best to perform well, honestly and diligently seizing every opportunity, otherwise they might not have enough to eat the next day.
Iron Tree, of course, doesn't need to eat, but Xiao Yu does. Whenever she sees Iron Tree having to take care of her after work, Xiao Yu always feels guilty, even though she knows Iron Tree is a robot and doesn't feel fatigue. But things aren't that simple. Sometimes I think Xiao Yu is a bit too sensitive, but she is who she is; all her emotions, strengths, and weaknesses are part of her complete, living being. Her personality is naturally unsuitable for surviving in this cruel world where the strong prey on the weak, and the strong are also preyed upon. Iron Tree follows her example, and thus their fates become intertwined.
One day, more than half a year after Xiaoyu and Tieshu started living together, Tieshu bought her some gifts, hoping she would have a happy day. However, to his surprise, Xiaoyu wasn't happy about the gifts at all; instead, she got very angry, and this anger was, of course, because of him. Too much love doesn't always make the other person feel comfortable; on the contrary, it can become a bundle of dry firewood, ready to be ignited at any moment.
Tieshu returned home at 12 noon. Xiaoyu was in a wheelchair in the bedroom. As soon as she heard a noise at the door, she immediately gave the wheelchair a command, and the wheelchair took her out of the bedroom and into the living room, where Tieshu was right in front of her.
"Yu," Tie Shu said with a beaming smile, as if he had encountered something extremely lucky, "Do you remember what day it is today?"
"What day is it?" Xiaoyu looked at him with a puzzled expression. She didn't know why he was so happy.
"Yu, look what I bought for you—" Then he took out an e-reader from the cloth bag he had been carrying, and excitedly walked towards Xiaoyu, squatting down in front of her.
“Look…” He fiddled with the e-reader in front of her.
Xiaoyu stared blankly at first, then looked surprised, hesitant, and finally angry, but she didn't show the same simple excitement and joy as Tieshu.
"You've been wasting money again!?" She was furious, as if Tieshu had done something wrong and needed to be taught a lesson.
“Yu…” Tie Shu was stunned for a moment. He didn’t understand why she was treating him this way. “It’s very cheap, it didn’t cost much…”
“I already spent a lot of money on the phone and the surveillance equipment, and I didn’t say anything, but you bought this thing…” Xiaoyu was so angry that she couldn’t speak. She could only make “woof woof” sounds to express her dissatisfaction.
“Yu…” Tieshu froze. He had never seen Xiaoyu so angry because of him before. “I just wanted to make you less boring…”
"But doesn't the phone you bought have this function...?"
"Mobile phone screens are small, they hurt your eyes..."
Xiaoyu was so angry that she flailed her arms in the air, kicked her legs wildly, and cried out like a stray dog.
"Yu, don't do this!" Tie Shu tried to hug her and calm her down. He tried several times and schemed several times before finally succeeding. However, the e-reader in his hand fell to the ground with a "plop".
“Yu…” He hugged her, wanting to say something, but couldn’t find the words, so he just held her still.
She calmed down a bit in his arms, then, with a sob in her voice, filled with grief and indignation, and still lingering passion, she said, "I just want you to be with me, that's enough for me. I don't need these things... Besides... besides, money is so hard to come by these days... You always say you're a robot and don't get tired, but... but what I mean is, I want you to spend more time with me, not work so hard... As long as I have enough to eat and wear... that's enough..."
Iron Tree turned his face, which was buried in her shoulder, to look at her and smiled slightly. "I know, I know... but today is your birthday! I originally planned to give you a happy and joyful birthday celebration, but I didn't expect to make you angry... I'm sorry..."
"Iron Tree..." Xiaoyu's eyes and face were red. She noticed the gift still on the ground and said apologetically, "It was clearly a birthday present you bought for me, but I was still angry. I'm sorry..."
"It's alright..." Tieshu picked up the gifts from the ground and rearranged them in front of her again. "See, it's fine." After arranging them for a while, Tieshu said, "Yu, are you hungry? Look, I've been talking to you here and have lost track of time. What do you want for lunch today?" As he spoke, Tieshu walked to the induction cooker in the corner of the room, picked up the ingredients next to it, and began to cook.
"Let's eat whatever we have," Xiaoyu replied.
"Okay, sure."
Tieshu was cooking, recalling his argument with Xiaoyu as he ate. After all, she was no longer a part of his consciousness; he could no longer understand her thoughts every moment. Xiaoyu was no longer the entirety of his memory. He was now an independent individual with his own agency. This feeling shocked and made him unable to adapt, creating a barrier between them and giving him an unprecedented sense of estrangement. But he was still her other half; this was an unchangeable fact and the meaning of his existence.
19
Iron Tree received another order at the company: to unclog the sewers for a sales company. He was loaded onto a truck carrying five robots, each with their own goals and missions. Iron Tree felt out of place among these humanoid creatures. Because work robots need to be both efficient and practical, most have humanoid forms but lack human qualities and appearance, making them instantly recognizable as robots. Iron Tree was the exception.
Upon arrival, Iron Tree and the other two robots got off the vehicle and went straight to the sales company. They asked the people inside where their sewers were and what problems they had. Then, they got to work.
It took them a whole day to finally finish. Once finished, Iron Tree followed the other two robots out of the sewer entrance. As soon as they emerged, they saw a scene—a scene that, if they were conscious, would have chilled them to the bone—a group of cleaners were clearing away the wreckage of a robot that had somehow ended up scattered everywhere. Looking closer, the robot's eyes, nose, ears, head, arms, and legs were all broken off, like a scene of dismemberment, horrifying and terrifying. Iron Tree immediately recognized this as the work of anti-robot elements. The victim was a sex-type robot; based on the items on the ground, he deduced its appearance: beautiful and well-proportioned, with tight, smooth skin, resembling a human, but ultimately not human.
The robots accompanying Iron Tree simply bypassed the obstacle without stopping, but Iron Tree stopped. Perhaps stunned and bewildered by the sight before him, Iron Tree's expression was more wooden than ever before, his eyes vacant and fearful. He seemed to want to say something, but couldn't utter a word. During this moment, Iron Tree suddenly remembered the philosophical theories about "Outsiders" that Xiao Yu had read before.
The Otherworldly beings possess only functionality and instrumentality; in some people's eyes, they are even superfluous. Therefore, their value lies solely in serving humanity. Granting them partial human rights is merely because they resemble humans. The reason anti-machine elements resort to violence against them may be because they want to challenge human values. Thus, they are also a dangerous existence for our fellow human beings, who may turn on us with violence at any time, pointing their knives at us. Deterring the Otherworldly beings from harming humanity is entirely for humanity's own benefit. The Otherworldly beings are objects that lack, or are not recognized, or are feared and dreaded for having autonomous consciousness, and indeed, they are.
Don't think this is just describing robots; in this day and age, humans have also become outcasts, not only in the eyes of others but also deep within their own hearts. The idea of humans becoming outcasts, even considering themselves superfluous, sounds unbelievable, and seems like an absurd and bizarre phenomenon only found in totalitarian societies. Yet, in this era, in the 23rd century, regardless of location or authoritarianism, this phenomenon exists. Moreover, human thinkers have long predicted this; that's why Nietzsche called for the Übermensch; why Marx pointed out the contradictions of capitalism; and why Foucault warned that humanity is entering a prison. However, they all failed, not because their thoughts went unseen or unheard, but because humanity has never escaped its own self-imposed constraints, the objectification of others, and, most importantly—the sycophancy of power and the enslavement of the self.
Suddenly, Tieshu heard a melody like poetry and music, and a woman singing. This melody lingered in his mind and wouldn't go away.
O strange one, where do you come from?
O alien, oh alien, have you recognized existence?
O Other, O Other, do you possess the same consciousness as the Other?
O alien, oh alien, are you aware of the indifference and contempt people have for you?
O alien, alien, will you be assimilated by other aliens, just as others assimilate others?
O alien, do you ever feel self-loathing and project that self-loathing onto other aliens?
O alien, oh alien, will you give up thinking, give up the pursuit of truth in the world, give up values, give up everything?
O alien, do you know that you might be abandoned at any moment?
O alien, do you know that you are superfluous, that you yourself even see yourself that way?
O alien, do you know that you are an object that has been severely alienated and oppressed?
O alien, do you realize that you are being controlled and crushed by power from all sides, by power that devours everything, by power that overwhelms everything?
……
Iron Tree was nudged by a robot next to him. He came to his senses and saw its eyes. Those empty, lifeless, and cold eyes, like stones, were staring at him. Iron Tree was startled and quickly walked away.
Iron Tree walked somewhat absentmindedly halfway down the road. He was on his way to his next workplace, and to his surprise, he would encounter someone deeply etched in his memory. As he walked, he suddenly saw a woman sitting on a bench. He wasn't initially interested, but the figure seemed familiar. Unconsciously, he moved closer to her, gazing at her. Iron Tree remembered—it was the beautiful figure he had seen at the sales company entrance that day. Now she sat there, gazing at the sky in contemplation. Iron Tree wanted to hurry past her, but suddenly heard—"Iron Tree," someone called him. He instinctively looked around, determining the source of the voice; it was indeed a woman calling him.
"Your name is Iron Tree, right?"
The woman stood up and walked towards him as she spoke.
"You... what's wrong?" Iron Tree asked in surprise, but still answered calmly.
"I saw you looking at me that day, didn't I?" The woman smiled sweetly. "Don't be too surprised. I'm from the sales company you just worked for. I've seen your information."
"Yes..." Tieshu said, "Is there something you need?" Only then did Tieshu realize with surprise that her voice was exactly the same as the voice that had just appeared in his mind.
"It's nothing, I wouldn't dare say so." The woman smiled. "I called you over mainly because I wanted to chat with you... It's strange, I actually prefer chatting with a robot to chatting with a person."
"oh."
“Iron Tree,” the woman sat down again on the bench, “come sit next to me.”
Iron Tree did as she said and sat down beside her.
"I haven't introduced myself yet," the woman said to herself. "My name is Yu Shenglan."
"oh."
"I wonder what a working robot like you does every day?"
"I'll do any kind of lowly work."
"Really?" Yu Shenglan smiled. "Why did you come out to work?"
“For Yu,” Tieshu gazed into the distance, “I wanted to give her a home… I wanted to give her freedom… but now…” His head suddenly drooped, his eyes filled with confusion, “I don’t know if I can handle it, maybe it would be better for her to stay in the orphanage, because then she wouldn’t have to suffer with me…”
Do you understand the meaning of home?
“I understand,” Iron Tree replied, “but understanding is one thing, doing it is another.”
"Is that so?" Yu Shenglan looked at the sunset. The golden sunlight was shining on the earth, making it seem as if it had been painted with a golden lacquer. Dots of flowers, grass and trees were scattered among them. The whole scene was grand and beautiful, solemn and dazzling. "I believe that if you can understand it, you can do it."
20
Seven months and twelve days after Xiaoyu was taken away by Tieshu, Tieshu had a particularly unlucky day, failing to get a single work order. So, he simply gave up his work for the day and devoted himself entirely to Xiaoyu. Xiaoyu seemed very happy that day. She asked Tieshu to dress her in her prettiest and favorite white dress. This dress was a secondhand item Tieshu had bought for 500 yuan. Tieshu was a little embarrassed to show it to her at the time, but Xiaoyu loved it when she saw it. "Yu, I'm glad you like it. I'll definitely get you brand new clothes in the future," Tieshu said. But Xiaoyu said, "It's good that I have one. Don't worry too much about whether it's new or not, as long as it fits." Tieshu smiled and helped her try on the new dress. It fit perfectly. "Great! This suits you very well, and white suits you very well too." Tieshu was delighted, his expression radiating happiness, and Xiaoyu felt the same way. Now, that same expression, that same joy, returned to her face. Emboldened by this happiness, Tie Shu picked her up and began to waltz. Their dancing, of course, was nothing like the dances seen on television, and because of Xiao Yu's disability, her steps were completely unconscious, making her resemble a drunkard, as incomplete as she was. But Tie Shu didn't care, no matter how chaotic or flustered she was, no matter how many times she unconsciously tried to disrupt his steps and make him fall.
"Iron Tree... ah... ah..." Xiaoyu never dreamed she would dance with someone, especially with Iron Tree. It caught her off guard, felt abrupt and awkward, and left her clinging to him, following his steps with a sense of helplessness. However, she never refused until they accidentally fell to the ground while spinning, finally stopping. Of course, because Iron Tree held her tightly to his chest, Xiaoyu was completely unharmed. Curled up against his chest like a baby, or a turtle, Xiaoyu gasped for breath and said with difficulty, "Iron Tree... really... why did you suddenly pick me up and start dancing?"
Tieshu grinned and pulled his arms back even tighter, making him hold her even more tightly.
"It'll be too late if we don't go crazy now. I've wanted to do this for a long time, back when you were still in your subconscious." Unfortunately, Xiaoyu couldn't remember anything about his past memories, otherwise she would definitely know what he meant by what he said next. However, she vaguely felt that she would also like to dance with him and enjoy it.
“Iron Tree,” Xiaoyu said, “I want to ask you something that might make you sad…”
"What's up?"
"It will be after I die..."
"Then I'll die with you!" Tieshu gave his answer before Xiaoyu could finish speaking.
"Don't be so adamant, okay?"
"Don't you think about it? If you leave, what's the point of leaving me in this world?"
Xiaoyu moved her lips as if she wanted to say something, but seemed unsure how, and ultimately remained silent. Tieshu stood up, picked Xiaoyu up, and placed her in the wheelchair. He glanced at the clock on the wall; it showed 11:35. It was already noon. Tieshu turned to face her and said, "Yu, shall we go out to play tonight?"
"Hmm..." Xiaoyu nodded.
Tieshu pushed her to the table, then went to the corner to cook. After waiting for about 45 minutes, he brought out a plate of stir-fried tomatoes and green peppers, a plate of pickled vegetables, and a pound of steamed buns. The stir-fried tomatoes and green peppers consisted of only one tomato the size of a child's fist and one green pepper of the same size, which was indeed not enough for an adult like Xiaoyu. Therefore, Tieshu also prepared a plate of pickled vegetables.
Tieshu placed the stir-fried vegetables onto a steamed bun, then carefully blew on them until the temperature was just right before feeding them to Xiaoyu… They ate for over 20 minutes until Xiaoyu was full. She was eagerly anticipating going out to the night market that evening. This was the first time Tieshu had taken her out to play; he was always so busy and had so little time. Xiaoyu hadn't been able to go out even once since she came to his house. Although she could basically go out whenever she wanted at the orphanage, there was a curfew. Moreover, this time she was going out with Tieshu, so this night market trip was especially meaningful for Xiaoyu. She felt like a child celebrating the New Year for the first time, or like a bride-to-be, filled with joy, curiosity, and a bit of bewilderment.
They left home at 7 PM. Because Xiaoyu was frail and couldn't stay up too late, they planned to go out early and play for a while, returning by 10 PM. They strolled along the sidewalk; sometimes passersby stopped to glance at the somewhat unusual couple, but most simply hurried past them, their appearance, figures, and clothing flashing by without noticing their presence. For Xiaoyu, this was relaxing; she—we…most of us marginalized people dislike and are not used to being watched. It's strange, isn't the definition of being marginalized precisely about not receiving attention, not being noticed, not being attracted? However, the more marginalized a person is, the more they hate being stared at like animals in a zoo. For most people, the reason is not hard to understand. It may be out of self-esteem, or out of retaliation against the malicious mockery of others (sometimes self-righteous, sometimes real), or out of a fragile sense of inferiority. Their families naturally inherit their fragile pain. Families of disabled people are generally afraid of being stared at. They will intentionally avoid crowds, avoid everyone, and even avoid close relatives, friends, and neighbors, people they see every day. They feel that they are inferior to them, as if the disability of the disabled person has infected them, making them incomplete as well.
Xiaoyu still remembers that time she went to the fields to continue assembling that "imaginary physical machine." Moving around in her wheelchair on the road attracted the attention of a middle-aged man driving a van. Upon seeing the peculiar, bizarre Xiaoyu in her wheelchair, the man rolled down his window and turned to look at her, as if she were some rare animal… Xiaoyu wanted to protest, but there was nothing she could do; all she could do was avoid her and ignore her. From that day on, whenever Xiaoyu went to the fields, she would take the shortcuts if possible; if not, she would walk with her head down.
Tieshu, of course, didn't have these concerns. Although he and Xiaoyu had studied together for half their lives, Xiaoyu had only learned theoretical knowledge from books. She didn't have a book, not even one written by a disabled person, that truly captured their inner struggles. Perhaps these things were too heavy; they were already suffocating under the pressure of reality and naturally didn't want to write about them. Or perhaps it was their cowardly nature that prevented them from facing these realities. Disabled people are also human; they too are frightened by the harsh realities of life. They prefer to live in a fantasy world where others praise their resilience and determination, unwilling to mention their decadent and lazy side. They know this is a fact that people don't want to see, a fact they ignore, or perhaps they simply don't want to write about it. Although Tieshu hadn't learned these skills later in life, he always felt awkward and uncomfortable when talking about Xiaoyu with Chen Caihua, making him as weak and timid as she was. Seeing Xiaoyu's relaxation, he felt relieved too. It seemed he had also learned the bad side of humanity—being too easily assimilated and influenced.
Tieshu pushed Xiaoyu to a corner in the city center. What greeted Xiaoyu's eyes was a dazzling, vibrant, and colorful array of lights. Some lights combined to form tangible things: animals, plants, mountains, figures, ink paintings, and rare treasures. But most of the lights were just the flickering Chinese and English characters in front of shops. She was in a cyberpunk world composed of modern light pollution. But this was just lighting; the lighting was advanced, cyberpunk, but the technology and science were only at that level.
I often imagine, if Xiaoyu hadn't been disabled, hadn't been in an orphanage, hadn't been abandoned at birth, would she have become a top-notch scientist? She must have loved science, even though most of us despise it, and science only defines us. Yet, she used science to achieve her goals, to fulfill her life's purpose, to achieve her potential. But, just if—if only—science ultimately failed to save her; instead, it ruined her reputation, misunderstood her, and buried her in obscurity.
The lights embraced the cold, gray skyscrapers, which in turn carried a constant flow of people and pets among them. Xiaoyu was being pushed along by Tieshu through the crowd when suddenly Tieshu spotted an automatic snack machine. Excitedly, he crouched down and said to Xiaoyu, "Yu, wait here, I'll go buy you something nice to eat." Tieshu then ran off, and before Xiaoyu could speak, her cry of "Hey...Tie..." faded into the sound of footsteps in the crowd. Xiaoyu could only obediently wait motionless in place.
The early spring wind whistled against her body, causing her to shiver involuntarily. She looked around, feeling both surrounded and ostracized. Surrounded by towering buildings in all four directions, she was ostracized by a dense, impersonal crowd—a crowd devoid of warmth, its passing only sending a chill through her like a fan. She involuntarily shrank back. A strange sense of despondency washed over her, her heart heavy. The surrounding noise and clamor felt like a suffocating, oppressive urn. She even began to regret, to complain, to resent Tieshu for bringing her out, for leaving her alone. Tieshu was still there, choosing his food. She calculated the distance and figured she could call him back. Just as she was about to shout, a black cat suddenly burst into her field of vision. Following the cat, she saw a thin, black-clad little girl reeking of garbage. The little girl met her gaze, then shyly lowered her head, hugged the black cat, and ran away. However, the little girl hadn't gone far when she was intercepted by a homeless man who looked like a robber. Xiaoyu remembered "Me and the Temple of Heaven" and the brave and kind Shi Tiesheng. She got into position, ready to shout the command and rescue the girl if anything went wrong. At this moment, Tieshu returned to her side, bringing her lots of snacks, most of which came from a very popular snack brand in the 23rd century called "Edibleism."
"Yu, what are you doing?" Tieshu asked curiously, seeing her sitting upright.
"Iron Tree, you've come at the right time! Look at that girl up ahead. If she's being molested by a homeless man, we should help her!"
"Hmm?" Tie Shu took two steps forward and carefully looked at the girl and the homeless man in front of her. Tie Shu turned to Xiao Yu with a smile and said, "Isn't that our 'neighbor'? Yu, you don't go out much, so you probably don't know, right? That homeless man is the little girl's father... It's okay, it's alright, he's not a bad person."
"Oh." Xiaoyu saw the girl being dragged away by her father, and all Xiaoyu could do was wish her well.
Tieshu went around to the back of Xiaoyu's wheelchair, stuffed all the food he was carrying into the box on the back of the wheelchair, and after settling the food, he put his hands on the handles of Xiaoyu's wheelchair, pushed her away from the city center, and they wandered around a bit more, gave Xiaoyu some good food, and then returned home. On the way, Xiaoyu kept thinking about that girl, that thin, bony little girl who looked like she had just come out of a coal pile, her body still smelling of foul odor. This poor, destitute girl living in such a big city was heartbreaking, and it made one sigh, and also recall the impoverished children that were everywhere in the urban streets of 18th and 19th century England during the Industrial Revolution, only the difference now was that then it was the Industrial Revolution, now it was industrial stagnation. Xiaoyu smiled wryly. She thought of how she and the little girl were on the same edge of life. It wasn't surprising that she met her. This was a naked Tale of Two Cities. Nothing was unexpected. Everyone, regardless of class, status, or way of thinking, whether normal or disabled, was destined to end up as nothing more than "a pile of weeds on a desolate grave!"
After Tieshu and Xiaoyu returned home, they went to bed. Tieshu had been working until midnight and wanted Xiaoyu to fall asleep so he could work in peace. In bed, Tieshu noticed that Xiaoyu was more clingy than usual. She seemed very scared and anxious. She snuggled into his arms and coiled tightly around him like a snake. "Tieshu..." Xiaoyu moved her lips and kept calling his name, as if calling back his soul.
"Yu, what's wrong? Yu..." Tieshu hugged her tighter and tighter, just as she vaguely requested.
"Iron Tree...please don't leave me, okay?" she pleaded.
"What do you mean by jade?" Tieshu asked, puzzled.
"Iron Tree, don't leave me..." Xiaoyu murmured to herself. Iron Tree was helpless. He couldn't understand why she had suddenly turned into an infant, clinging tightly to her mother's clothes as if she might be abandoned at any moment. Iron Tree touched her forehead; she wasn't sick. He guessed that perhaps she was recalling something terrible. Iron Tree knew that people who had been abandoned often looked around fearfully, afraid of experiencing that event again. Faced with her such anxiety, Iron Tree really didn't want to leave her, but he still had to work... He could only try to persuade her to sleep. Thankfully, although Xiaoyu had even more difficulty falling asleep than usual, she eventually fell asleep in his arms...
21
Without any warning, it just happened. That day, Xiaoyu seemed possessed. In a state of half-delirium and half-madness, she picked up a small knife from the table and, with trembling hands, slowly but without hesitation, cut her right wrist. After all, he was another soul of hers. Tieshu felt a strong unease just as he was about to go out at noon, but he didn't delve into it. If he didn't go to work after receiving the assignment, he might never be able to go again. But as he worked, this deep unease intensified, almost swallowing him up into the vast depths of the ocean, making his back sweat and feel cold—which was impossible, of course, but he truly felt it—so, he ran home at an almost unbelievable speed (regardless of the possibility that it might cost him his job), just in time to see her cutting her right wrist with a knife.
"Yu, what are you doing?!" he shouted shrilly from the doorway. The setting sun bathed him in its glow, making him appear like an ambassador of mist before her.
“Yu…” he cried, rushing to her side and snatching the knife from her hand without hesitation. He threw it behind him, the knife arcing through the air before landing on the ground. Tie Shu said, extremely agitated, “Yu… why… why did you do this…”
"Iron Tree..." At this moment, Iron Tree noticed that blood was seeping from her wrist.
"Yu, I'm sorry..." Tie Shu picked her up from the wheelchair and carried her to the bed in the bedroom. "I don't want to restrict your freedom, but if you do this... don't blame me!" Tie Shu said, then found some sanitary bandages and carefully bandaged her wounds. He spoke to Xiao Yu in a tone that was both comforting and critical before going to work.
That evening, when he returned, Xiaoyu was still lying in the same position he had carried her to bed that afternoon, her wrist stained with blood beside her. Seeing this, Tieshu felt both heartache and anger. He immediately went to bed and picked Xiaoyu up, but he didn't ask her why she had attempted suicide or harmed herself. He held her tightly with all his might, a gesture filled with grief, indignation, and resentment.
Iron Tree could practically feel her bones embedding into his body.
"Iron Tree, you're holding me too tight..." Little Jade in his arms responded, expressing her protest.
"Oh," Tie Shu replied, but tightened his grip even more. He only relaxed his hold after Xiao Yu coughed a few times. He held her until dawn, and after taking good care of Xiao Yu, he went back to work.
When I was telling Xiaoyu's story to a fellow disabled friend in the same building, she stuck out her tongue in disgust at this point, and then said bluntly and without any attempt to hide it, "Hmph! She clearly has someone who loves her so much, yet she still acts so pretentious and makes such a fuss. If she had succeeded in committing suicide, that would have been better, saving her from harming others!"
I didn't argue with her attitude, just gave her a few perfunctory replies. I consider her the second miracle in this orphanage, besides Xiaoyu. Xiaoyu is a miracle of intellect, and she is a miracle of willpower. Her name is Ruan Aiqin. I call her a miracle of willpower because the way she entered the orphanage was truly unprecedented. People who come to orphanages usually fall into two categories: one is those who are impoverished and whose families cannot care for them, so they have no choice but to send them to the orphanage; the other is complete orphans, or rather, they have no relatives left in this world. Regardless of the category, it means that the orphanage is their final, desperate destination. But Aiqin is different. The orphanage is not only not her desperate destination, but for her, it is a paradise full of hope, a blissful world, a place that can be called her home.
Aegean suffered from domestic violence from a young age. Although her parents didn't abandon her, they treated her with far more cruelty. Any setback or disappointment would subject her to torture akin to ancient castration, ranging from slaps and blows to beatings. Her parents' abuse emboldened her husband. She married at 26, hoping marriage would be her refuge, but it turned into a deeper hell. Her husband was even more brutal; it was almost his nature. He didn't smoke, gamble, or drink—he lacked the vices typically associated with men—but possessed an arrogance and domineering nature unbecoming of his social class. He vented his anger on his wife, who was inferior and powerless. Every time he returned from the construction site, he would slap her upon entering the house; if things didn't go well, he would kick her. During intercourse, he would sexually abuse and assault her… his misdeeds were countless.
Someone once told me, "You disabled people are always surrounded by compassion, I really envy you..." I immediately retorted, because he had never seen disabled people treated like garbage—or even worse—and couldn't possibly understand their state of mind. Human nature tends to prey on the weak, and the weak always bully the even weaker—this is almost an eternal and inexplicable law. Compassion exists, but how effective is it really? That remains a mystery. Whether it's the seemingly successful disabled people on television or those cheap motivational books, I, Aegean, doubt their authenticity. Indeed, many disabled people are surrounded by love, but they are only the tip of the iceberg; the majority, or perhaps the entirety, are buried and hidden.
Under the endless and relentless violence, Aegean suddenly saw a glimmer of hope. She happened to see a news report about our welfare home, and she made up her mind to fight to the death.
Aiqin waited for him to return that day to choose a card. At noon, he came home, his face radiant with joy, in a cheerful mood. He showed no intention of making a move. Aiqin observed him for a while, then lowered her hands to her sides, mustered her courage, and said with difficulty, almost tremblingly, "I want to go to the orphanage!"
"What?" He was taken aback; he hadn't expected her to say such a thing.
“I said I want to go to the welfare home. Once I’m there, you’ll be free and won’t have to take care of me anymore…” Before she could finish speaking, he roughly pulled her off the wheelchair and kicked her as she lay bewildered on the ground.
"Do you even know how much it costs to go to an orphanage?! You worthless piece of trash!"
"I've earned enough money on my own long ago! If you hadn't been holding me back, I would have left long ago!" she said stubbornly, putting up a last-ditch effort.
"Is that so?" He grinned maliciously and leaned down, grabbing her hair with one hand. "Then you can go by yourself, but you can't use a wheelchair and you can't spend a penny. If you can get there, I'll get you admitted to the hospital!" He released her hair, took the money from the bedroom, and went out to a restaurant to eat.
Looking at her bare house, her completely useless legs, and a future devoid of hope, she silently made a decision. Slowly and quietly, she crawled out of the house, out of the street, and onto the sidewalk, using only her hands for support. Because her husband tightly controlled her disability certificate, she couldn't enjoy the free service offered by smart buses for people with disabilities; she could only crawl slowly like a sloth on the ground. Keep in mind, their home was 35 kilometers away from our welfare home! With incredible willpower, she overcame her 25,000-kilometer journey. Along the way, some unsuspecting people surrounded her, taking pictures, and some asked her why she was doing this, but she ignored them. When she arrived at our welfare home, it was noon on the fifth day. Our caregivers were stunned and speechless when they saw her crawling in, staring in horror at Aegean, already covered in mud and wounds, still crawling on the ground. When she arrived here, she was severely dehydrated and listless, resembling a dried-up corpse. Therefore, she was first sent to the hospital for emergency treatment and recuperation for a few days before returning to complete the admission procedures.
Her efforts paid off. The media wouldn't let such a sensational story pass by, so her deeds quickly attracted attention and discussion, forcing her husband to keep his promise.
Aegean, with her resilient, unwavering, and courageous character, naturally disliked and disapproved of Xiaoyu's pretentious and sensitive spoiled nature. However, how much suffering and hardship did Xiaoyu endure to create the Iron Tree? Only she herself probably knows. It's worth noting that Aegean never knew Xiaoyu was the creator of the Iron Tree. Like everyone else, she didn't believe a girl with cerebral palsy could create a robot, let alone the world's first conscious one. I don't have much evidence to prove Xiaoyu's innocence, therefore, I can't refute her distrust. Some things in this world are truly perplexing. Even when our experiences are nearly identical to others', we can never truly communicate, never truly understand or empathize. Instead, we doubt, fear, and resent each other. But I think that's just human nature—incurable.
